


Skipping Stones

by FromOneToAnother



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, F/M, Heartbreaking, Period-Typical Racism, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Teen Pregnancy, Underage Masturbation, Vietnam War, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-01-07 05:16:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 94,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1115958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FromOneToAnother/pseuds/FromOneToAnother
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>)On Hiatus until farther notice) It's a time of war, of love, and of changes. It's 1966 and Beatrice Prior is surrounded by it all. Forbidden love of her best friend to a white boy, her father helping with civil rights, and her mother teaching her you have to be selfish sometimes. With the Vietnam war on the horizon she meets a young man named Four and he's more than happy to have her staring at him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue-1979

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Divergent fic that I have written.  
> It will have three parts with little introductions. The first part will take place in the late 60s, the second in the late 80's, and the third a few years into the 21st century.

“Be good for Uncle Uriah and Aunt Marlene okay sweetie?” I whisper to my son before kissing him on his head.

“Hard to believe that Daniel's three now.” She smiles eyes gleaming at the boy in my arms.

I kiss his head again before handing him off. “He's been rather naughty getting into my make up and drawing on the walls with it.”

“He's just being a normal toddler, Tris.” She hugs me. “Now I have got to get going!” Soon her and Danny are out the door and in her car driving away.

It's quiet afternoons like this that I enjoy. I stretch on my way upstairs before crossing the doorway into my bedroom. I step into the bathroom and plug the tub before I turn the water on. Stripping down as it fills up.

As I'm fixing to get in I think I hear the door open and close. “Hello?”

I grab my bathrobe and wrap my it around me, tying the knot as I walk down the stairs. Pushing my hair out of my face I make it to the living room and shrug realising I was hearing things. I jump when I feel hands slide around me coming to rest on my stomach. A kiss is pressed against the crown of my head.

“Mmm. Tobias” I smile closing my eyes. “You weren't suppose to be home until tomorrow.”

“I wanted to come home early.” A kiss against my ear. “Where's Daniel?”

“Staying with Uriah and Marlene for the next two days,” I tilt my head back against his shoulder.

He hums before kissing his way down my neck. Hands loosening the knot of my bathrobe. “For the next two days?”

“Yes, well I was going to clean tonight. And you know without Daniel here it will stay clean. He's been getting into my makeup again and using it on the wall.”

“Has he now?” Tobias mumbles against my neck, one hand moving up to pull the bathrobe off my shoulder.

“Yes.”

“I still don't know how that requires him being gone for the next two days though.” He finally says pulling away and leaving me standing in the living room, bathrobe hanging around my elbows. I scoff before pulling it up and retying the knot.

I bypass the kitchen and head straight for the stairs not looking at him. I make it back into the bathroom and shut the door leaning against it. I stare down at my feet until they blur, I realise that I'm crying as a drop of water hits the top of my right foot.

Stupid! I think, I don't even know why I'm crying!

I move away from the door over to the tub. I listen to it drain as I run a brush through my hair. Stupid stupid stupid! I rub at my eyes and take calming breaths, hoping that I look normal.

When I open the door I see him sitting at the foot of the bed shoes off, suit jacket probably left downstairs.

“I'll call Marlene and tell her I'm coming to get Daniel I guess.” I state as I head to the closet.

“Babe.” I don't turn to face him, I know if I do I'll say something I regret.

“I think she gets a bit bored you know. I think she wants a kid of her own.” I try to chuckle, I really do. “She was so excited to take Daniel, keeps calling it practice for when she finally has a baby.”

“Babe.” I hear his voice much closer.

I ignore him looking for something to wear. “Dammit, I'll have to do laundry as well. This will have to do.” I pull out the dress I was going to wear tomorrow when he came home, the dress he got me for our anniversary this year. The one I've yet to wear. “Too much just to pick up a kid though.”

I walk with it over to the bed, laying it down. “She said she takes him to the park usually right around this time I think.”

I barely register Tobias' hand on my arm before he's turning me around. “What are you doing?”

“Getting ready to go get Daniel.” I shrug.

“Babe, you're upset. Why are you upset?” His hands reach up and cup my face.

“I'm not, I just have to go get Daniel. Maybe have lunch with Marlene if they haven't before I head back here.” I keep my eyes on anything that's not his.

“You don't have to go get-”

“But I do. You don't want him over there for two da-” he presses his mouth against mine.

“I was teasing you. I knew perfectly well why he'd be over there for two days. I just.” He leans closer his mouth next to my ear. “I just wanted to hear you say that you wanted me to make love to you.”

A little moan escapes my lips. Of course he would. I turn my head looking for his lips giving another moan when I find them.

His mouth moves against mine, his hands that have been on my shoulders slide down my chest fingertips brushing over me, fingers stilling at the knot. “Do you want to try that again?” He pulls away slightly to glance down at where his hands are against my bathrobe.

“Daniel's going to be staying with Marlene for the next two days.”

“Is that so?” He smiles softly, pulling out the knot.

“Yes.” I wrap my arms around his shoulders.

He kisses down my neck, hands grabbing my hips. “Why would he be there that long?”

“Well I was going to clean.” I groan when he nips at my collar bone. With a grunt he lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist.

“You're going to be cleaning for the next two days?” He kisses me again.

“No. I was hoping when you came home tomorrow we'd spend the day together.” My hands grab at his hair as his mouth finds one of my nipples.

He pulls his mouth away and smiles up at me. “Yeah?” One of his hands leaves my back.

“Yeah.” I smile back hearing his zipper being pulled down.

“Say it, Tris. Please.” His eyes find mine, his hand coming back up to grab the back of my thigh.

“I want you.” I blush. I shouldn't blush this isn't our first time, not by a long shot.

“I want you too.” He kisses me again.

“No, I want you to make love to me.” I moan out.

He shifts me closer pressing into me. One hand stays in his hair the other grips at his back as his hips slowly move against mine. He starts to tilt us and for a second I panic before my back hits the mattress.

“Shh, I got you.” He runs his nose against mine, across my cheek, down the side of my neck before leaning up on his forearms.

I unwrap my legs leaving one resting against the back of his thighs. His hips still moving against mine.

Yes it's quiet afternoons that I enjoy but afternoons like this where it's just us two are the ones I love. I love when he holds me, and when he kisses me. I love when he says my name whether it be a whisper, a moan, or a sigh. I love when he ducks his head into my neck grunting. I love the feel of his hair between my fingers. His fingers touching me, grabbing at my thighs. I love when he reaches one hand up to intertwine it with one of mine leaving them both lying next to our heads. I love his hips as they rock against mine. I love the way he makes me moan. I love the way I tighten around him. I love the sparks he makes me see and how high he gets me. I love his face when he finishes. I love him.

I love him.

I love him.

“I love you.” I whisper to him, his head resting against my breasts.

“I love you too.” Comes his reply a few seconds later. His breath panting against my hot skin, his thumb strokes the skin of my his where his hand is still resting. “I'm sorry for being gone for so long.”

“It's fine.” I squeeze my eyes shut. Knowing full well that it's not fine. That being away from me and Daniel for weeks isn't fine. “It's fine.” I whisper again.

“I-” he pauses and I hear a chuckle. “We didn't move your dress and I'm afraid we got it dirty.”

I giggle. “It's fine I'll wash it when I do the laundry later.”


	2. Part I-Chapter I: 1966

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You don't know how excited I was to start this, if you spot any mistakes or any incorrect information please tell me. I wasn't born in the 60s I didn't live during that time so I have no clue as to what it was like as first hand experience and with what I looked up. I also do not live in Illinois so I do not know much about that from experience.
> 
> So here it is chapter one of part I:

"Beatrice!" My mother yells out to me. I turn from where I was walking down the sidewalk to face her. "You forgot this." She smiles once she reaches me handing me my lunch.

"Mom." I look at it before taking it. "You didn't have to."

"Oh sweetheart it's not just for you it's for Christina too. Act like I don't know you've been sharing your lunch with her." She tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear.

I stand there mouth agape. How did she know that.

"Now shoo or you'll be late!" She waves me off and goes back inside.

I turn and clutch my books and the lunch bag to my chest, jogging a bit so I won't be late. Once I make it to the corner I slow down spotting a young dark skinned girl standing a few steps away talking to a dark haired boy towering over her.

"Christina! Al!" I call waving as I walk over to them. I slow down once I reach them. Al looks at me nods once.

"Hello, Tris." His cheeks turn a bit pink. I hear Christina snicker.

"Come on we're gonna be late for school!" She grabs my arm.

"See you at lunch?" Christina whispers to me.

"Yeah, my mom packed extra for me. She figured out that we were sharing lunch." I smile before heading of to History.

As we're walking to our seats someone sticks out their foot in front of Al sending him to the floor and I trip over him.

"Smooth there Klutz." A nasal voice calls.

Molly Atwood.

"The only thing smooth here is your mom's pubic bone, Molly!" A kid from the back calls. The class is in an uproar with laughter. I help Al up off the ground and we make it to our seats.

Twenty minutes into our lesson I hear it the fire alarm.

We all look around confused.

We all jump up students are rushing out. I grab my lunch, leaving my books and I venture into the hall. I hope Al is behind me but by the time I make it out the front I've realised I've lost him in the crowd, or did he even follow me to begin with?

"Beatrice! Beatrice!"

I turn and see a blonde girl. "Susan!"

"Oh, Beatrice! Someone set fire to the girl's locker room!" She looks around. "The whole gym caught up along with three of the empty science labs!"

I sigh with relief. Empty science labs. I'm glad that the morning classes were out on a field trip. "So what do we do?"

"I guess wait."

I finally spot Christina moving towards me through the crowd. "Let's go before someone sees us!" She hisses, grabbing my hand.

"Beatrice!" Susan grabs my other hand. "You can't leave me!"

"Oh come on then!" I tug her along, we make it down the street from the school watching as a fire truck passes by. "Christina, where are we going? Christina!"

"Come on, look what I have!" Susan looks around before pulling out a car key from her blouse. "I promised Robert I wouldn't take anyone for a ride in it but why not. Be easier than walking. Eh?"

Christina gives a little jump. "What do you say we go to that one ice cream parlor. The one downtown?"

Susan nearly drops the key. "No."

"Come on!"

"No, Beatrice tell your friend no."

"Christina how about we go down to the lake. We have lunch." I open the passenger door and get in.

"So who do you think set that fire?" I ask once we're out of town. The lake isn't that far now.

"Probably one of the boys." Susan says at the same time Christina yells, "Look!"

I turn my head and see a motorcycle passing us. There were two riders a man and a woman. The woman she waves to us before wrapping her arms back around the guy's waist as he speeds off.

"Oh I wish I could do that one day." Christina sighs. We turn to go on the road by the lake.

"Well come on." I get out, grabbing my lunch on the way, Christina has already hopped out and is waiting for us a few feet away.

"Why do you share your lunch with her?" Susan tilts her head, fingers pecking at imaginary things on her skirt.

"Because she has a mother who doesn't make very much a younger sister and her father is dead. She can't afford school lunch. We have extra, I don't need that much food. It's the nice thing to do and she's my friend." I shrug. It really wasn't that hard. Aren't humans suppose to be kind and selfless when it comes to others?

I take out a sandwich for Christina, and I laugh when I see the money at the bottom. "My mom gave us money for drinks. Oops. Sorry Chris."

"Don't worry." She smiles.

As we eat I look at my companions they're really pretty. Susan with her long blonde hair and big blue eyes. When we get older or even next year guys are going to find her quite pretty, she's quiet and they won't have a problem with that. But Christina, she's beautiful yes but she's black and that's going to cause some problems. Hopefully the world will see that it's wrong and fix it's ways.

"My dad has a new case." I crumple up the bag. "A store owner accused a man of stealing from the store."

"Okay." Christina nods. We both know we don't have to say it. The man was innocent, his skin colour told everyone otherwise.

"Oh look what's going on over there?" Susan points farther down the lake where some people are.

"I don't know let's go." Christina jumps up, patting down her skirt.

Once we get closer I see a couple of motorcycles and a car. There's a group of people no more than a handful. I notice that at least one of them is darker skinned too.

"Maybe this was a bad idea." Susan leans into me. "The seem older."

They were older much older. I go to grab Christina but she's already flitting past me towards the group.

"Hello!" She smiles. "My friends and I noticed you and we were curious and we just came over to say hey."

The dark skinned man chuckles. "Well hello. Name's Max. This here is Gabe." He points to a guy closest to us. Gabe has a hoop through his nostril much like a bull. "This is Lauren and Shauna." The two girls that are sitting on the hood of the car. One has dark hair and the other, though dark, is much lighter. "This is Edward and his girlfriend Myra." There's a couple now on one of the motorcycles. "Hey, are you guys leaving already?" He turns to look at them.

"Sorry, Max. Gotta get this lady home." Edward calls fastening his helmet on as the girl does the same. The motorcycle roars to life and he kicks the kick stand up before pulling out and speeding away.

"Well that was Edward and Myra." Max chuckles. "And you are lovely little lady?"

Christina giggles. How can she be so different than the loud mouth girl I know? "Christina, and this here is Beatrice and Beatrice's friend Susan."

He looks at us. "Which is which?"

Susan looks down.

"I'm Beatrice. And this is Susan." I state, touching her shoulder softly.

"You two related?" Gabe tilts his head. Smile wide.

"No." Susan shakes her head.

"Damn, what a shame pair of pretty ladies such as yourself. Almost would've thought you to be twins." Gabe's eyes go a bit glassy.

"She's already got a boyfriend." I mumble. I should be disgusted at what he must be thinking to give him such a look but I'm more disgusted that he called me pretty and thought Susan and I were related. We look nothing alike other than the blonde hair and blue eyes but where her's is bright a golden blonde mine is pale and her eyes are bright blue where mine are such a pale grey blue. Hardly attractive. And where Susan has curves I do not. I look like a little boy.

"Oh does she now?" Gabe smiles then looks at me. "What about you?"

I flinch a little ho can I tell him that I'm not girlfriend material I'm not pretty I'm not. Thank god for Christina though.

"I think you're too old for her."

Max laughs. "Gabe here is only nineteen. Lauren and Shauna are twenty and eighteen. I'm probably the eldest at twenty-one."

"I'm sixteen and Beatrice and Christina are both only fifteen." Susan looks at him.

I hear a whistle and turn. A young man with dark hair pulled back in a ponytail at the nape of his neck. Up the side of his neck is ink. He has a hoop through one ear.

"Got yourself some jail-bait here, Max?" He smiles at us. I cringe, don't look at us, just don't look at us.

"Shut up, Eric" He grunts. "Ladies this is Eric."

"Where's Four?" Lauren or Shauna calls. I still can't tell who's who.

"Why do you wanna know where I am all the time, Lauren do you miss me or something?" Another young man with short dark hair and sunglasses walks past the car. Lauren the one with the darkest hair huffs.

"Hey, Four! Look Max got himself some Jail-bait." Eric smiles at the other young man.

Four's eyes pass over us disinterested. "Are you jealous, Eric?" I notice he has an accent. One I can not place.

Gabe starts laughing before wrapping an arm around my shoulders, "Come on ladies. Relax, Eric's just kidding. Max here prefers his women older."

I grab Susan's hand as we're pulled into the group. She looks as out of place as I feel. Christina leans against the car. Gabe pulls a cooler out of the back and starts handing out bottles.

"Relax it's just soda." Four whispers in my ear from where he's standing next to me. I guess he could tell that I stiffened.

"So what are a bunch of girls such as yourself doing out here. Don't you have school?" Shauna looks at us.

"Someone set the girl's locker room on fire the whole gym and three science labs went up." Christina nods.

"No shit?" Eric raises an eyebrow.

"What about you aren't some of you still young enough to be in school? Or at least college?" Susan mouth puckers.

The group chuckles.

"Actually, Gabe and Lauren are taking classes. Shauna quit." Max looks at her.

"My mom got sick and I have a little sister and brother I have to take care of. I don't have time for that learning bullshit. I have to work two jobs." She shrugs.

"Four and I, we dropped out. Not much use for school." Eric chuckles. "Max here he owns a business, or well co-owns. He use to own it but some people felt a bit hostile that a black man own his own business. Speaking of which have you come up with the money?"

"No," Max shakes his head.

"Money?" Susan takes a bottle from Gabe.

"Yeah some guys decided that I should pay off the space and the store to continue to own it. And they just told me one day I would have help. Then I was demoted to part-time manager. They just threw this all on me it wasn't in the contract I know I read it. But they keep telling me that it is." Max's fists clench.

"Do you have a copy of the contract?" I ask.

"Well of course. I'm black not stupid!" Max looks at me then at Christina.

"I-I-I." I stammer.

"She didn't mean that." Christina looks at him. "At least I think." She smirks at me. "Did ya?"

My face feels hot. "Come on Susan." I tug at her blouse. "Just for your information, my father specializes in this stuff all the time. I was asking to make it easier on you when I talk to him about it. I was trying to help. Now let's go, Susan. Are you staying Christina?" I start walking, neither of them following me. "Never mind stay as long as you like, both of you." I walk back to Robert's car to grab my jacket before marching off down the road.

Stupid.

Stupid Christina.

Stupid Susan.

It only takes a few minutes to get to the main road that goes towards town. I turn and start walking, keeping close to the railing. I hear a grumble of an engine beside me.

"Hey!"

I steel myself to not turn.

"Hey, stop!" The engine stops. A hand touches my arm.

It's that young man, Four.

"You can't walk all that way." He leans on his motorcycle.

"Watch me!" I turn and continue walking. I don't know how long he lets me go before he's next to me again pushing the motorcycle beside him.

"Max didn't mean to offend you." He scratched his head.

"Offend me? OFFEND ME!" I stop and turn, swinging my arm out, waving a hand vaguely. "He didn't! My so called friends are what hurt me the most! Christina knows for a fact I didn't mean that his skin colour made him stupid! I didn't assume he was stupid! I bring that girl lunch! I suffer through the cruel pranks my class mates pull because I'm friends with her! And Al! Poor Albert! He suffers to for being her friend! My father he believes that blacks should have the rights we do! And I get rats in my locker! Dead birds in our mailbox!" I push my hair back, tears running down my face from frustration. "And Susan! I thought she was my friend but now sometimes I think she's only friends with me because of my brother." I stop with a huff.

"Such foolishness love is isn't it?" He reaches up tucking my hair behind my ear again.

I scoff batting his hand away. Love! There's no time for love during this time. I tell him as much and he just chuckles. "Well, Beatrice you may change your mind one day."

I roll my eyes and move my feet. He walks beside me.

"You do know I have a means of transportation that can get us into town faster." He smiles at me.

My mind flashes back to the scene earlier of the man and woman. I can't do that, I can't be that daring. I shake my head. "No thank you."

Not only can I not do it, but guys only invite pretty girl's to do that to show them off. I don't want people to see me and feel sorry for Four. That he must be acting out of pity.

"Okay." He smiles. "So your school caught fire?"

"Yes."

"You don't seem upset, though I guess not especially since you said people are mean to you." For a moment I think I hear anger in his voice.

"Beatrice!" I look up a truck is coming towards us. I recognize some of the people.

"Al? Robert!" I look at my feet. Susan's brother looks at me from behind the wheel.

"Where's Susan?"

I consider lying, I should tell the truth but I can't do that to Susan I can't be petty. "Oh, Robert. I uhm. I begged her to-"

"Save it Beatrice, it's not like you to do something like that." He looks at a friend. "Al, you stay here with Beatrice. Caleb," I flinch seeing my brother slide out of the back to take Al's place in the front. His eyes don't meet mine. "Will you drive the truck as I get my car?"

Al stands next to me. "I'm sorry, Beatrice. As they dismissed us I saw you and Susan and Christina leave. I really did try not to tell them that you left. But they," he waves after the truck that disappeared out of sight. "They kept asking then I thought what if you guys got in trouble or something. I mean Christina... Just I was worried too."

"It's alright, Al." I whisper. It's not alright, my brother is angry with me.

I hear Four give a cough and I swear I hear him say, "foolish."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Albert. Who are you?" Al turns to look at him. Four removes his sun glasses, and with a shock I note his eyes are a dark blue with a lighter blue patch on his left eye, next to the corner. He takes Al's hand.

"Four."

"Like the number?" Al raises his eyebrows. "Who would name their kid that?"

He laughs. "It's a nickname. I don't like telling people my real name."

"Is it because of the accent?" Al states something I wanted to ask.

"Oh yes the accent, my parents well my mother came from an Italian family, she was born here. One of her parents was American. And my father," I notice the way his eyes tighten at the word. "he was polish."

"Ah," Al nods. "I see, and you were born here?"

"No I was born in Chicago. I'm just here with a friend." He looks at me. "Well, Tris it was nice meeting you. You too Albert." He puts his sunglasses back on before hoping on his motorcycle and kicking at the kick stand. "Maybe I'll see you around?"

Before I can reply he has it started and is driving off.

"Who was that exactly?" Al looks from where Four was to me.

I shrug, "a curious boy."

"I don't like him." Al squints. "Seems suspicious."

I can only nod not having heard a word he said. Four. Maybe I will see him around and that excites me for some reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I am almost done with chapter 3 having worked on this chapter and that one all day you may get it tomorrow. Who knows.


	3. Chapter 2: 1966

Christina and Susan wouldn't speak to me all week. Caleb didn't tell our parents. Which I didn't know whether to be grateful or take it as a bad sign. Robert's voice keeps ringing out in my head that it wasn't something of me to do, something that daring.

I didn't see Four around at all which I also didn't know whether to be happy or upset over it. I had no real reason to be upset but still. The school had to borrow the old gym that they were going to sell, and the science rooms had to be moved into another building, other than that school was school. Robert continued to pick up and drop Susan off. Christina walked alone, she would leave earlier than us so she didn't have to run into us, or well me.

I guess she thought I saw Robert and told him.

“Beatrice!” My mother calls up the stairs for me.

I look up from my spot on the floor where I was doing my homework. Eyes blinking, not realising how long I had been staring at my paper. Not writing but thinking.

I slowly get up and stretch, taking the stairs two at a time. “Yes, mama?”

She's in the kitchen, looking through the pantry. “We need milk, and eggs. And I can't seem to find the salt and I think we're out of coffee. Can you run to the store and get these for me? And It looks like we need cheese and bread. I'm sorry dear. I can do it.”

“No mama I got it!” I don't mind, I really don't. I need out anyways.

I put on my shoes and take the money she offers me. “Do we need baking powder?”

“No, I have plenty of that.”

I stick the money in one of my jacket pockets and bound out the door. I pass a few of our neighbors outside. Giving a polite smile and a little hello as I pass.

Do they think I'm not capable of being anything but being small and sweet? On my way into town I pass Susan and Robert and Caleb.

“What are you doing?” Caleb looks at me.

“Mom wanted me to run down and get some things for her.” I stop in front of him.

“Oh? Do you remember everything?” Caleb raises an eyebrow.

“I'm not stupid, Caleb!” I want to hiss but instead I nod. Susan still won't look at or speak to me. I smile at Robert. “Hello, Robert. Susan”

“Hello, Beatrice.” He barely looks at me.

I nod and move past them. I guess I am small and too nice. To nice to everyone, I can't do anything at school, I can't even yell at Christina and Susan for being stupid. But that day, at the lake. Why was that different?

Then I could. I could stand up for my father. For myself.

Was it because they were people I didn't know?

Or was it something close to home?

When I reach the store I pull open the door and the bell chimes. “Hello Beatrice!” The old man next to the door calls to me.

“Hello!” Too polite.

I locate the aisle with the coffee just to see that my father's favorite kind is almost gone the last few tins are close to the back out of my reaching distance. I step up on one of the shelves, maybe I can reach it.

My fingers brush the edge pushing it back. I groan. Something brushes my arm.

“Here.” I look up a hand is holding out the tin for me.

“Thank you.” I take it.

“No problem, Tris.” I look up in shock, Four smiles at me. I'm aware of the smile that breaks out across my face.

“Hey.”

He nods, his lips in a small smile.

“Fancy seeing you here.” He raises an eye brow at me. I shake my head. “Well I assumed if I haven't seen you by now that you were gone. Remember you said you were here because of a friend and that you might see me?”

“You sound a bit disappointed.” He walks with me as I grab a loaf of bread. “Almost like you missed me.”

“Please. I did not.” I turn to another aisle. “Maybe a little.” I whisper quietly. When I look at him hoping he didn't hear me his face gives nothing away, but his eyes seem to be aglow with something.

I notice once again that I won't be able to reach the salt. Before I can say anything Four reaches up and takes it off the shelf and hands it to me.

“Hello, Beatrice.” A darker older lady next to me smiles, having probably witnessed the exchange.

“Hello, Mrs. Trudmen.” I nod at her. “Is Mr. Trudmen here with you?”

“Why no he isn't dear.” She smiles. “Oh dear.” She looks up at a shelf above her head. “Is all the chile powder gone?”

Four walks over looking at it. “Here I got it.” He pats her shoulder before grabbing what she needed.

“Thank you young man.” She moves over a bit and bends down to grab her basket and something off the bottom shelf, but Four is already reaching for both.

“How about I help you?” He smiles at her. “Do you mind, Beatrice?”

“Oh, Beatrice your friend is so kind.” Mrs. Trudmen places a hand on the arm he offers her. “I like you. He's a keeper, Beatrice.”

I follow behind, grabbing the milk, eggs, and cheese as Four helps her put everything on the counter. I stand behind her and when the cashier, Jack Kang, rings everything up she gives a little cry. “Oh no I'm short.”

I'm going to be selfish. I'm going to, don't look.

But instead I reach my hand in my pocket knowing I can't do that to the lady that always gives me flowers, that taught me how to ride a bike with my mother.

“Here, now you're not!” I say kindly as I hand over some of the money I had.

“Oh, Beatrice I can't take it.”

“Yes, yes you can. And you will.” I put it in her palm closing her fingers around it.

Now I'm short, but I don't care. The smile that lights up her face. She hugs me and pays for her groceries.

I pull out a few of my items. The milk and the cheese, I was also going to get a newspaper. Now I can't, I'm not angry though. I'm glad that Mrs. Trudmen got her food.

“No newspaper today, Beatrice?” He asks, knowing what I did. He's trying to make me feel guilty for helping a coloured person out. I'm not angry, not at her. But people like him I am. There was no way she was short by that much if she was at all.

“No, nothing interesting has happened that I already haven't heard about.” I smile sweetly at him.

“What ever.” He huffs, staring me down.

I pay for my few items and leave. The paper bag in my arms.

“Tris! Wait up!” Four calls to me. He has bags in his arms and a newspaper. “You forgot your stuff.”

“I...” I look at him. “You didn't have to pay for everything!”

“Well, I kinda didn't.” Four hands me the bag that has the eggs in them. “I may have pulled him over the counter and scared the shit out of him. He uh, let me have the rest free, as payment for what was calculated incorrectly.”

I stare at him before laughing. “Thank you.”

“No problem. Can I walk you home?”

“Sure.” I smile, looking down.

We're a block from my house when Four hands me the other bag to help a man move something of the back of a truck. I pass them, telling Four my house is at the end of the street. A few houses down I see them. A group on the street. Molly, her boyfriend Drew, and his cousin Peter. They're on one side and a few feet down on the other is Christina, Al, Susan, and another blonde girl. I don't know her name.

“Hey look, Peter it's the Stiff!” Drew cackles.

I hate that nickname, Stiff. Just because one day earlier in the year Molly took all my clothes while I was in the shower and threw them away. To make things worse I was tricked into using the boy's showers. Even worse was when Peter made the revelation that I was built like a boy and pulled my towel away.

Peter looks at me. “Have you flashed anybody recently? I'm sure you must have shaped out a little bit since that show you gave us last year.”

I ignore them, one of them reaches out to pull something, my hair, my head jerks back and I lose my balance landing on my back the bags in my arms in a bad shape the eggs and milk bust over my front.

There's laughter and my face burns hot. I see Christina and Al stop, staring at me, Susan notices that they stopped and turns around, the other blonde too. They're all staring at me. I'm covered in milk, eggs, I think the coffee busted, there's dirt and salt in my hair.

I hear shouting and then there's scuffling, before a hand is held out to me. I take it after a while, I won't look at Four. I can't. He wraps an arm around me.

“Come on, I got you.”

My eyes are burning. I'm not upset. I'm angry. I'm tired of this always happening to me. But I'm to small and too nice to do anything about it. To these people these people that I know.

And why didn't anyone help me?

Al, Christina even Susan or that friend of theirs. They just watched. Like I was some show put on for them.

“Beatrice what's the- oh. Oh my god. Andrew! Come inside honey, come in.” My mother rushes to my side. Four stays on my other. I'm sitting in the kitchen as my mother runs a rag through my hair. My father is listening as Four explains what he saw.

“...I don't know these people and I assumed that she'd be fine as I helped but next thing I know I hear a scream.” Did I scream how embarrassing. “And I look up and she is lying on the ground.”

“Your knuckles seem cut there, son.” My dad raises an eyebrow.

“I may have punched one of the boys, sir.”

“Oh.” He nods.

Once my hair is clean I run upstairs to change in the bathroom. I walk into my room to grab a shirt and a skirt. I stop Four is sitting on my bed.

“Your mother said you could find me something to clean my hand with?” He looks out of place in my room. Leather jacket, button down shirt, and jeans. His shoes aren't on.

“Why are your shoes off?” I look around.

“Well isn't it polite to not track dirt and mud through a house, especially a fine young lady's bedroom.” He smirks at me.

I blush. I'm not fine. And then I suddenly realise, not only am I not fine but I'm a not fine young lady that's standing in her room in her undergarments with a boy sitting on her bed.

He doesn't seemed bothered.

How can he not be bothered.

Oh.

Right.

I'm built like a boy and I'm not fine.

“You're bleeding.” He reaches towards my arm. I look down realising that I must have scraped my elbow when I fell.

“Oh, I am.”

I walk back to the bathroom to grab a wet rag, some band aids, and a gauze. I come back and sit on the end of my bed. I grab Four's hand and use the rag to clean between his fingers and the knuckles. I place gauze over it before wrapping it with a bandage.

I watch him pick up the rag and wipe my arm, smoothing a band aid over the wound. For a moment I think I see his pupils get bigger, and his breath halt. I'm even more sure when he looks at me. His hand reaches up fingers under my chin, thumb on it resting below my bottom lip, stroking at the skin there. I don't know which of us leans of if we do lean and the space between us does get smaller that's not just in my head.

“Beatrice? Does your friend want to stay for dinner?” My mother yells.

We pull apart what ever was happening broken by her voice.

I look at Four, “do you?”

He looks anywhere but at me. “Sure.” He gets up. “Bathroom is just right around the corner right?”

“Yes.”

He nods and leaves. I blush when I realise I'm still in my underwear. I grab a blouse and a skirt from my closet throwing them on. I notice the clock on the wall says it's only five in the evening. I rundown the steps.

“What is your friend's name?” My father raises an eyebrow from his spot at the table.

“Four, it's a nickname.” I don't know how to tell him I don't know his real name.

“Where did you two meet?” My mother asks, just as Caleb walks in with containers in his hands.

“These are from Mrs. Trudmen. Says thank you for earlier.” Caleb looks at me.

“Oh how nice.” My mother looks at me. “Earlier?”

“Oh, well while I was at the store uhm, I ran into Four and she was there and he helped her get the groceries that would make her bend over or were to high and he held her basket for her. It was cute to be honest. And I paid for her's when Jack said she rang up too much that she couldn't afford it.”

“How did you pay for ours then?” My father gives a smile, I know he's not angry with me.

“I did.” Four says from behind me, I jump a little. How long had he been back there?

“So you just paid for them?” My mother and father share a look.

“I may have told the man that charging more for an item because of someone's skin colour was wrong.” Four shrugs.

“Okay. Four how do you know our daughter?” My father looks at him.

Before Four can give an answer Caleb pats dad's back. “Four here helped me the other day. Susan had car trouble. And Beatrice and Four walked to the university to get me and Robert to help. She asked Four to let her go alone but he wasn't having any of it.” Caleb smiles at me. “Four here is friends with a buddy of mine that transferred to Chicago.”

I want to look at Four and ask if it's true but he is not looking at me.

“How is our buddy doing?” Caleb looks at Four, eyes a little to bright.

“They're good. Miss you. Maybe one day you would like to go back up there with me and we could all hang out. Or They could come down here? If that's okay with your parents?” He flashes them a smile. Smooth.

We all sit down to eat the food Caleb brought us. Four staying to help with the dishes.

“Thank you Mrs. and Mr. Prior.” Four smiles from the front door. It's barely seven and the sun is setting.

“Oh no thank you, Four.” My mother hugs him. I watch him stiffen at the contact.”Don't be a stranger okay?”

“How about I walk with you to the end of the street?” I grab my coat heading out the door ahead of him. I wait at the fence and he comes down the steps a container of food in his hands.

“Your mom gave it to me.” He looks almost like he's blushing.

When we make to to the end of the street we turn and stop next to the neighbor's hedge. It's only an inch taller than Four is. I go to ask him about the conversation with Caleb earlier.

“So why didn't your friends help?”

That question stops me short. I stare at him, the breeze blows a strand of hair into my face, a piece too short to fit in my ponytail.

“Excuse me?”

“You know the ones that were with you. The two girls and that boy that has a crush on you?” His eyes seem to darken is that even possible? Or am I making things up?

“Al doesn't have a crush on me!”

“No boy is that nice to a woman without expecting to get something in return.”

“Al is a good guy! You leave him alone.” I grit out. “And what about you?!”

“What about me?” He hisses around clenched teeth.

“You're being to friendly for a guy I just met a week ago. Do you want something from me?”

“If I wanted sex I certainly wouldn't go to you for it.” He whips around and starts to walk off.

I stare at the ground, hands balled into fists. Of course not and I don't know why that comment stings. It's not like I wanted him or anything.

Arms wrap around me and I'm pressed into someone's chest.

“Tris, it's not that-” Four huffs. “You don't seem the type to be for sex only.”

I breathe in the smell of him. “I think they're angry at me. I think they blame me for them getting in trouble. And I think Susan's upset because it made Caleb angry and he'll see her as only a child.”

“Foolish, love is a foolish foolish thing. You listen to me Beatrice Prior. Don't fall in love with the first man that smiles at you, or says a kind thing to you, Okay?”

“Okay,” I whisper, still being held close to his chest.

“You make sure he loves you first, I've seen what uncertain love does to someone. It's much like skipping stones-”

“Skipping stones?”

He pulls me back. “You've never skipped a stone before?”

I shake my head.

“Well then this metaphor can wait until another day. I'll have to show you in example.” He chuckles.

I miss the warmth of him already, and my face starts to heat up. Stop I tell myself. “Okay.”

“Goodnight, Tris. Sleep well.” He lets me go and pushes me a bit back around the hedge. “Go on home.”

I turn around and walk back down the street. Caleb is leaning against the fence waiting.

“That took you a while.” He looks at me.

“Well he was asking how I was after earlier.” I rub my arm with the band aid.

“What happened, I wanted to ask but I didn't think dinner,” he stops shaking his head.

I explain the story to him, leaving out the parts that happened in my bedroom, even telling him what neither Four or I told my parents about Christina, Al, Susan and that girl-

“Amanda her name is Amanda she's Susan's cousin.”

Amanda not helping me just stopping to watch as I was ganged up on.

“I'm sorry do you want me to have a talk with Robert?”

“No, I'm fine don't worry about it.” I say moving past him to get into the house.

I head straight to my room upstairs yelling out goodnight to everyone. I shut my door and turn my light out. That's when I notice it on the edge of my bed. Four's jacket. I sit on my bed. I grab it and pull it up to my nose it smells like him. I make a note to give it back to him the next time I see him.

I change out of my clothes into pajamas. A long shirt and my underwear. I curl up under the covers, Realizing that Four's scent is faintly on my pillow. I groan, I remember that look in his eyes from earlier. The way his hands felt on my arm. The way he held me and mumbled into my hair. There's a small fire burning in my middle and should be disgusted.

But I'm not.

I pull my shirt up a little exposing my underwear. Should I?

Should I?

I think I will.

I know I will.

I do.

I move a hand so it's resting just outside the elastic, I take a deep breath and trace up the seam of my sex with a finger.

I shouldn't.

I don't know what I like, I don't know what I'm doing.

I press my finger against the nub at the top, and curl my toes. I moan behind my closed lips. Maybe I can do this. Let's see.

I think of Four, the way he touched me. I imagine my hand is his and try to imagine how he would do it.

I push my finger until it's inside, first the tip then the first knuckle. I worry my bottom lip. Once my finger is all the way in I kind of just lay there.

Wasn't this suppose to feel good?

I bend a knee lying my foot flat on the bed, I slowly move my finger. Gasping a little, I'm wet. The fire spreads a little from my middle upwards. I add another finger moving both, I don't know what I'm doing. This feels good, but not great.

I continue this for a while. The fire never growing but never fading. Soon I have both legs up knees bend feet on the bed.

And still.

Nothing.

I stop, huffing and rolling over.

This was going to take sometime to figure out what I like, what I can do. I don't know where to start Christina isn't talking to me, asking my mother is out of the question. I don't have any older friends. I don't know anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the first time awkward masturbation you guys get.


	4. Chapter 3: 1966

“Beatrice!”

I close my eyes and stop walking I count to ten before turning down the hallway stopping in front of Christina. Two months have past and this is the first time she's spoken to me. Funny how she picks the last day of school for this.

“Yes?”

“How are you?” She looks around, almost like how dare I be the one to approach her and talk to her. Almost like she's afraid of being seen.

“I'm fine. And you?”

“Listen, Beatrice I'm-”

I open my locker, and leather catches my eye. Four's jacket. I reach in the pocket and pull out the note he left in the mailbox:

_Had to go back to Chicago to help with something_

_Sorry I couldn't tell you in person_

_Have you seen my Jacket? Did I leave it with you?_

_Keep it safe for me. And any chance you can use it._

_Don't wanna see it collecting dust. Be safe._

_No more fights in the street okay? Not until I get back._

_Because when I do I'm teaching you how to fight._

_-IV_

“Beatrice?” I blink folding the note up and sticking it back into the pocket.

“Hmm?”

“Where you listening to me?” Christina seems a little upset.

“No. Not really.” I admit. What's the point of lying.

“I said I was sorry.”

Sorry.

I grab Four's jacket out of my locker I put it on then I grab the lunch I made this morning. Not for me.

“Sorry for what? The day you accused me of racism or the week after where you ignored me. Because it can't be the day with Peter now can it? I mean you and Susan and Al were all just shoving each other out of the way to help me. Or is it any of the days of the past two months?” I turn and smile. “It doesn't matter. Enjoy your summer, Christina.” I hand her the lunch and with out thinking I squeeze her arm.

Caleb told me that Christina was probably acting on all the hate that was going on around town. My mother told me that she probably was trying to find a place to fit in and the fact of who my father is makes it seem like she's sucking up.

Doesn't matter because I'm done. I forgive her.

I'm tired of not having my best friend.

I leave out the front door. I make it a block from the school when I hear running. I look over and see a blonde headed boy running down the street. He stops next to me.

“Hey can you help me out for a bit?” His eyes are green, bright, like celery.

“Sure?” I look around and notice a group of men running towards him.

“Aw, fuck! Never mind. We're gonna have to run!” He grabs my arm and pulls me down an alley way. He's laughing and before I know it I am too. When we come out of the alley way though I collide into a heavy body.

Lemongrass and sage.

Al.

“What the?”

I wave at Susan and Christina. “No time to stop, come one we have to run!” The boy continues to tug me. Soon we're running again, I hear feet follow us then a breathy yell.

“Why are we running?”

“Because ma'am those men back there are probably gon' try ta kill me 'fore the day is over. An' I was goin' to have this young lady here pretend I was with her all day.” He turns down another street. “Quick!” He jumps over a small hedge and lies in the grass using the hedge to hide his body. We all sit down hugging our knees to our chests. We hear feet run past us.

“WHAT WAS THAT!” Susan yells after a moment giving me a sour look.

“I may have taken some money from their jar.” The blonde nods. “They had this jar to donate to stop the blacks from over running this town. Hey you guys wanna go do som'thin'?”

“Where are you from.” Al looks at him then the hand that's still wrapped around mine.

“Name's Will Matthews. I moved here with my folks from Ohio. My older sister lives in Chicago with our aunt.” The boy, Will smiles wider. “How about with this stolen money I get you a drink?”

Al's face falls and Susan huffs. Christina just nods and stands up.

“See you later, Beatrice?” She whispers.

“Whoa whoa wait! I was talking to all of you. Especially you pretty lady.” He quirks an eyebrow at Christina. “Or do you have somewhere you have to be?”

Christina’s face looks so bright, “no. No! I mean yes I'd love to... yes!” She giggles.

Will drops my hand then offers his arm to her, which she gladly takes.

“I have to get home.” Susan states before walking off in the direction we came.

I nudge Al, “let's go. I think I'm witnessing a crush developing. See you, Christina! Nice meeting you Will!”

“Wait, Beatrice there's this movie playing at the drive in later and I was going to ask if you wanted to see it. Al you wanna join in too?” Christina looks at us.

“Sure.” I nod to which Al agrees too. She gives him two thumbs up and a wink. Strange. “See you at Dolly's at five!”

Al and I leave them be and as we're walking home he looks at me. “Beatrice, I'm sorry about-”

“Don't sweat it. You probably thought I was mad at you for telling. Which I was a bit angry but I wasn't mad at you. More myself for the way I snapped at Christina.” I shrug.

We continue to walk in silence. “Do you want me to come get you? Before the movie I mean? I should've asked are we having dinner together too like afterward? Or are we eating there then going to the movies?”

I laugh. “It's up to Christina I guess we'll see when we get there.”

I wave him off when we get to his turn and I continue on to mine. “Hello?” I call through the front door.

“I'm in the back!” My mother pokes her head through the back door. “How was school?”

“Good, Christina and I made up. Susan and I not so much. Ran into a boy named Will and I think Christina is in love. We're all going to see a movie tonight, so I'm going to take a bath.”

As I'm sitting in the tub I stare at my toes, I remember the rush when Will grabbed my hand and had me run from that group of men. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed what I said to Christina in the hallway. I also can't wait until Four gets back because what exactly does he mean I'm going to learn how to fight? I scrub myself with the soap and rinse off before draining the tub and getting out. I wrap a towel around me and march to my room shutting the door.

Is he going to be handsy? Touching me as he corrects my posture? Before I know it that familiar fire is in my gut again.

No I don’t have time for this.

But I ignore that part of my brain because it's losing as I slide my hand between my thighs. I lean against my shut door. Two fingers sliding in and out of me. I continue to hold the towel with the other hand, knuckles probably going white.

How many times have I done this in the past two months?

With my fingers moving inside of me and the pressure of the heel of my hand against myself I have bite my bottom lip to keep from crying out. My breath is coming out in harsh pants and my head hits the back of my door.

I let out a quiet moan, hand working faster. I press the towel into my mouth to muffle my cry as I finish. For a second I think I hear foot falls on the steps.

I straighten up and clean myself with the towel before getting dressed deciding pants and a shirt would do. I brush my hair and put it up in a pony tail. I run down the steps, almost tripping on the last one.

It's only four what am I suppose to do for thirty minutes?

I hear laughing from the back yard and I follow the sound out. I see my mother holding the base of a ladder and Caleb on the other side. A splatter of paint across his face.

“What's going on?” I raise an eyebrow.

“I was painting the fence and your brother scared me so bad that I smacked him with the brush and then threw it onto the roof.” My mother starts laughing again.

“I can't believe you did that, and I'm the one that has to go get it!” He starts to climb up the rungs.

“Hey, Caleb? We're going to a movie tonight and I'd like for you to come.” I yell up after him.

“What time?”

“We're meeting at Dolly's at five.” I walk over to the fence, half painted with a fresh coat of white.

“Oh, Albert was over here not to long ago. Poor boy ran down the steps and out the door.” My mother wipes her hands on her ruined shirt.

I bite my lip, thinking back to the foot falls I heard descending on the stairs. “Oh?”

“Mmhm, he's such a nice boy.” My mother looks at me then puts a hand on my cheek. “Let him down easy if it's not going to work, dear.”

“What?” I look at her confused. Let him down easy?

“It's alright to say no. And it's also alright to say yes.” She looks the the fence.

I stare at her for a while longer before Caleb comes back with the brush. “Let me go change, Beatrice and we'll go.”

I nod and go back inside just to sit on the front step, that's when I notice it next to the mail box. A small box with a bow. I walk over and get it there's a note on top.

_I didn't have enough time to give you this personally_

_saw it and thought of you._

_-IV_

IV. Four.

Four was here?

Four was here!

I look around wondering when he left this. I open it and inside is a necklace, simple silver chain with a locket on it.

“Where'd you get that from?” Caleb puts a hand on my elbow. “It's pretty.”

I smile, “was Four here earlier?”

“Not that I know of.” He fastens the clasp behind my neck, I tuck it underneath my shirt.

We talk as we walk down to Al's, Caleb retelling the whole story of how he scared mom and how his classes were. How he wants to transfer to Chicago but at the same time he wants to stay here.

“Hello, Susan, Robert, Amanda.” He says and I look up seeing them standing with Al.

“They wanted to come with.” He shrugs looking a bit uncomfortable. We walk to Dolly's where Christina and Will are already at a booth waving us over.

“Well this is more than expected.” Will stands up. “I'm Will-”

“Will Matthews.” My brother smiles. “I know your sister and your Aunt.”

“Oh? And you are?”

“Caleb. Prior. Caleb Prior.” He shakes Will's hand. “You sister and I are friends.”

“Caleb? Oh Caleb! That Caleb! Hey how are you?” Will smiles and Caleb sits down across from him.

“I'm good! I'm good.” He then looks at me. “Beatrice how come you didn't tell me you were friends with Will Matthews?”

“Uhm, sorry?” I look at Christina confused she shrugs.

“My aunt is a well known psychologist in Chicago. She also teaches a couple of classes on medicine.” Will smiles at the rest of the group.

The waitress comes over and takes our orders. As we eat Will and Caleb continue discussing his aunt's work, Christina listens in complete awe of Will. Susan stares at the table like if she looks away it'll come to life and attack her. Amanda and Robert are talking quietly. Al leans over to me.

“I kinda feel out of place. Don't you?”

I nod. I do, I always have felt out of place here. I catch Christina's eye and she frowns a bit.

Will smiles,”I brought my car. Thought lovely night to go to the drive in. Come on I'm sure we all can fit.”

It's a convertible. And it was red. Not a light blue Cadillac like Robert's this one was Mustang.

After some rearranging Christina sits in the front with Will, tucked up against his side since it's a bench seat. Susan sits in the front next to them. I'm on Al's lap in the back seat and Amanda sits on Caleb's while Robert is in the middle of us both. On our way there I notice Amanda and Robert take each others hand. I look up and I see Caleb look at me and give a slight shake of his head before looking over Amanda's shoulder.

We park and get out to stretch, Christina and Susan run off to go to the bathroom. Caleb and Will continue to talk about Will's Aunt who I've come to learn is named Jeanine. Amanda and Robert disappear and Al keeps giving me these looks.

“I have to go to the restroom.” I blurt out backing away. Though I really don't so I turn the corner like I am but I walk straight past the door. Into the group of trees surrounding one part or the lot. I hear giggling, and a breathy moan. I duck under a branch and freeze.

Pinned up against a tree is Amanda and between her thighs is Robert. His face pressed into her neck. I flinch, aren't they cousins? Suddenly the looks through out dinner, the whispers and nervous glances, and hand holding in the car make sense. Then I think of Caleb does he know? He has to right?

A part of me wants to make my presence known and threaten to tell someone because it's wrong. But I look at the look on her face when their eyes meet, the way he smiles and says I love you. I back away turning to leave.

I make it to where I can see the restrooms.

“Beatrice?” I turn and Al is leaning up against the wall. “You were gone for a bit I came to find you. The others want to know if you've seen Robert or Amanda anywhere?” I think about telling him. I do.

“Al are you alright?” I change the subject. He looks flushed.

“Beatrice, can I ask you something?”

I nod.

“Do you like me?” He takes a step closer.

“Of course, you're a good person it's hard not to like you.” I smile, a nervousness bubbling in my stomach.

“That's not what I mean.” He looks at me walking closer.

No.

“What?” I tilt my head. No don't make this awkward. I don't know. I can't tell him no. I can't hurt him.

He reaches me. “I like you a lot, Beatrice.” I'm barely aware of people walking towards us. He cups my face and pulls me towards him. Kissing me.

I jerk away. “Stop, Al.”

“What why?” He looks at me. “I like you, Beatrice. I like you a lot. Don't you like me too?” He looks so sad.

I shake my head, “I'm so sorry, Al. I don't like anybody right now.”

“I could love you, you know.” He looks at me. “We'd take care of each other. We could get married. I could work for your father. I can love you. You can learn to love me like I do you.”

I shake my head again. “Foolish, Albert. It's foolish. And I can't.” I stare him down before he turns and walks away.

“Oh you poor thing.” I feel arms wrap around me. Amanda. “Looks like nobody is winning.”

I laugh and look at her. “yeah, I saw you.”

“We know. And it's horrible. But I love him really do, and he loves me. And love may be foolish, Beatrice Prior but true love makes everything make sense. Nobody is lucky tonight. Will and Christina are doomed, they can't marry she's of a different colour. Robert and I can't be together, even though I'll tell you a secret, I'm not his cousin by blood. We're still family. Caleb doesn't see Susan as anything more than Robert's little sister. So poor Susan. And Al. Oh Albert. Anyone could see that that boy was head over heels for you. But you. But I also see the way that boy who just left looks at you too and they way you look at him.”

“Al?”

“No, the one with the accent. The one that broke Drew's nose that day they ganged up on you. The one who more than once this week would walk past your house. Waiting to see you. I told him to give you a week, to give Al a week. And part of me knew that you'd turn him down. Christina had hoped you'd tell Al yes. I knew you'd say no. Al isn't your type. You're too strong for him.”

“What?” Four was here?

“Though I didn't know he'd kiss you. I'm sorry, dear.” She hugs me. “How about you go find your friend, Robert and I will deal with everyone else.” She lets me go with a smile and then runs off in the direction of where Robert was waiting.

“Beatrice, he went that way.” Robert points away from the drive in. Towards the road, and I take off running.

There's a motorcycle parked in the grass. A body leaning against it. Ears that stick out just a bit.

“Four!” I yell and he stands up looking at me. I slam into him arms wrapping around him. “You're back! When did you get back?”

I hear him laugh. “This morning. Did you like my gift?”

“I did!” I pull it our of my neckline.

“I believe I made you a few promises but first if you want to leave. How about I show you how to skip stones?” He climbs on the bike.

I look at him then it. I take a deep breath and then swing my leg over settling in behind him. He starts the engine and my arms wrap around his waist, fingers gripping his shirt.

“By the way nice jacket!” He calls over the roar.

“Thanks a friend told me to keep it safe for him!”

“Your friend is real lucky and must be pretty special to have someone like you to watch his favourite things.” I can see his cheek pull up in a smile.

“He is but I think I'm more special for him letting me keep it as long as I did!” We hit the road going away from the drive in.

“I'm sure he'd let you keep it as long as you like, besides you look good in it.” I bury my face in his back smiling. I think he may have just been flirting with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh how the tables have turned.


	5. Chapter 4: 1966

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off I'm sorry in advance if this seems a bit anticlimactic in some parts or not what you want in others.
> 
> Second I'm sorry if some bits seem filler-y some bits were necessary for the story according to my flow chart but bridging them together was hard. Any writer knows that. I bet you guys know that.
> 
> Third sorry for anything you find douche-baggy about Four or anyone else. Except the people that are total dicks and we don't like them anyways *cough* Molly *cough* and I promise a lot of his actions will be explained very very very soon. And for Christina (jealousy is an ugly thing)
> 
> Fourthly there are some very close to triggering things in here: such as racism, I did have one line in here that was thrown at me a couple years back. Uhm there's an attempt of some assault later on, there is a fight like a very anticlimactic fight but it is necessary that it's not a good one because it's not a oh shit I'm capable of this yet. Kinda like how Tris when fighting with Molly in Divergent and she hit her a couple of times ad was like I CAN KICK THIS CHICK'S ASS!
> 
> I do not own Divergent I should probably say that now.
> 
> Enjoy.

“Okay do you want the metaphor first or me to teach you how to skip this stone?” Four looks at me from where he's standing next to the lake.

“Which ever you prefer.” I smile from my perch on a fallen tree.

He sighs and bends over, his shirt riding up a little, showing me a strip of skin between the hem of his jeans and the edge of the shirt. He picks up one rock just to shake his head and put it back down. Finally he straightens, looks at me with a smile and says, “watch this.”

He levels his arm up passes one rock from his left hand to his right and tosses it.

It clunks into the water with a bloop.

There are a few minutes of silence before I start howling with laughter, clutching at my sides.

“Hey, Tris?”

“Yeah?” I try to calm down, wiping tears from my eyes.

“That wasn't the right rock.” He says before snapping his wrist forward and the rock in his hand skipping across the water before finally sinking. I watch him throw another it going farther than the last. “Do you want to try now?”

I nod completely awe struck. He reaches his hand out for me, I take it and let him pull me close.

“Now, find the correct rock you want it to be smooth, it doesn't have to be flat, but a flat rock helps.” He mumbles, pointing in the place where he found his rocks. “Over there is really good.”

I squat down looking for a smooth rock. “This is time consuming.”

“It is.” I hear a smile in his voice.

“How will I know which one's the correct one?” I pick up two that could work.

“You won't.” He squats next to me.

“How can you do it?” I look at him.

“Years of practice. Years of experience.” My eyes widen, his normal soft Italian accent was gone. He looks at me. “Fuck!”

“You said your mother was Italian.”

“Half. My father is full blooded Polish. And I spent more time with him than my mother and I have to remember to keep my Italian accent. The Polish one comes naturally. Though for my job I think people would prefer the Italian.” He grabs a stone that's not smooth.

“I can't use that!” I huff.

“How would you know?” He looks at me. “If you don't try you won't know.”

I huff then stand up. He stands behind me putting a hand in my hip and using the other to guide my hand. “When you get right here.” He moves my arm. “Let go. Not too late and not too soon.”

I try once without throwing the rock then I let it sail. It glunks into the water. I pucker my lips and I hear a chuckle.

“Try again.”

I do multiple times. Still never getting it right. I get angrier and more impatient before taking the rock he hands me next and I throw it into the water and go sit back on my log. Stupid rocks. This was a metaphor he told me, Had a life lesson he said. Oh it'll be fun I trusted him!

He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me off it. “Here I'll help you.”

He aligns his feet with mine, presses his chest against my back, takes my hand with the rock in his, and tosses and it skips twice before sinking.

“Whoa! Look we did it!” I jump excitedly.

“Do you get the metaphor?”

“No. What is it?” I look at him.

“Well I will tell you when you are able to get a stone to skip by yourself.” He steps away from me. “But for now maybe some other time. I should be getting you back, the sun's starting to set.”

He walks with me to his bike. He gets on first then I place my hands on his shoulders, swinging my leg around to get on.

We pass the drive in and I see Will's car still there. “Stop, I have to go back with them. Or they may think I'm doing something suspicious!”

He pulls over onto the side. Cutting the engine. “Am I a dirty little secret, Tris?”

“No, Four.” I shake my head climbing off.

“Are you ashamed of me?” I see his jaw tighten.

“No. How could you say that?” I stare at him.

“You're sort of acting like it, Beatrice Prior.”

I flinch at my full name. “Really what makes you think that!” I try not to scream at him.

“Well you and some young man kiss then a few minutes later you run off with me, are gone for the whole length of a movie, back in just enough time to-”

“You're the one who said it was getting late.” I watch his face get darker with the setting sun.

“And you don't want me to take you home, because it'll make who suspicious? Your boyfriend?”

“He is not my boyfriend!” I hiss.

“Really? Seems like-” before he can finish I reach up and slap him. We both stand there in shock, his cheek red. He turns the engine back on. “Good evening Ms. Prior. I won't bother you again.” And with the his back tire kicks up dirt, spraying my legs with it, then he's off down the road.

I walk over to Will's car as everyone is getting in. “Hey guys.”

They all turn and look at me. Except Al he just stares straight ahead. Caleb looks confused. Robert and Amanda look a bit worried, Amanda hiding it better than him. Will looks relieved and Christina, well she looks hurt and angry. Susan looks like I kicked her dog.

“Where were you?” Susan scoffs.

“I had to get fresh air, so I walked around. Is that not okay?” I hold my arms out.

“For a whole movie?” Christina turns around. “I have to get home, I'm not having this fight Beatrice.”

I don't open the door, I don't get in the car. I turn and walk. My head hurts I have so much to think about. “I'll see you tomorrow!” I call over my shoulder. “Caleb tell mom I'll be a bit late.”

“Hold on!” Caleb jumps out and so does Amanda. She turns and whispers something to Robert.

Will gives me a look as they pass that can only be described as remorse.

“Where were you?” Caleb deadpans. “You were there then you were gone!”

“Four was here.” It's all I can say.

“Ah!” He nods. “So what's with you and Al?”

“He kissed me and made clear these feelings that everyone but me could see and I can't return them.” I look at Amanda. We're passing the ice cream parlor the one Susan didn't want to take us to. We reach the drug store in ten minutes. Caleb explaining what I missed from not watching the movie and I'm glad I did. Supposedly Christina tried to make out with Will when he realised I wasn't there. Al was in a bad mood the whole time. Susan tried to flirt with Caleb, who acted like he was clueless.

“You should just tell her no.”

“Beatrice, I can't do that. I don't want to break the girl. You saw what it did to Al. He looked crushed.”

“Oh Caleb!” Amanda looks at him. “I told Robert to tell his mother that we got held up at the Drug Store. And if we don't go in there and she asks tomorrow.” Amanda smiles, I know what she means.

So we trudge into the Drug Store. Caleb walks into the back picking up whatever he can, taking his time to look at everything, read the labels. Amanda pulls me into one section that has menstrual pads and condoms. She grabs a box of condoms and looks around before opening my jacket and sticking them in the back of my pants, right at the hem line.

“Your jacket will cover them.” She then grabs another and does the same. I notice that you could probably see it until she takes her jacket off and ties it around her waist. “Amanda, I can't take these. What would I need them for?”

“You know what.” She doesn't look at me heading straight for the aisle with the soda.

“I have no one to do that with. I wouldn't know what to do!” I look around, face probably red.

“Well you do know how to touch yourself right?” She grabs a coke one for me and one for her then on a second thought grabs another for Caleb.

I sputter. “Uhm, yes.” I squeak.

“Well when you find a man that's all you have to do. He'll take care of the rest.” We walk to the counter where Caleb is with beef jerky. We're paid and gone. Nothing said about what Amanda hid on us.

We separate at the turn and Caleb and I head home. “Don't worry Al will get over it. I'll talk to Susan.” He hugs me and heads to his room down the hall.

The next day I get up and help my mom make breakfast, pancakes and eggs. Christina comes by with her mother and younger sister.

We're sitting underneath the tree in the back yard. “Look I'm sorry for whatever I did-”

“Don't.” She looks at me. “I'm sorry, it's just Al was ruining the mood, you were gone and everyone was worried. So why was Al upset?”

“He kissed me.”

“Oh and was it not all he hoped it would be?” She smiles at me. “So is there wedding bells in the distance for you two?”

“No, Christina, I can't like him like that.” I look at the sky.

“Is it Four?” She crosses her arms in my peripheral.

“No, I never liked Al. He's just a friend. Besides so is Four.” I shrug.

“Girl that young man wants more than your friendship.” She giggles.

“How do you know?” I look at her sticking my tongue out.

“The way he looks at you, each time I see you and him. You're like his north star that that guides him home.”

“Well I don't think that's gonna happen.” I run a hand trough my hair.

“And why not?” Christina demands.

“I fucked up,” I look at her and explain the best I can leaving out the time I spent with him before the fight. Making sure I only tell her about how he thought I was keeping him a secret.

“Well you kind of are. You could've said hey I need to tell them you're taking me home. And would you like to meet my best friend Christina? She really thinks you're the second hottest guy that she knows.”

“Second?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Yeah Will is first.”

“How is it going with Will?” I'm genuinely happy for her.

“Good! I'm scared to kiss him. I've only known him for two days, Beatrice! What if I scare him off?”

“You won't, trust me.” I hug her.

 

 

 

“Beatrice you're going to be late for your first day of school!” My father yells up the stairs.

I jump back from where I've been staring at myself in the mirror. I managed to get breasts sometime since my sixteenth birthday a few weeks ago, not large ones but they're small, but I'm not completely flat chested if you squint.

I rush out my door stopping to stare at my closet door, should I get the jacket? I shake my head. Not that there's not time but since that day in May I haven't seen Four all Summer. It's the second week of September now, five months. Enough to say he may hate me now.

I run out the door, nearly running into the gate of the fence. “Shit!” I'm jogging up the sidewalk when I hear a honk.

“Get in!” It's Christina behind the wheel of Will's car. He's in the passenger seat, I climb in not bothering to open the door. Sprawled out in the back seat.

“Go go go! Or we're all going to be late.” Will flails his arms. We probably go over the speed limit, making it to school right as the bell rings.

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” Will is huffing, running to his class after leaving a kiss on Christina's cheek. Christina runs the other way as I jog to the girl's locker room. I make it in there as all the other girl's are changing. I give a sigh of relief before shucking my clothes and changing into the required gym uniform. They were this pale yellow and bagged around the thighs.

As we gather on the field we pass the boy's gym class. They cat call at us and I wrinkle my nose. I watch one lean over and say something to a tall dark haired boy. He turns around, it's Peter, he looks at me and then the guy and tilts his head. “That's Beatrice Prior. Don't believe what you hear about her. She may seem and look like a prude but she gave the boys quite a show last year. Didn't you sweetheart?” He calls to me as I pass them, more than a few laugh remembering that day. I hear Molly laugh behind me, her laugh sounds like a mix between a horse in labor and a wet unhappy cat.

Our gym teacher lines us up and pairs us off to play badminton, I'm paired with a girl twice as tall as me whose name I can't remember. Her hair is black and pulled back into a braid. She tosses the bird into the air, pulls her other arm with the racquet in it back, and then brings it forward. Bird sailing over the net, I lunge for it and manage to hit it with the tip of my own racquet as my face hits the dirt. It flies to the side and almost hits one of the other girls.

Fuck.

“Wow, Stiff! Actually seeing where you belong?” Molly snorts. I stand up knowing that there's mud on my face. “Oh my god! You and that precious nigger friend of yours look alike!”

I drop the racquet. She did not just say that to me.

I hear only of the girls whisper, “Molly, stop.”

“Why it's not my fault they're black. And if she had any class at all she wouldn't lower herself to their standards. But you have to remember who her parents are.”

I don't let her get anything else out I run at her knocking her on the ground. She pulls my hair and I smack at her face before curling my hands into fists and punching her, I think I hit myself a few times from where she's jerking my head around.

I'm pulled off her by the teacher. “Office! Both of you!”

We sit in the office in our gym clothes, just to be yelled at how no young lady should be fighting like we did and how we need to straighten up.

“Detention after school both of you!” Our principal, a short, balding man, who spits when he screams, points a finger at both of us. “If this happens again I will be forced to suspend you.”

We're dismissed with the secretary writing a note for both of us to give to our teachers. I run to the girl's locker room to grab my books and change.

“So what you're telling me is that after a long time of being harassed by these kids you finally take it into your own hands and get punished like the expected you to just continue to take it?” Will covers his face with his hand. “And the bitch insulted my girlfriend! I'm glad you gave her a black eye!”

“Hey who said I gave her a black eye?” I look up from my orange that I was peeling.

“The whole school heard about how you went crazy and attacked Molly. Good job!” Christina smiles snagging half of Will's sandwich and eating it.

“Hey! Stop! Get your own!” He laughs. They touch noses and smile. Part of it makes me feel sick. Jealousy bubbling in the pit of my stomach as they get up holding hands taking their trash and walking to the other side of the field close to the school to throw it away.

“Uh. H-hey, Beatrice.”

I look up from where I'm sitting on the bleachers Al is standing on the bottom bench.

“Al.” I nod. Things haven't been easy with Al, he'll talk to me but it's not the same. We're both just uncomfortable around each other.

“Heard you got in trouble I came to see if you're okay.” He looks anywhere but me.

“Yeah, just detention after school.” I stand up, wiping my hands on my skirt.

“Have you thought any more about what I said?” He blurts out after a few seconds. I nearly stumble down the steps. “I mean have you changed your mind?”

“No, Al. I'm still not looking to have anyone. I'm fine being single.” It's a lie I know it's a lie.

“Okay. See you around?” He walks off.

I groan, boys why are they so difficult.

“You have 3 hours before detention is over.” The teacher in charge of us drones. I thought more people would be in here but I guess because it was the first day there weren't a lot of trouble makers.

Molly keeps throwing me strange looks through out the first hour and a half. Around the time we have forty-five minutes left I hear thunder.

Please no, not rain. Sure enough it starts in tiny sprinkles turning into fat drops. Soaking the grass and turning the pavement dark brownish grey. I have to walk home in this.

“Okay, I'm cutting it short on account of the weather. You are to finish your detention after school tomorrow.”

Thirty minutes isn't so bad. What's bad is that it's nearly six and raining and I don't have an umbrella. The streets are deserted except for a body here or there running from one awning to the next. I hear a roar behind me and I look at the bike. For a moment I think it might be Four, it pulls into the gas station. So I walk after it not going on the turn towards where my house is three blocks down. I almost don't hear the girl speak over the rain.

“Thanks for the ride, Four!” I stop. I shouldn't, we're not talking. He's angry at me and I'm angry at him.

How I wish it wasn't but it was him and a blonde climbing off the back of his bike. Her hair is partially wet, when she gets off she takes the jacket she's wearing off and hands it to him. He puts it on smiling.

“No problem at all, Rebecca.” He winks at her.

My eyes fall to the ground and I continue walking past the station, shaking from the cold. It's only September it shouldn't be this cold. I don't realise until I can't see the ground anymore and a sob is ripped from my body that I'm shaking because I'm crying. I duck into an alleyway between two buildings and lean against the back of one, putting my head into my hands and just letting it go.

“You alright?” I feel a hand touch my arm. “Ma'am?”

“Yeah I'm fine,” I sniffle out looking up to see a woman with an umbrella looking at me concerned. “Just had a rough day.”

“Is there anything I can do?” She looks around. “Where is your coat?”

“That's what I would like to know.” I hear the deep voice, Jack Kang, from the side walk. “I got this Barbra.” He holds his umbrella out to me. The woman. Barbra walks off.

“You're going the wrong way, Beatrice. How about I walk you home?” He holds out his arm to me.

“I can't go back that way.” I bite my lip. “People that don't like me are back there and I don't want them to see me.”

We walk a bit more before he laughs. “This person would it be that boy who threatened me in my shop?”

“What?” I shake my head.

“Don't play dumb with me, Beatrice.” He jerks me to a stop in front of the vacant lot next to the abandoned apartments on the south side of town. The back of the building without windows is facing us.

“I'm not.” He looks at me then smiles.

“You're growing into a wonderful young woman.”

“That's inappropriate, Mr. Kang.” I try to pull away. He slams me against the brick wall.

“A young girl like yourself should learn to take a compliment.” He looks me up and down. His hands grab at my sides, I hear a few buttons tear from my blouse. I bring my knee up and connect it with his groin.

“You little bitch.” He grunts open palm slapping the side of my face, I taste blood, and my head hits the wall behind it. I kick out, nailing him. His grip on me loosens and I run. I run back down the street where we came from.

I don't think anyone sees me.

No one had to have seen me. Don't you think they would've stopped to help. I know my blouse is ripped.

Something must be bleeding.

Running in the rain isn't a good idea. I slide and have enough time catch myself on my arms but my ankle hurts. I sit up right on the curb.

Shit. This isn't my lucky day.

It's dark now. The rain is coming down even heavier. How is that possible?

“Are you okay?” I hear a little boy ask. “Bubba! Look there's this lady.”

“Charlie don't yell.” I hear foot steps, “are you alright?” The other boy looks at me.

“No. I hurt my ankle.” And my face stings, my elbow burns, my nose is running, my head is pounding, I'm cold, and heart broken and to top it all off my stomach is growling.

“I'll get Tobias he'll know what to do! Charlie, go get Tobias. Hurry!” I feel hands prod my head. “Ma'am do you know you're bleedin'?” The boy pulls away fingers soaked in blood.

I shake my head. Must've been when I hit the wall. I'm hungry and tired. I curl up on the pavement, why not? I hear from a distance, I think, voices.

“What is it Charlie? Calm down boy.” The voice so familiar. “Daniel what's wrong?”

“Tobias, she's hurt.” I hear the boy next to me call.

“What? Who's hur- TRIS!” There's running, and then it stops and there are arms around me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you guys don't want to strangle me now, or anything. Next chapter is coming up soon. Maybe tomorrow I don't know how everyone feels about this chapter coming out everyday some of you may have school to get back to.
> 
> Love you guys lots.
> 
> Catch me on Tumblr very soon I may be posting things related to this soon. Such as art, maybe a playlist.
> 
> See ya!


	6. Chapter 5: 1966

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this picks up right where we left off. There's a conversation that's had. This is needed for next chapter. Enjoy.

I groan, the bed I'm laying on is soft and comfortable. I like it. I start to snuggle down into the covers when I realise this isn't my bed. I go to sit up.

“Easy.” A hand slides behind my back. Without thinking my hand flies out making contact with what ever it can fine. Which so happens to be Four's cheek. “Okay I think I deserved that one.”

I look at him, didn't that little boy say he was getting a Tobias? I open my mouth then close it. Doing this motion several times before settling on staying closed and I stare at my legs. One is propped up on some pillows.

“What happened?” I motion to my ankle that has a cloth with ice in it on it. “I mean how bad is it?”

“A few days of rest and staying off it should be good.” He nods towards it. “I should be asking you what happened.”

I look at his pinking cheek. “I''m sorry. I just, I reacted.” I pull my hair away from my face and I hear an intake of breath.

“Your cheek is cut and bruised.” He tilts my head up thumb brushing under the bruise. I take a chance to run my hands over my head looking for the cut remember the boy who touched my head and had blood on his fingers. I find the blood trail and follow it to a nick on my ear lobe that ran down my neck and matted some hair. I look at my blouse the top two buttons are there but the middle three are ripped off the shirt, it's gaping open showing the bottom of my bra to my skirt hem line. I finger the button holes.

“Tris, I want to say something but I don't want to jump to conclusions. It's- fuck! It's not easy not to especially with the state you're in but it's something I need to know. We're you attacked?”

“Who's Tobias?” I look at him, if he wants to ask me something personal I can ask him too.

He lets out a breath. “It's my real name. Now where you-”

“Why don't you use it?”

“I'm not answering that.” I pull the opening of my shirt shut with one hand. Can't he tell? Can he not tell? Isn't it obvious?

I'm not pure, Jack Kang knew that, or he wouldn't have tried to do what he did. Can he not tell that he's been the subject of so many of my fantasies? I feel my cheeks get warm. I look down. How many times have I imagined him touching me, still in the five months we weren't talking. How many times I've pictured his lips on me anywhere, my lips, my neck, my breasts, my stomach, my thighs, between my thighs. How I thought he'd hold me close as he made love to me.

“Tris?” His fingers hook under my chin pulling my face up. “You can tell me anything.”

“I'm not answering any of this.” I close my eyes.

“Okay, not now then? I called your mother and explained you hurt your ankle and I couldn't move you especially in this storm. She said you could stay here until your father gets home from work tomorrow. She was scared half to death, Tris! Why were you out so late?”

“I had detention. I was walking home in the rain.” I look at him then away.

“I'll see if Rebecca has any clothes that can fit you.” He goes over to a dresser and digs through it. My heart lurches, dresser. There's only one bed here, she lives here and F-Tobias lives here. They're more than just friends.

I lie back on the bed, covering my face with my hands. Of course they're together! Christina was wrong he doesn't like me and so was Amanda he doesn't look at me like I've come to look at him! I'm a silly girl with a silly crush and he has a girlfriend! By the time I notice the rustling in the drawers have stopped and that there is a hand resting on the top of my head.

“Do you want me to get a rag for your head? To wipe the blood off your ear and neck?” Lips touch my forehead.

“Please don't.” I whisper in a small voice. He flinches back, looking at me eyes flashing with hurt before he looks away.

“I left the clothes on the back of the couch. I'll help you as much as you want me to. Or you can wait until Rebecca gets off and she can help you.” He goes through a door leading out of the room then comes back a few minutes later with a wet rag.

“I saw you, I saw you with her. Earlier.” He looks at me brow furrowed. “At the gas station. You were dropping that girl Rebecca off. I walked right past you.”

“I thought I saw you. I was going to get you, but I wasn't sure if it was you. I should've done it anyways, what kind of person lets someone walk home in the pouring rain right? But I looked back and you were already gone. I dropped my bike off at the garage and jogged back. I was only home for not even ten minutes until Charlie was banging on my door. Yelling about a girl that was hurt. He was tugging on my arm wouldn't let me tell him to get someone else. 'Mr. Tobias she's bleeding sir. Daniel is with her but she doesn't look good.' I made it out that door and around that corner and I saw that figure hunched over.

“And I felt so bad because I was like that's the girl that I didn't offer a ride. And I got closer and it was you, Tris! You were sitting there bleeding! You were shaking and soaked to the bone, and I knew you had no business being this far from your home. You flinched when I picked you up. You flinched and I thought I hurt you. It wasn't until I went to sit you down did Daniel tell me your ankle was hurt. And as I was wrapping it I noticed your shirt was,” he waves his hand at me.

“You should've just left me there. I belong on the curb.” I shake my head. “And you can't see that.”

“What? Why would you belong there?” He sounds angry.

“Because of what I've done.” I whisper.

“What you've done?”

“At night.”

“At night.” He leans so his head is lying on my leg where I can see it.

“In my bed.”

“In your... my my, Tris it looks like you're not so innocent after all.” He smirks.

“It's not funny!” I whisper harshly.

“It is a little. Tris, everyone touches themselves. I'm sure there's not a person over fourteen that hasn't.” He laughs.

Tears sting my eyes. “Stop it!” I scream at him. “It's wrong! It put a mark on me!”

“Tris, what are you talking about? What mark?”

“I'm not pure! I'm not that's why Jack,” I take a shuddering breath. “That's why Jack Kang tried to. He tried to.” I open and close my hands, tears running down my face. “I hurt my ankle running from him. That must be God's punishment to me for not accepting my punishment!”

I yank at my hair. Now Tobias will see me for the filthy person I've come to be. Just because I lusted after him. I hear a harsh exhale and look up. He's staring furiously at the ceiling. His shoulders tense, barely rising and falling with each breath. His hands are clenched so tight his knuckles are white.

“Four?” I bite my lips afraid that he's angry at me.

“Why were you alone with him?”

“He offered to walk me home and he had an umbrella.”

“Didn't he seem strange?”

“No he seemed nice.”

“Where were you?”

“By the abandoned buildings.”

He looks at me then. “What were you doing all the way there!”

“I didn't want to see you!” I yell back.

“Where did he touch you?” He looks away.

“My arms and sides. He slapped me, too.” I press my hands together. “Can we-”

“It's not your fault that he's a disgusting excuse for a man, Tris. There's no mark on you for what you do in your spare time in your room.” He takes a deep breath and coughs. “He's fucked up in the head. Not you. Just him. Okay?”

“I don't believe you.” He wouldn't be saying any of this if he knew I thought of him. “Can we stop talking about this please? I'm dirty and there's blood all over me and your bed.”

He leaves to re-wet the rag and brings it back handing it to me. I scrub my ear and neck then my face, I hold it out to him when I'm done. I unbutton what's left of the buttons on my shirt, as Tobias goes and gets the clothes from the couch. He comes back stopping in the door way he looks at me handing me the shirt and takes the one I took off. Before putting the shirt on I take my still wet bra off. I hear a strangled noise and look up. Tobias' cheeks are red.

“Uhm. I'm going to burn this and your skirt. Would you like me to-to-to take that and your-,” he makes the noise again pointing at my lower region covered by the blanket. My arms across my chest and I look around.

“How am I going to get my skirt and underwear-”that noise again “-off?” I ask shyly.

“Do you trust me?” He blushes, eyes roaming everywhere but me.

“I guess so.”

He drops my shirt and walks closer to the bed. “I'm going to reach down there and help them down your legs and over your hurt foot. Same with the pants I'm giving you to put on. I won't touch anywhere else, I promise!” He swallows.

I watch his hands disappear under the blanket, his hands slide up my legs, his eyes never leave mine. His face is so close to mine. His fingers undo the zipper on my skirt, the noise of it loud in the quiet room. I think I stop breathing.

His fingers brush the bare skin of my stomach to hook in my skirt hem, he pulls the fabric down my legs, pulling it over my uninjured foot. He picks up my injured one lightly by my calf. “Keep it straight.” He tells me as he pulls my skirt away to throw it on the floor. “Now your underwear.”

I nod. “Okay.”

His hands go back under the blanket, up my bare calves. I almost moan. They're on my hips, fingers tucking into the hem at my waist. He's even closer, I can see a smattering of freckles on his nose. He looks at me, we're so close I could lean forward and kiss him. He starts to slide my underwear down my hips, back of his knuckles brushing my thighs on the way down. He does the same with the underwear as he did with my skirt.

The air feels heavy. The way he's looking at me is almost like he is interested in me. The door slams shut and he jumps before sticking his head out the doorway.

“Hey, Rebecca! You're home can you come help me-” he goes into the living room to where I can't hear.

Rebecca walks in an eyebrow raised, her red lips up in a pucker. “You must be Tris. I'm Rebecca.” She helps me get dressed we're mostly quiet. She murmurs a few things to me mainly about how pale I look.

“Get you warmed up, bring some colour back to you. And dinner you must be hungry! Poor dear.” Tobias stands outside the doorway, arms crossed across his chest. She walks past him reaching up to kiss his cheek. She whispers something that makes him smile then walks away.

He walks in and sits on the edge of the bed. “How do you feel about pasta?”

“I could eat anything right now.”

“Let's move you then.” He squats beside me. “Wrap your arms around my neck.” I do as told and he wraps one arm around my back the other under my knees. “Keep your ankle up and straight.” He sets me on the couch, grabbing pillows from the bed to put under my ankle. From where I'm sitting I can see into the kitchen.

Rebecca is there staring at the oven. He walks up to her, placing a hand on the small of her back. “How's it doing?”

“Good.” She smiles at him.

“How was work?” His arm comes up to wrap around her shoulders.

She looks at him. “It was okay. Could've been better.”

He leans down and kisses her head, then her cheek. “Tobias! 'Ey none of that now!” She swats at him. He kisses her head once more before coming back into the living room.

“I hope you like Lasagna!” He walks over to this record player over on a stand next to the far wall. “What shall it be today, Bec?”

“I'm in a mood boy, you'll be switching out records like crazy!” She stares him down.

“I know I meant which one should we start with?” He winks.

“Surprise me.” He shrugs and puts one in. “REALLY!” She glares at him. “I'm not listening to Rhythm In The Rain, asshole.”

“Why not!” He starts laughing as it plays. I agree with Rebecca, this song would be a good song if the roles were reversed. I've never heard him laugh so much not even when he's alone with me. He looks at her. “Baby, if I made you mad for something I might have said. Please let's forget the past the future looks bright ahead.”

“Don't you dare, Tobias!” She waves a spoon at him.

“Don't be cruel to a heart that's true. I don't want no other love. Baby it's just you I'm thinking of.” He does a little dance towards her. “Don't stop thinking of me. Don't make me feel this way. Come on over here and love me! You know what I want you to say.” He grabs her twirling her towards him. All the while my heart is breaking. “Don't be cruel to a heart that's true! Why should we be apart? I really love you baby, cross my heart!”

She laughs, spinning with him. “Let's walk up to the preacher and let us say I do. Then you'll know you'll have me. And I'll know that I have you.” She sings with him. “Now go put on a record you big baboon you!”

“Yes ma'am!” He walks over to the box of records pulling some out before shaking his head. “Hey, Tris do you have any requests?”

Maybe for you to let me down easy and not rip my heart out? I wish you'd sing to me. “Anything is fine.”

“So, Tris, Tobias tells me you're fifteen and still in school.” Rebecca pulls a pan out of the oven.

“I am still in school, but I'm sixteen now.” I see Tobias' back stiffen.

“You had your birthday? When?” He doesn't look at me.

“It was in the middle of August.” We both don't need me to say what we're probably thinking, when you weren't talking to me.

Rebecca hands me a plate and a fork. “'Ere you go dear. Tobias I assume you can get your own?” She walks back into the kitchen and he follows. They lean close together whispering. He makes hand gestures every so often and she looks at him placing a hand on his arm patting it.

I eat everything on my plate. Tobias takes it when I'm done, then he helps me back into the bedroom. “If you need anything I'll be out here.”

“Goodnight,” I smile at him the best I can. “Tobias.”

His hand freezes on the door knob, he walks back over to me, leaning down. I close my eyes and his lips are against my cheek. “Goodnight, Tris.”

He leaves, leaving the door only open a crack. I curl under the covers the best I can with my foot propped up with ice on my ankle. I close my eyes and fall asleep.

Soon I don't know what wakes me up, the record player that's still going, the dryness of my mouth, or the pressure in my bladder. I rub my eyes and look out the window. It's still dark, there's a clock on the dresser. I get up not putting pressure on my injured foot leaning against the wall. The hands read three twenty-seven. I've only been asleep for four hours. I fumble my way to the door. Tobias is probably asleep and I don't want to wake him or Rebecca up.

I use the wall to locate the bathroom, leaving the door open a crack. I wash my hands and leave the bathroom. Maybe I should turn off the record player. I use the wall for support, my foot hits something and it rolls across the floor. It's an empty bottle. There are a few here and there. That song that is playing is one that Christina likes by that group The Supremes about stopping in the name of love before the woman gets her heart broken. I stop the record, pulling up the needle.

I hear a quiet moan and turn my head. Tobias is lying on the couch, sitting on him is Rebecca they're joined at the mouth. Tobias's hand is somewhere up her nightgown. Her hands are resting on his bare chest.

I stumble back into the wall like I've been slapped. My breath leaves me in a rush. This is it, this is knowing that Tobias is with someone else. I try to get back to the bedroom, but God must really hate me, I trip over a bottle and have to use my other foot to straighten up just to wince in pain and crash into the floor.

“Ow.”

I hear the couple on the couch scramble. “What was that?” Rebecca jumps up straightening her night gown. Tobias swings up, eyes landing on me. Surprise crosses his face.

“What are you doing?” He comes to me.

“I didn't want to wake you up this late I had to go to the bathroom, and the record was playing so I was going to turn it off for you. Sorry to disturb you.” I ramble, trying to get up.

“Here let me help you,” he goes to reach for me.

I flinch back, if he touches me I may end up crying. I won't let them see me cry. He wasn't mine to lose, I never had him. I lean on the wall, hoping with one foot back to the bedroom. I shut the door all the way before making my way in the dark to the bed. It smells like him and it hurts. The first sob that comes out surprises me, I cover my mouth hoping to muffle the noises as I cry, tears pouring down my face.

My shoulders shake and finally I think my body decides it's too exhausted to stay awake any longer. When I wake up my head hurts, my cheeks feel itchy from dried tears. I sit up, and look out the window then look at the clock. It's almost nine. I crawl my way out of bed, rubbing my face, running my hands through my hair. I take a deep breath and open the door. Tobias is on the couch, head in his hands. The place is quiet so I assume that either Rebecca was asleep or wasn't here.

I use the bathroom and when I get done I look back at the couch, Tobias' hands no longer cover his face but are clasped together resting against his mouth. I sit down on the opposite end, I can't look at him.

“How'd you sleep?” He asks.

“Fine.” Hopefully he can't tell I'm lying.

“Listen, Tris. Rebecca she-”

“What you do with her is none of my business. Besides we're friends and as a friend I'm happy that you're happy.” Even if it breaks my heart. I still can't look at him.

“I should probably get you home.” He gets up. “The land lord is letting me borrow his car so I can take you home.”

“He must really trust you.” I stand up and wobble a bit. He reaches out a hand to steady me then lets it drop like I burned him.

“Well I guess.” Tobias helps me out the door and down the steps. He straightens me out in the back seat. “Comfortable?”

I nod. The sky is still cloudy and I wonder if it's going to rain again today. Hopefully not I don't want to be trapped inside all day. I stare at the back of Tobias' neck, at his hair that's ruffled from fingers being ran through it. I try not to think of whose fingers but all I can see is the way Rebecca and him were kissing.

We park in front of my house, my father's car is gone, must've left for work. My mother looks out the window before coming out the front door. “Sweetheart!” She has my door open and a hand running through my hair. “Thank you, Four!”

“No problem, Natalie.” Oh god he's on a first name basis with my mother. “Here, I can do this.” He lifts me out of the car. Caleb walks out the door.

“What's the commotion?” He gets out around a yawn.

“Caleb! Can you help me please?” I yell at him. “You can give me to Caleb, Four. I'm sure you have work and I wouldn't want to make you late.”

He hands me over to my brother before getting in his car and driving away. Once inside Caleb puts me on the couch as our mother runs around grabbing this and that for me.

“I take it you guys still aren't on good terms?” He looks at me.

“No we're just friends, Caleb. Just friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So don't kill me just yet, or leave me.
> 
> Songs used: Rhythm In The Rain by The Cascades
> 
> Don't Be Cruel by Elvis
> 
> Stop In The Name Of Love by The Supremes
> 
> Trust me next chapter it gets better.


	7. Chapter 6: 1966

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the heart break. Longest chapter to date.

We don't talk much anymore, not like we use to. Tobias and I will say hello, he'll help me with what I allow him to, but I don't spend anytime with him than what's not needed. Christina notices as does Will, yet they don't say anything. I know they know because my mood hasn't been the best. I did get out of gym. I still get glares from Molly. Ones that have me looking around wondering what her revenge will be. Al seems to be happier now, deciding that I'm not awkward enough to be around. Amanda has told me on more than one occasion that he is trying to cheer me up so I can see how good he is for me.

One night I'm picking at my plate, I was listening to my dad tell Christina about his meeting with a new client. “Tris?”

I look up, “mmhm?”

“Did you hear me?” My father looks at me worried.

“I'm sorry, papa.” I shake my head.

“A friend of yours is my new client. Max is his name. Said you recommended me to him?” My dad smiles at me.

“Oh he's more of a friend of, Four's.” Christina waves her hand, then stops, looking at me. IT was an unspoken rule that we rarely talk about him around me.

“Sweetheart go lie down you don't look good.” My mother kisses my head. It’s best to do as she says. I'm face down on my bed when my door opens and closes. “Christina, please.”

“She went home, sweetheart.” I sit up as my mom sits on the bed arms open for me. “You have grown into such a wonderful young lady. And I hoped this day would never come.”

“What day?” I lie my head on her lap.

“Boys. I knew there was no trouble with Al. But this boy, Four... what is his real name?” She looks at me.

“I don't... Tobias.” I sigh.

“You like him don't you?” She smiles.

“Yes, I do. But he has someone else Mama.”

“And you're going to let that stop you?”

I shrug.

“Sweetheart, you're too nice sometimes. You need to be selfish to be happy too you know. I was when I met your father. He came back from being a doctor during the war. And I marched up to him the second he got off that ship, I grabbed him by his shirt and kissed him. I looked him in the eyes when I pulled away and I said 'You, sir, are going to marry me and never leave me alone again!'”

“And I looked at your mother, who had this maniac look in her eyes and said, 'wouldn't dream of anything else.'” My father had ducked his head into the doorway.

I giggle. Anyone can tell my parents really love each other.

“It was Halloween night when it happened, someone had burned down one of the buildings in town. It was a community center for coloured people and white people to intermix freely. Thankfully no one was injured. There weren't any suspects but that didn't mean the police aren't looking. They believe it's the same people that set fire to the girl's locker room earlier in March.” Christina is babbling.

I open my locker at school ready for lunch then my afternoon classes. I reach for my lunch but stop. Tobias' jacket that was in my locker is missing.

I see Drew laughing a few lockers down, him and Molly throwing looks at me. Christina grabs my arm, just to let it go.

“Where is it?” I push Drew out of the way.

“Where's what?” Molly looks at me.

“The jacket in my locker!” I scream at her. By now anyone in the hallway has stopped and looked at us.

“There wasn't a jacket in your locker!” She looks around, I think I may see a bit of fear in her eyes. Peter comes around the corner whistling.

“Hey, Stiff what's got your panties in a twist?”

“Peter, don't. Did you take her jacket?” Molly looks at him. Drew walks around me, eyes wide.

“Beatrice, we didn't take your jacket. Trust us. We may mess with you but-” I pull him forward by the front of his shirt and slam him back into the lockers. I look at Molly and Peter.

“I won't ask again. Where's my jacket!”

“Mrs. Prior! My office now!” I look at our principal. “Fuck you.” I march myself down to his office. I wait in a chair and soon after Christina walks in and winks sitting next to me.

“I think I broke Molly's nose.” She nudges her shoulder into mine.

“Suspension for two weeks!” My father looks from Christina to me. “Both of you?”

“I think it was well deserved, Dad.” Caleb had opened my lunch sack pulling out a bird from inside. “Horrible children they are.” Christina's mother nods.

“So what should we do, Stephanie?” My mother looks at Christina's.

“I'm sure that the humiliation taught them enough. And to help I think they should help out at my shop in the afternoons.” She looks at both of us.

Christina's mother works at a flower shop that's next to the bowling alley. She usually has help from someone to write out the address cards. “You can start tomorrow.”

It's the second day of my suspension when it happens. Christina and I are walking from Dolly's to the flower shop when there's a trickle down my thigh. “Christina.”

I stop and she turns and looks at me, I look around seeing the street is clear then reach my hand up my skirt wiping at my thigh. My fingers come back red.

“Shit!” Christina hisses. “I don't have anything! I already had mine,” she tucks hair behind her ears.

“I obviously don't have my purse with me, Christina!”

“What's going on ladies?” Will decides of all times now was perfect to pop up. With Al behind him.

“Babe? Do you have some money we can borrow?” Christina looks at either of the boys.

“No, Al?” He shakes his head at Will. “Why?”

“There's a problem. Beatrice has a,” Christina looks at me. “problem.”

“Are you okay?” Al looks at me worried. “Do you need a doctor?”

“No, Al.” I look around. “Christina, my skirt is white!”

“My mom has spare clothes you can borrow at the shop!” She flails her arms. “We need money!”

“Why?”

My heart is now in my stomach. “Four! Do you have any money?” Christina's eyes get big.

“Yeah?” He looks at me. “Are you guys okay? I saw you standing here and was just making sure.”

“Beatrice is fine.” Al looks at Tobias.

Tobias looks at me then his eyes widen. “You're bleeding!” For a moment I think he's talking about my hand. Until I realise he's staring at my legs. Blood is trickling down my leg, turning the edge of my skirt pinkish red and my sock too.

“Oh my god.” I whisper mortified, maybe there is a God who hates me. Hopefully as my dying wish he'll make it swift. Open a hole in the ground so I can jump into it.

“Oh god.” Christina looks just like I feel, Will's face goes red, Al walks a few steps back, and Tobias his eyes are wide before he looks at Christina.

“Get her somewhere.”

“Will can you help me get her to my mother's flower shop?” Will nods, this isn't happening to me.

Will gets on one side of me Christina gets in front of me. “Al we need you to block her back!” I turn to look for him when there's no answer and he's gone.

“Oh for the love of!” Tobias growls, shrugging off his jacket and top shirt revealing his sleeveless shirt, He puts his shirt on me it comes down mid thigh, then he ties his jacket behind me. “Now don't stop and ignore people. Go.”

We start walking getting a few looks. I bury my face into Christina's back. I just have the best luck. I hear the bell to the shop open.

“Welcome to... Christina what are you doing?”

“Ma, uh Tris.” Will groans.

“Ma'am, my friend here needs a change of clothes. “I'm going to go, Rose do you need help?”

“No, Will!” Christina's little sister yells back.

“I'm coming to help anyways.” He walks off.

“What's wrong with him?”

“Will, has nightmares.” She laughs. “His sister, Cara, threw a bowl at him one day when she was on her period. And I may have kneed him in the stomach one day while on mine.”

I go to the back room where I'm given clothes. A blue dress, and a pair of underwear. There's a knock on the door. “Come in!” I yell thinking it's Christina.

I'm fixing to ask if she can find my toilet paper to wad up in my underwear when I turn and Tobias is staring at his feet, arm out stretched holding a package of Kotex pads out to me. “Here.”

“Did you buy me these?” I take them from him.

“Yeah.” He turns so his back is to me. “Oh I found out where Al went, poor guy was throwing up in a bush mumbling about too much blood. I think blood makes him nauseous.”

“Oh.” I get myself cleaned up then get dressed. I stare at his bare arms, my mother would call them working arms. He's still think like a boy muscles still lean but well defined. “I don't think I got any blood on your jacket. I'm sorry about your shirt though.”

“It's no problem, Tris.” He turns and smiles at me. I hand him his jacket and he looks at my bare arms since the dress is sleeveless. He hugs me then leaves.

I put my dirty clothes with the store rags, Christina watches Tobias leave.

“Beatrice! Did he buy you?”

“Yeah!” I raise both eyebrows.

I hear Will from a table against the wall with Lilies on it. “That ass is making me look like a horrible boyfriend. And you two aren't even together!”

I put on my apron. “I guess you need to take notes.”

I call up Tobias at my mother's request. The phone on the other line rings twice before someone answers.

“Hello?” The voice that replies is thick with sleep.

“Oh? Did I wake you?” I bite my lip.

“Beatrice?” There's a yawn. “What time is it?”

“Half past noon.” I smile.

“Shit! Are you okay? Do you need me to come get you?”

“No no, it's Thanksgiving. What are you doing?” I rub the back of my neck.

“Probably staying home. Why?” He sighs.

“Would you like to come over and have Thanksgiving with us? You and Rebecca?”

“I will. Rebecca she's not here any more.” He doesn't sound upset.

“Oh I'm sorry?”

“What time?”

“What. Oh! Dinner's at six.”

“See you then, Beatrice.” He hangs up. This isn't good, he only calls me Beatrice when he's worried or angry.

“Is he coming to dinner?” My mother looks at me.

“Yeah! I'm going to go,” I look at Stephanie who is helping my mom. My dad is talking to Will, who decided not to go back to Chicago with his parents for break. Caleb is talking to Christina about something, and Rose is asleep on the couch. I go up stairs to change.

I go to put on a simple blouse and skirt when I hear behind me. “Nope! If Four is coming we're making you look so good he won't be able to keep his eyes off of you.” Christina walks into my closet. “Here this one!” She holds out a black dress with long sleeves, it's tied at the waist and the skirt frills out. “Put this on! Now!”

I do and she digs through my dresser pulling out stockings, “red will have to do!” I put them on fastening them to my underwear. I pull the dress on over my head tying the bow in the middle. The skirt of the dress hits above my knees.

“Why was that dress in the back of your closet? I'd be wearing that every week!” She sits me down doing my make up. Making my lips red. She runs a brush through my hair.

“Here I have an idea.” I jump my mother smiles taking the brush from Christina. “Wipe that off your lips.”

“Does it look bad?” Christina pouts.

“No, just I don't think that is Four's cup of Joe. Now close your eyes.” I do as told as she does stuff to my hair. I feel someone wipe at my mouth then apply something to my lips. “There you go.”

I open my eyes, my hair is in Jean Shrimpton's famous hair style. My lips a shade darker than their natural colour it's subtle but I can tell, and my eyes are lined in black.

“You look beautiful.” She picks up the locket from the top of my vanity. “You should wear this it'll make him happy that you still wear his gift.”

“Where's Christina?” I get up pulling my hair from the back of my necklace.

“She went to get the door for me. I believe Tobias is here.” She tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear as she descends the steps.

“You'd be correct.” I hear him say. “This is for you, Mrs. Prior.”

“Trying to buy my love with gifts, Tobias?” She laughs. I take a deep breath and walk down the steps, hand on the bannister, I normally don't wear heels but given the stockings I must. I reach the bottom step, exhale before turning into the living room. At first the only one looking at me is my mother from where she's talking to my dad and Tobias.

“You look pretty, Beatrice,” Rose skips over to me. “I wish my hair would do that.” She pats at her curls that are pinned to her head. All conversation stops by then.

“Oh look at you!” Christina squeals hugging me. “Your mom is good.” She whispers in my ear. Will stands behind her.

“We'll. Uh,” he scratches his cheek.

“Tell her 'you're pretty'.” Christina smacks his arm.

“I'm pretty.” He looks at her with a straight face. “You're pretty too, Beatrice.” He says after Christina hits him again.

Christina's mom circles me smiling, “how do you not have a young man after your heart yet?” Her eyes flicker in Tobias' direction and I suddenly wonder if I'm that obvious or if it's a power given to women and decided I didn't need it.

My dad kisses my cheek. “Look at you all grown up.” and Caleb smiles at me. From where I'm standing I can see him picking at the food on the dining room table. He holds up a finger to his lips and I giggle. My eyes flicker to Tobias and he waves. I walk over to him.

“Hello.” He whispers close to my ear as the conversations around us pick up, record player in the corner playing loudly.

“Hello.” I watch as my mother suddenly looks up and stomps into the living room her blue dress swaying with her movements.

“You look beautiful.” I look at him. I was expecting pretty. He's staring at the necklace resting against my dress. “I brought you a gift, as a late birthday present.”

“Late?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Yeah, 3 months is late. Now if I waited until May, that would mean I forgot.” He has a small box in his hand.

“You wouldn't know that it was late if I haven't told you!” I slap his arm.

“I'm sure I would've figured it out you're kinda an open book.” He turns to face me.

I lean close and get on my tiptoes to whisper in his ear. “Oh? Am I now? I'm sure there was something else I told you that you would have never guess of me doing. Though I have to admit even the me back in March probably couldn't imagine me doing what I do in bed. So I don't expect you to be able to.” I grab the box from his hand and walk over to Will and Christina.

“What did you do to him?” Will asks me. I throw a look over my shoulder and he's staring at a spot on the floor, eyes wide, mouth partially open, cheeks turning pink. He swallows once, Adam's apple bobbing. “That is the look of a man who was just told that he can have the object of his desire.” His voice trails of near the end.

Christina looks at me, small impressed smile on her lips. “What did you do?”

I shrug.

“Dinner!” My mother calls from near the dining room archway, hand holding Caleb's ear. I set the present down on the couch. My father sits at one end my mother at the other, to her left is Christina's mother and Rose. Next to Rose is Christina and Will who's on my father's right. Caleb is on our father's left. Next to him is Tobias and I'm beside my mom. A chair separates Tobias and I.

My father says grace and then we start passing out food. We make small talk or group off into smaller conversations. We're halfway through dinner when there's a frantic pounding on the door.

“I got it!” My mother gets up. “Hello?” I hear as she opens the door.

“Have you seen my brother or Amanda, Mrs. Prior?” Susan sounds hysterical.

“No, I haven't” My mother sounds a bit worried. “Why?”

“Amanda wasn't feeling to well and she went to the doctor's and Robert went to pick her up and that was hours ago! My parents are worried!” She starts crying.

“Let's go look for them then,” my father gets up. “Stephanie, you, Natalie, and Rose can go over to the Black's talk to the police. I will look with Caleb, we'll take the area around the hospital. Will, do you, Christina, Four, and Beatrice mind being in a group?”

Will nods and gets up, helping Christina up. I get up and Tobias follows me out we grab jackets and flashlights. We're near the end of the block when Will turns.

“Christina and I will go check around the school and the uptown area, your dad and brother have the middle so Beatrice do you and Four want downtown?”

“Sure, why not.” Tobias nods. Will and Christina get in his car. Tobias turns to me. “Well you get to ride on the back of my bike in a dress for the first time.”

I nod. “Okay.”

We walk to his motorcycle and gets on. “You can either straddle it or sit side saddle.” I go for side saddling. He pulls over in the vacant drive in lot. “We'll work our way in town.” I walk along side him in silence, out of the corner of my eye as we pass a motel I see people inside a truck. Robert's truck.

“Tobias, stay-” but it's to late he spots them too. “Tobias, stop!” I grab his jacket.

He looks at me, “we found them we have to get them to go back.”

“No!” I shake my head and run past him the best I can in heels. Amanda spots me eyes going wide, I hear Tobias behind me. She rolls down her window.

“Tris?” She looks at Tobias.

“You have to go back.” Tobias folds his arms.

“I can't. I'm pregnant.” She looks at Robert then me.

“You have to get out of here.” I say. “They're in town the only way is past us and out that way.” I point to the road out of town. “I'll tell them no luck. Amanda you're going to be eighteen in a few months if you can make it until then they can't bring you back.” I look at Robert. “You take care of her! Write to me if you need anything. Don't tell me where you're going until you get there and settle down.”

“Tris?” I hear Tobias ask me.

“And you raise that baby right, Robert, or I will hunt you down.” He smiles at me.

“I promise.” He kisses Amanda.

“Here.” Tobias pulls out his wallet and hands them money.

“We can't/” Amanda looks at it.

“Take it, as a bribe. If you won't I may tell what you're doing.” Amanda takes it then looks at him.

“Tell her.” She hisses before rolling the window up. We stand there until they're out of sight.

“How did you know?” Tobias looks at me. “That they were.”

“I stumbled across them that day at the drive in. It really put a few things in perspective for me.” I cross my arms and start back towards his bike. “Who are you suppose to tell what?”

We're a building and a street from his bike. He shakes his head. “Could you see yourself doing something like that?”

“Like what?” I ask.

“Run away from home.” He looks at me.

“Couldn't you?”

“I did.” I stop.

“What?”

“My parents don't live in Chicago, Tris. My father lives in New York. And my mother left us when I was little.” He shrugs, leaning against the wall behind him. “I was eight. That was ten years ago.”

“How could your mother do that!” I look at him.

“It was my father's fault. He use to beat my mother,” he looks away and swallows. The next part comes so quiet I don't think I heard it correctly. “And me.”

I wrap my arms around him, pressing my face in his chest. “I'm so sorry.”

“It's the past. It doesn't matter I left four years ago, my friend his mother took me in and took care of me.” He presses his cheek against the top of my head. “Besides I have you now, and all the friends and people I've met since knowing you.”

I smile. “Yeah you do.” I pull away, and he shrugs off the wall. “Could you really do it?”

“Leave home? Yeah. If I was in Amanda's position and probably wouldn't be able to keep the baby. I'd leave.” I look back out to the road.

“Could I come with you?” He looks at me.

“Why would you want to do that?” I laugh.

“The only way I'd let you leave like that would be if I was that baby's father.” His breath catches and he looks up like he couldn't believe that came out of his mouth. “Tris, I-I”

I look at him my mother's voice in my head telling me it's okay to be selfish. I realise this is much like the declaration my mother gave my father. I drop the flashlight in my hand and start towards him barely aware of what I'm doing I grab his jacket lapels and pull him towards me. My mouth crashes into his and I use his surprise at it against him by slamming him into the bricks behind us.

I pull away slightly. “I think of you just so you know.” I kiss him once, my lips slightly pulling his bottom one between them. He pulls away, looking at me. My heart jumps into my throat.

“Do you know how long I've been waiting for this?” He cups my face. “Since that night at the lake.” He kisses my forehead. “Rebecca was just a friend. We both ran away from home and depended on each other. We were drunk and it's something she does a lot. I was single and her and her girlfriend would break up, she'd get drunk and fumble around. Kissing me, trying to undress me, have me try to grope her, until she passed out and I'd lay her down on the couch and go sleep in my bed. That's my apartment. Just mine, she'd come visit when she'd get dumped or do the dumping. That's what you walked in on. I was going to end it, and she liked you.

“She really liked you. I was going to make my feelings known. I was sure you liked me. But you weren't giving me any hints you were treating me like a friend and so I thought you weren't into me and I was angry. I never drink with Rebecca and I let myself. You don't know how disgusted I was with myself when you flinched away from me and refused my help. Then you'd say hello to me but that was it. You wouldn't smile at me. And that day when I got you. You smiled at me and I was hoping I was fixing everything between us and I was sure I was once again imagining things. Then you called me today about Thanksgiving. I normally never eat a big meal. I don't have a family to do so with.

“And you invited me into yours.” His eyes glass over. “No one would do that for me. And you walked into that room and you looked so beautiful.” He presses his forehead against mine. Tears leaving his eyes.

“Hey, I like you. I mean I cried myself to sleep because I thought you and Rebecca were dating.” I place a hand against his cheek.

“I know I heard you, I actually stood in the doorway. I was going to get you to explain but you were crying. And I didn't sleep at all that night. All I could do was think about how I really fucked it up.” He looks at me. “Kiss me?”

I do.

“Kiss me?”

I do again.

“Kiss me.” He says more of a demand than a question. I sob.

“Always!” I kiss him harder, his back hitting the wall again. His mouth moves against mine, my fingers card in his hair. His hands grab my waist lifting me up, my legs wrap around his hips. My arms wrap around his shoulders. We stay like that for who knows how long.

“We should get back.” He whispers when I pull away. He sets me down and we walk over to his bike. This time I straddle him. “By the way. I love the stockings. Very sexy.” When we pull up to my house, my head is clear, I can blame the wind for my hair. I look at Tobias.

“You should wipe your mouth, you have lipstick all over it.” He does and I wipe mine. We walk back inside where everyone is in the living room they look up.

“Did you find them?” Susan gets up, eyes still wild.

“No, Sue. We double checked.” Susan starts crying.

“I'll walk her home.” Caleb wraps an arm around her shoulder looking at me.

“We should get home too.” Christina's mother heads to the door, Will says goodbye and leaves with them. I walk Tobias to the door.

“Don't forget to open your present. And tell me tomorrow if you like it okay?” He gives me kiss on the cheek before leaving.

“Don't worry, they'll show up.” My father tells us all, him and my mother heading to bed. Caleb comes back.

“So?”

“She's pregnant and her and Robert left. Tobias gave them some money.” I look at him.

“Good. Though it's horrible timing.”

“Why?” I look at him.

“I'm moving this Summer. To Maryland, my...” He takes a deep breath. “Beatrice, I haven't been honest. I know Will's aunt personally. We've had this thing going on for sometime. I met her when I was checking out the university of Chicago. She's going to move to Maryland with me.”

I look at him. “How do you know Four?”

“Four.” Caleb laughs. “You'll have to ask him. All I know is he saw us one night. He's a good man, Beatrice. He's just in something bigger than him I bet.”

I grab my present and head up stairs, when up there I sit on my bed to open it. I can't bring myself to do it. I want him here with me when I open it. I set it on my bedside table and change out of my dress into pajamas. His shirt that I washed and my underwear. I brush through my hair and remove the rest of the make-up off my face. I'm settling into bed and I'm still awake hours later when I hear something hit my window. I get up and walk over.

Tobias is standing in our yard. He sees me and waves then makes a gesture for me to come down. I move from the window grabbing my present. I quietly go down the steps all the lights are off. It's quiet so I sneak out the back door.

“Tris!”

“Shh!” I hiss, grabbing his shirt with my free hand pulling him behind the tree so we're out of sight of my parents' room.

“You haven't opened your present?” I shake my head. “Why?”

“I want you to watch me.” I hold it up.

His arms wrap around me. “I'll watch you anytime you want.” He whispers in my ear. MY face burns getting his double meaning.

I pull open the bow before unwrapping the box and opening it. Inside is a bracelet. “Where do you get these?”

“They're my mother's or were.” He takes it from me and closing the clasp around my wrist. “I thought you'd enjoy them more than I can.”

“What you give my mother?”

“A broach.” He noses at my wrist. He runs his nose up my palm before placing a kiss on it. “Tris.”

“Tobias.” I breath when he turns to me, tilting my head up and kissing me.

“I want to kiss you until I die.” He noses at my cheek. He picks me up, my legs go around him. Our lips meet somewhere in the middle. My hands find their place in his hair. I pull away resting my nose against his, we're both breathing hard.

“Why do you call me Tris?” I whisper.

“At first I did it because you seemed so proper I thought it'd piss you off because I wanted to see that fire in your eye. The fire when you yelled at Max. Then it was only me calling you that and you never objected so I thought it meant I was special. And then it became a habit. You seemed to hate it more when I called you Beatrice.”

“Yeah. It meant you were angry or upset with me.” I nip at his top lip. “Are you ever going to tell me why you go by Four?”

“Maybe.” He breaths against my lips, he runs his nose against my jaw, kisses my neck.

“Tobias.” I whine.

“Say it again.”

“Tobias?”

“I love the way my name sounds on your tongue. Say it once more.” He looks at me.

“Tobias, kiss me.” I cup his face.

His lips press to mine, I'm the first to move my mouth against his. I feel his hands slide up my sides. One wraps around pressing his hand in between my shoulder blades. The other cups my breast, thumbing at my nipple.

“Stop.” I pull away. He sets me down.

“What I do?” He looks at me. “Did I hurt you?”

“No I'm just not ready for any of that.” I mumble embarrassed.

“Oh,” he smiles. “I'll go as slow as you want to go.”

I smile and kiss him. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suggest listening to 100 Years by Five For Fighting.
> 
>  
> 
> [Prior house layout](http://dauntlessintheend.tumblr.com/skippingstonespriorhouselayout/)  
> 


	8. Chapter 7: 1966

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shortness of this chapter, I will not be home tomorrow so I do not think I will be updating until Thursday. Maybe you'll get two chapters.
> 
> Thank you all who have been reviewing! You make me smile each time I read a review from you guys.
> 
> Now:
> 
> Warnings- racism for the typical time period, violence, there's assault, and some animal gore, there's talk of the Vietnam war (finally).
> 
> enjoy?

“Help me!” I whisper into the receiver of the phone before the person on the other end can even get a greeting out. “My mother is dragging Christmas decorations through the house. I'm following her around with the ladder, just to have her shake her head, climb back down and move over to a different wall and repeat the process.”

I hear a gruff laugh. “Hold on a second, ma'am. Hey-” I hear muttering. That wasn't Tobias' voice.

There's noise, “Hello?” Still not Tobias.

“Uhm, uh.”

“Are you okay?” The man asks.

“I'm sorry I must have the wrong number.” I look at the phone, hanging it up. My mother pokes her head into the kitchen.

“Do you want to go to the ice rink? I haven't been ice skating in so long.” She smiles at me. “I haven't been I don't think since I stopped when I was in school. I remember being to busy help you and Caleb to learn how to keep up right that I've never been for pleasure.”

“No more decorations for today?” I smile.

“Sure it can be me and you, since Caleb is helping your father.” She makes her way into the storage room and comes back with a bag. “Oh look my old dress. It'd fit you now.” She shows me a dress on a hanger it's long sleeve stops mid thigh and it's black and white checkered. It doesn't look old.

“That's not old mama.” I take it.

“No, merry Christmas! It's an early present for you.” She smiles. “I'll go get ready!” She digs in the bag pulling out ice skates for me.

She wears a green dress and white earmuffs. I have my black earmuffs. “We should've asked Christina to join us.”

“I thought it would be a wonderful you and me time. Besides I want to ask about Tobias.” She locks the front door.

“About what?”

“So I see that's a new bracelet on your wrist.” She smiles. “I think he's trying to woo you.”

“And woo me he has.” I smile, “I may have taken matters into my own hands and kissed him while we were out looking for Amanda.”

“I noticed, your mood has improved. So what is he doing for Christmas?”

“I don't know mom. I haven't asked him yet.” We make it to the ice rink. Stopping at a bench we decided would hold our jackets and shoes. There are a few people here. Mothers and fathers with their children, couples, and friends. I slide out onto the ice following my mom. I take her hand in mine and we skate, following the direction of the other ice skaters.

“Once I wanted to be a figure skater. Go into the Olympics.” My mother smiles. “Then I met your father he was becoming a doctor and went over seas. You know when he came back he changed majors. Said that he couldn't be a doctor anymore not after what happened over there. He use to have nightmares. I realised I couldn't be a figure skater, I couldn't be away from him. Not after my friend was away from her fiance.”

I look at her. “What do you mean?”

“Some people don't take the war very well. Many didn't come home all the way. Left parts of their soul behind. My friend's husband had ended his life.”

“Do you think we'll get involved in the war in Vietnam?” I look at her.

“Probably. Though your brother is safe they wouldn't let him go with his asthma, and I don't think your father would go back even so he can't he's married to me so he can choose not to. If we do, Beatrice. And Tobias, Will, or Al have to go how strong would you be for any of them?”

“What are their chances?”

“Well Al is going to college so for however long he's safe. If Will goes to college too he'll be safe. That is until they're done and if the war is still going on. But Tobias. He's eighteen and not in school. His chances don't look so well.” She looks at me. “If Will goes how strong can you be for Christina?”

I look away, tears stinging my eyes. “I'd try my best to be brave.”

“Al's to soft for war. They all are, just boys.” She closes her eyes stopping at the railing to open the gate so we can sit down. “You know your brother's condition never made me happy until now. It means he can be safe. And I shouldn't be happy. But I'm also happy because you're my little girl. I know Al's mother worries she asks me about this. What it's like to wait for someone to come home. I haven't met Will's mother. And Tobias his parents surely must be worried.”

“They're not, mama. You said they were all to soft for war. I'm sure Tobias could handle it better than the others. His mother left him when he was young, his father was really mean to him.”

“He may be strong, Beatrice, but war is so much different.” My mother looks at me. “So how'd you kiss him? Did you just look at him and decide I'm going to kiss him?”

“No he told me something personal and I thought that could be personal too.” I lie my shoulder on her head.

“You should invite him over for Christmas. No need for him to be alone.”

“Yes, Mama.”

It's the next day when I decide to have Christina and Will drop me off at the gas station one block past our turn.

“Why do you need to go here? Do you want me to come with you?” Christina almost climbs out over the passenger door.

“No I'm fine.” I pull my light jacket shut.

“Are you sure, I can walk with you.” She looks at Will.

“What are you doing?” Al looks at me from the backseat. “I can wait with you.”

“I'm fine!” I yell at them, frustrated.

“But this part of town has bad people in it. I heard from one of the gas station workers that a friend of her boyfriend's got attacked here a couple weeks ago.” Al looks at me.

Christina yelps. “See, Beatrice! What if that happened to you?”

“Gas station worker?” I look at him.

“Yeah, Rebecca was her name. Said her friend called her while she was at work to explain why there was another girl in their apartment.” Al nodded.

“Please I bet he was the one who attacked her and made it seem like he saved her. He just needed an alibi.” Will nodded.

“You don't know that!” I snap at them. “You weren't there!” I stomp away from the car. Today wasn't a good day. I took off my bracelet and necklace to help Stephanie and they were gone when I finished my shift. That makes three things Tobias has given me that have gone missing.

I turn the corner and walk between two buildings. I feel like someone is watching me. I look up and don't see anyone. A movement catches the corner of my eye and I jump. Tobias is leaning against the back entrance of a building, lit cigarette dangling from his lips. His dark eyes stare at me and I stare at him. He pulls the stick out of his mouth, blowing smoke out his mouth.

“What's a pretty thing like you in a dangerous part of town. There could be strange men out here hoping to have their wicked way with you.” He takes another drag from it.

“Well they'll have to get in line behind my boyfriend, he's waiting to have his wicked way with me first.” I put my hands on my hips, he drops the cigarette. He steps towards me and I tilt my head back. Tobias presses a kiss to my lips.

“Tobias, my-”

“I want you to meet some people.” He smiles at me. “Come on.” He takes my hand, fingers weaving between mine.

“What were you doing in that building?” I lean my head against his arm.

“I was walking to go on the sidewalk to go to your house and I saw you coming so I ducked in there, I wasn't expecting you to see me so soon. I was expecting to follow to my apartment, since I assume that's where you were going.” He stops, turning slightly to duck down and kiss me.

I smile at him, my fingers reach up to toy with my locket when I remember that it's missing. His eyes are forward, and I realise I'm going to have to tell him. I duck my head, waiting for the fight that may come. We're in his building going up to his floor when I stop next to his door.

“Tobias, there's something I need to tell you.” I look at my hands that are fiddling with my hair.

“What's wrong?” He ducks down kissing my nose.

“I lost your jacket,” I take a deep breath.

“You lost my jacket.” He states.

“Yes, and your presents to me.”

“You lost my presents to you.” I hear him exhale.

“The jacket was in my locker one day and later that day it wasn't and today I took off my locket and bracelet and came back from gym class and they were gone!” I hear my voice break.

“My love!” He tilts my head up. “That isn't your fault.” His forced Italian accent is gone. “My love, my love.” he rubs his nose against mine, lips brushing over mine.

“You should do that more often when we're alone.” I whisper.

“Do what?” His teeth trap my lower lip between them, grazing along the skin before letting it go.

“Speak with your real accent. The one that comes natural.” My hands hold his face close to mine, noses still mashed together.

“If it'll make you happy, my love.” He nuzzles his nose against mine.

“It does. You make me happy.” I kiss him. He runs his fingers through my hair. Bunching it up in one hand, moving it away from my neck so he can place kisses there. I close my eyes, a hand gripping the back of his neck the other tangling in the front of his shirt.

I hear a whistle. “Damn, boy. Let the girl breathe.”

Tobias straightens up letting me go. He turns and looks at his open doorway. A tall man lighter than Christina is standing against the door jam. His dark brown eyes stare down Tobias.

“Shut up, Zeke.”

“Hey I was just trying to save the poor girl from being eaten by you.” He walks backwards inside. “Ma! Tobias brought a friend over and he was trying to devour her in the hall!”

I look at Tobias as he rolls his eyes. We step through the door, a woman is in the kitchen stirring a pot that's on the stove. Her hair is up in a bun.

“Tris, this is Hana. Hana, this is Beatrice.” She looks at him and he beams.

“So you're the girl.” She smiles at me.

“The girl?” I raise an eyebrow, eying Tobias. Stepping forward to receive a hug from her.

“The girl he never shut up about when he would visit us in Chicago.” A young man walks in he's tall, not as tall as the other one, about the same height as Will.

“That's Uriah. Zeke's younger brother.”

“The attractive one. Wow you're prettier than your voice made you seem.” I recognize his voice as the one that answered the phone when I called.

“Thank you?” I grab Tobias' hand.

“Are you staying for dinner?” Hana looks at me. “Did Tobias even ask you?” She glares at him.

He sighs then looks at me. “Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“Oh I wouldn't want to impose.” I looks from Hana to him. “I just came over actually to ask if you'd like to help my help my parents with Christmas decorations and I was going to invite you over for Christmas but I didn't know that you'd have people over.” I hug him. “But I must be going. It was nice meeting you, Hana. Zeke. The attractive younger brother of Zeke named Uriah.” I smile. He laughs.

“I like her.”

I kiss Tobias' cheek then show myself out. My hand is on the door knob to leave the building.

“Tris! Tris!”

I turn and Tobias pulls me to him, kissing me softly. “Let me walk you home.”

“I'm fine Tobias.” I kiss his chin. I open the door and step out. I'm walking when something snags my jacket and pulls me into an alley. I'm pinned against a wall, hand covers my mouth. Jack Kang in in my face.

“You fucking little bitch! Who'd you tell?” He slams me into the wall.

“Tell what?” I spit at him.

“You know what! My store was robbed and in it a note that read 'you'll be paying for the rest of your life for what you tried doing to her.' So who'd you tell? Was it that friend of yours? How would you like it if I paid him a visit with some of my friends? Or was it that nigger friend of yours? Her skin colour makes her so stupid that she'd run and tell everyone.” His breath is sour smells a lot like beer.

“You lost your job didn't you?” I laugh. “You lost your job, and someone made sure that you would! You're angry and you taking it out on a little girl means you're a coward.”

He pulls his arm back to hit me and I take my chance to knee him, but his other hand the one in my dress jerks me forward pulling my off balance. His fist connects with the side of my face, he pulls back and brings it back down again and again. My head swims, I try to pull away but where his hand grips my top it rips. The cold air hits my chest. I'm shoved to the ground and kicked several times, I hear a zipper and a grunt. Something warp hits my face running over it in a stream, it smells foul. I hear a groan then the zipper being pulled up and whistling.

“Don't worry your little nigger friend, she has something waiting for her.” I hear him walk off.

I take a deep breath and it hurts. Hurts a whole bunch. I have to get home. I have to tell someone how horrible that man is. I use the wall to stand, my knees wobble. I know that I'll have to use the back way to get home, if anyone sees me there's no way I'll be able to tell Christina. I go slower because of the pain in my ribs, I taste blood, my forehead stings, and my left eye is beginning to swell shut. I'm passing behind Dolly's when I hear sirens. Fire trucks. I see smoke in the sky but I don't know where it's coming from. I look at the sky hoping that it'll tell me. I step out and hear honking. I grab my side, knees hitting the pavement. My head is fuzzy and there are spots in my vision.

“Hey Stiff watch...”

“Is she alright?”

“I don't think she breathing.” I hear him say. “Call an ambulance! Molly go get help!”

I can hear crying. I groan.

“Baby! Nurse!” My mother. “It's alright sweetheart. You're safe.”

“Mama?” I try to open my eyes only one opens.

“Shh, stay still! Nurse!” She yells louder.

“Mama, Kang. Kang, Mama. Kang.” I reach for her hand and a nurse comes in with a syringe. She does something and my mind fogs over into darkness.

“She said Kang. Do you know why she'd say that?”

“Natalie, I don't. It's horrible thing to happen it is. Worse could happen.”

“Don't tell me worse could happen, David! My daughter was assaulted and urinated on. My son found a beheaded cat in our mailbox today, and Stephanie's flower shop was burned to the ground. Christina was home when Rose found their dog gutted on their porch!” My mother is yelling. “So you tell me why my daughter would say Kang? The only Kang I know is Jack!”

I hear foot steps leading away from the room, I open my eyes and look around. My room is empty. I groan and try to sit up, I need to sit up.

“Hey there girly easy!” I feel hands on me helping me up. I groan again, my side is killing me. “There. Would you like some water?”

I nod and a cup is pressed to my lips, I tilt my head back and let it pour into my mouth. I swallow, couching once then opening my good eye.

“Hello, dear!” My nurse looks at me all smiles. I stare at her. She's olive skinned, her hair is so dark it's almost black and curly. Her eyes are brown and she has a hooked nose. I know that nose.

“Hello?”

“Do you know where you are?” She smiles.

“Hospital?”

“Mmmhm. You were assaulted, a couple of students found you. You've been out for a day.”

I nod. My mother walks in. “Oh baby!” Her eyes tear up, her hair is a mess and there are circles under her eyes.

“Mama!” I start crying.

She hugs me the best she can with me being bandaged up. My nurse is gone. “Don't worry we'll find who did this.”

“It was Jack mama! Jack Kang! He tried to assault me before, Mama! That night I hurt my ankle.” I tell her the whole story minus the events with Tobias afterward. She looks at me.

“Oh, baby!”

“What happened to the flower shop?” I ask.

“It caught fire.” She looks at the door.

“It was Kang too mama, I know it!”

“Are you sure?” My father walks in, eyes red. He looks livid. All the colour drained from his face.

They keep me in the hospital another day, until I can walk without throwing up or falling over. Mom drives me home, I'm laid out in the back seat. Caleb is in the front with mom.

He helps me along the sidewalk, it snowed last night and it's up to my ankles. Good snow the type people use for snowballs and snowmen. The kind I've been hoping for all month. I notice the front of the house isn't decorated.

“I'm sorry.” I whisper.

“For?” Caleb looks at me as we're going up the steps, my mother has the door open.

“Ruining Christmas, I should've let Tobias walk me home. Now look it's Christmas and the lights aren't up.” I start crying.

I lean against him, legs fixing to give out. He picks me up, careful of my ribs. “Look, Beatrice. Look.”

I open my eyes and all the Christmas lights are inside. On every wall, there's a row of them. The tree is in the corner and the record player is playing Christmas music.

“Welcome home and Merry Christmas!” I hear people yell.


	9. Chapter 8: 1966-1967

I stare at the tree, then the group of people standing around it. My dad, Christina, Rose and their mom, Tobias is there and standing next to him is Zeke and Uriah. Hana is placing pillows on the couch for me.

I smile. “What's going on?”

“Well you were in the hospital, and we wanted you to be happy when you got home!” Rose smiles.

Caleb sets me carefully down on the couch. “There we go.”

“Okay, presents then dinner?” My mom smiles. Everyone takes a spot. Tobias sits on the floor next to my head. Caleb sits at the end my feet aren't touching. Christina sits on the left of the tree with Rose and their mom next to her. Zeke and Uriah sit on the other side. My father gives up his chair to Hana, and sits on the love seat with my mom.

My dad is the closest to the presents so he starts handing them out. I look at mine then stick one out to Caleb. He takes it from me and unwrapping it.

“This is from, Mom and Dad.” He hands me back the box and inside it is a new pair of mittens. They got a matching pair for Christina and Rose too. I have a present from Christina 3 pairs of stockings, black, blue, and red. She beams at me from her spot, holding up the dress I got for her. Red. It's her favourite colour and she looks good wearing it. I got a blanket from Stephanie and Rose. I pull it close. It smells like their house, cinnamon and sawdust. Caleb got me a new brush. I watch as Tobias, Zeke, Uriah and Hana trade presents.

“Hey here's one more!” Rose yells grabbing a small box in the tree. “It's for Tris! From Max? Who's Max?”

“Oh that's a friend of Four's, I had papa help him a while back.” I smile, kissing Rose's forehead when she hands me the gift. “Did you like your hair clips?”

“Yes! They're so pretty!” She smiles.

“What's in the box?” Tobias pokes my leg carefully.

“I don't know,” I look at it.

“Well open it up!” My father cups his chin thinking. “What if it's an engagement ring and he intends to steal you away?”

I see Tobias stiffen a bit before my father starts laughing. “Tris, I'm joking. Max is a nice boy but I don't think he's brazen enough to want to get on my bad side.”

I had opened the box as my father was speaking. “It's a bus ticket to Chicago.”

“Or maybe he is.” My father whistles. “I expect three grandchildren by six years, and we're having Thanksgiving at his place from now on.” He looks at my mother. “Should I ask for a horse? You know as part of our daughter's brideprice?”

I start laughing the best I can with my injuries. “A horse papa? Really? I would have at least asked for two horses and a chicken.”

“That's absurd, what would I do with another horse?” He looks at me. Christina starts laughing.

Uriah looks at me confused.

“Our gran, she was of the wealthy class of the nineteenth century and she use to tell us this story before she died about how when her mother was going to marry her father, that our great-gran's father demanded that out great-grandpa's family give them half the fine china would be an inheritance to our gran's side of the family. Well when asked what they would like to get in return they demanded that if three kids weren't born in six years they'd get the china back, and that Thanksgiving was to be at our great-grans house every year, and that they were to get a horse, a chicken and a goose and a donkey from the farm for their other children.

“When our great-gran's father looked at them and said, well we have three horses would you like another? Our great-grandpa's father looked at him and said 'that's absurd why would I need another horse?' and walked out.” I laugh.

Uriah still looks at me.

“They had only had one child.” Caleb smiles. “They were trying to get the engagement called off.”

“I find it funny,” Rose smiles.

I shrug.

Tobias hasn't seemed to relax. Hana, Stephanie and my mom all vacate to the kitchen, Zeke, Christina, Uriah and Rose all run outside to throw snowballs at each other. Caleb and our father are watching TV, engrossed in the news.

“Help me up to my room?” I lean over and whisper. “I have a present for you up there.”

He gets up before bending over to pick me up in a bridal carry. He carries me up the stairs and into my room, setting my on my bed.

“My dad was joking, you know.” I kiss his neck before he pulls away.

“I know.” He looks around.

“Then why were you so tense?”

He looks at me then away. “I wasn't.”

“Yes you were.” I lie back on my bed.

“Maybe I don't want you going to Chicago alone.” He says after a minute going over and opening my closet.

“Well then who would you suggest going with me because I have someone in mind- what are you doing?”

“You told me you had a present for me, I'm interested. And I was thinking maybe me but you know it's your choice.” He jumps out of my closet looking around.

“You're like a child.”

“I never had a girlfriend buy me a present before, Tris.” He looks at me.

“It's in my top dresser drawer.” I stand up slowly and walk over to it. “Now this is something important.” I open it and take out the gift. “Close your eyes.”

I turn around and grab his hand opening it and setting the gift in his palm. He opens his eyes and there's my grandfather's pocket watch in his hand. “It's lasted so many years, and Dad was going to give it to Caleb but Caleb gave it to me. Said that when you're away from me you'll be able to have me close and have something to count down the seconds until you get back to me. Wait did you just call me your girlfriend.”

“Indeed, my love.” He leans in and kisses me.

New Years came and went. I was still sore, and the Pedrads went back to Chicago, so both Tobias and I were alone. My parents went out to a New Years party of my father's coworker and Caleb had spent all that evening packing, he decided to move sooner than he had originally planned.

Tobias is sitting on the couch with my feet in his lap rubbing them, he had kissed me when the clock hit midnight nine hours ago, and I'm staring at the TV when it comes on.

There'd be no trial for Jack Kang.

I wouldn't get to tell the people what he did to me.

Because Jack Kang was dead, the police on TV said they found his car outside of the highway three towns over. It looked like a mugging.

Tobias' hands still on my feet, I can only stare at the TV. Is this suppose to be closure for me? Am I suppose to feel better.

School was school, I guess in a way I was glad that Jack was dead. I wouldn't have to tell everyone exactly what happened. I didn't want to talk about it any more, it happened and I survived. God got his way. I don't think anyone mourned Jack. I don't think he had a wife or a lover or even children.

Walking the halls seem so different, even though now three weeks later most of the looks stopped. Molly nods to me every now and then as does Peter. They're not nice but they're not rude. They stopped searching for Jack's “killer” saying that his head wound must've been when he wrecked his car. Stephanie was given his old job at the grocery store until she could afford to repair the flower shop.

“What do you think?” I look at Tobias. He's in his kitchen stirring pasta for spaghetti.

“I think this is going to be the best damn food you have ever eaten.” He replies.

“No! Does the opening to my paper sound good?” I stretch. “I'm all caught up by the way.”

“That's good.” He still doesn't look at me.

“What is it?” I get up.

“Are you sure you're alright? I mean, Tris it's barely been two months. I'm just worried that one day you're going to snap.” He looks at me. “Not that you're crazy. I don't mean it like that.”

“He's dead can we please stop talking about this.” I turn away to walk back to the couch. “So your birthday is coming up!”

“Can we not talk about that.” He looks at me.

“But this is important, especially to me!” I clench my fists.

“And what happened to you isn't? What is anyone suppose to not ask you about this, or just me?” He yells. “I mean since we can't talk about what happened to ask you how you're doing. Can we ask how this has affected me?”

“Oh it's all about you then isn't it!” I scream right back.

“I could have lost you, Beatrice! It's just we didn't even talk about it. And I don't know how to tell you how guilty I feel because I didn't run after you to demand for you to let me walk you home. And I don't want you to blame yourself. And you can blame me. But it's the second time that man did something to you, and both times it was my fault that I didn't go after you! I almost lost you, Beatrice. You could be someone completely different in front of me one day because of what happened has changed you so much.”

“It's not your fault.”

“Don't say that.” He spits out. “I promised myself that I wouldn't let another woman I know come to harm by a man. I broke that twice with you! I love you, Beatrice. I love you so much. But I've allowed you to come into harms way, and I can't forgive myself.”

I walk over, placing a hand on his back. “Go bathe, I'll finish here.”

He nods before heading towards the bathroom. I take a deep breath and grab the pot of pasta noodles before draining it. I make a plate and set it down before walking over to the couch, my appetite having disappeared. I close my eyes to block out the sunlight coming in through the window.

I try to roll over and something around my waist keeps me from moving. My eyes snap open and I shuffle around the best I can, stopping when I'm face to face with Tobias. His eyes are closed and he looks peaceful his face for the first time looks boyish. I notice the sun is setting through the window so I must've been asleep for only an hour or two.

I unwrap myself from his arm and get up. On my way out I tug my pants off then head to the bathroom. Once done I head to the kitchen, I decide to make myself a small plate of pasta. I'm not hungry but I'm also not not hungry. I'm staring out the window and eating just pasta when hands find my hips.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“I should be asking you that.” Tobias whispers, kissing the top of my head.

“Would you feel better if you did teach me how to fight?” I ask bringing up a past conversation.

“I thought you didn't want me to?” He pulls me close to him. “Why are you just eating pasta?”

“I wasn't completely hungry. If it'll make you feel less guilty.”

“Bea-”

“No, stop right there. You brought this up we are going to talk. If you want this relationship to continue then we are going to talk. I'm sorry that you feel like this was your fault it's not. It's partially my fault, I'm to trusting of this town. I grew up here, I thought I knew everyone. I knew Jack Kang was a horrible man but I didn't know how horrible he was. I'm not naturally distrustful like you are, Tobias. Now I'm not holding you responsible for his actions, the first time you didn't know it was me, plus we weren't talking so I really didn't want to approach you. The second you believed I would've been safe. Just like I did. Now you can't blame yourself with what happened to your mother. You were a child and no man is to do that to their wife or their child.” I lean back into him. “And lastly, I can't return it not right now. I'm happy that you love me, Tobias. But I can't say it back if you want me to mean it. Not right now, because right now I don't feel like I'm in love with you, I love everyone that's part of my family. So yes I love you but right now I’m not in love with you. Maybe one day I'll be able to say it and mean it.”

“That's all I ask for is that you try.” He kisses my cheek. “Can I ask how you're doing though?”

“I'm fine, I don't know how to explain it. I'm relieved that he's dead, Tobias. So relieved. But part of me is restless like even though I got closure I didn't get the proper closure. I think it'll fade with time.” I pull away to put my plate in the sink. “Can we talk about-”

“Something different?” He looks at me.

“Well I was going to say your birthday.” I look at him. “So you're going to be eighteen. Do you have any plans?”

He smiles. “You're the only one I know who wants to do something, Tris. I haven't celebrated my birthday since I was thirteen. I mean yeah I went out and got drunk when I turned sixteen but still that's not celebrating it.”

“I can make you a cake.” I smile.

“I don't know, I can have cake anytime.” He crosses his arms.

“Oh made by your girlfriend that you're so in love with.” I raise an eyebrow.

“Well I'm sure her mother would make me one anytime.” He leans against the counter.

“Well damn, I got a new dress from my father. He gave it to me after you left and it goes so well with the stockings I got from Christina.” I sigh.

“So if we celebrate my birthday?” He straightens up.

“I'd wear it, but you don't want to so I can't. I was also going to wear that thing you got me for Christmas. You know the present you conveniently forgot to give me until we were alone on New Years? The garter belt.” I shrug and walk past him. I spare him a glance and I notice his face is flushed, his eyes are glazed over and he licks his bottom lip.

“Okay fine we can celebrate my birthday, since you make such a compelling argument. Just one question. When it's done do I get to see you in the garter belt and nothing else?”

I laugh, “you are such a pervert.”

“You brought it up.” He looks at me innocently.

“I'm going to bed.” I shake my head and walk back to the bedroom when I'm lifted up, I give a squeal and hook an arm around his neck. All I hear is him laughing before he lies me down on the bed.

“Goodnight, my love.” He whispers kissing my nose as he pulls the covers up over us.

Thirty minutes later I'm still lying there, sleep deciding it doesn't want to visit me. The room is dark and quiet minus Tobias' soft breaths. I sigh and try to flip over just to fall back on my back once again. I can't sleep.

I know what I could do to fall asleep, but I'm not doing that with Tobias right there and in his bed. I couldn't. But I could, I think. He's asleep. I watch his face as I slide a hand into my panties, he's still asleep, I can be quiet. I bite my lip, keeping my eyes on his face. I circle a finger around my clit, once twice, before moving down and entering two fingers in me. I know I can't go slow with this because I don't have a lot of time. I'm not in my own bed where I can have all the time I want where I don't have to worry about Tobias waking up and catching me. I grit my teeth, what I thought would help me fall asleep isn't, and I'm not seeing the sparks I normally do.

I feel a hand on my wrist and Tobias say. “If you keep doing that, you might actually hurt yourself.” His eyes are still closed.

“How long have you been awake?” I ask quietly, hoping that the bed will swallow me whole. This is more mortifying than the period incident last year.

“The whole time, your moving around woke me up.” He opens his eyes.

I don't try to move his hand from my wrist nor does he. We just lie there staring at each other. I don't know how he's feeling but I'm hoping this is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up soon.

“You know your underwear is actually restricting your movements, and your thighs are too tight. Is this how you've always been doing this? Because this doesn't sound like the time I heard you.”

“Heard me?” Pull our hands up above the blanket.

“Yeah the night you went to the movies? I came over to give you that locket. I was going to knock on the door but when I got close I hear you, on the other side. Around that time your friend Al came up and turned right around and left. Even then he didn't like me much but I guess I know why.” Tobias raises an eyebrow small smirk on his face.

I can't get my head around the fact that Tobias stood there and listened to me. “So you stood there the whole time.”

“I know, I know. It's fucking weird. But I didn't I stood there for five minutes before I realised what you were doing. Al came up then left. I left a minute later, leaving the present next to your mailbox.” I groan, face and neck burning. “But you have to admit, it some what turns me on knowing now that you think of me. So were you thinking of me then?” He leans closer placing a kiss on my shoulder.

“Yes.” I whine.

“If it's alright with you, would you like to know what it really feels like?” He pulls himself up onto his elbow. “But that's only if you want to.”

I look at him, he's asking right now if I want my fantasies to come true. “Is it a normal thing you do with your girlfriends?”

“Never had a girlfriend, Tris. I've only done this to two people before.” He looks at me.

Instead of answering I reach down and pull my panties down before kicking them off. Why not be selfish. His smile is bright, and he kisses me. “One condition.” I pull his face close to mine. “Be normal. I want you and that polish accent of yours that I love so much.”

He laughs. “Anything for you, my love. Anything.” One of his hands trails down my stomach before stopping. “Ready?”

I spread my legs and nod. He kisses me as two of his fingers press against me, I grab the back of his head pushing him closer, muffling the moan that came out. “Be loud. I like it.” His fingers press against me a bit harder, moving in a small circular motion. “Do you want me to start with one finger and work up to two or do you want to start with two?”

I think of his long fingers, perfect for this job. “Two?”

He chuckles. “Okay, but if it hurts, I'm stopping. No matter what.”

“What if I like it?” I place a hand on his back.

“You won't if it hurts, trust me.” He slides his fingers down pressing them into my entrance. He works them into the first knuckle before pulling out. His eyes hold mine as the press in again, this time to the second. I gasp when he pushes them in all the way. “Okay?”

I nod. This is better than I imagined. He starts moving them in and out of me, his gaze always stays on my face, it doesn't travel down to look at where his hand is working. His other arm is wrapped around my shoulder holding me close as he kisses me, my neck. “Can you rub against my-” I close my eyes tight when the heel of his palm starts rubbing against me. The fire that I couldn't feed earlier is doing just fine with him, “faster please?” His fingers move faster.

I can feel it, my release. I look at him, and I don't know if it's something he can see on my face or in my eyes, or if it's just the way I start to tighten around him that tells him. “Close?”

“Yes.” I moan, winding one hand into his shirt the other he takes with his unoccupied hand. “So close.”

He runs his nose along mine. I've never seen another person look as he does in this moment. His brow is furrowed, eyes closed, mouth open like mine. Almost like my pleasure alone is what's getting him off. I stare at his face before tightening one last time and crying out.

I lie there and pant, whimpering when he pulls his fingers out. He pulls his shirt off before using it to clean between my thighs. :You don't have to.”

“But I want to.” He replies.

I run a hand down his stomach. “May I?”

“You don't have to.” He looks at me.

“But I want to.” I kiss his shoulder, he pushes his sleep pants down some. Taking my hand and wrapping it around himself.

“You've never touched a man before have you?” He noses at my cheek.

“No.” I bite my lip.

“Then I will teach you what I like, like you told me what you liked.” He moves our hands. “Squeeze tight on the way up, but not too tight.” I do as told, palm sliding loosely down him just to tighten on the way back up, one my thumb brushes the tip of him and he hisses.

“Sorry, I'm sorry.” I feel worried that I did something wrong.

“No it's fine, that was fine. I like that. It's just, it was a little too much for me.” He looks at me before leaning close. “Meaning if you do it again I just might come.” And then I understand, by watching his eyes, his face, hearing the noises he makes. I understand why he acted the way he did while touching me. I understand why couples like doing this so much. I brush my thumb over him again and he grunts as he spills on my side.

He uses his shirt to clean up again before tossing it to the floor. He fixes his pants before lying down and opening his arms for me to slide over into them.

“Goodnight, my love.”

“Goodnight.” I kiss his chin.


	10. Chapter 9: 1967

“What do you mean you don't want to come out tonight! It's valentines day!” Christina stares at me. “Susan is coming!”

“Yeah but babe, Susan has a boyfriend now. She has someone she can bring with her. Beatrice doesn't.” Will grabs a carrot from my lunch.

“Beatrice has someone! She has this Mystery Man,” Christina squints her eyes. I feel Al stiffen next to me. “Don't lie! You've been going to meet someone after school everyday. Not only that but you've been smiling a lot.”

“I have not.” I look at her. Her eyes widen.

“You've fucked him!”

Will starts coughing, and Al looks at me. “I have not. I do not have some mystery man, Christina. It just so happens that tomorrow is Four's birthday and I promised him that we would celebrate it.”

“Four, Four, Four. All you do is hang out with the guy.” Will looks at me. I realise they're still a bit angry since I've been arriving at school before them since Tobias has been dropping me off and that I haven't told them. “Man why doesn't he want to hang out with us?”

“I don't trust him.” Al shakes his head. “Don't you find it weird that when ever something happens to you, Beatrice, or something in general that he's always there?”

“It's a small town,” I shrug.

“If it's a small town then how come I haven't heard of a 'Tobias' around here?” Christina snickers.

“What?” I look at her confused.

She points to something that slid out of one of my notebooks,“what is it?” She grabs it before I can. “My Love, I hope you have a good day at school. I want you to know that I can not wait for you to get home to me. I hope you go through today knowing that I love you and that every second that you are away I count them until you are in my arms again. I also hope that my foolishness brings a smile to your face. And I will tell you I'd rather be a fool in love Beatrice than a bastard without knowing what love is. Especially since the way you have felt to me every night.” Her eyebrows shoot up. “And know that I have never felt like this with anyone that you are truly my first, and I can not wait until you are able to say I love you back to me. I love you with my whole heart, My Love. Tobias” She looks at me, and huffs. “So Mystery Man's name is Tobias? And he has felt you almost every night since when?”

“We haven't made love.” I snatch my note from her. “It's none of your business, any of yours.” I push my lunch towards Will.

“How does Tobias feel about Four?” She stares me down. “Or how does Four feel about Tobias?”

“He does know about him right? I mean you can't keep Tobias a secret from everyone. And with how close Four is he's going to find out, and I don't trust him to not snap if he finds out.” Al doesn't turn to look at me.

“They both know each other, they're like friends but closer.” I walk off.

I'm walking across the grass when I'm approached by Susan. I tense and she smiles at me. “I have a letter for you. I don't know who it's from but it was in our mail box.”

I take it when she hands it to me. “Thank you.”

“So are you going out with all of us tonight? You can meet Jason.” She smiles. “Bring Four along too!”

“I don't know. I have so much to do.” I look at her. Her eyes are bright. “I'll see what Four is doing?”

“Great, now Jason has a sister named Melissa do you think-”

“Are you trying to hook up Four with someone?” I raise an eyebrow.

“No I'm trying to find Al someone. Maybe if he got over you, you wouldn't be keeping Four a secret now would you? I understand you don't want to turn around and say one thing but be in a relationship and flaunt it in front of the boy.”

“Do you want to get ready together? I need someone to talk to.” I look at her. “And I can't talk to Christina. Not right now.”

Susan nods. “Like now? Like skip the rest of school and go?”

“No after I have to get to class, F- Tobias would kill me.” I step around her and head to class.

When I get in my final class it's one that Will and I have together, I sit down at my desk next to him. I pull out my notebook and wait for the teacher to start class.

“Beatrice, I don't mind if you want to bring Four or if you don't want to go. I'm more upset by the fact I thought he liked us and he never wants to hang out with us.”

“It's not you Will, It's complicated.” I push hair behind my ear and tuck the end into my braid.

“How so? The boy likes you, and Al won't let you go? That's not complicated. Al just needs someone else.”

“No the problem is everyone thinking Al had me. He's sweet but this is getting out of hand.” I glare at the blackboard.

Will and I are walking out when Christina comes up. “So are you over your fit?”

“My fit Christina? Because I don't want your opinion on every little thing in my life.” I spot Susan by Robert's old car, probably her's now. “I have to go.”

After getting clothes from my house and we're at Susan's I call Tobias and tell him about the dance, saying he doesn't have to go.

“Are you kidding me? You're asking me out.” He laughs.

“I am but,” I start while Susan yells from her closet. “Don't let her talk you out of this, Four!”

I hear him laugh again. “Who was that?”

“Susan. She thinks I should take you to the Valentine's carnival in the park tonight. Announce that we are in fact a couple.” I pull the hair band out of my hair before undoing my braid. “So yeah?”

“What will I have to wear?”

I ask Susan. “Something nice. We're going to be taking pictures. Maybe a shirt and a tie?”

“Did you hear that?”

“Yeah,” he says through the line. “I can do that. So should I meet you there on my bike?”

“No we'll come get you, I want us to arrive together.” I chuckle. I'm really doing this.

“Okay. I love you.”

“I know.”

We hang up and I look at Susan she's smiling. I have to smile. “You like him, like really like him!”

“I do.” I giggle.

We leave around seven, Susan has her hair up in a bun and she's wearing a simple green dress, telling me it's Jason's favourite colour on her. I have my hair pinned back and I'm in a simple blue dress. “Why didn't you dress all the way up?”

“His birthday is tomorrow and I have something special planned.” I look at Susan smiling. We get Jason and Melissa first, when we stop outside of Tobias' I hop out.

“Hey, Beatrice?” Susan calls after me.

“Yeah?”

“You look pretty. He's lucky to have you.”

I can't keep the smile of my face as I walk up the stairs and knock on Tobias' door. The door swings open and Rebecca is standing there eyes puffy and red.

“What do you want?”

I stand there staring at her, she's in a large shirt, his shirt, legs bare. “Is Four here?” I suddenly become nervous and unsure of myself.

“He's busy.” She glares at me then shuts the door on me.

I stand there staring at the door. What just happened? I walk down the steps. What the hell just happened? I make it to Susan's car.

“Beatrice, are you okay?” Jason gets out and helps me into the back seat.

“Four's going to be a little late so I told him I'd meet him there.” I stare ahead at the street. What just happened to me?

Melissa has one hand on my arm, guiding me. She keeps leaning over and whispering little things to me. 'He'd be a fool to hurt you.' or she'd look around 'He's a bastard for missing out on this.' I look at her.

“I know that look, it's the look of your heart breaking.” She looks at Susan. “Same expression she wore when Jason asked her out. After saying the guy she liked couldn't like her back.”

“I don't know what happened. And I don't want to ruin anyone's night.” I still don't know what happened. Everything said about Rebecca does come to mind. How everyone here believes her and Tobias are dating, she breaks up with her girlfriend a lot and runs to him for comfort, Tobias says she tries to have sex with him, and he also said he'd only touched two other girls before me. Had she been one?

There are lights and games everywhere, but I can't bring myself to care. I spot Christina in a yellow dress, Will is shooting things to win her a stuffed animal. Al is behind them. She turns and sees us, she waves us over. I can tell she hasn't seen me, just Jason and Susan. I stay a few steps back, Susan introduces Melissa and Al to each other. I stand there staring at the Ferris wheel. They were playing music, the kind that right now is the last I want to listen to. I walk off, no one's on the bridge over the stream, that would be a perfect place to be alone right now.

“May I ask what's wrong with you?” Christina touches my arm. “Is it about earlier, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be in your business, you just never tell me anything anymore.”

“No.” I take one look at her and she opens her arms.

“Oh, Beatrice.” I hug her, pressing my face into her shoulder and start crying. “Shh, what's wrong?”

“Tobias is Four. And I thought he loved me! But there's this girl that he lets stay there when things get rough and she always tries to get him to have sex with her. And he told me that I'm not the first girl he's done things with.”

“So you think that he lied and that girl did have sex with him, and they do it regularly?” She rubs my back.

“Yes!” I cry harder. Love is a foolish thing, it breaks your heart. Makes it like stone for the next person. Makes it so that it will sink and be unable to love again. Makes it so it won't work.

“He's a fool, Beatrice. He's a fool if he doesn't know how good you are. Come on maybe we can get Will to win you an animal?” She wipes my eyes with a tissue from her purse.

As we walk back I hear arguing. Christina and I look at each other before running across the grass, the sight before us makes me think that it happens to other people not to people like me. Will has his hands on Tobias' chest pushing him away from Al, who Jason is holding still. Al is bleeding from the nose and a cut on his cheek. Tobias keeps turning his head to spit, what leaves his mouth is pink with blood. There's a cut above his eyebrow, blood running into his eye. They're yelling at each other.

“...she thinks you're Mr. Right for her. But you don't know her as well as I do. She's confused about what she wants!” Al is trying to pull away from Jason.

Tobias has his hands on Will's. “She doesn't think I'm anything more than the person she lets me be!”

Al scoffs, “You've ruined her! Look at all that's happened to her since you started coming around! She's not the Beatrice I once knew! You ruined her! She's gotten hurt so many times!”

Tobias stiffens. His hands pull at Will's.

“She could've chose me! I'm so much better for her then you could ever be! She would have chosen me!”

“Don't be a fool.” That's Will this time.

“Shut up, Will!” He glares at him. “This doesn't involve you!”

“Don't take your anger out on him! He's trying to get you to see reason!” Tobias spits again.

“Reason? I see reason! I know she's much happier when you're not around!”

Tobias pushes against Will. “She'll never be able to love you.”

“Not now but she can learn to. She'll love me more than she can you. And I love her more than you'll be able to love her! We don't have secrets from each other! Can you say that?” Al smirks.

Tobias pulls away from Will. “Then tell her about her jacket, and her locket, and her bracelet.” He turns and walks off.

I look at Al, “what does he mean?”

Al stares at me. “Beatrice.”

“No! What does he mean where's my- where are my possessions?”

“Beatrice don't be angry. I got rid of them. You were so happy without him, and I couldn't think of those things poisoning you! I was saving you from heartbreak!”

“Have you lost your goddamn mind?” I stare at him incredulously. “You have!”

“Beatrice please!” His fingers grip at my dress.

“Don't!” I slap his hands away.

“I love you! Can't you see that! I love you and I always will! You won't have to worry about your heart being broken with me! I won't make you cry!” He grabs my dress again.

“Stop!”

“No.” He tries kissing me. “I love you.”

I'm pulled away, the strap on my dress tearing. “She said stop, Al! You need to go home!” Will steps in front of me. “I'll find your stuff you go.”

I nod and push my way through the crowd that has gathered. Love is foolish, it changes people, makes them violent and vicious. Makes them do things they don't normally do. What is love exactly? A need to control someone? A need to have them under you? To possess a person to call your own? To make someone your equal that you would die for?

I should see if Tobias is okay.

I should stay to make sure everyone's alright.

I should do so many things.

I want to go home, and home is where I go.

I walk through the front door not bothering to turn any lights on. Dad's car isn't here, him and mom must still be out. I climb the steps and walk down the hallway to the bathroom. I sit in the bathtub and scrub at my skin. I'm crying. I've never been that girl, the one people found desirable. That's not me! I suddenly have two guys fighting over me. That isn't who Beatrice Jane Prior is. I realise I'm not Beatrice anymore but I am Tris, the Tris that Four brought out and the Tris that Tobias loves.

I duck my head under the water, hands tightening around the edges of the tub. I let all the air out of my lungs, watching the bubbles float to the surface. I sit up, gasping my hair sticking to me. Beatrice and Tris can not exist at the same time, I have to leave one behind. I wrap myself in a towel and walk to my bedroom, shutting the door. I hear tapping and I see a hand on my window. I tuck the edge of my towel into the other side so it'll stay up. I open my window and stick my head out, Tobias is sitting on the roof next to my window.

“Are you angry at me too?” He looks pale.

“Are you okay?” I asked worried.

He shakes his head. “Not the point, are you angry at me?”

“Tobias, you look sick!” I start to climb out, towel be damned.

“I'm fine.” He opens his eyes before squeezing them tightly. “This is something I need to know.”

“Are you drunk? You climbed my roof drunk? Why!” I grab his shirt.

“I need to know if I can still love you or if you want me to leave you alone.” He starts to stand up wobbling.

“You're scared of heights aren't you? Get down from there.” I tug at his shirt. “Get in here.” I feel my towel slide down. The problem of not having breasts to hold it up.

“Not if you're just saying that to get me down. I want to know if you still like me!” He shakes his head.

“Yes! I love you, you idiot now get in here!” I growl.

“Don't say that. Don't tell me you love me just to get me to do something! I wouldn't do that to you, so please don't do that to me. I know that you don't know a lot about me! I know I'm not the perfect person I know I also have secrets. I'm not going to lie to you.” He looks up. “I sometimes think of leaving here. Leaving you so you can be happier without me. I feel like I do just cause you trouble.”

“You're being an ass! You don't cause me trouble! If you even think of leaving me I'll kill you! You hear me? I'll kill you!” I keep trying to tug him towards the window. “You're right I don't know a lot about you, there are somethings I'm sure you don't know about me! I hate peas! And my favourite colour is green!”

He finally comes towards the window, ducking down to look at me. “Have I ruined you, Beatrice?”

“Tris.” I smile. I am Tris. Beatrice was the little girl who my father use to carry on his shoulders, and who my brother taught to tie her shoes. The little girl my mother put bows in her hair and let her lick the spoon. I'm now Tris the young woman who can love the young man in front of me. Tris who ran will Will without knowing his name. Tris who let Amanda and Robert run away, who kept my brother's affair with an older woman. Tris who broke Albert's heart. “I'm Tris. And I am going to learn how to love you. Now get inside.” I tug once and he comes stumbling in through the window, knocking me to the ground, and landing on top of me.

He stares at me and I at him. “Are you drunk, Tris?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Maybe.” I smile before kissing him. “Are you?”

“A little. You didn't get me to go to the fair.” He kisses me back.

I turn my head letting his lips move on my neck. “I tried but Rebecca was there said you were busy. She seemed angry.”

“Because I told her no more. I was with you and you are the most important person in my life.” He pulls himself up on his forearms. “Why are you naked?”

“I just got done bathing.” I shrug.

“Are you angry at me?” He noses at my cheek.

“No. Not anymore. Have you ever slept with Rebecca?” I whisper, and he laughs.

“I've never done anything like that before even with her. I haven't even touched her. The two girls I was telling you about I no longer see them. Is that what bothers you?” He kisses my cheek.

“A little.” I turn my head towards him. “I'm sorry about Al. How's your?”

“My face is fine. My heart is getting better.”

“You say some of the foolish things ever.” I laugh.

“But my love, that's what you like about me.” He thumbs at the buttons of his shirt.

“That I do.” I cup his face. “Why were you and Al fighting?”

His eyes seem to darken. “To be honest, it didn't start over you. Will asked why I never hang out with them and if I didn't like any of your friends. I enjoy their company. And it escalated from there.”

“Oh.” I thumb at his bottom lip. “Tell me you love me?”

“I love you so fucking much.” He smiles pulling his button up shirt out of his pants. “So fucking much, Tris.”

“Yes?”

“Yeah, I hate mashed potatoes. And my favourite colour would have to be blue. Not dark blue or light blue but like blue.”

“Like blue?”

“The bluest fucking blue to ever fucking blue.” He kisses me.

“You're really drunk.”

“No, just a little. One beer. I only had one before I realised I couldn't sit and wait. I had to know if we were okay.” He pulls the button up off and kisses my shoulder.

“We're okay.” I finger his hair, brushing it back from his forehead. “Touch me?”

He shakes his head. “No, I want you to touch yourself.”

“Yeah?” I kiss him.

“Mmhm.” He rolls off of me, he lies on his side next to me.

I throw one leg over his hip, his hand holds my thigh, the other I place my foot against the floor, knee bent. I giggle, “you're not going to really make me do this in front of you?”

“Yep.” He bumps my nose with his.

I touch his face with one hand as the other goes between my thighs. My body is well experienced in this form of touch, fingers sliding in easily. They're not as long as Tobias' and they're thinner, not calloused like his are.

He kisses me, tongue flicking at my bottom lip. The hand on my thigh slides down, “tell me if it hurts.”

“What?” I sit up and he follows, he puts one of his legs behind me so I'm leaning sideways into his chest. I watch his hand rest on top of mine before pushing in a finger. My eyes close on their own, I feel full, but at the same time I feel like I need more. I'm afraid to ask for more though.

“Okay? Too much?” He breathes against my cheek.

“No. Doesn't feel that different maybe I need another?” I can feel my hair stick to my face.

He does and then the door to my bedroom opens. “Sweetheart are you home? Your father wants to know-” Tobias hides his face in my neck and I look over, my mother stands in the doorway. “Did you two even go to the fair?”

“Yes ma'am, it was... this is...” Tobias groans.

“There was a fight. We're making up.” I think I can see Tobias' life flash before our eyes when my father appears behind my mother.

“Is she home?”

“Yes, go wait down stairs.” She pushes his shoulder. “Tobias, may I talk to you? After you get your fingers out of my daughter and wash your hands. Beatrice, get dressed.” She crosses her arms.

I feel Tobias' finger pull out of me, he looks at me his eyes wide. 'Help me' he mouths. Ducking around my mom to head towards the stairs. She follows him, her heels clacking on the hardwood floor.

I jump up and grab clothes from my dresser, dressing quickly. I grab his button up shirt and run down the steps. My father is sitting in his chair.

“Hello, sweetheart.” My father smiles at me. “Did you and Tobias have fun at the fair?”

I groan. My poor father. “Him and Al fought. It was a weird night, papa.”

“Weird how?” He looks at me.

Tobias walks out of the restroom next to our storage room, walking over to sit on the couch. My mother walks out of her bedroom, box in her hand. “Sit, Beatrice. Or would you like to tell your father what you two were doing?”

“Mama!” I whine as Tobias makes a dying noise that sounds like 'this isn't happening.'

“What? What's going on?” My father tilts his head.

“Uhm, Tobias and I-”

“Beatrice,” Tobias touches my arm. “Say good things about me at my funeral.”

“What?” I look at him as he turns to look at my dad.

“Sir, your daughter and I have been engaging in activities. Activities that you may not want any man doing to your daughter.”

My father groans. “Must we have this conversation, Natalie?” He looks at my mother, who stares him down.

“Sir, I promise you that I won't do anything she's not comfortable with. And we have not experienced that experience yet.” Tobias' is red, my father is red, I'm sure my face is red, and my mother sits there like she's watching the greatest game of cards being played.

“Okay! Can we stop? Please? Tobias and I aren't having sex yet. I'm sorry it won't happen under this roof. I'll make dinner for the next week, can we drop this?”

My mother tilts her head. “I know you two are responsible young adults. I would just like to say, I'm not ready to be a grandparent not until Beatrice is out of school. Then you can do that. Now it's late, and I don't want you walking home this late, Tobias. Caleb's room is now our second guest room you can stay there. Goodnight both of you.”

I groan rolling over. The sun is barely coming through my windows. I get up and make my way to the bathroom, then downstairs. Might as well make breakfast. I stop in the middle of the kitchen, Tobias and my mother are both up and cooking.

“I will give you my daughter for this recipe. My husband can worry about the two horses later.” My mother grins over a cup of tea.

“Thanks you're selling me for a recipe, it better clean the floor and dance.” I grumble.

“Oh sweetheart!” My mother looks at me. “I'm sure that Tobias will make sure it can if it meant marrying you.”

“I'm not marrying anyone for a recipe mother.” I hug Tobias. “Happy Birthday. How old are you? Thirty-seven?”

He laughs. “No I'm thirty-eight.”

I start laughing. I bury my face in his back, for awhile it's easy to ignore everything. My mother standing there, what happened last night, what happened in the past few months. After breakfast he leaves. I kiss him goodbye at the door. I smile and watch him leave.

“You love him.” My father puts his hand on my shoulder. “My little girl is in love.”

“I'm not in love, not yet.” I smile. Yet.

Around ten I head to the grocery store, needing to get some things for Tobias' cake. I'm walking around when I run into Mrs. Trudmen.

“Hello dear!” She smiles at me. “Nice seeing you here.”

“It is!” I hug her.

“What are you doing here?” She grabs something off the shelf.

“I'm getting ingredients for my boyfriend's cake.” I smile proudly.

“That nice boy that helped me last time?” She smiles.

“Yes that's him.”

“Well good for you dear.” I hug her and say my goodbyes before heading over to the next aisle.

“Beatrice!” I hear Christina yell. She pops out in front of me, “everything okay?”

“Yeah! I'm getting the last of my list to make Tobias' cake.”

“So you guys talked?” She eyes me.

“Yeah, he told the girl no more. He's never, done that. And my mother,” I look around, “caught him with his fingers in me.” I whisper the last bit.

She starts laughing so hard she has to squat, hands on her knees. “Really, Beatrice?”

“Tris.” I look at her. She looks at me.

“Tris? You're going by that now?”

“Because I am Tris, I'm Beatrice, but me right now this. I am Tris.” I grab a carton of eggs.

“Okay, do you need help with this cake? We could hang out like we use to?” She walks with me to the counter. I pay and we're back off to my house in her car. The cake is in the oven by eleven and she's doing my make up. By noon I'm ready with the cake.

“Could you imagine the both of us married?” She smiles, “I mean they're talking about legalizing it you know. Letting blacks and whites marry.”

“That would be a good thing! You and Will are perfect. But wouldn't you want to wait until you both finished high school?” I look at the cake on my lap.

“Maybe. I mean next year is our last year, Tris. So it's only one year.”

I get out. “Your kids would be gorgeous!” I climb the steps carefully. I hear yelling coming from Tobias's apartment. I can only make out a few words.

“...what...have...that...”

“Stop...I said...done...shirt...”

I stand there. Should I knock?

“Hello!” I hear behind me. It's that boy the one who sat with me.

“Daniel?”

He nods. “Would you like to come in?”

I nod. It's better than staying out here. I leave the cake on the ground in front of his door. “How long have they?” I motion to Tobias' door.

“Since eight.” Charlie is sitting at the table. I shut the door behind me.

I notice the kitchen is a mess and I tilt my head. “Where's your parents?”

“Our mother died in child birth and our father died in an accident. We live with our grandma. She's sleeping right now. She is really sick too.” Charlie shrugs. I nod and head into the kitchen I do the dishes. I remember when my grandma got sick and needed help. I find enough ingredients in their kitchen to make homemade chicken noodle soup. As the noodles are cooking I straighten up their living room.

:You don't have to.” Daniel looks at me. “It's weird having a white lady help. I mean not that we're not white. We're-”

“Not mixed.” I look at him. “Don't worry, sit. I need something to do anyways.”

“What is cooking?” I see an old woman trudge out from the bedroom.

“Hello, I'm Tris.” I stick my hand out towards her.

“Why are you in my house? Boys?” She asks worried.

“This is the lady we told you about. Tobias' friend.” Daniel smiles. While Charlie grins, “she made soup, grandma! She said it would make you feel better!”

I help her sit down. “The boys invited me in because Tobias and one of his other friends are currently fighting and I was standing out in the hallway.” I grab bowls and get everyone soup.

“You should take a bowl to Tobias.” She says. “Thank you.”

I tell the boys bye and walk across the hall, my cake is still outside and there's still yelling. I put the bowl on top of the cake box and hold them both in my hands I manage to knock cutting off the yelling. Rebecca opens the door.

“What!”

I stand there before taking a deep breath and shoving past her. “Excuse me.” Tobias is standing in the middle of the living room staring at the ceiling. I set everything on the kitchen counter. “I brought you soup, and here's your cake. Happy Birthday once again.” I turn and leave.

“Ms. Tris!” Charlie runs after me. “Bubba and I need to go to the drug store to get grandma's medicine, will you walk with us?”

I take his hand and Daniel takes the other. “How old are you two?”

“I'm six! And Daniel is ten!” Charlie hops down the steps. “How old are you Ms. Tris?”

“I'm sixteen.” I smile at him.

“Wow! You're like an adult!” He jumps with joy. “Right Daniel?”

“Sure.” Daniel nods.

We make it to the drug store and I help get their grandmother's medicine for them. We get many strange stares. Must be because I'm a young white woman walking with two little black boys.

“Excuse me ma'am.” I'm approached by one woman. “What you're doing with these two kids is really brave.”

I nod. “I know I could be with you but I don't think I have enough courage for that.”

“Excuse me?” She glares at me.

“I don't see how helping these kids with a sick grandma is brave. It's something any human should do.” I pull them behind me. “No need to be around people like that you two.”

I see them off at the door before turning around to walk home. “Wait, Tris!” I stop. Tobias walks up to me. “May I walk you home, if our date is ruined?”

“It's not ruined. I just didn't know when you two were going to be done yelling.” I shrug.

“Then come with me!” He tugs my sleeve. “I have something I want to show you.” He pulls me to his bike. There's a bag next to it. He puts it around me then gets on. I get on behind him. He drives us out to the lake.

“It's frozen over.” I cross my arms.

“I know.” He smiles opening the bag, pulling out two pairs of skates. “Your mother told me you loved to skate in the winter.”

I put on my skates and skate out to the middle of the lake. Tobias is behind me, he takes my hand.

“So what were you two fighting about?” I wrap my arms around his neck.

“She likes you, just not with me that way. Because it takes away her coping activity.” He shakes his head. “Basically, she wants me to be single so she can try to fuck me when she's alone.”

“Oh, stop letting her in?” I try to help.

“I'm not doing that to one of my friends, Tris.” He looks at me. I stare at the patch of blue on his iris.

“She's not being a friend right now is she?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not hate Al at all. I liked him in the books. Just until he tried to kill Tris.   
> Hopefully this chapter doesn't suck.


	11. Chapter 10: 1967

“So.” Christina looks at me. “Will says that he found your jacket and all that. Can I ask why it means so much to you?” We're sitting on my porch.

“One year ago today, we took Susan's car to the lake.” I smile. “Tobias left his jacket. He told me he only let people he really liked wear it and keep it. The jewelry was his mother's, she left when he was really young.”

“Oh.” She looks away. “I'm sorry?”

“Don't be. So is Will bringing it to me or?”

“That's what he said. Do you think we should go to the lake to celebrate?” She stands up. “Maybe Tobias will be back and there?”

“Sure.” I run down the street to leave a note on Susan's door about where we'll be then we wait for Will, who comes jogging up to us my jacket around his arm.

“Here's the jacket, and the locket, and your bracelet.” He hands them to me before kissing Christina.

“How was Al?” Christina gets in the passenger side of Will's car.

“He was upset, he wouldn't look at me. He just sat at his desk writing a letter. I kept asking about Melissa but he wouldn't acknowledge I was even speaking to him. Wait where are we going?”

“The lake, one year ago today Tris and Tobias met each other.” Christina smiles. “We wanna go back and see if everyone's there.”

I look at the locket in my hand. I need a picture for inside it, but I wouldn't know what to put in there. The wind rushes around my head, my hair whips around. I should have brought a head band or something. Christina has Will park in the same place we did last year.

“So this is where you guys met Tobias?” Will whistles. “I like this lake, how come we never go out here?”

“Because we have the park that's where you told me that you wanted to date me and we kissed. This is where Tris and Tobias met, and Tobias was head over heels for Tris when he first saw her. I think everyone could tell.” Christina laughs and points at my hair. “Maybe you can bring big hair up dos into style, Tris.”

“Shut up!” I try to smooth it down. I hear laughing and squealing and I look over and notice a car, the same car and two motorcycles. “Looks like they're here.” Sure enough they are. Lauren and Shauna are talking to Myra, Edward is messing with something on his bike. Eric is standing off to the side talking to Max, Gabe, and Uriah, Zeke is with him. Tobias isn't anywhere to be seen. There are two girls who I do not know trying to shove each other into the lake one has blonde hair, darker than mine. And one is sandy blonde and it's shaved short.

Christina takes Will's hand and leads him over to Lauren and Shauna. I walk towards the group, Uriah spots me first and waves, jogging over to hug me. “What are you doing here?” He asks. “Tobias isn't here he won't be back until later tonight.”

“Me? What are you doing here?” I poke him in the shoulder.

“We all meet up for a week once a year.” Uriah shrugs.

“Meet up for what?” I raise an eyebrow.

Uriah looks off. “I have to go.” He runs towards the two girls by the lake.

I walk closer.

“..mean he won't be heading here when he's back?” Gabe frowns.

“He has something planned.” Zeke snickers, “our boy has a date.”

“A date with who?” Max takes a sip of his drink.

“He's leaving us for some skirt?” Gabe whines.

Eric looks at his drink. “The only thing I can think of him actually not wanting to stand her up is either he's in love,” he scoffs. “Which is highly unlikely or he's trying to get this girl to let him plow her fields.”

Zeke shakes his head. “Is it so hard for you to believe that he could love this girl?”

“A little, Four never had wanted a relationship.” Max scratches his head. “But I like this girl, who ever she is, already. Got you talking about him and love and all that shit.”

“It's not love, Max. He's getting some and letting himself believe it's love. Or he's trying to convince her that it's love and ended up believing the lie forgetting it's about sex.” Eric grins, and I don't like it.

Zeke pulls him close by his jacket. “Don't fuck with him, Eric. He's not in the mood when it comes to this girl.”

“He got her pregnant didn't he?” Eric smirks. “He's feeling guilty and now he can't leave her. I bet he gets tired of her, probably will find himself someone new.”

I turn and jog my way over to Christina.

“Hey, Beatrice!” Lauren smiles.

“Tris.” I correct her. “Hi Lauren. Shauna.” I smile at them.

“Get tired of the boys' display of masculinity?” Shauna snorts. Uriah and the two girls come over. “Tris, this is my sister Lynn,” the one with the shaved head. “And Marlene.” The blonde one.

“Hello,” I smile at them both.

“So did you know that Four has a girlfriend apparently?” Marlene looks at Lauren.

“Explains his eagerness to get back into town, and why he always looks at the pocket watch he carries with him. Said a girl gave it to him, belonged in her family.” Shauna smiles. “I'm happy for him he needs someone. And just think if him and her get married and have kids.”

Marlene squeals. “We have to get her to like us so we can be aunts! And uncles.” She adds looking at Uriah.

Christina starts laughing. “No kids will be happening soon I can tell you that.”

I groan and refuse to tell the group I'm the girlfriend. Lynn looks at me. “So how do you know my sister and her friends?”

“We met here a year ago.” I shrug. “Will's new though, him and Christina have been together for almost a year.” I look at her. We stay and chat for a few minutes before leaving, we head to the dinner for lunch and when there Will looks at me.

“So, do you think you and Tobias will get married and have kids?”

I shrug. “Dunno, we actually have to do the do first. Don't you think? I mean to have kids. To get married is a whole other story.”

Christina smiles. “Well I call maid of honor when that happens!”

I smile back. “Deal!” I snag some of her fries off her plate.

I tried to call Tobias when I got home but he didn't answer his phone, must not be back for another hour. I sit on the couch as my father watches something on TV, my mother is outside taking down laundry because it's suppose to rain later. At half past nine there's knocking on the front door.

I open it and it's Jason. He's soaked from head to toe with rain.

“Hello, Jason? What's wrong?” I look at him then around, he's alone.

“Susan told me to get you, Will and Christina are in the car. It's Al.”

It's Al.

It's Al...

I run down the pathway to get to his car and get in. We make it to Al's house in less time then it normally would have, I hop out of the car not waiting for Jason to fully stop. I land on my hands and knees scraping them. I ignore the pain and run into Al's house, his father is standing talking to officers.

“What's going on?” I ask, hands and knees stinging.

Al's mother starts wailing. Susan hugs me. “They found Al's body in the river. Says he must've fell in around the heavy currents. Carried him to the park. Oh, Beatrice!” She starts sobbing on my shoulder. I hold her close, numb.

I hear Christina break down a few steps away, Will trying to sooth her. Everyone around me starts to blur. I need out of here, but I can't leave because I'm needed. I head up to Al's room. Will said he was writing a letter. A letter to whom?

I look around his room, it's so neat. His room always had been. I look at his desk and sticking out of a text book is an envelope labeled _Beatrice._ I pick it up and stuff it into a pocket in my dress, I walk calmly back downstairs.

I need to leave.

I zip up my jacket and walk out the front door. I know where I need to go. The park isn't that far there's the bridge that over looks the stream, I wonder who saw his body and screamed? I find a seat under the covered tables, I'll be safe from the rain there. I open his letter.

_Dear Beatrice,_

_I don't know what to say to you to be honest, I would like to say that my death would be a great loss on your part but part of me laughs at my hopefulness. But I don't want you to think it is your fault it's not. I just couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't happy Beatrice. I wasn't. I had you all believing I was doing well in school when in reality I was flunking. I didn't know what I wanted to do afterwards. I thought about not going to college but thoughts of me not being able to support you kept me going. I'd cry at night just because, because of the future. Of Us. Even though there was no us. I wish there was an us Beatrice, I will did wish that. You don't know what it's like watching someone you love love someone else. Melissa was a sweet girl but she wasn't you, no one was you. I thought I was doing the right thing by taking that jacket. I had one of your gym class peers get the necklace and the bracelet I told her that I was friends with the guy who gave them to you and said that he wanted them back that they weren't for you, you had gotten them by mistake._

_I somewhat regret doing that to you, only by a little. You were so happy without him. I wanted you to see that there were others, that there was me and that you didn't know what you wanted. Can you tell my parents that I didn't want to leave them, but I couldn't let them know I was unhappy. Maybe let them believe what ever there is to believe. That this was an accident if they don't find this letter before you. Tell Will and Christina that I hope they're dreams come true, that they do get married when they can. And that I'm happy for Susan, she said Amanda left you a letter did you read it? She did. She told me she understands now why they left. I guess I do to. You have to leave to be happy._

_This is me trying to be happy, Beatrice. My Beatrice. You stopped being my Beatrice that day we went to get you from the lake. That day Tris was born. Goodbye Tris. I love you and I always will. I hope he treats you right._

_-Albert._

I don't notice the tears running down my face. I put the letter in my jacket pocket and I go stand on the bridge, rain soaking through my hair. How did I not notice that he was so unhappy. The sadness I saw in his eyes when he thought no one was looking. I could have done something. Maybe forgiving him would have kept him alive.

I don't know how long I do stand there staring at the water. What did Al think before jumping in? How did I not see this coming? I walk around to the bank. I take my jacket off and set it down on the grass before stepping one foot into the stream then the other. I feel the rain collect on my bare shoulders the straps of my dress sliding down, the stream comes up to my mid thighs. The skirt of my dress is partially soaked. What am I doing?

I don't know.

I lie my hands against the top of the stream. I start to sit down in the water, it'll stop just below my bosom. What am I doing?

I think I know.

I want to try to find what Al was thinking. Was he dead when he hit the rocks? Or did he finally die by the time his body hit the waterfall before the water flows into the park? Did he break his neck before he ran out of air or did he run out of air before then?

I start to lie back, ignoring the water rushing into my ears. My hair swirls around my head and my face. The water no longer feels cold, I think I'm moving with the current. I think. I see a figure move over me and hands grasp my arms pulling me up.

“What are you doing, Beatrice?”

I take a gasp and that was it. The breath of air that broke the dam in my mind. Before I know it I'm crying screams ripping their way from my throat. Stupid Albert! Didn't he know how much damage he was leaving behind?

I start clawing at my father's shirt. It's unfair. It's so unfair! Where's Tobias when I need him? Why did Al decide now was the time? I need him too I need my best friend! I continue wailing, grief eating a hole in my heart.

“Shh, it's okay, Beatrice. It's okay baby girl. Shh. It'll be alright. Let's get you home.” He swings me up my legs over one arm. I bury my face in his neck. I smell the leather of the car after a few minutes as he buckles me into the seat.

“You'll be fine. Not right now. I know that much, but one day you'll remember to smile without thinking of him. And days it'll hurt because Al will be all that you think about.” He kisses my head. I notice my teeth chattering. When we walk into our house he ducks his head into the kitchen. “Found her she needs a warm bath. Maybe some soup or some warm tea. Something she was-” His voice is cut off when the door closes behind him. I make my way up the stairs to the bathroom. I don't run the bathtub this time I get in the shower. I let the warm spray chase the cold out of my body.

When I'm done and dressed, hair dried and up in a ponytail, I sit on the couch wrapped in a blanked. My father sits in his chair with it turned towards me. He's watching me, hands clasped under his chin. I take the cup my mom hands me. It's apple cider.

I sip at it, my eyes never leaving the phone. Why hasn't Tobias called? Should I call him?

“Sweetheart?” My mother touches my forehead. “You should sleep you look tired.”

I nod, leaving my cup on the coffee table before making my way to Caleb's old room. I need familiar, and he's not here. I remember when mom broke her wrist and he let me curl up next to him when we were little. When grandma passed away and he held me close. I need my brother but he's not here. I curl up under his blanket.

I groan and curl deeper in the blanket. I feel like I haven't gotten any actual sleep, nightmares with Al haunting me. I sneeze, my head hurts. I get up legs wobbling. I make it to the door, glad I slept in Caleb's room knowing I wouldn't be able to make it up and down the stairs. The light outside is bright, I give up walking and crawl to the restroom.

I ignore the mirror while I'm in there. I use the toilet and leave. I see the door to the kitchen open slightly. I hear Stephanie's voice.

“I brought some soup. Hopefully she's not sick.”

“Hopefully.” My mother sighs. “I don't know what to do this brought back memories.”

I open the door. “Mama, I don't feel so well.”

“Oh god. She is sick.” Stephanie sets me down in a chair grabbing a bowl. I eat in silence. The phone rings and my mom jumps up to get it.

“Oh, hello dear. Yes she is over here. Yes of course you can bring Rose over, Christina. No Tris is sick right now.” I stop listening. I just don't want to think.

I stretch. I don't feel sick my head just hurts. I stop and jump up, I make it to the bathroom before the soup leaves my body.

My mother hovers around me for the next three days, Will and Christina bring me my work and help me with lessons I missed. Tobias still doesn't call. I'm on my fourth day of not leaving the house the flu had passed now I'm just playing hooky, when there's a knock. My father is home today so my mother could go help downtown with the shelter.

“How are you, son?”

“I just got back. I was suppose to get back a few days ago, but something came up. I do need to talk to you about something though, or Natalie. Which one of you knows the nurses at the hospital here? I need to know if there's an Evelyn Johnson that works there.” I cover my face with the blanket at Tobias' voice.

“That would be Natalie. She'll be home in an hour. Can you stay with Tris for a while? I might as well head to the office, maybe run by and ask Natalie about that nurse.”

“No problem sir.” I feel the couch dip as the front door shuts. “I'm surprised they still let me be alone with you.”

I shrug.

“Are you alright? I'm sorry I didn't call you I thought I was going to be home in time to surprise you.” I uncover my face.

“I've been sick.”

“Oh babe!” He ducks down and kisses my forehead.

“I'm not anymore.” I look at him. How can I tell him about Al?

He looks at me and sighs. “I ran into Susan when I was in town. She told me about Al.”

I guess I don't have to. I wiggle my way out of the blankets and crawl into his lap. “You weren't here and I needed you.”

“I'm sorry.” He kisses my ear. I look at him, his eyes are still so dark. I lean close and kiss him. I get up taking his hand and leading him upstairs. I can be brave for this. “Tris?” I lead him into my room, He lets go of my hand and I shut my door, turning the lock. “Tris?” I grab his face and kiss him pulling him with me to my bed. I tug at his jacket and he takes it off. My fingers go for the button on his jeans.

“Tris, Tris!” He pulls away, “what are you doing?”

I stare at him. “I need you.” I pull my shirt over my head then shuck my pants. He doesn't budge.

“Put your clothes back on.” He turns around showing me his back.

I ball my fists up. “Why?”

“You're doing this compromised by emotions,” he picks up his jacket.

“You would have done this to me drunk, yet I'm the one that's being berated because part of me is compromised? That I need you-”

“You don't need me you're just feeling upset and hurt over Al and the fact that I wasn't there when it happened.” He turns eyes blazing.

I feel like crying, “are you tired of me?”

He looks at me like I've slapped him. “What?”

“You are aren't you?” I sit on my bed. He's done with me, he's found someone better.

“No! No no no!” He walks over to me and cups my face. “I won't let you do something like this with clouded judgment.” He kisses my head.

“I'm not. I'm thinking clear. I want you, Tobias. I want you.” My fingers go back to the button on his jeans. His hand goes to his back pocket.

“Fine, stop me if I do anything that you change your mind about.” He tilts my head up and kisses me as he pulls out his wallet. He sets it on my bedside table along with his keys. I feel his fingers fumble against mine trying to get his button undone. I pull at his shirt and give up just to reach down and peel my panties off. He gets the button undone finally and looks at me, at my fingers where I’m touching myself. He pulls his shirt off, kisses my stomach, then up to my breasts he nips at one of my nipples then the other. I hiss, fingers grabbing at his hair.

“Tobias.” I kick at his pants. I see his hand reach out for his wallet, fumbling to pull out a packet. He leans back far enough to free himself. He tears open the packet and puts on the condom. I remove my fingers and spread my legs.

“Tris.” He leans close and kisses me, pushing himself into me. I wince. “Shh, it'll hurt at first.” I did my nails into the back of his shoulders. He presses his cheek against mine, I hear his breath leave him in ragged pants. We lie there for a few minutes then I nod, I think it's safe for him to move. His his rock against mine a little, it stings but I don't want him to know that. I dig my fingers in deeper. His hips pick up their pace. His jeans scrape against my thighs, I want to laugh at how awkward this is to me. It doesn't feel good and I'm a bit disappointed but when I sneak a peek at Tobias his expression makes it worth it. This was a stupid reason for our first time but it was worth it. I kiss his cheek and he stills looking at me.

“You're not happy.” He looks hurt. “I'm hurting you aren't I?”

“No, it's just. Uncomfortable. You can continue, we'll worry about me some other time.”

“This was about you, though.” He ducks his head, shoulders tense.

“And if you want to make me happy then you'll continue. I love your face.” I pull him close. He thrusts his hips slowly picking up speed. I kiss his head, his face, his lips. I hold him close as he pants into my neck. I can tolerate this. His body tenses with a grunt and then he sighs and rolls off of me. He pulls the condom off and walks over to the waste basket next to my dresser and throws it away. He pulls his pants up and buttons them. He grabs my clothes and hands them to me.

“I'm sorry that wasn't good for you. Do you want me to get you a rag?” He looks at me. I nod and he unlocks my door and disappears down the hall. I lean back on my bed and sigh. It wasn't good not right now. I don't understand why couples do this. Is it for that look on the person you love's face? Or at one point does it actually feel good?

I feel hands at my thighs and Tobias wipes me clean. “Are you sore? I'm so sorry! I.. you should've told me it wasn't good when we first started. I would've stopped.” I lean up and kiss him. “It's fine.” I get up and get dressed.

We walk back downstairs and sit on the couch, I more or less lay wrapped back up in my blankets. Head in Tobias' lap. “How was Chicago?”

“It was nice.” He smiles. “So did everyone come back down here?”

I nod, choosing to not tell him about what Eric had said. “Who's Evelyn Johnson?” I trace his nose, the same nose my nurse at the hospital has.

“My mother.” He closes his eyes. I look at him and I suddenly see that woman in him, I should tell him, but I won't.

“Oh?”

He looks at the front door as it opens, my parents walk in. He looks at me kissing me on my forehead. “Maybe next time will be better.” He whispers in my ear before moving me and getting up. “Hello. Natalie.”

“Hello, Tobias. Andrew told me you were looking for a nurse. I have a friend David at the hospital he can look for you.”

“Thank you. Have a wonderful evening.” He says to all of us before leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a shirt you guys can but on Redbubble. If anyone cares.


	12. Chapter 11: 1967

"Is it always going to be like that?" I stare at my living room wall.

"Which part?" I hear her laugh through the phone line. I groan telling her not only about the uncomfortableness that was my first time but about how Tobias tries to constantly set the mood for the next time, and how I always seem to flee before he can.

"All of it! Is it always going to hurt or be not good? I can't do it again if it is every time! And Tobias," I put my face in my hands. "I can't be alone with him before he starts kissing me and pawing at me." He tells me he wants to make me feel good since all I do is make him feel good.

"You guys need a little romance. You still have that ticket to Chicago right?" Christina suggests.

"It's for one person. Plus why would I want to use it when Tobias has his bike?" I retort.

"Good point. But still you two should go do that this summer, maybe for your birthday?" She huffs. "Before we graduate next year?"

I sigh. "Yeah. Maybe."

"Now I have to go, Will is taking me somewhere, and Tris? Try to have a good summer and do something."

If by something she meant anything. I was going to do anything. Even if that anything at the moment was in Tobias' apartment. I put on a record and sorted through his laundry, deciding that I'd do it for him. Or well that's what I was doing before he came in and saw me standing there. Now his hands are wrapped around my waist, his chin resting on my shoulder and we're swaying to the music.

I feel his hands come up and cup my breasts, I cover his hands with mine and push them back down to my waist. He does it again and I move his hands back down.

"Tobias, stop."

I feel his hands leave my hips and he pulls away before shutting himself in the bedroom. I stand there in the living room, the love song on the record seeming too happy for the mood in the apartment. He comes back out dressed, jacket and shoes on. He walks in to the kitchen and picks up his keys, bending over to tie his boot in place, then the other.

"Where are you going?" I cross my arms.

"I need to get out of this apartment for a while." He shrugs, tying the other boot.

"I'll come with you." I smile and pick up my shoes.

"No, Beatrice. I need to be out of this apartment and away from you for a while." He looks at me.

I look down nodding. I put my shoes on and leave his jacket on the back of one of his chairs. "I'll just go so you don't have to leave your apartment."

"Tris!" He places a hand against my chest stopping me from leaving. "You don't have to go."

"You made it seem very clear that I was the issue here." I stare at the door.

"You are but it's more of you're here all the time in this apartment, it smells of you. It reminds me of you and some of your clothes are in my dresser." He leans his forehead against mine. "You don't know how acquainted my right hand is with myself. And for some reason you keep pushing me away from anything. You won't even let me properly kiss you."

"That's not true." I scrunch up my nose.

He leans forward and fits his lips to mine, his tongue flicks at the seam of my lips and I jerk away. "Yes it is, see. And you won't talk to me. I just," he looks away from me towards the door, hurt clear in his voice. "I need out of here. I just need to take a walk." He pulls away and leaves out the front door.

I stand there, remembering when he kept asking me if we were okay after that day and I kept saying yes. We were okay. But I guess I didn't know that I was making us not okay by not talking.

I finish the laundry and stare at the clock on the wall. How long was this walk going to be? I find his recipe box and pull out a card for lasagne, maybe I could try this. I pull out ingredients and notice that he has everything but the sheets of lasagne. I look at outside the sun isn't setting yet. I walk out the door and bump into Daniel.

"Hello, Daniel!"

"Hello, Ms. Tris!" He smiles at me, I hold the door open for him before hopping down the steps.

Maybe I'll get things for a cake, Tobias seems to like German chocolate cake the most. Then we'll talk, I owe him that a talk. I grab a basket and start down the aisles before I know it I'm in the aisle with pads and condoms. I look around and there's a few girls down at the other end of the aisle. They're laughing and pointing in my direction. I take a deep breath and grab a box of condoms and put them in my basket before turning away from the girls and walking to the aisles I need to be in.

Luckily it was Stephanie behind the counter, she looks at the box of condoms then at me, eyebrow raised. Okay maybe not luckily.

"Ever thought to ask your mom to put you on the pill? I have Christina on it." She rings up my items.

I shake my head, and pay.

I make it back to Tobias' apartment and go to open the door to realise it's locked. Did I lock myself out? I shake my head remember leaving it unlocked. I knock on the door, hearing nothing behind the door. Part of me thinks he came home and saw I wasn't there. I sit down on the door mat, fighting back tears. I hear steps on the stairs and Tobias comes through the hallway on the other side. I stand up and he stops in front of me.

"I locked myself out I think." I wipe at my eyes.

He smiles and opens an arm to hug me. He ducks down kissing my cheek. "Why are you crying, My Love?"

"Stupid reason. That we will talk about but," I kiss his cheek. "I was going to make dinner and a surprise."

He nods and unlocks the door taking one of the bags from me. I follow him in and he stops when he sees what I pulled out on the counter. I feel his eyes on me as I take out the pasta. "You went through my kitchen and found my recipes? My mother's family recipes?"

I nod.

"Okay then." He lets out a sigh.

"I'm sorry," I set the rest of the bag's contents on the counter.

"You're sorry?" He pulls out the tub of the cake frosting. He looks at me and closes his eyes. He doesn't look happy.

"I-"

"You're sorry." He nods then groans pulling out the box of condoms. "Beatrice." He covers his face resting it on the counter. "And you won't even fucking kiss me!" I place a hand on his arm. "You hurt me so much, Beatrice. I can't think of anybody I could love more in this world and-"

I pull his face to me and kiss him. "Help me with the Lasagne?"

"I'll help you with all three of these things." He kisses me again. "So why do you push me away every time I touch you." He points to his shoulders to his knees. I've just put the pan with the cake batter in the oven.

"Because if we do any of that then that means it will be followed by that, and I don't want to uncomfortable like that again. I'm sorry, I know I told you that it was fine but if it's going to be like that. I can't do it again." I grab a pan for the Lasagne.

I hear Tobias start laughing. "Oh, My Love. Do you remember when I told you next time would be better? I wasn't joking. It won't feel like that again." He takes the pan grabbing the first sheet of the pasta that we had boiled. I watch his hands as he presses it into the pan.

"So it will feel good? Like I may end up trying to have my way with you every waking hour?" I open cans and hand them to him.

"I wouldn't have a problem with that, my love." He smiles, "I may just like that more than you know."

I roll my eyes. "So how would you feel if I was put on the pill?"

I watch the spoon he was using to spread the sauce drop int the pan, he turns to look at me and there's tomato sauce all over the front of him. His eyes are wide eyebrows raised.

"Tobias?" I take a step towards him and he takes a step back. I stop slightly hurt.

"Can you finish that for me?" He points to the pan before turning and walking into the bathroom. I finish waiting for the cake to be done so I can put the lasagne in there. I hear the bathroom door open and he comes out hair soaked.

"Did you take a shower?" I ask him.

He shrugs, "no, I was stopping myself from." He looks at me and then makes a motion with his hand. I stare at him before realisation hits me.

"Oh."

"Mmhm." He rubs the back of his head. "And I did stick my head under the faucet, I was just." He waves a hand from me to his chest. "Okay the thought of you on the pill is pretty arousing okay?"

I nod.

"Like I'd get to sometimes not use condoms. I'd get to feel you."

"So you're not one of those guys who believes it's satan's curse to women?" I get the cake when the timer dings and Tobias comes up behind me and puts the other pan in.

"No. If it means good times for you and I. No I do not think that."

I decorate the cake and he tries helping, tries being that he tries to eat the icing before it goes on the cake until I shoo him off. He laughs and I watch him walk into the living room and over to the record player.

"Got any recommendations, Tris?"

"What ever you want to dance with me to."

He smiles, "got a new record today." He fiddles and I hear music start and he comes up to me and pulls me close. "If you want my lovin' if you really do don't be afraid baby. Just ask me you know I'm gonna give it to you. Oh and I do declare I want to see you with it." He sings in my ear. Swaying with me I lay my head on his shoulder.

"Stretch out your arms little girl, you're gonna get it. Cause I love you ain't no doubt about it. Baby I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you, baby I love you." He kisses my forehead. "If you feel you want to kiss me. Go right ahead I don't mind, all you got to do is snap your fingers and I'll come running. I ain't lying, I ain't lying I heard you once little girl. You know you got it I'd deny my own self. Before I see you without it I love you. Ain't no doubt about it. Baby I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you, baby I love you."

I reach up on my toes and kiss him, his fingers cup my cheeks and I smile. "Someday you might want to run away, and leave me sittin' here cryin'. But if it's all the same to you baby I'm gonna stop you from sayin' goodbye. Baby I love you Baby I need ya, said I want ya. Got to have you baby don't let your neighbors tell you I don't want you." I sing against his mouth.

He looks at me, "we have an hour before that is suppose to be done." He pulls me with him over to the couch. He removes my shirt and kisses at my neck and the tops of my breasts. I start laughing. He looks at me and that's when Aretha Franklin's voice belts out.

'Cause you make me feel  
You make me feel  
You make me feel like a natural woman'

He smiles, placing a kiss on my stomach. "Perfect song isn't it? I'm glad I got this record." I hum and run a hand through his hair. His fingers make quick work of the snap on my pants. "Take them off." I stand up on the couch and take my pants and panties off. I stop and look at him and our eyes meet before a thought crosses my mind.

I place a hand in his hair and shuffle forward, his hands cup the bag of my thighs as I lower myself on his mouth. I feel his lips move against me before his tongue flicks out touching my clit. I grab the back of the couch with my other hand, my head rolls back a moan leaving my lips. My hair sticks to my face and my moaning gets louder. I hear the woman above us start stomping. My knees start to shake and Tobias adds two fingers into me, moving them in and out. I close my eyes as light flashes behind them nearly blinding me. I think I may have screamed.

I feel a hand on my back. "Are you okay, My Love?" I give a weak groan. "I think we upset Miss. Lewis upstairs. She's the land lord's rival. The crazy lady that complains about everything."

"Oh yeah?" I rub my face against his shoulder. "How's the lasagne?"

"Still have half an hour." I kiss his chin.

"Can we go to Chicago sometime this summer?"

"Sure." I get up and make my way into the kitchen to get a glass of water. There's knocking on the door, I press myself against the counter and Tobias answers.

"Hello?" He stands there then looks at me. "Stay here." He steps outside.

I walk closer to the door and before I can reach it it swings open, Tobias stops and looks at me. "I'm going to need you to get dressed and can you go across the hall to Charlie and Daniel's?"

I look at him as I grab my clothes, I don't say anything as I get dressed and I look at the stove. I look back at Tobias before crossing my arms. "No."

Tobias looks at me. "Tris, please this isn't up for a debate."

"What isn't?" I stand my ground. Eric appears behind Tobias.

"What's the hold up?" He walks in some others follow him, some I know some I don't. They don't give me a passing glance. One a tan skinned man looks at me.

"When you're done with her can I have a turn?"

"Ryan, you may be waiting a long time but you will be the first I call when that happens." He say Italian accent thick. When his eyes glance back at me they're cold and calculating. I hold my breath and walk past him. I stand in the hallway and hear the lock on his door slide home. I take the back stairs.

'He's in something much bigger than him.' Caleb's voice is ringing in my ears. 'We all meet up once a week for a year." Uriah's unwillingness to tell me what it was and I realise that he wasn't talking about that week. I'm standing in the dark and I notice a little too late without shoes. I walk towards the abandon buildings knowing the there's no light over there. I sit down in the grass head tilted up so I can look up at the sky.

That wasn't Tobias I realise, that was Four. The Four that they knew. I pull grass out of the ground and start to whisper a song my mother use to sing to me over and over. "The night is like a lovely tune, beware my foolish heart. How white the ever constant moon, take care my foolish heart. There's a line between love and fascination, that's hard to see on an evening such as this." I wipe at my eyes. "For they both give the very same sensation, when your lost in the magic of a kiss. Her lips are much too close to mine, beware my foolish heart. But should our eager lips combine, then let the fire start." I put my head in my hands. "For this time it isn't fascination, or a dream that will fade and fall apart. It's love, this time it's love, my foolish heart."

"Didn't take you for a Gordon Jenkins supporter." Tobias sits next to me a plate of food in his hand. "I brought you this. I was going to interrupt you earlier but I hear you singing this and I stopped, I got kinda worried when you kept singing it over and over though." He chuckles, I haven't looked at him since he sat down. I can't.

He sighs and sets the covered plate down along with another and two glasses and a bottle of wine. "Would you like to drink with me, My Love?"

I grit my teeth and try not to scoff, I really do try.

I hear a sigh."Each time I see a crowd of people, just like a fool I stop and stare. It's really not the proper thing to do, but maybe you'll be there." He lies back on the grass. "I go out walking after midnight, along the lonely thoroughfare. It's not the time or place to look for you, but maybe you'll be there." I look at his fingers as they tap against his stomach. "You said your arms would always hold me, you said your lips were mine alone to kiss. Now after all those things you told me, how can it end like this?" He rolls over to face me. "Some day if all my prayers are answered, I'll hear a footstep on the stair. With anxious heart I'll hurry to the door, and maybe you'll be there."

I look away from him, I hear him sigh again. "What I do this time? Was it about Ryan? Him and I, we've had a talk about you several times. And I'm sorry if it came off rude. I didn't mean I'd be done with you anytime soon or at all I was just saying that if that ever where to happen, he'd be the first to know. You know one of those things like when someone says something and you know it won't happen yet you still say you're the first I'll call." He groans. "You're pissed, I'd be pissed too. Fuck! And we just made up! I didn't know they were coming by if I did I would've told them that they could wait."

"Would you have? You seemed in a hurry to get me out of that apartment, Four." I turn my head and look at him, I see his mouth snap shut. I hope he can see the anger, hurt, and confusion in my eyes. "But of course I should have known. All this time you were worried about me keeping you a secret when in fact it was the other way around. Wasn't it, Four?"

"Stop calling me that!" He looks at me.

"Or what? You'll make me? Maybe that's why people end up leaving you!" I stand up and freeze that was a low blow. I put a hand over my mouth. I watch him sink back against the grass, he throws a hand over his face.

"That was low. And I guess I may have deserved that. Though I think you stabbing me would've hurt a lot less than you ripping my heart out like you just did." I hear his voice crack. "Ask what you want then leave I guess. We can be through too if you want."

I sink onto my knees next to him. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!" I throw a leg over him and rest myself on his stomach. "I'm so sorry." I place my forehead against his chest. "I fucked up. I fucked up, I got angry and I fucked us up."

All I can here is his breathing, I sit up. His arm is still over his face. I close my eyes. "Are you guys doing illegal things, Tobias? You never talk to me about your job and you have this money and you, when you looked at me." I lick my lips. "You looked at me so coldly. I realised I really don't know a lot about you."

There's still no answer and I nod and get up. I stop and kneel next to him again and bend forward to kiss his lips once. "I shouldn't do this to you, I realise I think I love you." I get up and stare at the direction of his apartment, I should get my shoes.

I make it up to his apartment and open the door, it's empty. I go into his bedroom to hunt for my shoes. I check under the bed and stop when my hand touches silk. I pull out a night slip, I stare at it. It's a baby blue.

"It was for you. Your birthday is coming up. I really don't know what to get you other than lingerie now." I look at the doorway. Tobias has the plates and the wine with him. He gives me a small smile and joins me on the floor. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I didn't mean to make you feel like I was being cruel. There are some parts of my job that I can not discuss with you. But I can tell you that I'm safe."

"So you do do illegal things." I sniffle.

"Sometimes yeah, we do. But it's mainly stealing back what's ours." He opens the wine bottle and pours it into one glass and hands it to me. He takes the other for his self. "Here's the lasagne, and the cake. Zeke tried to eat some and I threw a spoon at him so fast that I think I may have scared him."

I giggle. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did. It was very cruel."

"Indeed it was and I know how you can make it up to me." I take a sip from my glass. "Put it on." He fingers the silk of the night slip. "I want to see you in it."

I look at him. "Maybe some other time? Maybe when we go to Chicago?"

He looks at me disappointment in his eyes. "Fine wound me even more." He picks up the cake. "I'm eating your slice and you will watch me."

"And tonight I will touch myself and you won't get to help." I take a bite of the lasagne.

He looks at me and smiles. "Okay fine you can have half the cake. If I get to help." I start laughing.

"You are a pervert! Okay fine. If I'm forgiven."

"Yeah you are." He presses me back, kissing me.

I remember us both drinking the whole bottle of wine before climbing into bed and passing out fully dressed into each others arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used are:  
> Baby I love you and You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman by Aretha Franklin  
> and  
> My Foolish Heart and Maybe You'll Be There by Gordon Jenkins
> 
> Lasagne is the proper spelling of lasagna


	13. Chapter 12: 1967

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie about how many times I've rewritten parts of this chapter. Like oh this is good no we're going to do it this way instead. Maybe this way, nah let's rewrite it to this way I don't like that! That fits a different story perfectly so we'll go back to the original one. 
> 
> Writing is hard and I hate it sometimes.
> 
> I would also like to say I'm sorry I don't know how many of my readers are like 12, because that happens and there's like smut. Hardcore smut. And I'm like I should make this vague. But I want to write smut. But people will read this and they might be children. I don't want to be the 50 shades lady. But I want to write the smut. So sorry small children.
> 
> If that wasn't enough there is smut in this chapter.
> 
> This chapter does make me doubt myself a lot too.

"You should take lots of pictures for me!" My mother hugs me. "And bring back something nice for your father! Oh and don't forget Christina and Will."

"Okay, Mama!" I hug her back and grab my suitcase.

"Ready to go?" Tobias grabs my other bag and puts it in the back of the truck where his bags and motorcycle are.

"Hold on!" I hug my father and kiss his cheek. "I love you!" I yell as I get in the truck. Tobias hugs my parents and they have a few words before he gets in. He starts the engine then waves goodbye. "This is going to be so exciting!" I grin as we make our way through town.

"Mmhm." I feel him put his arm around my shoulders. "Well little lady. Ready for your first time outta this town?"

I turn my head and kiss his arm. "So what are we doing today when we get there?"

"First we gotta get a motel room, then maybe some food. Maybe stay in the rest of the night. After that what ever you want, it's your vacation." He pulls me close. "You should put on your seat belt."

I shift my body to the middle of the seat and fasten the middle belt. I lean my head against Tobias, we have two hours to go. I feel tapping against my cheek and sit up. I look at Tobias.

"You zoned out on me, I asked if you were thirsty or had to go to the restroom?" He laughs.

"No?" I look around confused like all people who just woke up do. I rub at my eyes.

"Well I have to piss. And if you're not thirsty and I'm not thirsty, I'll just pull over here." He stops the truck and shuts of the engine. He takes the keys. "I'll be right back." He yells as he walks around the front of the truck and into the tall grass. I open the passenger door and move to get out to stretch, my skirt rides up and the night air blows across my thighs.

"You know you're lucky nobody is out here in this field or they'd know you like sexy panties?" He calls at me. I straighten my skirt.

"So you're saying that a bunch of guys would be looking at me while you were standing there?" I watch him zip his pants and walk over to me.

"No." He shrugs. "I'd probably have a horrible display of masculinity and embarrass you and you won't talk to me for awhile until I do something to make you laugh then we'll have make up sex."

I snort. "You are such a boy." I stretch my arms above my head and moan. I roll my shoulders then look at him. He's staring at me.

"I love you."

I kiss him. "And I you."

"No I mean I really love you." He pecks chaste kisses on my lips over and over. "Now let's go!"

We get back in the truck and drive the rest of the way, I try to play I-Spy with him but after a while it became talking about little things.

"When I was little I wanted a goose as a pet." I chuckle.

"Those bastards are evil."

"So what's your full name?" I look at him.

His knuckles tighten on the steering wheel. "I don't want to have that talk right now, Tris." He pulls a packet out of his jacket pocket and opens it pulling out a cigarette. He flicks open a lighter and lights it while taking a drag. He puts the lighter up and rolls down the window to blow smoke out of the cab. "So senior year." He smiles, "got any big plans, you know you can go to prom now."

"I could've went this year." I shrug.

"Why didn't you?" He glances at me then the road.

"Didn't want to go alone."

"Alone." I watch him take a drag of the cigarette. "I would've went with you."

"Suit and tie?"

"Suit and tie and I would've taken you out for dinner and I would've gotten you flowers. I would've danced with you." He laughs.

"We'll go next year?" I kiss his cheek.

We enter Chicago and my eyes widen. I roll down the window and stick my head out. It's much more crowded than my town. There are more buildings it's not as spaced out.

"So do always get a motel when you're here?" I ask when he parks the truck in the parking lot to a gas station.

"No I normally stay with Zeke and his family. Sometimes I go up to Milwaukee and stay with Rebecca and her lady friend." He goes and pumps gas. "Okay I'm going to drop my bike off at Max's then we can go get dinner. Maybe go see a movie? Before we get a room?"

I nod, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He smiles at me.

I look at my hair in the side mirror and groan. I go through my bag of toiletries to get my brush.

"Babe?" He looks at me and a smile spreads across his face.

"Give me five, I'm sure I at least need to change this shirt." I look at the button down that's too big for me. "Just wait in the truck." I watch him shrug and I grab my bag with clothes and run to the gas station bathroom. This was going to be the night, I stop and stare at my hands and the stockings that the hold in them. "You can do it. Be brave!" I quickly undress and get ready. I wear the blue stockings that Christina gave me. I keep my "sexy" panties, as Tobias says, on and the garter belt he bought me fastening my stockings to it. I forgo my bra, I heard a lot of women were doing it now days. I put on a dress I saw and liked, a black baby doll dress. They were really popular. I brush my hair ad leave it down, I don't know if I have time to do my make up. I lean in the mirror and decide to do it anyways. Once I have my eyes and lips done put on my good pair of kitten heels I brought and stuff my dirty clothes back in the bag. I walk back to the truck and get in.

"Ready, Tris? Wait til-" his eyes widen, "you see-" He stares at my mouth agape. "Absolutely not."

My heart thuds to a halt. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not taking you over to Max's like that." He crosses his arms.

"Why not!" I glare at him. "Am I still being-"

"No!" He kisses me. "I'm a jealous creature. And once they see you over there it'll probably get worse!"

"I'm sure it won't be that bad." I shrug and he stares at me, at my legs. "What?"

"Nothing being a pervert as usual." He finally takes his gaze off my legs. My face flushes, and he winks at me. "Can you blame me though?" His hand rests on my knee closest to him.

I roll my eyes then point out the front windshield. "What's that?" There's a metal structure being built not to far from where we are.

"It's a building, Tris. Nothing new or special." He shrugs hand creeping higher.

"But it's so big. And it needs cranes!" I stare at it.

"That's normal here, there are so many people that they need to make more buildings for more room." I feel his hand brush the edge of my stocking closest to the inside of my thigh then around to the front. A finger hooks itself into the strap of my garter. "Is that what I think it is?" I bat his hand away. We pull up in front of a store beside it is a house. "This is Max's store and that's his house. Walk with me to the garage?"

I get out and smooth down my dress skirt.

"Well there he is! I didn't know you were coming back here soon!" I look around the back and Max is standing there in the doorway of his shop, Zeke is helping Tobias with getting his bike off the back of the truck.

"How'd you get it on there by yourself?" He grunts.

"Zeke, I'm awesome and by all means everything works out for me." Tobias grins.

"Four! Tell your lady friend she can come in if she wants." A woman says behind Max, she's got long black hair and slanted eyes. Max looks at me and raises an eyebrow I can tell he doesn't recognise me. I can't look that different can I?

Zeke looks at Tobias and takes his hands away from the bike. Tobias, who's caught off guard, nearly drops it. "Hey!"

"Is this what I think it is, Four?" He snarls.

"What?"

"You know I did think she was a bit too good for you." Zeke snorts. "I can't believe you! Man, what's Tris going to think?"

I cover my grin with my hand.

"What?" Tobias says even more confused.

"I know she may not be the most stunning chick out there but she was good! Man I liked Tris. If you're going to be running around with other girls when here." He takes a deep breath. "Just break it off with her beforehand dude. I'd want to know if I was being cheated on or if my relationship was over before I fall hard." Zeke shakes his head and walks into the shop, he stops in the doorway. "And I thought you were really in love with her too. Ma was planning you a wedding and everything. Saying my boy is going to get married one day."

I stand next to Tobias who is staring in shock. "Did he just?"

I nod.

"He thinks you're?"

I shrug.

He nods. "Guy can't catch a break!" I laugh into my hand and shake my head.

"At least I know that if you ever do cheat on me, he's the one to go to."

"If I ever cheat on you I hope you rip my heart out." He looks at me. "I'm serious, if something does possess me to ever hurt you like that kill me."

I shake my head. "I wouldn't be able to do that." I stand on my toes and kiss him. "Now I'm going to go reintroduce myself to them."

"Tylko ty kochanie," he shakes his head. I raise an eyebrow.

"What?" I press a hand to his cheek.

"Only you," he kisses my wrist. "My love."

I smile and walk inside. I see Zeke with his head in his hands, Shauna is rubbing his back. Uriah is staring at him.

"Okay, so. Four has brought a lady friend. Who's not the one we met there?" Uriah tilts his head.

"Oh come on what if this is the one that's been making him smile and talk about love, what if it wasn't who you guys thought it was?" Lauren leans against the wall.

Lynn spots me from across the room and a smile breaks out across her face. She walks over to me unnoticed by the others. "You've gotta be fucking with me. They think you're some fox that stole Four away from his love? Really, Tris?"

I sigh. "Thank god someone can recognise me!" An arm wraps around my shoulders.

"What's a pretty lady like you doing with a man like Four?" Max squints his eyes, then blinks. "Well hello, Beatrice."

I put a finger against my lips. "Zeke's having a stroke over this, I'm kinda enjoying it."

Uriah looks at me. "Is that her?" Marlene who was sitting on his lap looks at me and waves.

"I thought I saw you in the truck with Four!" She yells. "Hey, Tori! This is Four's girl!"

"Thank you, Marlene. Nice to see you two again, tell Hana I said hello."

I start laughing when Zeke stares at me. "Tris? Tris! Tris? Like Tris as in pretty Tris? Not Tris. Because Tris isn't-" Zeke looks at Shauna then me. "She's hot!"

"Nice to know that if Four does do anything you guys are all on my side." I laugh even harder. When Zeke stares at me muttering about magic voodoo and women powers.

Tobias walks in and shakes his head. "Siete tutti un branco di idioti del cazzo."

"Did you just insult us? Gabe! Did he just insult us?" Zeke looks at him. Gabe shrugs.

Tobias smiles when that woman who was with Max walks out she smiles. "Well look at you. Who's this?"

"This is Tris. Tris, this is Tori she's Max's business partner." She pulls me into a hug.

Max leads Tobias off to talk and I stand there I hear a snicker and a hand touches my shoulder. "I don't believe it. I guess there is something he sees in you." Eric smirks, I wrinkle my nose. He leans in and whispers to me. "Though I wouldn't believe him when he says that he loves you, you seem to just be something that he can have a little fun with." He walks off.

Lynn looks at me. "He's a swine. Don't worry about what he said."

Tobias comes back to me. "We're going. I promised this young lady dinner and a show." He pulls me out the door.

"You're worries about me being ambushed by young men was incorrect." I don't look at him.

"That's because all the people I thought would be there weren't, they're all in Max's house and we are leaving before they come over." He looks at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I smile, "are you surprising me with dinner?"

"Yeah. Thought I'd take you to a friend's." He smiles as we head down town. "This, my love. Was once Polish Chicago."

I stare at him. "Is this where you lived?"

"No, I mean I did spend a lot of time here. Fair warning, Tris, I may speak quite a bit of polish while we are here." He winds his hand through mine. "Do you think you can handle it without trying to jump me?"

I laugh. "You're full of yourself."

He grins. "To może być, ale tylko wtedy, gdy to ty."

"What was that?"

"I'm going to teach you some polish while we're here." He stops in front of a building. "Stay here." He gets out and walks around the front to open my door for me. "I said 'that may be, but only if it's you.' Meaning that when I'm around you I can be selfish."

He walks me to the door and knocks, a round woman looks out the window of the door and her eyes light up. She throws open the door. "Tobias!" She hugs him. He hugs her back and she starts talking. I can only watch as they talk in polish.

"Mrs. Paszek and her husband own this restaurant. I use to steal from their trash bins until they caught me. Hana was so pissed. Made me work her fro a couple of summers then I worked her full time when I quit school." He smiles, polish accent thick in his words.

"You like it here." I smile. A man taller than Tobias and much larger comes around the corner smiling.

"Mój chłopcze, że jesteś w domu." He hugs him.

"Jestem tylko pokazać Tris wokół." Tobias points at me, pulling me close and kissing the top of my head.

"Ona jest piękna. Twoja żona?" The man places a hand on Tobias' shoulder. His cheeks turn pink.

"Nie jeszcze nie."

"Ale mam nadzieję, że pewnego dnia ona będzie. Tak?" The man hugs him then me.

"Tak." The man walks away and Tobias leads me to a table. "Bartek and Cecylia are good people."

"What were you saying earlier?" I place my hand on top of his on the table.

"Cecylia was asking how I've been and Bartek asked who you were and he thinks you're beautiful." Tobias weaves his fingers through mine, his palm against my own. His thumb strokes my thumb. "And you are you're really beautiful. And I'd like to know what was bothering you earlier? Was it Eric?"

I nod. "He said that you only liked me because I entertain you."

"Że sukinsyn." He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Tris don't believe what he says okay? Or what anyone says when it comes to me and you for that matter."

"So I don't make you happy and want to settle down?" I raise an eyebrow.

"That," he smiles at the table. "That is true. I mean the negative stuff okay? Now What movie do you want to see?"

"I don't care." I shrug.

"Well there's that Bonnie and Clyde movie or In The Heat Of The Night." Tobias smiles. "See one tonight and see the other a different time?"

I nod. "So you're surprising me with dinner?"

He smiles, "yes I am hold on as I prepare it." He walks to the back and my eyes follow him. I remember the camera in my purse in the truck so I run out to get it. I stand in front of the shop and take a picture.

"Would you like to me to take one of you in front of the building?" A young man with dark hair comes up to me. He smiles lazily at me.

"Yes! I'm sorry." I hand him the camera and stand in front of the door as he takes a picture. "Thank you."

"What's a beautiful young woman such as yourself doing here?" He hands the camera back.

"I'm here on a trip. It's for my birthday."

"I'm here on a trip too, more of a business nature. I'm Matthew." He extends his hand towards me.

"I'm, Tris." I take his hand and shake it.

"Maybe you'd like to get a drink, Tris?" He smiles at me. His eyes are warm and brown. I find myself holding his hand. "I'm so-"

"Tris?" I turn my head, Mrs. Paszek has the door open. "Dinner?" I look in the window and Tobias is looking at us.

"I'm sorry, Matthew. I'm here with my boyfriend." I go to drop his hand but he pulls it up and kissed the back of it.

"Maybe some other time when you're not?" He smirks and walks away. I wipe my hand on my dress and walk back inside. Once again I find it strange that strangers find me attractive. I sit at our table where there's a plate of these dumplings.

"What's this?" I stab one with my fork.

"Pierogi with Surówka z Marchewki as the side." He pokes at a dumpling.

"What?" I tilt my head.

"It's a salad made from carrot and apple. With a dressing." He looks at the glass next to his plate. "And since the Paszeks run a business here. Beer for me and tea for you."

I raise an eyebrow. "Okay." We eat in silence, uncomfortable silence. I take a sip of tea and look at Tobias. "This is good. You should make food like this more often." His fingers tighten around his fork.

"Maybe." He says after awhile.

I put my silverware down and reach a hand across the table towards his resting hand. My finger tips brush his and his hand pulls away. I bite my lip and retract my hand, he stands up and comes around the table and tilts my face up. He kisses my top lip.

"Are you done?" His thumb brushes my chin.

"Yes." He helps me out of the chair and goes to find Mrs. and Mr. Paszek. I hear some more polish and Tobias comes out with a pan and a bottle of something. He smiles at me then winks and shouts out.

"Pożegnanie!" We head out to the truck I open my door and when I'm in he hands me the pan and the bottle. He kisses me then shuts my door, I see him freeze then run back inside.

When he comes out he has my camera with him, he takes a picture of me in the truck then gets in. "Almost forgot this."

I look at the pan. "What's this?"

"Kremówka. It's a type of cream pie and a drink for later," He runs a finger down my thigh. "So who was that young man helping you with pictures earlier?"

I open my mouth then close it. I'm normally good with names. "I don't remember. He was nice, a little too friendly." I wrinkle my nose remembering him kissing my hand.

"You don't remember his name?" Tobias starts laughing. "Oh, my love."

The sun has set when we pull up to a hotel. Tobias goes to the front and speaks to the man behind the desk there's some more polish, a laugh, the man points at me and Tobias nods before winking. The man hands Tobias a set of keys and he signs his name then walks over to me.

"You're going to have to sign your name too, my lovely bride."

"Excuse me?" I hiss.

"I told him we were honeymooning across the country. And it's Eaton. E-A-T-O-N." He pulls away smiling at me.

My eyes get wide, Tobias' last name is Eaton. He just told me his last name. I walk over to the desk and sign my name next to his. Beatrice Eaton. I take a glance at Tobias' and freeze. Tobias Eaton. I turns and Tobias is waiting with our bags. We make it to our room and he puts the pan with the what ever it was on the counter and the bottle.

"So do you know what movie you want to see tonight?" His back is turned to me. I have the camera in my hands changing the film roll. I snap a picture of him. He looks over his shoulder at me. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, take a picture of me?" I hand him the camera and sit on the edge of the bed and smile. The camera clicks. He sets it next to me and turns back to his bag rearranging things. I take a deep breath and stand up with the camera I sit in next to him. "One more?"

He sighs. "Tris, movie. We'll do pictures later."

Be brave, I think to myself, you can do this. Be sexy. I pull the straps of my dress down until the tops of my breasts are showing. I pull all my hair over one shoulder, pull the skirt of my dress up to were the end of the skirt is just covering where my panties and the garter belt start showing, the white of the straps a contrast to the black of my dress and blue of the stockings. I sit on the edge of the bed closest to him, throwing one leg over the other and reclining back on my elbows.

"You said we could watch the movies anytime this week while we were here." I nudge his shoulder with the toe of my shoes. He still doesn't turn to look at me. I jump up, peel my dress off and toss it at his head."Fine! You can go to the movies and I'll stay here and take a bath since you know my boyfriend, who lied to the hotel manager and said we were married, who also tries to start something obviously doesn't want to actually do anything with me!"

"What are you talking about?"

I don't look at him as I step over him to grab pajamas put of my bag. My hands are shaking and I don't know why. Probably out of frustration. "And I'll drink while you're gone and please myself!" I grab the bottle before kicking my shoes of in his direction. "Should've got two beds instead! Married couple my ass!"

I walk into the bathroom and shut the door. I sit in front of it and open the bottle and take a drink from it, it burns a little. My calm composure and "braveness" wearing off. I feel tears sting my eyes and run down my burning cheeks. I hear the door to the room slam shut and I bury my face in my arms.

I set the bottle down and look at my face in the mirror, streaks of black on my cheeks. I wash my face a couple of times to get all the make up off. I leave the bathroom with the bottle intent to eat the what ever the fuck was in that pan. I set the down next to the pan and take the covering off it. "What the fuck is this again?"

"Kremówka. It's dessert." Tobias shuts the door and sits on the bed and I take a bite.

"This is good." He takes the bottle and drinks from it. I turn my back on him. I stay like that for who knows how long until a hand touches my back.

"I'm sorry?" Tobias takes a bite of the pie thing.

I hum and don't look at him, I feel his hand leave me and I turn to watch him lie back against the head board. I put the fork down and walk over. He sits there mumbling.

"My self from tomorrow morning is going to kick my ass. Hell I'm sure past self is kicking my ass. Thanksgiving self of sixty-six is kicking my ass. Even March of sixty-six me is probably beating his head against something right now. They're probably trying to find out who could build a time machine to come to the future or past to right here and just all gang up and kill me."

"Why would they do that?" I cross my arms.

"Because I have a beautiful girlfriend, who wanted me to please her and instead I was a fucking twat and didn't!" He waves an arm around. "Now she's angry at me and I just want to hold her and tell her I'm sorry. And then please her."

"I'm sure she'll understand." I throw a leg over him and straddle his stomach.

"You think?" He looks at me, hands resting above my thighs.

I nod.

"I'm sorry." He sits up straighter. "I'm sorry I'm an ass."

"You're forgiven." I lean down and kiss him.

"You even went braless!" He buries his face against my chest, mouth leaving sloppy kisses against my sternum. "Hold on." He rolls me off him and grabs my camera. "Smile!"

I do and the camera clicks. I laugh, "now you get it."

"You being my own pin up?" He keels at the end of the bed. "Maybe we can do this some other time? I really just want to be inside you right now."

I nod, "yeah. I'm fine with that."

He sets the camera down and pulls me towards him by my legs. I push my hair back from my face, his hands slide down my legs and over my stomach to cup my breasts. I part my legs and settle them on each side of his waist. I moan when his thumbs rub against my nipples. He leans down and kisses me, tongue sliding past my lips. He pulls back and kneels once again between my legs. His hands undo the garter straps and he rolls the stockings down one at a time, kissing a path down my legs as he does. He nips at my through my panties and my hands tangle in his hair.

"You know when I saw that man talking to you I thought of marching out there and kissing you in front of him." Tobias kisses the inside of my thigh. "Though of also taking you a couple of times over something tonight, I'm glad we're not at the movies to be honest."

"Me too." I breathe out, trying to push his head where I want him. "Tobias!" I whine when he pulls away chuckling.

His fingers hook themselves into the garter and my panties before pulling them down my legs. His shirt goes over his head then he stands up. I watch him remove his pants and boxers and reach in his bag to pull out a condom. He walks back to me packet between his teeth as he climbs over me. His fingers reach down and tease me open, I moan hand grabbing at his arm.

"Please! I need you." I touch his face with my other hand.

He kisses me, rolling on the condom before pressing into me. My legs wrap around his waist, ankles locking behind him. He starts to move hips thrusting back and forward, my nails dig into his shoulders as he leans down on his fore arms. He moves one hand to touch me. I gasp out his name and press my cheek against his.

"I love you." I whisper in his ear and he looks at me. "What?"

"Say that again?" He stops and stares at me. "Please?"

"I. Love. You."

"That's what I thought you said." He kisses me, hips picking up speed. His fingers continue to rub at me until I close my eyes and relax with a moan. I feel him shake above me before collapsing on me. I tap his cheek.

"Sorry." he rolls off of me and pulls me close. "I love you."

"I love you too." I snuggle into him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus okay so in case any of you don't remember Tobias' mother is half american half Italian making Tobias a quarter of each while his father is full blooded polish. He can speak all three languages easily. When he's around his friends he drops everything polish (Zeke, Uriah, and their mother knows he's polish. And Tori has a hint of him not being all Italian.) He doesn't want the others to find out he's Polish.
> 
> It causes problems later.
> 
> The downtown area of Chicago from the mid 40s to the late 60s was known as Polish Chicago. And they all know Tobias. And Polish are very religious from what I've researched. And in order to get that room Tobias had to tell the manager that him and Tris are married. Which will get awkward at some point.
> 
> Another thing correct sex doesn't make it good sex and good sex doesn't make it earth shattering.
> 
> Now translations: (remember Tobias only speaks Italian around his friends so)
> 
> Siete tutti un branco di idioti del cazzo- You're all a bunch of fucking idiots
> 
> Tylko ty kochanie- Only you baby
> 
> To może być, ale tylko wtedy, gdy to ty- That may be but only if it's you
> 
> Mój chłopcze, że jesteś w domu- My boy, you're home
> 
> Jestem tylko pokazać Tris wokół- (loosely translates to) Only to show Tris around
> 
> Ona jest piękna. Twoja żona?- She is beautiful. Your wife?
> 
> Nie jeszcze nie.- No not yet.
> 
> Ale mam nadzieję, że pewnego dnia ona będzie. Tak?- But you hope one day she will. Yes?
> 
> Tak- yes
> 
> Że sukinsyn- That son of a bitch
> 
> Pożegnanie!- Goodbye
> 
> So we now know Tobias' last name. and Tris said the three words. AWWWWWWWWWW.
> 
> More importantly before you're done reading: I want to make one shots from Tobias' POV and you guys can pick what ever you like if it's happened in the story. Meaning that if it gives away what happens later I will write it down but you'll have to wait fro it to be posted and I will let you know personally if I can. If you want childhood stuff or before Tris I will do that too. If you want parts from any of the chapters same rules apply if it gives away anything I will wait to do it. 
> 
> Another thing, I may be working on a few more stories I have a chapter for another story ready to go. It's been ready before I started this one to be honest. I just don't know how much you guys would like an alternate ending to Allegiant since I think there might be quite a few out there, I also have another AU planned.
> 
> Let me know what you think about this chapter, the Tobias' pov one shots and the other stories.


	14. Chapter 13: 1967

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This for real is the longest chapter I have ever written! Oh my god.
> 
> Okay so for the most part there's some talking, some what of a point, and smut. There's some feels... I think.
> 
> Review, Enjoy. Just enjoy.
> 
> Warning there is quite a bit of polish in this all translations are at the bottom. Oh another thing I recommend everyone watch A Passionate Woman. It has Billie Piper and Theo James in it and it was the inspiration I had to write this story and for my polish Tobias.

“So your last name is Eaton.” I get out between pants, my chest is heaving. One of my hands is tangled in Tobias' hair. His head rests on my chest, ear over my heart.

“Yeah my last name is Eaton. My father changed his last name when he moved here. Wanted it to be more American.” His hand on my side shakes a little. “We should shower.” He whispers into my skin after a few more minutes.

“What's your middle name?” I run my free hand up and down his arm.

“What isn't my middle name.” He kisses my collar bone.

I huff.

“Okay! Okay, my full name is Tobias Mieszko James Charles Eaton.” He rubs his forehead on my shoulder. “You can laugh now.”

“I don't know what to think. I only have one middle name why do you have three?” I look at him as he shifts to lean up on his elbows.

“Actually Mieszko is my father's first name for me. My mother liked Tobias, she also wanted my name to be Charles after her father. He was the American her mother fell in love with. And James I don't know where that came from to be honest.” He kisses me.

“What do you mean the man your grandmother fell in love with?” I cup his face.

“My mother was a bastard child. My grandmother fell in love with an American and came here. She fell pregnant and had my mother, the man she fell in love with had died in a horrible accident. Though my grandmother thought it was foul play. So she married someone else and they raised my mother. According to my mother, my Gran never loved the man she married.” His arm reaches out over the bed.

“That's sad. So she met your father and fell in love then had you?” I thumb his bottom lip and he kisses it.

“Love is foolish.” He looks at me. “I was almost a bastard child too. A night of fun with consequences in the morning. My mother found she was carrying me and called my father and the eloped so great shame or something wouldn't be brought to both their names. Neither of them were in love and my mother I think for a moment she did fall in love with him.” His arm comes back up and he looks at me. “I don't know when the beatings started, Tris. I don't.”

I kiss his forehead.

“I was five when he threw my mother into the wall. I was eight when she left me. He started beating me then, with his belt against my back. He'd lock me in the tiny storage room in our house. I was thirteen when I managed to get enough money and I was gone before my fourteenth birthday.” His eyes are closed but still a tear manages to slide past and land on me.

I wrap both arms around his neck. He buries his face in my neck. I part my legs and he pushes inside of me, the condom that he laid out forgotten.

“Love is so foolish, Beatrice. What is love? The means to pass on your name?” His hips move against mine. “The feelings of lust you feel for someone?” He kisses my lips. “The emotion you feel when you can't be without someone?” His hands pull mine from his neck. “What you say to control someone?”

I stare at him and I get it. Love is foolish because there are so many reasons to love someone. There are so many meanings to love.

“Why do you love me, Beatrice?”

Why do I love him? I close my eyes, his hips slow down before he just completely stops moving. I feel hands cup my face.

“Beatrice?”

Suddenly it comes to me just like skipping those rocks. We don't know which ones will work until we try, some may look like they'll work and don't. Some people look like they're last forever and be together and some don't. It depends on how you handle them. Just like with Tobias he had experience and I didn't so there are people who know what it's like to be in love and fail and those who don't.

“I think I may have figured out the metaphor. Maybe.” I laugh.

“Metaphor?” He looks at me confused before smiling. “Really?”

“Maybe. Or I could be reading into it a different way.” I give a yelp when he pulls me up. He's sitting back on his knees and I'm on his lap.

“Maybe?” He kisses my chin. “I love you because you make me happy, Beatrice. You make me believe that love does exist, the good love. The kind where you realise that you can become a better person. The kind that wakes you up and you realise all that you're leaving behind.”

“Kiss me?” I shift my hips against his.

He does.

“Kiss me?” I can only ask again, the need to feel his lips against mine right now is so intense.

He chuckles and presses a kiss to my lips.

“Kiss me.” It's the only demand I have for him.

“Always.” He whispers. Our lips fit together, his hands grip my hips. “Babe, like this.” He guides me up and down. I gasp and my hands grab what ever they can. One hand the back of his neck the other his hair. My head fits perfectly against his shoulder. I raise myself up on my knees just to sink back down.

“I love you.” I gasp against his shoulder.

“I love you too.” His hands are against my back.

I think I'm crying, and when one of his hands cups the back of my head, I know I'm crying. Yet I don't know why I'm crying. I know I'm still crying when I come. I gasp against his neck. I should apologize I think. I feel his arms tighten and he's still hard inside of me.

“Tobias?” I stroke his hair. “You didn't.”

“It's not about me right now. It's about you.” He whispers. “Are you okay?”

I nod. I know I will be. I move my hips back and forth. I hear him gasp out my name and Tobias' hands press against me pushing me closer to him.

“Fuck.” Is all I hear whispered into my shoulder before he stiffens in my arms. I feel myself hit the mattress and he rolls off of me pulling the covers back up around us.

Soon enough his quiet snore sounds from beside me, I work my way out from under his arm before making my way to the bathroom to shower. I look at myself in the mirror. There are bruises from Tobias' mouth marking my stomach. I know there are marks on my thighs. I sigh, he's a rough lover.

But he can be gentle too. I tell myself.

I step under the spray, hotels are nice, mainly for their free shampoo. I smile as I wash my hair. I should write a letter to Caleb. I should also write a letter back to Amanda. I haven't spoken to them in so long. I think back to Amanda's letters to me. Her and Robert are settled in San Diego, a place in California, they had a little girl born in May. They named her Nicole Beatrice. Says that they were able to get married legally.

Caleb is thinking about marrying Jeanine. Says he wants to start a family with her. He also told me that next Thanksgiving that he wants to introduce her to mama and papa, and she wants to introduce him to her sister and Will and his sister Cara. Poor Caleb.

I rinse my hair out and start on my body. How long has it been since I shaved my legs? I pick up the razor I placed in here last night and set to work. I'm wrapped in a towel staring at myself in the mirror. I should be different, shouldn't I? I run a brush through my hair. I leave the bathroom and look at Tobias on the bed.

His eyes are open and he's watching me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I sit next to him. He sits up, fingers brushing up my back.

“Okay.” He kisses my shoulder. “If you're okay then.” He gets up and walks into the bathroom.

I'm still in my towel when he comes out, towel around his waist. He looks at me and I stand. Maybe this is what it's suppose to be like. Where we both can't get enough. I drop my towel.

“Come here.” I tug at his and lead him back to the bed.

“We spent the second day of our vacation in bed. I've only left once to get food for us. Tomorrow we're going to go do things outside of this room.” Tobias laughs into my hair. I smile against his chest.

“I remember leaving to get ice downstairs.” I nip the skin under my mouth. “And the man behind the desk nodded at me and said good day Mrs. Eaton. For a moment I forgot he was talking to me. The second time I almost corrected him that it was Prior.”

Tobias gives a chuckle. “Would you remember it better if your last name was Eaton?”

I shrug. “You're joking right? I'm only sixteen still I can't be thinking about marriage.”

“Pewnego dnia będę prosić cię o rękę, moja miłość.” He sighs and rolls over onto his back.

“Excuse me? I don't speak polish here.” I raise an eyebrow.

“I za to jestem wdzięczny.” He smiles at me, I glare. “All I said was yes I am joking and next time we'll stay somewhere where you don't have to be Mrs. Eaton.”

“Tell me you love me?” I rest my cheek on my palm.

“I love you.” He kisses my head.

“No you ass! In polish!” I flick his nipple.

“Ała! Tyle wrogości. A ja myślałem, że mnie kochasz.” He rubs at his chest. “Kocham cię tak cholernie dużo.”

I stare at him.

“I said 'I love you.' and that you wound me greatly with your meanness.”

“Why do I not believe you.” I lean close.

“Because you do not speak polish and you think it might all be bad.” He shrugs.

“Say something nice.”

“Lubię czuć ciebie nagi przeciwko mnie.” He smiles at me. “Po szeptać moje imię, jak punkt kulminacyjny. Sposób twoje ciało zaciska się wokół mnie. Jesteś najpiękniejszą i ważną rzeczą w moim życiu.” He kisses my cheek. “To jest piękne, aby zobaczyć niebo w twoich oczach, kiedy jestem z tobą.”

I smile, “is this stuff I can say to anyone?”

He looks at me, “no.”

“Is that because it's perverted?”

“Może tylko trochę.” He holds up his pointer and thumb with a tiny space between them.

“You are a fucking pervert!” I groan into his chest.

“Some of it was nice!” He laughs. “I can't help it I use to not like speaking in this tongue!”

“Oh? What do you mean?” I don't raise my head. I can't look at him.

“Well I use to only speak it when I was talking to Bartek or Cecylia or my father. Around everyone else I speak Italian. My mother did teach me that. And it stuck.”

I hum, “say something in Italian”.

“Mi piacciono le tue labbra intorno a me troppo.” He kisses my ear. “E so che ti piaccio dentro di te troppo.”

I glare at him. “Is that anything I can say to my parents?”

He looks at me face pink. “Do they speak Italian?”

“My mother does. A little bit, enough she talks to the Italian family down the street perfectly.” I continue to glare at him.

“Then no. It's not.”

I smack him. “Why are saying this to me!”

“Szczerze mówiąc chcę cię dotknąć tak jak mówię te rzeczy.” He flips me onto my back.

“What?” I rest my hands on his biceps. My heart starts racing when I see the look in his eyes.

“I'm going to be saying things, maybe worse than what's already been said. And I'm going to touch you.”

My hands tighten. “Oh god! You're going to narrate our sex!”

“Shh don't yell.” He puts a finger to my lips. “I would like to talk to you, yes, but not narrate it exactly.”

“I won't know what you're saying!” I hiss.

“Mainly my love for you and your body.” He kisses my neck. “The only issue I have is am I going to be able to speak in this tongue again around you without you trying to jump me.”

“I promise!” I bite my lip.

“Jak chcesz.” He smiles and puts my hands on the head board. “Keep these there.”

I nod and grab it. “Will you tell me if it's important? Like you'll translate right?”

“Ale oczywiście.” He nods. “It won't all be in polish. Not yet. I'll have to teach you a lot before we're ready for that.” He mouths my throat. “I remember when I first wanted to kiss you. It wasn't the day at the grocery store or when we almost did in your bedroom. Chociaż cieszę się, że nie. It was when You woke up in my bed, that day you thought Rebecca and I were together. The day I was sure I was going to catch fire for undressing you. I wanted to kiss you, Beatrice. I also wanted to touch you.” He kisses to the dip in between my breasts. “Mój Boże jesteś piękna. I thought you liked me like I did and I was going to ask. I almost asked until Rebecca came back in and I realised what I had been thinking. I wanted to take you so badly.

“I wanted to kiss you and feel you against me, I wanted to hold you and never let go. But we weren't talking and I thought Al had already convinced you that you could love him and it hurt, Beatrice and I didn't know why it did. I think that's why I drank that night. Chciałem użyć kogoś, aby uzyskać nad tobą. I wanted to forget that heart ache, you weren't mine to lose,” one of his hands cups one of my breasts while his other hand teases the nipple of my other in his fingers. “You weren't mine to have. And when you cried I wanted to hold you. And that day that you woke me up when you called, I thought you were in trouble. I didn't know why you'd call me either when you told me it was Thanksgiving. It brought back old wounds, of a family I really didn't have.

“Then you invited me to dinner and I had to get off the phone. I had lain there and cried into my pillow. You were so sweet and any man would be lucky to have you.” He stops and licks one of my nipples then the other. “Jestem najszczęśliwszym człowiekiem na świecie.”

My hands grab the headboard tighter. “May I ask what that was? Any of that?”

“I'm so happy.” He kisses under my breasts. “Oh god when I got there I was so nervous and you came into the room and I saw you. Oh, Beatrice! You were so beautiful! I wanted to kiss you there. I wanted to tell you that I liked you so much, but I couldn't. I forced myself to stay still.” I realise this is him telling me little things in his way. This isn't to get me aroused. That's why my hands are on the headboard so I won't touch him and try to push him places. “And you were wearing the locket. I about swallowed my tongue though,” he laughs leaning up to kiss me. “When you told me that you masturbated that was one thing but that night when you leaned in and said it so sure of yourself like it was this secret that concerned me. Then when we went and looked for Amanda, she knew that I liked you she encouraged me to date you. Said I was what you needed. And then when you let them leave, I realised you were so selfless that you were selfish about it. Refusing to let me try to talk them into going back. I realised I could be in love with you.

“Then I had to ask if you could do it if you could leave like that and I don't know why but I had to tell you about my family life. Than I had to know if you could do it, if in any case of me getting you pregnant and we couldn't be together would you leave with me. But I didn't want to tell you that I hoped we could. Though it just popped out when I told you I would only let you leave if I came with you and was the father of your baby. I never realised how much actually slipped out until it did. I was s scared that I frightened you but you dropped that flashlight so fast and came towards me I thought you were going to strike me.”

I laugh the sound like a quiet sob in my chest.

“Pocałowałeś mnie, a ja myślałem, że umarł i poszedł do nieba.” Another kiss against my mouth, his tongue touches mine. I moan. “All the kisses after that, Beatrice. I was waiting for it to be a dream and I'd wake up, or for it to be some horrible joke. And when I first touched you, and I watched your face. You could make angels sin with that expression.”

“I think you made one fall.” I smile at him.

He chokes out a noise an almost laugh, “my love. I nearly died when I told you I loved you, I thought 'Oh fuck! I messed this up it's too soon to feel this, she's going to hate me.' But instead you told me you weren't ready to return my feelings. You let me love you. I remember how scared I was that I lost you over Valentines day. Over Al. I was drunk not really drunk, I did lie I wasn't drinking beer. And I am scared of heights but I needed to see you and you weren't answering your door so I climbed to your window. I did almost fall and I almost gave up but I thought if I could just see you once before this was over I could be happy. And you weren't angry and you kissed me. I thought your mother was going to kill me when she came in though and saw my fingers where no man's fingers are suppose to be on someone's daughter.”

I giggle. “Why did you do that?” He looks down my body then back at me. “Stick your fingers in me next to mine.”

His face goes red. “I may have a few fetishes.” He ducks his head against my shoulder.

“Maybe you could tell me about them when you're done?”

He nods. “I remember when I first touched you with my tongue. Here.” His hand reaches down and his thumb rubs circles on my clit. “You punched yourself in the face so hard, Beatrice. You knocked yourself out!” He starts laughing. My hands let go of the head board and I sit up with him as he holds me close, we're both laughing.

“Hey, when I first took you in my mouth, you hit your head so hard into the bathroom door you left a hole there! And you were bleeding, bit through your lip!” I smile, his nose rubs mine. “Had to take you to get stitches. The whole way you kept mumbling. 'Oh god I'm going to have to tell them that I bit through my lip and probably busted my head open trying to receive a blowie from my sexy girlfriend.' then when we got there and they asked how it happened you turned bright red!”

“Hey!” He kisses me. “It was an embarrassing situation. Plus you told them that I bit through it by accident that we decided to watch a horror movie!”

“You want to talk about embarrassing! Are we not going to talk about the time a month ago when you had me sprawled out on the coffee table in your apartment and Uriah and Zeke walked through the front door laughing and joking just to get an eyeful!” I groan.

He chuckles. “Oh yeah and Uriah turned to leave so fast he tripped and knocked Zeke over and hit his head against the wall and Zeke had to drag his ass out the door.”

“And you had to make sure we both finished before seeing if they were okay!” I kiss his chin once. Twice.

“Hey, my girlfriend finally explained why she wouldn't let me touch her or try to have sex with her again. I was going to show her that it was good the second time.” Tobias kisses my hand.

“How about that day with my parents when the were home?”

He pales. “I'm surprised your parents didn't castrate me right there. And you started it! You had proven to me how evil women can be!”

“I wanted to go to that ice cream parlour downtown!”

“That didn't require you to pull my pants down and ride me on your living room couch!”

“Oh we're talking about that time.” I smile, cheeks flushed. “I thought we were talking about the dinning room incident.”

“Oh. Oh yeah.” His smile is blinding, “that actually was a good time. Wait a minute! You tried to use sex to get me to take you out for ice cream twice?”

“I'm sorry? I wanted ice cream and you were there and I may have wanted you too?”

“Didn't that make your mother decide to put you on the pill?”

“No it was the time that I snuck out and met you at your apartment so we could go skinny dipping at the lake two months ago.”

He hums. “That night was fun too.”

I kiss him hard. “It was. So was the night Rebecca came to stay, calling truce and all that.”

“Babe! She meant it! You didn't have to do what you did that night!” Tobias shakes his head and I toss mine back laughing.

“Yes I did! Plus it's kinda pay back for the drive through incident. You know with Christina and Will in the front seat.”

“I remember! I got three fingers in you before Christina turned around to ask if we wanted popcorn and about killed herself and Will to get to the back seat to smack me for distracting you from movie night!”

“We're so horrible together.” I kiss forehead.

“What's with this “we” I'm perfectly good then you do what you are doing right fucking now!” His voice gets higher when I grab his hand and lead it to my opening. “So it's you.” He groans when his fingers feel how wet I am. “Jezu jesteś tak mokra kochanie.”

“I'm going to assume that was something naughty and I'm just going to agree.” I kiss all over his face.

“You catch on fast.” He kisses my neck.

I rock my hips against his hand, “so about this whole Mrs. Eaton thing.”

“Hmm?” Tobias nips at me.

“Never mind.” I stare at the top of his head. I don't know how to tell him that me having his last name scares me a little. I pull him back with me, his hand disappears from between my legs and he falls off the side of the bed.

“Fucking death trap trying to reach for one of these.” He hops back on the bed condom in hand. He opens it and rolls it on. “How do you wanna do this?”

I open my arms. “I want to hold you.”

He settles himself between my thighs. “I told you that the next few times would be better.”

I lean up to kiss him as he slides home in one thrust. He leans his forehead against mine, my fingers cup his cheeks, thumbs stroking his jaw as his hips move.

“Slower.” I breathe into the small space between us.

He smiles. “Okay.” He pulls out some to push back in slowly. His hands cup my shoulders thumbs rubbing in circles. “Wyjdziesz za mnie kiedyś.”

I don't know what he said so I just nod. “Yes.”

He rubs his forehead against mine before burying it in the pillow next to my head. My hands move to rest on his back. I kiss his shoulder. “How do you say I love you?”

“Kocham cię.” He turns his head, breath tickling my cheek.

“Ko-”

“Kocham cię.” He kisses my jaw. “You say 'kocham cię' and I say 'ja też cię kocham.' and then I kiss you.”

“Kocham cię?” I look at him.

“Yes.” He kisses me. “Very good, moja miłość.”

This is sweet I realise, sweeter than what I'm use to him doing. This is the love that they have in movies, foolish love. The type of love that leads young couples to run away and fall apart because of their selfish dreams. “Tell me something nice.”

“Mój dom jest z tobą. I nie mogłem być bardziej zadowoleni.” He kisses me.

“Was that something perverted again?” I roll my eyes, he shuts his eyes and grits his teeth. “Oh my god, it was something nice! I'm sorry!” I turn my head and kiss him. His hips move faster against mine.

My breathing picks up, when we're this close he rubs against me just right. I bite my lip at least once before he leans up and kisses me taking my swollen bottom lip in between his teeth.

“Stop I want to hear you.” His mouth rests open against mine.

“Okay.” I gasp out.

I look at him then I have to bury my head in the crook of his neck, I don't like the look in his eyes like he's seeing all my secrets. My nails dig into his back then rake down his side and I bite into his flesh, as I come undone. He hisses fingers tightening around my arms, I taste blood and groan pulling away. Tobias' hips are still working against mine. I let out a noise, an inhumane moan, as his body continues to work against my sensitive parts. I keep it up nails scratching at his shoulders down his back before he tenses and lets out a low growl. His hands let go of me and he rolls to the side, eyes wide.

“You bit me.”

“Are you okay?” I turn my head to look at him.

“Yeah. I'm fine.” His hands work to remove the condom, he throws it into the waste can next to the bed. There's a knock at our door. Tobias groans and gets up throwing a pair of jeans on. I pull the covers over me. Tobias' body blocks my view but there's polish. It's a woman. Tobias nods and says something before shutting the door. He looks at me and laughs. “That was our neighbor, said that we're keeping her up. Poor old woman. Said she was going to complain to the manager if we didn't keep it down.”

I laugh. “Really? I didn't know we were being that loud.”

“Babe, you're loud.” I throw a pillow at him and he laughs catching it.

He hits my side with it before throwing it back on the bed, he grabs his cigarettes and takes one out. Lighting it before walking around the bed to the window, opening it, and sitting on the windowsill. I sit up, he looks at me.

“What?”

I think back to his back. “I hurt you, you're bleeding.”

“I know you bit me damn hard to.” He smirks.

“No your back, I.” I look at my nails. “I scratched you pretty badly.”

“Fuck,” he waves me over and I get up and walk over to him. He wraps an arm around my waist. “That's really hot.” He furrows his eyebrows and narrows his eyes then they widen. “Fuck, that's not. Shit, babe I'm sorry!”

I look at him funny. “What?”

“Your arms.”

I walk to the bathroom and turn on the light I stare at myself in the mirror there are red marks in the shape of fingers on my arms right above my elbows. They're going to bruise. I walk back out turning the light off. He's looking at me worried.

“This isn't like your father, Tobias.” I pick his shirt up off the floor and put it on. He shakes his head and doesn't say anything for a while. I run my fingers through my hair.

“Do you want to go over to Max's eat dinner there?” He looks at me from where I'm sitting on the bed.

“Yeah why not.” I get dressed handing him his shirt.

“You can borrow my jacket if you want.” He still doesn't look at my arms.

“Tobias you may be ashamed of what happened during our love making but I'm not.” I glare at him putting a sleeveless shirt on over my bra. “To be honest I'd rather have everyone in the world see it. I want them to know how well you make love to me.”

“The bruises on your arms can look like I'm abusing you.” He looks at his feet.

“Okay, but that's you. Not me.” I shake my head. I walk out the door and hear him follow, soon his hand grabs mine.

“Kocham cię.” He tells me and I smile.

“I love you too.”

We pull up in front of Max's, I get out and watch Tobias take a deep breath. He walks up the path to the front door knocking. A man answers, someone that's not Max.

“Jesus, Harrison look at you! Being so sexy to just keep me away from you.” Tobias smiles.

“You fuck.” The man rolls his eyes before giving Tobias a one armed hug.

“What can I say.” He smiles, “oh this is Tris.”

“The Tris that I've been hearing about?” He looks at me and I smile.

“Tris, this is Max's partner.”

“So he has two business partners?” I look at Tobias and Harrison laughs.

“No, girl, I'm his bed partner. Much like you and Tobias.”

“Hey, I don't know what you're talking about!” Tobias scoffs and puts a hand over his heart, “I am a gentleman in the bedroom.”

“Obviously not, boy! Look at your neck and arms.” The man whistles.

Tobias sticks out his tongue and walks past him into the house with me behind him. Zeke and Max are playing cards on the table. Uriah and Edward are staring at the oven which Tori is guarding with a wooden spoon. There's a man talking with Shauna on the back porch, Tobias tells me his name is Bud he's Tori's husband, Lauren and Gabe are sitting close together on the couch. Lynn, Marlene, and Myra are out back on a swing set with a little girl barely older than three.

“That's Toris' daughter.” Tobias whispers. “Where's George and Amar?” He calls heading for the fridge.

“They're out with Ryan and Eric. And everyone else won't be back til later.” Bud leans his head in the doorway. “Boy what happened to your arms look like a cat got you.”

“Well, Bud, it's this thing called love making you should try it sometime.” Zeke snickers. “Damn, Tris did a number on you.”

“Standing right here.” I mumble.

Tori looks at me then Tobias. “Four what the hell did you do to that poor girl. He's had you in bed all day hasn't he.”

“Don't sound so worried, Tori. Trust me Tris is a fighter if I remember the living room incident correctly.” Zeke starts laughing, Shauna ducks her head under Bud's arm.

“The one where Uriah knocked himself out and you ran like a little bitch?”

Zeke blows a kiss at her, Shauna makes a face then laughs.

“Hey! Why does everyone think I'm the one that starts this shit! She does it!” He points his beer at me.

“Because I'm sweet and I was innocent once then I met you and now I'm being slowly converted.” I take the beer from him and drink it. Tobias fingers work in the air.

“That was mine, I could've handed you your own seriously they're right here.” He takes another out of the fridge. Before taking my hand and leading me out back past Shauna and Bud. Marlene waves and I wave back.

I see someone hop the fence and it's that guy Ryan. “Hey!” He winks at me. “What are you doing-”

“Fuck off, Ryan.” Tobias steps between us.

“Touchy.” He walks inside and Tobias watches him.

Eric walks over. “You look like you spent the night with a tiger.”

Tobias crosses his arms.

“Doesn't matter I need to speak with you.” Eric leads him to the shop, a couple of women who I do not know that came with the others follow. A few more guys do too. Zeke and Uriah talk with Lauren and Shauna as they walk over with Ryan who's poking Tori' stomach.

Max comes out and looks at me. “Make yourself at home, Tris. This might take an hour.” Gabe pats him on the back in passing and him, Bud, and Harrison all walk to the shop. Lynn gives me a look before dragging Marlene with her into the shop with the baby.

I stand there fingers fiddling with my beer. I walk back inside to poor it down the sink and throw the bottle away. I walk around the house for a bit then I step out on the front sidewalk and decide that maybe a short walk would be good. I mean what can I do for an hour?

I make it to a corner and decide to not turn. Am I the only one who doesn't know what's going on and what they're doing?

“Hey!”

I stick my hands in my pocket, nails biting into my palms. I'm jerked around and a guy looks at me.

“How much do you charge?”

I furrow my eyebrows. Charge? My cheeks heat up. Oh. “I'm not.”

The guy looks at me. “You sure?” He seems really confused.

“Of course.” a voice says. An arm wraps around my shoulders, and the guy walks off. I turn to the man with his arm around me.

“Thank you?”

“No problem I hate men like that.”

“I'm Tris.”

“Mitch.” He smiles. “What are you doing out here?”

“Friends are doing something that will take an hour.”

“Didn't get invited?” He brushes his thumb over his bottom lip. “Well my apartment isn't far, kid. I live above the tattoo shop. Could come in there look around,” he stretches. “Not my apartment the shop I mean. I meant like you could walk with me... you know what I give up.”

“Sure I've never been in a tattoo shop.” I fall into step next to him. I look at my companion, he has large brown eyes, slightly angular. His face is heart shaped, soft. Full bottom lip. His hair is dark black cut long on the top and shorter around the sides. A soldier's hair cut.

He walks with me to the tattoo shop. “Wait here and look around. I'll keep an eye on the clock.” He disappears up a flight of stairs. I stare at the wall of pictures of tattoos.

“Interested in ever getting one?” A man behind the glass counter watches me.

“I'm only sixteen.” I stop. “I'll be seventeen in two days.”

“Well then I'll give you one as an early birthday present. I won't tell anyone if you won't.” He presses a finger to his lips and I giggle.

“I need something to take up an hour or two.” I look at him.

“I can do that.” He smiles at me and Mitch comes down.

“What are you doing, Jay?” He looks from the older man to me.

“I want these, but I want more than this.” I say pointing at a bird. “Like a few some smaller then getting bigger. I know that won't take an hour maybe you can make it more?”

The man, Jay, nods. “I can do that!”

“I want it here,” I point at my collar bone. “And maybe go to here?” I point at my shoulder.

“I can do one that goes down to here too.” He points to the side of my left breast.

“Uhm.” I raise an eyebrow.

“I won't peek. I enjoy my job too much and Mich would slaughter me.” He looks at Mitch. “Or would you like her to do it?”

“I would like,” my face probably goes blank. “What?”

Mtich starts laughing. “Oh, shit! You thought I was a guy too? No, Mitch is short for Michelle. I mean I don't mind if you want to continue thinking I'm a he. I really don't mind, him or her.”

I start laughing, “I don't mind.” I'm instructed to take my shirt, bra, and necklace off and sit in a chair.

Mich sets everything up next to me. I close my eyes when she starts, I ignore the prick of the needle and listen to Jay mumble in the back ground.

“You should do this, Mitch.”

“Looks good. You want me to surprise you?” She asks me.

“I trust you.” I find my faith in others funny, I'm too trusting and I think I always will be. I blame my parents for that.

After a while Mitch stands up. “All done.”

I look in a mirror she has a tree branch over my collarbone with a bird on it. There are some others flying away towards my shoulder, the branch goes from being a branch to the part over my shoulder is a design that can only be described as angles to look like a flower but on a closer look it looks like a flower from birds with vines. The vines also go down my side next to my breast with a tiny bird sitting on the lowest rung of vines.

I raise an eyebrow. “I love it.”

Mitch puts something on it before covering it with gauze. “It'll heal in a few weeks.” She tells me as she explains how to care for it. “Now we better get you back, it's been a little over two hours.” She hands me a jacket. “Here to cover up, you can't put your bra or shirt back on yet.”

I put it on. “Thanks.”

“Sorry, you're gonna have to ride on the back of my bike.” She throws a leg over.

“So you're a chick.” I wrap my arms around her waist.

“Yeah, I mean the way I dress doesn't help and the fact my father was really tall so I got those genes. And that my voice is deeper than most girls'. Though I like it when people mistake me for a guy, some interesting things do happen. Plus sometimes it's safer, especially with my background.” She shrugs and I point her in the direction of Max's house. When we pull up there's a group of people standing around.

I climb of the back of the bike and nearly fall. Mitch's hand reaches out to keep me steady. She gets off, swinging a leg over and stands in front of me. “You remember what to do?”

I nod as I repeat the basics back to her. Hugging my shirt with my bra and locket inside it.

“Good girl.” She smiles before hugging me carefully. “Hey if you're ever in town again just drop by. I'd love to see you again! And happy early birthday again, Tris!” She gets back on her bike before waving.

“Bye, Mitch! Thanks again!” I call after her as she drives away.

I turn and the group of people are staring at me.

“Four!” Zeke yells in the doorway.

Tobias comes running out, spotting me, a look of relief crosses his face. He jumps over the steps and over the fence. He hugs me, hand squeezing over my tattoo. I wince and bat his hand away. He looks at me.

“Where were you?”

“I was out walking then I ran into someone.” I point my thumb behind me knowing that she's gone.

“Who was that guy?” Uriah looks at me then raises an eyebrow. Tobias is staring at me too before he shakes his head and looks away.

“Nice jacket, Tris.” Eric calls from the porch. “Was that mystery man's, or wait I mean Mitch?”

I roll my eyes and walk inside, Tori's on the phone. “No she came back, sorry for the trouble.” She looks at me. “Where were you?”

“Why is everyone making a big deal, I was walking around.” I breathe out my nose.

“For three hours? When did you leave?” Zeke follows me to the kitchen. “You can't just take a stroll around here, Tris. This isn't Rockford.”

I wave my hand at him. Really just leave me alone as they go talk about secret stuff and expect me not to want to look around?

“We're just worried.” Zeke sighs, rubbing his face. “Four nearly had a heart attack when we came back in and you weren't anywhere.”

“I don't see what he has to be afraid of.” I cross my arms turning to face him.

“Right now, Tris it doesn't look good. You're gone for three hours and” Zeke looks behind him then at me. “It's like- You won't look anybody in the eyes. And when Four tried to hug you, you flinched away.”

I huff, “maybe because-”

“Because why?” Tobias looks at me over Zeke's shoulder.

I stare him down. Tobias' ears are red, they only do that when he's really angry. His jaw is clenched, Zeke places a hand on his shoulder.

“I thought someone drove by and grabbed you! That happens around here, Beatrice!” His hands ball up into fists. “Dammit! You don't know who and what walks the streets here!”

“Obviously not since I've never had anything horrible happen to me unlike you.” I purse my lips.

“Don't say that to me.” His voice gets louder. Zeke's eyes get wide and he backs out of the kitchen. “Don't throw that in my face, Beatrice! That's not what I meant!”

“Are you sure?” I yell back. “You know it's like walking on glass with you!”

“With me? You're no better!”

I shake my head and walk past him. His hand jerks out and wraps around my wrist tightly. I look at it then him.

“Get your hands off me.” I, for the first time, am a little scared. “Four, release me.”

He looks at me and drops his hand. I walk out of the kitchen and down the hall to the bathroom. I shut the door and sit in the tub, head on my knees. There's a knock

“Are you hungry?” Marlene's soft voice makes me look up.

The door is still closed. I drop my head back against my knees. I sigh quietly before looking over at the pile of clothes next to the tub. I get my locket and open it. The picture of Tobias and I from the carnival at the park in June on the inside. I rub my thumb over the picture. That was the day I realised I loved him. I close it before setting back on my shirt. The door opens then closes, I look up Marlene is standing there with a plate.

“Four thinks I should at least give you this if you do get hungry.” She says quietly.

“Tell Four that he can shove it where the sun can't see.” I rest my head against my knees again. Staring at the wall. My arms are wrapped around my shins.

The door opens and closes again, I sniff. Stupid Tobias. He doesn't have any trust in me. I'm not going to get kidnapped. Though that man did think I was a prostitute. I stand up in the tub and unzip the jacket dropping it on the floor. I run a finger down the gauze on my collar bone. I sit back down in the tub, my stomach grumbles and I sigh. I don't want to go out there and get food, but I'm hungry. I should've made Marlene leave the plate. I groan.

There's a knock. “Tris?” The door opens and Shauna sticks her head inside. “Are you okay?”

“I'm hungry.” I whisper. “And I want to call my friend.”

The door shuts and then she's back with a plate of food and the phone. She kicks the cord. “Yeah! I knew the one next to the window would reach!” She hands me the plate which I sit straight and put it on my lap. She eyes the gauze on my body before leaving. I pick up the receiver and dial a number.

“Pick up, please.”

“Hello?” A woman's voice.

“Hello, Jeanine! Is my brother there?” I bite into a roll.

“Oh, hello, Beatrice!” I hear shuffling then. “Hello, Beatrice are you okay?”

“Not really.” I sigh. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, I'll see you during thanksgiving.”

“I know. I got a tattoo.” I whisper.

“Why on earth would you do that?” He laughs.

“It looked nice and I wanted one.” I smile to my self and explain the design.

“How does Tobias like it?”

I sigh, “oh, Caleb, he doesn't even know. We're having an argument right now.”

“I should have known. Especially at this hour with you calling.”

“Hey! I do miss you.” For a moment I think I see something move out of the corner of my eye.

“What's going on?”

“What isn't going on! You were right there are too many secrets, things which I'm not allowed to know and it makes me angry! Everyone else can know and be present but I kinda just have to stand around in the background!”

“Then tell him that it bothers you? Is that what this argument is about?”

“No, I got bored and decided to walk through town. I've never been in Chicago before-”

“Did you say you were in Chicago, Beatrice? You walked around in Chicago? Alone?”

“No, well I mean somewhat. I did have a man approach me and ask how much I charge. He seemed confused when I told him I wasn't a prostitute. But my new friend Mitch helped. Mitch is the one that did my tattoo.”

“Beatrice, that's mob area.” Caleb groans.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, girls go missing a lot in the downtown area. Black market trade. Sex trafficking, the mob wars are also bad there sometimes. Bombs in cars. Though it's not as bad as it was in the twenties I guess but still. You have to be careful. Uptown is safer, downtown not so much.”

“Oh.” I bite my lip.

“How's school?” He asks after a while. I jump back into the conversation but not as happily as before. We say our goodbyes and I hang up.

“So now you know why I was worried.” I jump Tobias is sitting with his back against the door, unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth. “I didn't care about the boy and the jacket. I was worried about you being hurt.”

I look at him. “I hate your secrets.”

“I know, I know.” He takes the cigarette out of his mouth and tucks it behind his ear. “So you got a tattoo?”

“Yeah.” I nod and set my plate down, standing to get out of the tub.

He stands up and puts a hand against my stomach, his fingertips brush the skin underneath my breasts. One hand traces the gauze, he looks at me, waiting. I nod and he starts to peel it off, uncovering my collarbone, then the side of my breast, then my shoulder. He whistles, a low noise before turning my body for a better look.

“This is beautiful. Going to have to wear longer sleeves though and nothing that shows your collarbones.” He leans closer, then pulls away, smoothing the gauze back into place. His hand slides of my stomach. “Sorry that I kept grabbing you earlier.”

“I'm sorry that I worried you.” I place his hand back on my stomach.

“I'm sorry I scared you.” He pulls my wrist up to his mouth kissing it.

“You didn't.”

“I did, I know I did I saw your face.” His thumb rubs against my skin. “I shouldn't have yelled at you.”

“No you were worried.” I press my free hand against his chest. He ducks down to press his lips against mine and I wrap my good arm around him.

I whisper I'm sorry again when he has my pants hanging of one of my ankles. I tell him I love him when his hands are on my hips and my legs around his waist. I moan loudly when he's inside me, I hear him whisper my name with the first thrust. He laughs and says he's sorry when my back hits against the door.

“That's okay.” I kiss him when it happens again.

He kisses my lips. “I love you so fucking much, my love.” My back hits the door again. I laugh and he pulls out. He's a rough and I like it. I don't claw at him like I do when he's gentle.

“Do you like it?” I ask him when he looks at me.

“Like what?”

“The way we work? When you're rough I'm gentle, and when you're gentle I'm rough.” I look down to where he slides in me.

“I like it any way we make it.” He kisses me. He pulls out, smirks and gives a chuckle before thrusting back in harder than the last. My back and head hit the door and I groan, eyes rolling back.

“Again.” I demand.

There's a knock. “Are you okay in there?”

I smile at Tobias and he laughs. “Go away, Harrison. I'm trying to be gentleman in here.”

“That's just gross.” He yells then walks away.

Tobias laughs. “We'll leave soon.” I kiss him and he starts moving again. I press my mouth against his less of a kiss and more of our heads just colliding together, I stay there open mouth not far from his. I'm sure that whatever air he's breathing out I'm breathing in. I moan again. His hands move. One hand grabs my thigh the other rests on a spot on the door. I make little noises as his hips pick up speed.

I lean my head back against the door, my release finding me. Soon after Tobias kisses my cheek, pulls away, and sets me on my feet.

I pull my pants back on and grab the jacket throwing it on as he fixes his clothes and picks the cigarette off the counter along with my clothes and locket. We emerge from the bathroom, and the house is empty. Everyone's outside, Zeke has his face in his hands.

“Nobody wanted to hear that.” Max looks at Tobias. “Four, that was not necessary.”

“Don't worry he's just jealous because I did what he's always wanted to do. Have sex so good it clears a house.” Tobias winks at me and leads me to the truck. I should be embarrassed I should, but I can't bring myself to care.

We strip and fall back into bed when we get back into the hotel room. Tobias makes promises that tomorrow we'll go around town and I kiss his lips telling him that being with him like this is the best vacation I'll ever need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh what a chapter. So much polish. and sex. There was a lot of sex.
> 
> So I totally just liked the idea of Tobias having two first names and two middle names. You know Theodore Peter James Kinniard Taptiklis...
> 
> I actually enjoyed writing this chapter. Tobias is very uhm naughty with his polish.
> 
> Pewnego dnia będę prosić cię o rękę, moja miłość- One day I will ask you to marry me, my love.
> 
> I za to jestem wdzięczny- And for that I am greatful.
> 
> Ała! Tyle wrogości. A ja myślałem, że mnie kochasz.- Ouch! So much hostility and I thought you loved me!
> 
> Kocham cię tak cholernie dużo.- I love you so damn much.
> 
> Lubię czuć ciebie nagi przeciwko mnie- I like to feel you naked against me.
> 
> Po szeptać moje imię, jak punkt kulminacyjny. -When you whisper my name as you climax.
> 
> Sposób twoje ciało zaciska się wokół mnie.- The way your body tightens around me
> 
> Jesteś najpiękniejszą i ważną rzeczą w moim życiu. -you are the most beautiful and important thing in my life.
> 
> To jest piękne, aby zobaczyć niebo w twoich oczach, kiedy jestem z tobą.- It is beautiful to see heaven in your eyes when I'm with you.
> 
> Może tylko trochę- maybe just a little.
> 
> (this is italian)
> 
> Mi piacciono le tue labbra intorno a me troppo.- I like your lips around me too.
> 
> E so che ti piaccio dentro di te troppo.- and I know that you like me inside you too.
> 
> (back to polish)
> 
> Szczerze mówiąc chcę cię dotknąć tak jak mówię te rzeczy.- frankly I want to touch you as I say these things.
> 
> Jak chcesz- As you wish
> 
> Ale oczywiście- but of course
> 
> Chociaż cieszę się, że nie- Although I'm glad I did not.
> 
> Mój Boże jesteś piękna- My God, you're beautiful
> 
> Chciałem użyć kogoś, aby uzyskać nad tobą- I wanted to use someone else to get over you
> 
> Jestem najszczęśliwszym człowiekiem na świecie.- I am the happiest man in the world.
> 
> Pocałowałeś mnie, a ja myślałem, że umarł i poszedł do nieba- you kissed me and I thought I had died and gone to heaven
> 
> Jezu jesteś tak mokra kochanie- Jesus you're so wet baby.
> 
> Wyjdziesz za mnie kiedyś.- Will you marry me someday
> 
> moja miłość- my love
> 
> Mój dom jest z tobą. I nie mogłem być bardziej zadowoleni.- my home is with you. I could not be happier.
> 
> *So I will draw Tris' tattoo maybe soon.


	15. Chapter 14: 1967-1968

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May have fucked up chapter orders on here, plus I think with one chapter it saved it as a draft oops! SORRY PEEPS! So if you got really confused or how ever it works on here you should go back about 3 or 4 chapters and read that one.

It had happened in September, Christina and Will could marry. I had screamed and jumped with her when the news was received.

“So do you think he'll propose?” I smiled.

“Of course!” She had screamed.

Though with each passing day, I think she lost hope when he didn't. It was even more tense when his parents invited us over for Thanksgiving. Where Jeanine announced she was pregnant and her and Caleb were married. It being the first thing they did when they moved to Maryland. Our mother was happy, sad that they didn't have a ceremony, but happy over having a grandchild. Christina had hoped Will would make some announcement about a wedding between them. Still nothing. Will's mother and my mother though, did not get along. She made some comments about Caleb that had upset my mother and Jeanine. Will's sister Cara couldn't make it.

“So, Beatrice. What do you plan on doing after high school?” Mrs. Matthews looks at me.

“I don't know yet.” I shrug.

“You'd make a good stay at home wife and mother I bet.” She smiles. “Any boy would be lucky to have someone like you.”

Christina covers her mouth and I smile. If she's thinking what I'm thinking, the me being a mother and a wife is a terrible idea. I open my mouth to tell her that Tobias would agree when she looks at Will.

“See Will, now I wonder why you haven't asked this young woman to marry you.”

It's so quiet that the fork Christina drops is several times louder. She looks at Will, who's face is bright red, then at me. She stands up.

“Mrs. and Mr. Prior, Mrs. and Mr. Matthews,” she looks at my parents then at my brother and Jeanine. “Caleb, Jeanine. It was nice. I do have my family to get back to.”

I stand up, “I'll walk with you?” I follow her out the door. She's already down the street when I get out the door. I run down the steps.

“Christina!” I yell after her and she doesn't turn.

“Christina!” Will runs past me, he grabs her arm and pulls her to him. “Listen to me!”

“No!” She smacks at him.

“Listen to me!” He yells again and I stand there, he never told his parents about her. I watch him grab her face and kiss her. “Listen to me. Please!” He tries to kiss her again but she slaps his cheek.

“No.” She pulls away and runs down the side walk. Will looks at me.

“I'm so sorry about that, Tris. I can explain!” He looks down the street to where Christina was. “My mother, I plan to move out when I turn eighteen next week because of her. She refuses to believe that I love Christina. She ignores me when I talk about her. I love her! I do! I'm not going to college.” He gives a weak laugh. “My mother says things should go back to the way they were and that I shouldn't flirt with the help. She's trying to break Christina and I up. She thought it was weird that you'd bring just your friend over with your family. She hoped that the reason I spent most of my time with you was because I was seeing you.”

I nod, understanding. Not everyone has parents like mine.

When we all met up for school after break Christina wouldn't let Will drive her to school. I called Tobias that night.

“Is there any place in your building that's open?” I whisper.

“I can ask when I get back.” He says.

“When do you get back again?”

“Don't you always ask every time you call me? I'm starting to think you miss me too much.”

“Never enough.”

“I'll be home before the New Year.” He laughs.

“But not for Christmas?” I bite my thumb nail.

“No I'm afraid not. So what's wrong with Will and Christina?” Tobias finally asks.

“I never said anything was wrong.” I lie back on my pillow.

“Didn't have to, or is this something that you can't say because you're not alone in the kitchen?”

“No I'm alone. It's just Mrs. Matthews thinks Will should be dating me instead and that Christina should be just the help.” I fiddle with the cord. “Anyways. Will plans to move out by the end of this week when he's eighteen.”

“Why wait, just move out.” Tobias yawns.

“Because,” I stop. “I think the job he wants won't hire him until he's eighteen.”

I hear Tobias hum.

“So how are you?”

“I'm good. How are you, my love?” He whispers.

“I'm better now that I've talked to you.” I bite my lip. I hear another yawn. “Go to sleep I'll call you in tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, I love you.”

“I love you too.” I smile and hang up.

Will finds a place, a small one bedroom house it's not downtown but it's not near us. He's moved in the day before he's eighteen, the old owner telling him that they understand why he needs away from his mother.

I'm walking with Christina when she stops, Will is leaning against my fence waiting for us. He looks at Christina and she turns around.

“I have to go.” She mumbles before walking across the street, away from her house, away from me, an away from Will. He runs after her.

I'm reminded that love is foolish.

“Mama, was yours and papa's relationship so hard?” I ask over dinner.

“Well my parents didn't like him, and his didn't like me.” She smiles looking at my father. “But it doesn't matter what other people think if it's a happy and healthy relationship.”

My father smiles. “Everything will turn out okay between Will and Christina don't worry. Or is this about you and Tobias?”

“No, we're fine.” I shrug and continue eating.

Fine is what I worry about.

I stop by Tobias' apartment to get his mail so it doesn't take up space in the mailbox, I use the spare key he gave me to let myself in. I walk around the living room missing him more than he could ever guess. I stare out the window. Fine is what I really worry about. I lied and told my parents that Tobias had to visit a friend in trouble some states over a few days after we got back. When Susan knows the truth. That Tobias didn't come back with me at all. He let me drive his truck back, by myself. He kept his bike there.

He knew he wasn't going to come back with me. I rub the back of my neck, secrets there are too many of them.

“Mr. Tobias! Are you home?” There's knocking on the door. I open it and Charlie is standing there eyes red. “Mrs. Tris! Grams won't move!”

My heart drops and I run over to their apartment. Daniel has called an ambulance and I pull the boys aside when they arrive. I put them in the truck and take them home with me.

“Mama!” I call. Charlie is hiding behind me and Daniel holds on to my hand. “Papa?”

Rose pokes her head out the kitchen door. “We're in here, Tris!”

I drag both boys into the kitchen.

“Mama, Stephanie. This is Daniel and Charlie their grandma is in the hospital. She is really sick and they need somewhere to stay.”

“They can stay here, we have more than enough rooms! Stephanie can you watch them? Come on sweetheart we're going to the hospital.” My mother pats Charlie's head. “Mrs. Stephanie will take really good care of you.”

“Do you know their grandmother's name?” My mom asks me when we're at the front desk.

“It's Abilene.” I whisper sitting down in the waiting room, a nurse walks by and I watch her. Olive skin, hooked nose, brown eyes, dark almost black hair. I look at my mother where she's talking with the receptionist and I jump up to follow the nurse. She turns a corner and stops.

“Can I help you?” She turns and smiles at me. “Oh you're that one girl from last year, how are you sweetheart?”

“You're Evelyn Johnson right?” I cross my arms.

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Her smile seems more forced now.

“I know your son, Tobias.” I state and her smile is completely gone.

“Tobias?” I hear her whisper. She bites her lip. “What do you want?”

“Why are you here?” I raise an eyebrow. “Did you follow him here?”

“I've lived here for three years. He came looking for me.” She leans against the wall.

“Why is he looking for you?” I unfold my arms and she sighs.

“Because I left him, I had no money. I couldn't just pick up a kid and move him across country with no money, no future., when I saw him one day in St Louis. I was there just finishing up going to move out to Nevada when I saw him at a bus stop, I know he saw me with the way his eyes widened and he smiled. He was only nine and he ran after me, I had hugged him and for a while he stayed with me.”

“What do you mean for a while?” I take a step towards her.

“I wasn't settled down. I still didn't have a steady job, nor a house I was living out of motels. I had only been gone for a few months. So when he was sleeping I called Marcus to come get him and I left before he got there. I went to Nevada and I put myself in nursing school and worked two jobs just to get through. I was going to go back for him but he was gone. Ran away my old neighbors told me.”

“Why are you here?” I'm close enough to her I can see she has the same smattering of freckles like Tobias' has.

“They needed nurses and I came out here for a job, after being in Chicago. I didn't know he was going to be there. So I think he followed me. I just want to stay gone, I can't look him in the face knowing what I did to him. I left him twice.” She shakes her head.

I stare at her. “His father beat him. Did you know that?”

She covers her mouth tears streaming down her face her head moves. “No I didn't. I didn't think he'd be that cruel.” Her eyes narrow. “Did, Tobias send you hear to look for me?”

“No,” I shake my head and turn from her. My mother is standing in the waiting room.

“Where did you go?”

“Restroom, how is she?” I tilt my head.

“Said she had a stroke, she's not dead. But she'll need someone to watch her. I think we should mover her into our house. These are the boys you were telling me about? I can watch them, Stephanie is going to need some young men to help out with her new shop.”

I smile, “she got a new flower shop?”

“Yes she did.” My mother's smile is blinding.

We had moved everything out of their tiny apartment and into our house. Their grandma got Caleb's old bedroom and the boys got to share the other bedroom upstairs. They had cried never having a room to themselves before. I was back to working with Christina in the flower shop. I was in the back room trying to call Tobias when Christina busts through the door.

“He asked me!”

I hang up and smile. “If you'd?”

“Yes! He apologized and some other things then looked at me and he just asked me, said he'd get me a ring some time soon!” She hugs me. “I'm getting married, Tris!”

“I can't believe it! Christina is getting married?” Amanda giggles through the phone. “Oh I wish I could be there!”

“Well I'm sure you could, they really can't tell you to stay you and Robert are both over the age of eighteen now.” I smile at Charlie from where I'm leaning against the wall.

“How's Susan?”

“She plans on going to NYU next year, her boyfriend Jason is going to a school there in Manhattan. I thought she would have gone with him when she graduated. But she's fine.”

“And what about you, Beatrice?”

“Oh I don't know where I want to go to college, probably stay here. I don't know what I'd go for to be honest.”

“Thought you'd be going up to Chicago to stay there.” She laughs.

“Why would I do that?”

“Well it's obvious, Tobias only comes down here and keeps an apartment her to be with you. If he truly was looking for his mother don't you think he'd have found her by now? And if you go up there for college, you'd live with him and he wouldn't need to travel back and forth between you and Chicago.” She sneezes. “Oh, excuse me I'm trying to make a pie and I got flower everywhere. I scratched my nose and well.”

I stare at the wall. “What if I don't want to go to Chicago.”

“Dear I'm sure Tobias would follow you all the way to Alaska if you wanted to go there. He's madly in love with you and would do anything to make you happy and to keep you safe.” There's crying in the back ground. “Oh shoot! Nicole is up. I'll call you later alright dear?”

“Alright,” I whisper into the buzzing line.

Will did get Christina a ring for Christmas. Charlie and Daniel we're happy their first Christmas with lots of gifts and a big meal. I run over to Tobias' and let myself in. The tree I put up for him in the corner, I put his presents from all of us under them.

I sit on the couch thinking. If I did move to Chicago he'd be home all the time wouldn't he? I pick up his phone and call Max's shop.

“Hello?” Tori answers.

“Hello, Tori it's me, Tris.” I scratch my nose, why do I feel nervous.

“Well hello sweetheart, Tobias isn't here right now.” She says absently.

“Oh do you know when he'll be back?”

“No, he's up in Milwaukee right now, then Madison, suppose to stop do down to St. Louis, then Indianapolis before heading to Columbus then back here. I'd say he probably won't be back until mid January at the least. Which I don't know with how the roads are.”

“Do you mind if I call back later to see if there's any news?” I bite at my finger nails.

“Dear you don't have to ask I understand you're worried. Hell I annoyed Max a lot when Bud and I first got together. Kept calling asking if he'd be home for supper. Between us girls you should put your foot down. No more long trips!” I laugh and she chuckles. “Talk to you later dear.” I take one more look at the tree in the corner before leaving.

It's New Years Eve and I choose to stay at the apartment, I don't want to go out nor do I want to stay at my house where people will be receiving new year kisses and small gifts from their other. It's only nine so I call Tori. Having been busy and not getting a chance to call her back.

There's a gruff hello when the phone is answered.

“Hello?”

“Tris.” I scrunch up my nose.

“Eric.”

“What can I do for you tonight?”

“Was just calling to ask on an update.” I play with my locket, opening and closing it.

“You need to let that boy breathe. You're suffocating him with all your unwanted worrying. I'm still trying to find what he sees in you outside of sex. I mean you annoy the piss out of all of us here, I'm sure you annoy him too-”

I hang up the phone and slide down the wall. Eric is a cruel man, but he seems truthful. Maybe I am annoying to all of them, but I don't think Tobias would think I'm annoying. I clench my fists and get up, I need to be somewhere different, somewhere else.

I hang out at the flower shop for awhile then head over to the park around eleven. The park for the most part is empty just a couple her or there. Heading through the park as a short cut somewhere. I have my jacket wrapped tight around me, it had started snowing a few minutes earlier. I collect a few snowflakes in my hands they melt instantly on contact, I breathe out watching the air turn white. There's no clock so I don't know how long I'm there, I don't know if midnight has passed or not.

“You know there's this rule, it's more of a tradition.” I watch a person in a leather jacket smile and continue walking towards me over the bridge. “That upon midnight you're suppose to kiss a really beautiful person for good luck.” He sticks his pocket watch back in his pant pocket.

I smile and run into him, knocking him and I both to the ground laughing. I pepper kisses all over his face, his arms wrap around me and we sit up.

“You weren't suppose to be back until almost February!”

“Said who?” He smiles wider.

“Tori.”

He starts laughing. “Ah I knew she'd be able to keep a secret.” He pulls me closer. “What are you doing out here?”

“A secret?”

“Yes, my love. I told her to make it seem like I wouldn't be back for some time so I could surprise you! I more or less gave your mother a heart attack, knocked on your bedroom window and you were not there.” He kisses my head. “Why are the boys at your house?”

“Abilene had a stroke, she needed someone to look after her. My mother offered. She's putting those boys through school, they love her.” I rest my head against his chest.

“Ah, I'm sorry.”

“And I'm out here because I missed you and I didn't want to be home.” I stand up. “Did you walk here?”

“From your house no, from my house yes.” He gets up. “Did you?”

“Yeah, from Stephanie's new flower shop. I should go back by and get the truck.” I take his hand.

“She got a new shop?” Tobias kisses my head again. “Can I see it?”

“Yes.” I tilt my head up and he kisses me. “How long do we have until midnight?”

“Twenty minutes I think.” He smiles at me. I lead him towards the flower shop.

I unlock the door and we step inside, I lock it behind us. I watch him pass by tables of potted plants, he taps an empty table. “Sold out?”

“Not the right season for what we want to go there.” I shudder, sometimes I forget how cold it is in her during the winter. Tobias wraps his arms around me. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” he kisses my nose then my lips. “Happy New Year, my love.” He smiles at me I smile back.

We're later lying in his bed when the topic of school comes up.

“So where do you want to go to college?” He kisses up my back. “Maybe if you told me what you wanted to do I could help you pick one.”

“Tobias, if I wanted to go to let's say Florida for college what would you do?” I feel his mouth still on my back.

“What do you mean? Do you want to go to Florida?” He asks, and for a second I think his voice sounds worried.

“No, I'm just asking what it would mean for us if I wanted to leave this state.” I pull the blanket up higher against my chest.

“I'd go with you.” He kisses my shoulder.

“You'd leave Chicago?” I roll over to face him. “Just like that.”

He looks at me before lying on his back. “I could stay here if that would make you happy.”

“Tobias, I don't want to fight.” I rub my face.

“Then let us not. You have until May, it's only January! My love,” he kisses my neck. “My love.”

“Christina and Will are getting married next July.” I blurt out. “Will needs a best man.”

“Christina and Will? Married?” He looks at me.

“I know they've only known each other for less than two years but it's true love. Caleb and Jeanine are married and are expecting. Amanda had a little girl I don't know if I told you that and her and Robert are officially married.” I smile at him, the smile falls from my face though when he doesn't look at me. “Tobias?” I touch his cheek.

“So in July, busy year. What day do you know yet?” He still doesn't look at me.

“Tobias, you're upset.” I sit up and look down at him.

“I am not, just Tori is pregnant with her second child and Myra and Edward want to get married.” He shrugs.

“And I won't marry you?” I whisper, knowing that's what it is.

He looks at me and frowns. “I could careless about that right now. Just so much is happening this year so many weddings I'm going to have to be present for. Shauna and Zeke are getting married because Zeke got her pregnant.”

“So you don't want to marry me?” I tilt my head.

“Right now no. You have a future and it's clear that marriage to me is not in it right now.”


	16. Chapter 15: 1968

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wednesday I got locked out of my house and went over to my uncles and found him so sick that he was shaking and huggin the toilet bowl that he couldn't move. Well his five year old and two month old were there and his wife was working so I stayed over to help him. He got me sick so I spent all of Thursday throwing up and couldn't move without being nauseous then Friday I had such a bad headache that it affected my movement, I couldn't turn my head or sleep. My chest and back hurt and I was miserable.
> 
> Another reason was that I am working on that picture of Tris' tattoo and I should start on the tattoo Tobias will get. But I wanted to post Tris' before this chapter and I couldn't work on it because I was sick and my photoshop crashed WHILE TRYING TO SAVE! so 3 hours of work said fuck you and was gone so I almost cried because of that too.
> 
> So I think I'm going to work on a bunch of one shots from this story for you so if I do not update for a long time again I can put them up as a little something for you all.
> 
> Meh stuff happens here. Stuff that I did leave open for a one shot that I am working on while making this drawing because it definitely needs to be up by next chapter. Not only that but I will be working on another story that I will start posting probably when this one's halfway done, so there's still a while before that.

“I think he's not in love with me anymore.” I whisper to Christina as she walks away with Will. We're at the Valentine Day fair in the park. And just like last year I'm alone. Christina was asking me how I was and when Tobias was coming by. I stand there jacket over my dress.

My mother frowned and asked why I'd wear that with my dress, I still haven't told her or anyone about my tattoo. Even changing in the girl's locker room is hard. I move out of the way of a couple walking next to me. I realise I am like Al, the third wheel.

It's true that I don't think Tobias loves me any more. We don't make love as much as we use to if we do at all. He went from kissing me all the time to I'm lucky if he does it three times in a day. I sit on a bench.

“Well, Prior. What are you doing here?” Peter comes around and sits next to me.

“What do you mean?” I scoot away from him.

“Well this is a holiday for couples, and you are here alone.” He looks at me. “Where's lover boy?”

“Busy.” I look away.

I hear a huff from him. “Busy? Oh you mean he's gotten tired of you?”

I stiffen before my head drops into my hands. He probably has.

“Well let me tell you something, Stiff. There are plenty of guys out there. It's just young love. Trust me you'd probably never be together years from now.”

I pull my jacket tighter around me, nobody likes a crying girl on Valentines. I know what I want in that moment, I wanted a milkshake. I look for Christina and Will and see them getting on the Ferris wheel. They'll know I left if they can't find me so it'll be okay. I could go to Dolly's they have amazing milkshakes but I still want to go to that Ice Cream Parlor downtown. I probably should have learned by now that walking downtown alone was a bad idea, but Jack wasn't here anymore so I could feel safe.

It's a nice little building I'll give it that. Not too expensive the young man behind the counter smiles at me.

“So why are you out here on Valentines?” He watches me as I look at the ice cream.

“I think my boyfriend is done with me to be honest. He doesn't spend a whole lot of time with me like he use to, always gone.” I bite my thumb.

“Ah, so I shall make you one hell of a milkshake then. Ice cream does heal a broken heart you know.” He smiles. “I'm Matthew.”

“You are the second person I have met named Matthew.” I smile at him. “Both of you have dark hair but your eyes are grey. And his hair was longer than yours. I'm sorry it's just I don't meet too many people with the same name and seem different. I mean it's not a popular name around here. I'm sorry I'm rambling.”

He smiles. “So tell me more about this strange Matthew.”

“Well you're taller than he was you're almost as tall as my brother, and I think his hair was a brown while yours is black. Plus his was shorter than yours is.” I look at his messy hair. He fingers a green string around his neck.

“I take it I'm the cooler Matthew though?”

“Yeah. A lot nicer. He was too nice, the weird nice.”

“The nice that means he wants to have you in his bed?” Matthew turns away laughing, I watch him as he prepares my milkshake. He hands it to me and I hand him the money. “So about this boyfriend of yours, why does he not want to be with you anymore?”

“He use to be all about us getting married, I don't want to get married right now. But he went out of town back to where he was from for a few month then came back and is just different.” I take a sip. “This is good.”

“Thank you. So he's upset because you won't marry him?” Matthew walks out from behind the counter to look at me.

“I don't know. I mean I'm told that the only reason he is here is because of me. That if I wasn't here he wouldn't be here. And now some of his friends and some of mine are getting married and starting families.”

Matthew hums. “Well it sounds-”

There's squealing tires and a crash through the front window, glass flies everywhere. I'm knocked to the ground by a table.

“Are you alright? I'm calling an ambulance.” I hear from a distance. I sit up and Matthew is hoping over the counter to get to the phone. There's a car in the front of the shop, must've hit a patch of ice and lost control. I groan and start to stand up. Matthew comes over and guides me outside.

“Sit here help will be here soon. I'm going to go help the woman behind the wheel okay?” He goes back inside. There are sirens and I smell smoke. I turn there's fire the car, it's on fire. Matthew starts to remove the lady from the car, there's crying. I see men in uniform running past me, hands grabbing the woman and Matthew, someone pulls a little girl from the backseat.

“Ma'am? You alright?” I realise I'm being talked to.

I nod, I seem fine.

“We'd like to check you over.” I'm led to the back of one of the ambulances. I see people start to gather around to watch what's going on. I duck my head, I don't want to be seen here. I seem to be at the scene of all of the in town accidents. “Ma'am, your palm is bleeding.” The EMT takes my hand cleaning the cut and smoothing a band aid over it.

“I didn't get to finish my milkshake.” I start laughing. I almost died, oh my god if I had been standing somewhere else I could've been hit buy that car or something. I hop down of the back and the EMY wraps a blanket around me.

“Are you okay?” Matthew touches my arm and I nod.

“I'm fine. Are you?”

He has a bandage on his head. “I'll live. That was crazy. Do you need me to walk you anywhere?”

“I live in town.” I point.

“Oh I live in the apartments by that abandoned lot.” He shrugs, “I could walk with you until that point?”

I take his arm after we're done giving our statements, we leads me to the sidewalk. He starts laughing, I hear him sniff a couple of times.

“Man, I almost just got horribly injured. I was going to go clean the tables by the window if you were done talking to me.” He puts a hand on his head.

“I was going to go sit there.” I wrap my jacket around me. “I think I can say Valentine Day hates me.”

“Oh yeah?” The side of his mouth lifts up and we stop in front of his building. “This one worse than last years?”

“Well last year my boyfriend and best friend who was into me got in a fight over me.” My heart gives an uneasy thump at the thought of Al. “Some things happened in the month after and it was horrible.”

“I'm sorry.” He sits on the curb and I sit next to him, my heart is racing because part of me wants Tobias to come out and see us. I want him to make wild conclusions, I want to fight with him. I want to because I know that it'll mean there might be angry sex in it. “I don't know what I'm going to tell my girlfriend, I mean how do you say 'hey babe I almost could've died tonight.' really who can do that?”

“I don't know. Oh my god, I almost did,” I start crying. I feel an arm wrap around me. I turn into the embrace and let the tears flow. This is worse than Jack Kang, this was so sudden I could've been dead so quickly, or I could have suffered.

“Shh, you're fine.” Matthew rocks with me he leans back and kisses my forehead, “you're fine.” I hear a door open and close and we both move apart slowly, Tobias is leaning against the wall, eyebrow raised, lit cigarette in his fingers. His mouth is a flat line.

I stand up and Matthew does too. “Hey neighbor!” Tobias' eye narrow, Matthew nods at me. “You're fine okay.” He passes Tobias and heads inside. He doesn't head up the stairs so he lives on the first floor.

Tobias puts the cigarette in his mouth and I march towards him. “Do you hate me all of a sudden?” I push his chest. He doesn't move or say anything, and that makes me angry. And a thought crosses my mind, I wish I had died. Because tomorrow is Tobias' birthday, he would've found out I died on his birthday. A hysterical laugh bubbles in my throat and I let it out. “Oh that would've been a wonderful present for your birthday.”

He raises an eyebrow.

I turn, hand moving to hit him and he grabs my wrist.

“Stop it.” He pushes me away and I stop and sink to the ground, “what are you covered in?”

I cover my face. “Do you hate me?” I hear him exhale, a sob escapes my throat. I get to my feet legs shaking, I walk to him I smack his chest. “Do you hate me?”

I watch Tobias shake his head, drop the cigarette, and look off towards the street where the firetrucks go by done with their job. “Wonder what it was this time.” He whispers to himself.

“The ice cream parlor. A woman lost control of her car and crashed through the window. Could've killed the young woman and young man inside.” I wrap my arms around myself.

Tobias looks at me. “Young woman?”

I nod.

“You?”

I nod.

“Gówno.” He wraps an arm around me. “Are you okay?”

“I could have died. To be honest I really wish I did.” I take off his jacket. “You would've been paying attention to me then.”

“What are you talking about?” He tilts my head up.

“It's Valentines Day and you weren't with me at the fair! You won't answer my calls! You barely even kiss me!” I throw the jacket at him. “You won't make love to me.” I whisper, hands covering my face.

“Come upstairs, let's clean you up.” He hold open the door for me I shake my head. “I thought you were coming by later. I thought you weren't going to that fucking fair. Come on we can talk.”

He opens his apartment door, eyes watching my face. I walk inside the table in his living room has a table cloth on it there are plates and it looks fancy.

“The plan was that you were suppose to end up here for dinner. And I was going to, surprise you. I've been so distant not to give this away. I fucked up again.”

“Give what away?” I ask.

“You need a shower. Come on.” He runs the shower and I undress. Stepping in he wets a wash cloth before scrubbing at my body. His hand stills. “Sorry, do you want to do this?”

I take the rag from him and he nods before getting up, “if you need anything I'll be in here.” He leaves the door open a crack.

I scrub at my body and my hair, watching the water turn grey. I sit at the bottom of the tub hands pushing my hair back. I stare at the door.

“Tobias!” I yell.

The door opens. “Yes?”

“Tobias?”

He ducks his head in and I open my arms. He walks towards me I wrap a hand around his. He steps over the edge of the tub and I wrap my arms around his waist. We sit under the shower spray. He kisses my head.

“I realised you might be worried about college because you think it's going to be hard with me. You don't want to go somewhere far because you don't want me to follow. But you don't want to stay here either. So I thought that if I wasn't “suffocating” you then you'd feel okay about leaving I didn't realise I'd be hurting you. That's why I cut back on the kisses and all that. I also realised I never really asked you straightforward if you'd marry me. And that's unfair to you.”

I close my eyes, “that's a stupid reason to stop making love to me.”

“Trust me it was hard, real hard. Come on you must be hungry.” He grabs a towel for me and I wrap it around me. He throws his wet clothes over the side of the tub. I smile. “What are you smiling about?” He looks at me. I drop my towel and open my arms. He smiles, “food first.”

I pout. “Fine.”

We're sitting at his makeshift fancy table, I'm in one of his shirts and he's in sweats. He looks at me and I smile. “What?”

“Will you marry me?” He tilts his head.

“I'll think about it.” I look at my plate.

“It's alright if you tell me no. I won't be upset.” He wipes his hands on his pants.

“Not right now. Okay? One day we may get married.” I smile at him.

My lips move against his, “happy two year anniversary!”

He laughs, pressing me back into my bed. “So this is our anniversary? Not Thanksgiving?”

“No. Because this is the day my life changed.” His hand moves along my leg and his hips start to move against mine.

My door swings open, “ah Tobias, I'm not surprised. Tris would you mind running to the store and getting groceries. You can go with her if you want Tobias.”

“Why not get Daniel and Charlie?” I sit up.

“Because I was your age once, Beatrice. As much as I'm excited for your brother to be a father I'm not ready for you to be a mother.” She yells as she walks down the stairs. I roll my eyes. “Don't roll your eyes at me girl!”

Tobias frowns. “See she's scary!”

I laugh. “To you.” I grab his hand as we walk downstairs. “So prom is next month.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah.” I grab the list off the coffee table and slip my shoes on. “Know anyone that I can go with?”

Tobias purses his lips as we get in the truck. “Well I do know this one guy, he promised his girl to prom.”

“How sweet of him.” I kiss his jaw. “I'm a little worried though.”

“Why?” Tobias stops at a red light.

“My tattoo.” My fingers run across my collar bone. “No one but you knows I have it.”

“Just tell your parents and let it be, what's the worst they could do?” He parks in the parking lot and turns to me. “Besides Christina may make you wear a dress that reveals that tattoo too.”

“Shit!” I frown.

Tobias laughs throwing his head back. I open my door and get out, I march into the store. Together we split up the list and get done in half the time. Tobias helps me carry out the bags.

“I need to go grab some things.” He smiles. “So I'm going to drop you off.”

“What kind of things?” I bite my bottom lip.

“Things.” He closes his eyes.

“Secrets?” I get behind the wheel.

“Surprise.” He kisses my ear.

Charlie and Daniel are waiting on the porch when we pull up they jump up and start taking bags from me. I walk inside and set what's in my arms down. I help mama with dinner and she looks at me as I'm peeling potatoes.

“Is Tobias not joining us for dinner?”

“I think he is. He should be, didn't say he wasn't.” I rinse the potatoes off and put them in a pot of water to boil. There's a knock on the door and Daniel runs to the door to get it. Charlie is standing on a stool helping my mom cut vegetables.

“Tris!” Daniel pokes his head through the door. “Tobias wants you.”

I wipe my hands off and head to the front door. “Why'd you knock? You could've just walked in like you always do. Where'd you go?”

He takes my hand and kisses me. “I need you to come help me with something.” He smiles and leads me to the truck. “Here.” He hands me a tray of covered bowls. He has two large mixing bowls in his hands and a bag on top.

“What is this?” I go to lift the cover off one.

“Ah ah ah! Surprise.” He leans down and bumps my nose with his. He carries the mixing bowls in sitting them down and putting the paper bag in the fridge. He rearranges some stuff and then puts the bowls in. “May I?” He holds his hands out and I hand him the tray. As he puts it in the fridge I look over at my mother, who raises an eyebrow at me. I shrug, and she nods.

Tobias stands up. “Do you need help?”

My mother shakes her head, “no thank you dear I have it.”

Tobias nods. “If you do I'll be outside then.” He walks through the living room, rubbing Daniel's head and kissing Abilene's cheek. “You look good Mrs. Abilene.” She swats at him.

“Hello, son.” My dad pats his back before joining Daniel on the couch to help with homework.

I follow him out to the back yard where he sits against our tree facing away from the house, I lean against it and watch him pull a cigarette out.

“You've been smoking a lot more.” I place a hand on top of his head. “I wish you wouldn't.”

“Wouldn't?” He closes his eyes.

“Smoke so much. I worry, did something happen?” I take my hand of his head.

He smiles and puts it away. “No.” I place my hands on his shoulders and kiss him.

“So what's for dinner?” He pulls me close and buries his face in my hair.

“Eh, potatoes. I think mom might slice them and top them with cheese. There's meatloaf. I think there might be pasta like a salad.” He kisses my neck.

“I love family dinner with you.” His arms squeeze me tighter then loosen. Something has happened and he won't answer me with the truth.

“My parents love having you over.” I start laughing. “Hard to believe that two years ago you were just a boy walking next to me with his bike.”

“Or that my first dinner with you wasn't awkward.” I stand up when he smacks my butt. He follows. “But it could've been because we weren't into each other like that yet. Or well I may have been you know attracted to your extreme beauty.” He tilts my head up and kisses me.

“Don't worry I wanted your dick that night too.” I press closer. “I may want it tonight too.”

“Don't push me woman. I will take you right here and right now. Dinner be damned.” He gives me a look and then takes my hand pulling me inside with him.

He helps set the table and I carry food to the dining room. We all sit down, my father says grace then we eat. My father asks how Tobias is doing which ends up turning into a conversation about work. My mother helps Abilene eat and is telling the boys about the story with the family and the old man. I jump when a hand pats my knee.

Tobias isn't looking at me and I place my hand over his. He turns his hand up and presses his palm against mine. When we're done eating Tobias smiles.

“I brought dessert!” He gets up. “Wait here!”

“Such a nice young man.” Abilene smiles. My mother hums.

Tobias comes back carry plates with this white gelatin blob on it. He smiles as he sets plates down in front of all of us. “Hold on I have to get the topping.”

I raise an eyebrow the bottom layer is chocolate gelatin and the top is white, vanilla? He comes back and puts raspberries next to it and one on the side of each of ours before drizzling a caramel sauce on the top so it runs down the sides.

“My grandma use to make this for my mother and she use to make it for me. Panna cotta. There are different ways you can enjoy this, different combinations.” He shrugs.

“Un piatto italiano!” My mother smiles at my father. “It's Italian.”

My father just nods. “The couple down the street make this for you?”

“No, they said they would teach me one day. The Italian way.” She smiles. “Grazie, Tobias.”

“No, grazie per avermi permesso di avere qualcuno che posso fare questo per.” He takes a bite. My mother's eyes grow wide.

“Parli italiano?”

“Sì, correntemente.” He smiles.

My father looks at me and I shrug. “His grandmother was Italian.”

“Sangue intero. Io sono solo un quarto.”

“Oh!” My mother smiles. “So you're a quarter Italian? And three quarters American?”

Tobias sets down his fork and looks from my father to my mother. I rub his shoulder and he smiles. “Obawiam się nie, proszę pani. Mój ojciec jest pełen krwistych Polski.” I don't know if I'm the only one that can see it, how his eyes tighten and when he says Polski that he frowns a bit. “Jestem pół kundel Polaczek.” His voice breaks on the second to last word.

Abilene frowns. “Those upstairs folk didn't break into your apartment again did they?”

“No, ma'am.” Tobias scratches his jaw. My mother looks at my father then me.

“Beatrice, can I speak to you in the kitchen? Honey would you accompany me?” She stands up and I look at my father confused. I kiss Tobias' cheek and follow them into the kitchen.

My mother has her hands on the counter, my father rubs her back.

“Mama?” I shift from one foot to the other.

“Beatrice,” she shakes her head. “That boy is going to have a hard time in this world, sweetheart. Not many polish are friendly with black people. And many people of our kind do not like the polish.”

I clasp my hands together.

“Do his friends know?”

“No they don't, I understand you must be concerned.”

“Beatrice, we just want you to be safe.” My mother turns and looks at me. “A lot of Italian Americans and Polish Americans are turning to the mob for work because it's hard to get a steady job here being different. Especially polish.”

I open the door and look at Tobias, his shoulders are tense and his head is down. I let the door shut. “Mama I don't think he'd do that.”

“Beatrice, we're not going to tell you that you shouldn't see Tobias anymore.” My mother looks at my father.

“But we want you to be careful. And if he ever does anything with you that's strange or asks you to do something that's strange. Don't do it. Just end it.” My father breathes out his nose. “The mob is very dangerous. Especially for women. If Tobias was in the mob and his boss told him to kill you he'd do it.”

“And if he didn't?” I cross my arms.

“Someone else would kill you and they'd make him watch.” My father sighs.

It's fifteen to two in the morning and there's a light tapping on my window. There has been for the past five minutes. I'm laying face down and trying to pretend to be asleep. What if Tobias is doing something like that? He did say his job was illegal. The tapping stops and I wait, the clock on my bedside reads five to two. I sit up and tiptoe my way downstairs.

There is a room in Tobias' apartment which I'm not allowed in. Maybe if I asked him he'd let me see it. Maybe. He could be keeping secrets to protect me, his job is dangerous. I bite my lip as I make my way across the living room. I freeze when I hear footsteps on my porch, they go down the steps and I hurry into the dining room and peek out the window.

Tobias is walking away shoulders slumped. He stops and puts something in my mail box, he scribbles on a folded piece of paper and puts it in there before walking away. I wait ten minutes before walking outside and grabbing the box and the note. I open the box and there's a single Hibiscus flower in it. I frown, what? I open the note and nearly drop it and the box. I sink to my knees and cover my mouth.

_My Love,_

_I thought you'd enjoy the symbolism that this flower means since you work in a flower shop. A Hibiscus means that the giver is completely consumed by love. And I am, my love. I couldn't think of a better person to give my heart to. I know I know you hear that from me often but I want you to never doubt it. And I know you will always love me and I can't see you ever not loving me. Not saying that to be narcissistic but I don't think you could fake that much love just like I can't fake it either. We're perfect for each other you don't know how much you actually have changed me._

_Love,_

_Tobias_

The whole message has an X through it and below it is written another message.

_Ms. Prior,_

_Sorry for the inconvenience._

_IV_

In the morning when I meet up with Christina I look at her. “I'm going to catch you later. I have to do something, you go on ahead.” She looks at me.

“You're skipping school?”

I shrug and cross the street. I run to the flower shop and smile at Stephanie.

“Aren't you suppose to be in school?” She crosses her arms.

“I'm calling it a sick day. Guilt sucks.” I lean across the counter. “I have a problem.”

“Yes?”

I explain what happened last night all of it, how I ignored Tobias because of my own uncertainty. What mama and papa had both said, the note. I bite my thumb nail when I'm done and she presses her lips together. I take my jacket off and rest it on the counter.

“Well, that is a problem, but at the same time it's only a molehill, Beatrice. If you have this many doubts then you can't really say you love that boy with your whole heart. Yes he has secrets and that's bad to bring into a relationship but with time I'm sure he'll find himself sure that he can tell you without you running off. Your parents are worried, as all parents would be. I would say if he was in the mob then don't mess with him and leave but the problem with being love, young lady.” She walks over and grabs a small pot with a yellow Tulip then another with a few Chrysanthemums that are white. “Now you are giving these to that young man. Yellow Tulips are a sign of being hopelessly in love and as for the Chrysanthemums they mean truthfulness and loyal love. You both need to sit down and talk. Now you need to go to school I'll drop these off on his door for you.” She hands me a note for my teacher excusing my tardy as helping with a work related problem.

Christina is staring at me from our usual lunch spot. Will does a double take and looks at her then back at me eyebrow raised. I furrow my brow. I've been getting looks all day.

I sit down and Christina's eyebrows shoot up. She leans closer then wipes my shoulder. “It's real!”

My eyes go wide and I look down, I forgot my jacket at the flower shop. My tattoo is on display dark against my skin. I look back at Christina and she grabs my arm.

“How far does it go? When did you get it?”

“To here.” I circle the whole tattoo, “and when I was in Chicago. For my birthday.”

Will chokes. “You've had it that long!”

“Yeah, I normally have it covered up but I was busy with things today.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “You guys are the only two people outside of Tobias and the person that did this that knows I have this.” I take a bite of a carrot.

“And half the school.” Christina tilts her head at a group of juniors staring at me. One of them comes over and clears his throat. I look up at him and he flushes pink.

“Uh, h-hey, Beatrice.” He pops his knuckles and I nibble on a carrot stick. “That's a nice tattoo, I have a question to ask you.”

Will raises an eyebrow.

I swallow and turn my body. “No I'm not telling you where I got it done.”

“Oh, no I was going to ask if you'd like to go to prom with me?” He murmurs and I blush.

“I'm sorry, I'm going with someone else.” I hear Christina cough. I watch him nod and walk off.

Will huffs. “Becoming quite popular, the curse of senior year and everyone noticing you. So are you and Tobias really going to prom?”

I nod because last I checked we were, unless things are royally screwed up between us. I get two more boys, one Junior and a Sophomore, ask me to prom. I politely tell them no and head to my final class, I think I hear a motorcycle engine and look out the window, I too close to the front to see the area in front of the school.

“Ms. Prior!”

I jump and turn my head to the front of the class. When the final bell rings the teacher has me stay.

“I worry about you, Beatrice. Your behavior has drastically changed in the past year.” He narrows his eyes on my shoulder. “You're not in something are you? Tell me that isn't a real tattoo.”

I hug my shoulders. “Excuse me?”

“A young woman such as yourself, it would be a waste to throw away your beauty on something so unsavory. Do you need help? Is someone forcing you to do things that you don't want to do?”

“No I'm fine.” I take a step towards the door.

“No man is going to want a young woman with a tattoo on them.” He goes to sit behind the desk. “Such ruin to a beautiful body.”

“I don't see how my body is a concern of yours, Mr. Richards and my boyfriend happens to enjoy my tattoo and my body with it. Thinks it makes me look sexier than before I got it.” I tighten my hands on my bag strap before walking out.

I run down the steps and look around for Will and Christina, they are waiting by the bottom of the stairs Christina is glaring in the distance.

“Hey guys, what's going on?” I give a small smile. “You'll never believe what just happened! Uh, Christina are you okay?”

Will turns my head and points at a group of girls pushing each other towards something, they're giggling. I raise an eyebrow and pull my face away.

“What?” I look at him and he sighs, taking my hand and pulling Christina and I over.

The girl's conversation becomes clearer to me.

“You go!” Girl number one pushes a second girl, a third is giggling.

“No, you!” The second breaks away, cheeks pink.

The third girl stops giggling, “why do you think someone like that is here?”

“I don't know that's why you should go ask Irene!” The first girl pokes the second.

“What if he's dangerous Stacey?” the second, Irene, looks at the girl who was giggling.

“If he is dangerous guys always know how to have a good time.” The unnamed girl unbuttons her blouse some and puffs out her hair.

“Debbie!” The girls hiss as she turns and flaunts her way towards something. I watch her when I catch sight of a familiar bike and Tobias who's leaning against it, cigarette between his lips faint smile turning up his lips at the girl walking towards him. She starts talking to him and he shakes her hand, his eyes look her over once then look at the girls behind her before winking.

Christina hisses. “What is he doing?”

I continue to stare at him when Mr. Richards walks up to him, gesturing at the cigarette then at Tobias. We walk closer and I hear him say.

“You can't have that here on this area, Mrs. Lindon tell your friend to get rid of that.”

“Yes, Sir.” Debbie smiles then turns back to Tobias. “I think you should get rid of that. Before he has a bitch fit.”

Mr. Richards scowls and Tobias laughs. I push past Christina and stand next to Mr. Richards, staring at Tobias.

“I think you should get rid of that also.” I cross my arms and Tobias looks at me smiling before dropping the cigarette and stepping on it.

He swings a leg over his bike and settles on it. “You coming over? Or should I drop you off home?”

“I'm coming over. Bye Will! Bye Christina!” I wave at them and Tobias smiles.

“Bye, ladies. Ready to go babe?” He turns his head and I give him a kiss before hopping on his bike.

“I could tell he was a dick.” Tobias kisses along my tattoo. His hand squeezes my waist.

“Yeah, so I'm sorry about dinner. You know how parents are.” I run fingers down his jaw before kissing the top of his head.

“It's understandable. It just hurt a little when I went over to talk to you and you weren't answering me.” He sits up pulling the blanket with him.

“I was-”

“Don't you dare say you were asleep, Beatrice. I know the difference from when you're asleep or trying to pretend to sleep. After having slept beside you for as long as I have.” He scratches his head. “I thought that was it you know that I was just a dumb Polack and you were this girl that I couldn't keep. I knew your parents were too good to be true.”

“Hey don't say that they love you, they're just worried that you might be in the mob or something, I told them that it was ridiculous that you wouldn't be in something that illegal and dangerous.” I laugh and sit up to kiss down his back. I reach around and place a hand against his chest I feel his heart hammer against my palm. “You wanna go?”

I hear a huff. “Already?”

“You make me crazy.” I sit up on my knees, his sheet sliding down my body. “I think it could because of those girls giving you attention.”

“Is jealousy always going to get you this warm and bothered?” He gets off the bed and turns to face me. “If it is I may start flirting with everything that moves just to get you to go wild on my like you did when we first got here.”

I laugh and crawl towards him before kissing his chest, over his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Polack is much like Thug and Nigger to blacks, like Chinks to Chinese and all that.
> 
> Tris parents know that Tobias is Italian and Polish! (that and Russians were most likely to be part of the Chicago mob, mainly Italians and the Polish since half of Chicago was Polish territory.)
> 
> I've never had Panna Cotta but I want to, I hope this Italian restaurant in my town has it.
> 
> Un piatto italiano- An Italian Dish
> 
> Grazie- thank you
> 
> grazie per avermi permesso di avere qualcuno che posso fare questo per- Thank you for letting me be able to do this for you
> 
> Parli italiano- Do you speak Italian
> 
> Sì, correntemente- Yes currently
> 
> Sangue intero. Io sono solo un quarto- whole blood. I'm only a quarter.
> 
> Obawiam się nie, proszę pani. Mój ojciec jest pełen krwistych Polski.- I'm afraid not ma'am. My father was full blooded Polish
> 
> Jestem pół kundel Polaczek.- I'm a ha;f mongrel Polack
> 
> (SO WHO'S READY FOR STORY TIME?)
> 
> The story Mrs. Prior was talking about:
> 
> (http://eejcc.com/the-wooden-bowl.pdf )
> 
> So before the next chapter I have to get the picture finished trust me it's worth the wait.


	17. Chapter 16: 1968

“You're not in anything dangerous like that are you?” I can't help but ask. Tobias looks at me from the tub.

“Are you going to ask me every time we meet now?” His hair is wet and plastered to his head.

“Well you never answer me. You always change the subject.” I kneel next to him.

“No this is changing the subject.” He stands up. “We should get you home before your parents call the police on me.”

“I can call my mother and tell her I'm spending the night.” I stand up and follow him into the bedroom where he grabs clothes and dresses. “Please?” I press my face into the groove of his spine between his shoulders and I hear his heartbeat.

“Tris.” He pulls away from me. “Not tonight.”

“You know one day something's gonna happen and he's going to get you pregnant.” Christina nudges my shoulder with her's.

“To be honest I can't see him as a father.” I stretch and open the door to the drug store, I bump into someone. “I'm sorry.”

“It's alright, how are you, Beatrice?” I freeze it's Al's mother. I haven't spoken to her since the funeral. I feel like she blames me for her son's death.

“I'm good. How are you?” I see her face fall a little before she turns to Christina.

“Heard you were getting married.” I use that as my cue to leave. I walk to the back counter to grab Abilene's medicine. Christina joins me, eyes apologetic.

I nod. She does blame me.

Who wouldn't?

“So how are your folks around Tobias now?” She asks on our way home.

“A little cautious, at first but when they were sure that he wasn't some mobster intending on hurting their daughter they went back to normal.” I turn in a circle.

“I want to have a baby.” Christina looks at the sky.

“So soon?” I laugh. “You're not even married yet.”

She looks at me. “I think we might go to war Beatrice. What do you think?” I look at her then down the street.

“I hope not.”

The day of prom comes soon enough and I suddenly worry, what if something does go wrong? My mother gushes at me where I wait for Tobias in the living room. My hair is pinned up in the back, my dress is red and ruffles down to my knees. When I revealed my tattoo to my parents my mother made me get a strapless dress. There's a knock and I trip in my shoes to get to the door. “Ouch.” I open the door and Tobias is standing on the other side, his smile is blinding.

I stare at him. He's in a tux. A tux with a red tie.

“Your mom called me a few weeks back and told me your dress was red.” He fingers the tie with one hand and then winks at me. “I got you something, give me your wrist.” He holds out his hand with a corsage and I bite my thumb, face burning.

This is happening.

We're going to prom.

The roses are white and they match the rosebud pinned to his lapel. His eyes follow mine then he laughs. “Your mother also told me that if I didn't wear one to match then she wouldn't let me into the house ever again and I'd have to eat family dinner in the bushes, staring at her pretty face from the window.” We walk into the living room and my father whistles. My mother gasps.

“Oh look at you, Tobias!” She walks over and smooths down the front of his suit jacket. Her hands still. “Oh you wore it! Good, I do like having you at the table and you eating outside would have been a terrible thing for us.”

Tobias turns his head and looks at me. “See, she scares me.”

I laugh and lean over to kiss his cheek, my heels giving me a couple of inches. “Because she loves you.”

“Indeed.” My mother runs to the couch. “Look, Abilene doesn't he look dashing?” The old lady on the couch turns her head and smiles.

“You're in a suit.”

“I am.” He hugs her. We stand together as my father takes pictures. The front door opens and Christina walks in.

“We're here!” Will is behind her and he gives a little wave. My mom makes us all take pictures together before we leave. There are pillars of balloons on each side of the gym door and Christina makes a noise almost a squeal. She takes Will's arm and marches across the parking lot, Will smiles and goes with her.

“He'd follow that girl to the end of the earth.” Tobias chuckles.

I take his hand, “what about you?”

“You should already know by now, Beatrice. I'm a foolish young man and I would follow you to space.” His hand squeezes mine and we head inside. I lift the skirt of my dress up and Tobias ducks through more balloons. There are people dancing and I lead Tobias to a table. “Would you like punch?”

I shrug and he laughs pulling out my chair before walking off. Christina finds us and walks over.

“Just so you know I think you're the object of almost every girl's envy.”

“Why?” I raise an eyebrow and Will walks off in the direction Tobias went.

“Because your boyfriend is attractive, and he is here with you.” She sits down and smiles at me. “So I was thinking that you should wear a pastel green dress as my maid of honor. So” The strap of her yellow dress slides down her arm.

My eyes wander, where are they? Does it take that long to get punch?

“So does seeing Tobias in a suit seal the deal of marriage for you two?”

I stand up and look at Christina.

“I'm going to the restroom,” I move through the throng of students to get to the ladies' restroom. I sit in a stall knee bouncing, thumbnail between my teeth. I stare at a tile on the floor.

“Did you see what she was wearing?” A voice sounds when the door opens. “That purple dress? Seemed a little unflattering.”

Two girls talk about a girl in my math class, I exit the stall and wash my hands. Red nail polish chipped. The girls smile at me.

“You look really beautiful, Beatrice.”

“So your date is that your boyfriend?” The other girl asks and I nod.

I walk back to the table and Tobias is leaning back in a chair alone.

“They're dancing.” He takes a drink from a plastic cup. I take the full cup next to him and sip. I look out the corner of my eye and he's watching me, finger running along the rim of his cup. “Am I turning into your ditchable prom date?”

“What? No!” I nearly drop my cup and he laughs and leans close.

“Then dance with me.” He whispers against my cheek. “It is prom after all.”

I set my cup down and he pulls me to the dance floor. We stand with an arm length between us, one of his hands on my waist. Nice N' Easy starts playing and Tobias smiles as we spin. This is different than when we dance in his living room. He spins me under his arm and I smile. Yellow flashes next to me and Will and Christina spin by. I notice that Christina chose to wear her engagement ring and her words about Tobias in a suit and marriage come back to me.

“So my mother threatened you with eating outside.” I look up at him and he smiles down at me.

“Yeah, said she'd get Andrew and the boys to move the table closer to the window so I could feel like I was with you.” He ducks down nose pressed to mine. “You're so beautiful, Tris.”

We head back to the table and I sit as Tobias heads to the table for snacks. It's starting to get late enough that they turn off most of the lights in the gym. Christina and Will are still dancing and I see them every now and then.

 _You've given me a true love_  
And every day I thank you, love  
For a feeling that's so new  
So inviting, so exciting

I cover my mouth and Tobias leans close. “Perfect.”

“You want to dance to this?” I look up at him starting to get up when his hand pushes my thigh. He shakes his head and scoots me closer to the table and him. His hand returns itself to my thigh under the table cloth. His eyes stay on the dance floor and he pulls the skirt of my dress up. His fingers hook into my panties and I lift my hips the best I can without calling attention to myself. I bite into a cookie as his fingers brush up my thigh. He leans down and takes the cookie between his teeth his lips brushing against my fingers as his mouth closes around the bite. His fingers press against my clit, rubbing in circles.

“Good?” I raise an eyebrow. A year of doing things like this had made my poker face nearly impossible to call out.

“Absolutely.”

His eyes widen and mine do when we hear the next song. “Cause you make me feel like a natural woman.” I whisper to Tobias along with the chorus. His fingers sink into me and I smile. 

The chairs across from us scrape the floor. Debbie smiles at us. Will and Christina look at me as they start to walk towards us, Will mouths 'what the hell?' and I raise a shoulder. Tobias' fingers keep moving in me, I take a bite of another cookie then a drink of punch.

“Hello,” I nod at Debbie. Christina looks at Tobias then presses her lips together.

“So how did you two meet?” She pushes a strand of hair behind her ear.

“At the lake.” She nods and smiles wider.

“How long have you two been together?” Tobias' fingers stop before his thumb rubs my clit. One of my knees hits the table and I wince.

“Two years.” Tobias blinks picking up his cup with his free hand.

“Wow!” She frowns. “Why?”

“I'm sorry?” I look at her.

“I'm trying to figure out what he sees in you.” She stands up smiling. “Bye, handsome.” She blows a kiss at Tobias and Will looks at his.

“Shit.”

Christina laughs. “I wonder if I should tell her you both are sexual deviants? Tobias this is a public place get your fingers out of that girl.”

Will chokes on air and I put a hand on my face. The other hand grabs his wrist. Tobias leans close to her, as close as he can.

“She's almost done, hold on for a few.”

Will coughs and Christina stands up. “Gross.” They leave the table and Tobias laughs. He's right though he knows my body better than I do almost.

“I still can't believe you two!” Christina yells as her and Will drop us off at my house.

“Love you too, sweetheart!” I yell back as they drive away.

“Take a ride with me?” Tobias taps the hood of the truck and I nod. “You know the correct question asked would be what do you see in me?”

I look at him and the lights from the town gleam in through the windows.

“Because I see a lot of things in you, you're beautiful and smart. I know we talk about this all the time but what do you see in me?”

I look at my hands in my lap.

“You make me feel alive,” I whisper in the small space of the truck cab. The top of my dress is pulled down below my breasts, bra thrown on the dash. Tobias' jacket is on the seat beside us. His tie is undone and his shirt is unbuttoned. “You make me feel safe.”

I turn my head so he can kiss down my neck and I close my eyes.

“Come home with me?”

“Not tonight.”

I stare ahead at the back of the person in front of me's head. I take a deep breath and unclench my fists.

“Beatrice Prior.”

A few cheers.

I stand up and make my way to the stage, inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

I shake the hand in front of me and take my diploma. “Thank you.” I reach up and move my tassel to the other side. I sit with my diploma in my lap.

More people are called.

“Christina Williams.”

More cheering as Christina takes her diploma, smile bright on her face.

There's a closing speech and I, along with my fellow classmates reach up and pull our caps off our heads and throw them in the air. Cheering, jumping up. We're all glad to be done with this. Christina hugs me and I hug her. Will hugs us both and Christina whispers.

“I wish Al was here.”

“Me too.” I bury my face in her shoulder.

“He is here.” Will smiles right here. He puts his hand over his heart.

“There they are!” I hear Jeanine shout before hugging me then Will then Christina. Caleb is standing off to the side with Elizabeth. He smiles at me.

“Congratulations.”

I smile back, “thank you.” 

Elizabeth coos and my father hugs me. When he lets go Tobias hugs me. “Congrats.” And kisses my cheek before slapping Will on the back and hugging Christina.

“So you're no longer a high school student, what do you plan on doing?” Jeanine asks over the table.

I shrug. “Probably stay here. I don't know.”

Truth is I don't know, I never thought about life after high school.

Summer is halfway through when it dawns on me, I'm the only one not moving on. Christina and Will are getting married, Susan has Jason and they moved away. Caleb started a family. I stand next to the phone before nodding and picking up the receiver.

I carry a journal and a camera around my neck, we're sitting out downtown on the Fourth of July when Tobias raises an eyebrow.

“What's that?”

I smile. “I want to keep a journal of events. Maybe work my way up to being journalist. Or a reporter.”

He nods, lips pouted. “Okay. You'd have to go far away for that.”

“Nope, I called and there's need for people over in Chicago.” I put the camera and journal down and turn to face Tobias, who is looking at me with is mouth open. He stands up and holds a hand out to me and I take it.

He leads me away from the crowd of people, we're in the woods when he pushes me against a tree. “In Chicago? So you mean you'd move there?”

“With you.” I cup his face and he smiles.

“With me? When?” He kisses me.

“Well I don't know I have to take some classes here. And wait until I get the job in Chicago.” I'm pulled to the ground.

Tobias kisses all over my face. 

I hear a whistling noise and the side of Tobias' face glows red then after a few seconds there's another whistle a crack and then blue.

“We're missing the fireworks.” I tangle my hand in his hair.

“Do you really want to watch them?” I nod. “Turn your head then.”

We lie there, him making love to me as I watch the fireworks through the trees. He turns his head, lying his cheek on mine. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He gets out. I hold him to me and soon the whistling and cracking stops, so does he. We lie there and he whispers into the air. “Move in with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://dauntlessintheend.tumblr.com/post/74684773747/i-finished
> 
> Tris' tattoo


	18. Chapter 17: 1968

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys I forgot that I was posting on here too so do I have chapters for you on here.

"Oh, Beatrice!" Christina is pacing back and forth in her room in the church. Her hands are shaking, "what if I mess this up?"

"You won't." I smile at her.

She looks at me, lower lip wobbling. "What if he says no?"

"He won't." I get up and hug her.

"Hey, we're on in five." Tobias stands with his back to us in the doorway.

"Okay." I watch as her mother stands next to her and covers her face with her veil. "Now you stay here until the wedding march starts for you." I meet Tobias in the hall and his eyes widen, looking me up and down. "Not as good as the prom dress." I smooth my hands down my stomach and Tobias nods.

"You still look good, green is a good color on you." He kisses my cheek, and I take his arm. Music starts up as our cue and we walk down the aisle, Will is standing straight and his face is pale. Tobias and I part ways and stand in our spots. I watch as Charlie and Rose walk down, Rose scattering flowers and Charlie beams as he passes the pews. The wedding march starts up and everyone stands, I hear Will make a little sob when Christina comes into view, her mother holding her arm as she walks her down the aisle.

"Look at you." Stephanie whispers lifting Christina's veil and kissing her forehead. "My baby girl." She sits down as Christina hands me her bouquet. Will takes her hands and Christina lets out a whimper and her shoulders shake.

The thing about weddings, they seem so long. I stand there forcing my eyes not to travel around the room. I keep them on the back of Christina's head because I can't bring myself to look at Tobias and yet he's all I want to look at right now. The Minister looks at Christina.

"And do you ,Christina Phyllis Williams, take this young man to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold in sickness and in sickness and in health for as long as you both shall live?"

I don't know what her face looks like and it's at this moment I wish I was in the pews just to see it. "I do." I hear around a sniff.

"And do you, William Walter Matthews, take this young woman to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold in sickness and in health for as long as you both shall live?" He looks at Will.

Will smiles, tears running down his cheeks. "I do."

"With the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." Will grabs Christina's face lightly and pulls her to him. I clap as they kiss and people in the pews cheer, I go against my better judgment and look at Tobias. He's clapping with the crowd but he's staring at me, his eyes dark with emotion.

I turn my eyes to the pews and my mother gives me a smile that doesn't reach her eyes. Christina takes Will's arm and her bouquet from my hands, she throws it up and Will throws up his free hand. More cheering and clapping. The step down from the alter and walk back down the aisle, I take Tobias' arm and we make our way down the steps.

I'm combing my fingers through my hair trying to get all the rice out, my mother is waiting behind me to put my hair back up. "What?" I ask when she smiles at me in the reflection of the mirror.

"That boy really wants to marry you." She twists my hair.

"That boy can wait." I watch her put the clip in.

"For how long, Beatrice?" My mother smooths down my bangs.

"Until I'm ready." I stand up and face her.

She kisses my forehead. "Tobias wants to get married soon and you not at all, sweetheart you can't keep thinking you can live like this."

"Like what? If he truly loved me he'd be fine with me not wanting to marry him." I move past her and she places a hand on my arm.

"If you truly loved him," she glances at me then stops next to the door. "You'd let him go before you both became unhappy. You can only live so long as two different people, he's seen enough to realise that he's ready to start a family and you haven't seen enough of the world to realise what's passing you by. And while he's with you dear, he will wait and wait until your ready and you won't be ready. So let him go and find someone who is ready, and you'll find someone who will want to settle down when you're ready and it won't break their heart."

"I'm not breaking his heart." I see Tobias hug Stephanie over my mother's shoulder.

"But you are, he's very good at hiding it." My mother gives me one last smile. "I love you and I only want you to be happy, but you have to be selfish and isn't his happiness what's most important to you?" She leaves and I take a deep breath. Tobias sees me and smiles, I look at him closely and wonder how my mother can see that he's unhappy. He lets Stephanie go and kisses me.

"Hey, you okay?" He asks when I don't kiss back.

"Yeah, just an emotional day." I can't meet his eyes, I see Christina. "I'll be right back." I kiss his chin and cross the room to where Will and Christina are shaking hands with guests, Christina's veil has rice on it. Will kisses her and I stand off to the side, waiting to congratulate both of them. Pictures are taken of the bride and groom, of Tobias and me. I giggle as Christina smashes her piece of cake in Will's face after Will smeared frosting over Christina's nose.

Everyone is called to attention as I'm asked to give my Maid of Honor speech. I stand and clear my throat to call the crowd to attention.

"Christina and I have been best friends since we were young, back when it was hard for her and I to go to school together but we always met up at Dolly's and walked home together. Her mother Stephanie would watch my brother, Caleb, and I after school. She would also clean for my mother and my mother would get so mad that Caleb and I didn't help. Christina would stare at my mom like," I make a wide eyed face, eyebrows pushed together, and my mouth open but the corners pulled down. Everyone laughs. "She would then poke me, 'Beatrice, your mom frightens me.' And Christina would come over for dinner, my mother helped Stephanie with Rose when she was born, Christina would always tell me how she planned to get married.

"She planned out meeting a nice boy her age and they'd get married in her backyard." I look around. "Not quite your backyard there, Christina but it's better than nothing. Once sometime ago Christina was allowed to go to school with me and she would tell me. 'Beatrice, I can feel it one day I won't get in trouble for wanting to marry a non-coloured boy. Just you wait and see, I'll find one who loves me.' You did, I met Will by chance, he got into some trouble and needless to say I ended up in the middle and we happened to run into Christina and Susan and our friend Albert. And Will offered to get us soda. To be honest I thought he was talking to me but he smiled at Christina and anyone who could have been there and seen it would have seen how hard she had fallen for him. I think right then and there God made sure that these two were meant to be, and I hope that you stay together for a very long time. I wish you the best. Will treat her right that's my best friend you're married to." Christina hugs me.

Tobias stands up as everyone claps, "I guess it's my turn to give the best man speech. Bear with me, I do not know Christina as well as Tris does nor do I know Will as well as Christina or Tris. I happen to only be friends with either because of Tris here." He smiles at me and I look at the table. Maybe this can be mistaken for embarrassment? "The time I met Christina was when I met Tris, and Christina was loud, loud but brilliant. She was funny and I could even tell that there was no stronger friendship than the friendship these two girls had. I met Will through Christina and Tris and I have never seen Will and her look at each other with anything other than love in their eyes.

"I don't think I could have seen a better couple being married today than these two right here. Will you have a fine woman, beautiful and smart. She's lucky that you see that, and you're lucky that she sees past your goofy ass." Tobias taps Will's forehead. "Watching these two was awkward."

"Awkward?" Will sticks his tongue out.

"Yes!" Tobias nods. "Watching Will worry about if Christina would like the ring, him calling me saying 'I can't do it man, what if she hates the ring.' I told him the ring wouldn't matter what would matter is the girl accepting the ring. That she would be letting him call her his'. That she would be allowing him to love her in every way God intended a person to love someone else. That they'd work together as a family now. With much love to both of you I wish you the best. Now let us give a toast to the newly wed MR. and Mrs. William Matthews!" Everyone raises their glass before taking a drink.

I watch Christina and Will share their first dance on the floor, I hear the chair next to me move and I'm pulled close to Tobias' chest as he whispers. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I shift to put some room between us. "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't need to keep asking."

He grabs my hand and gives me a look, I hear the song end. Tobias opens his mouth and I stand up, pulling my hand from his grip. "I'll be right back." I walk over to the table my parents, Caleb, Jeanine, and Elizabeth are at. "Hey, big brother do you want to dance?" I pull him up and to the dance floor.

"Something is wrong," Caleb raises an eyebrow as I dance with him. "And from how little I've seen you with Tobias tonight I bet it has something to do with him. And since this is a wedding I'm assuming it has to do with you two and marriage?"

He spins with me and I keep my head down. "Does he seem unhappy to you?"

"No, where is this coming from?" I hear my brother grumble.

I rest my forehead against his shoulder, "I think he may be unhappy because I don't want to marry him."

Caleb pats my back. "I'm sure he's happy to wait when it comes to you." We sway for another song, "yeah. He's happy to wait. But are you happy to have him wait, Beatrice? You didn't even accept his offer to move in with him."

"I don't know. I want him to be happy, but I don't think he truly would be happy, waiting for me. And I don't think I could be okay having him wait for me." I feel tears form behind my closed eyes. "But I love him so much, Caleb. It'll hurt him just as much me breaking up with him then me never marrying him."

"I'm sure he'll understand." Caleb and I stop when the song changes. A throat clears.

"May I have this dance?" Tobias ducks down and kisses my temple. Caleb nods and touches my cheek.

"Think about it, Beatrice." He leans over and kisses my forehead before walking off.

"Think about what?" Tobias pulls me close and we spin on the dance floor.

"Just you know, school. That kind of stuff." I bury my face in his shoulder, shit. Shit!

"What do you mean I thought you were going to Chicago?" Tobias rests his cheek on top of my head. "Or did you change your mind. I'm fine with going where ever you want to go. But there is something I do have to talk to you about."

"Can we leave?" I look up at him, heart hammering.

"I'm sure we can, don't you want to catch the bouquet?" He looks at where Christina is moving through the crowd. I shake my head and he pulls away from me. "Hold on then."

I walk over to the table my parents are at, hugging them before we go. I wave to Will and Christina and Tobias grabs my hand. "Come on then."

I don't know what I'm going to do when we walk through his apartment.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" I bite my lip and he tilts my face up.

"I need to be in Chicago for a year, maybe go somewhere else for business for a few months too. And I would like you to come with, you already plan to go to Chicago. So why not just move in with me there, I feel like that if we actually moved there and settled you would be okay with living with me. And once you lived with me for awhile. Who knows, maybe we'll..." he doesn't finish and instead runs his fingertips across my cheek.

I pull him towards me crushing my mouth to his, my hands fumble with his suit jacket, the vest, even his tie. His hands reach up to pull at the clip that holds my hair up. The zipper on the back of my dress is loud in the quiet. I kick my shoes off losing the few inches I had in height. I pull him towards his bedroom, I can fake this. I can act like I'm not going to break his heart.

We're naked and his hands are griping my calves as he thrusts into me, my eyes are closed and I know that if I were to open them I'd start crying. I can't fake this, I can't act like I'm going to break his heart I can't break his heart.

"I can't hear you, moja piękna miłość." He pulls my calves around his back and presses close to me, I think I feel his heart beating. I press a hand in between his shoulder blades.

"Kocham cię." I whisper. The one thing I know how to say and Polish, the one thing I can say and mean. That and, "tak mi przykro."

"What do you have to be sorry about? My love, you're not doing anything wrong." That makes me cry, tears catching in my eyelashes and spilling over, down my temples. "Shh, my love, what is it?" I feel his lips press kisses all over my face.

"Tak mi przykro. Kocham cię." I repeat the two over and over. Nails digging into his skin, holding on to this piece of faked happiness. I want to see his face when he comes but I can't. I can't look at him, knowing what will happen.

"Hey, are you okay? What is going on?" He pulls me close and I keep my head down.

"I was apologizing for the state your back is now in." I lie watching him get up to grab a rag to clean me off.

We sleep, or he sleeps I spend most of the night watching him.

"So I have to leave here in two days, I know I probably should have told you." He kisses me as I stand next to his door, "but I didn't think a wedding was a perfect time to tell you. So I'll meet you here? Or do you want me to come get you?"

"I'll meet you here." I turn the door knob.

"Five-thirty!" He kisses my cheek, eyes bright.

Five-thirty tomorrow, I stare at my clock, letter in my hands, I tuck it into the bag at my feet. "Daniel" I walk into the kitchen and he looks up.

"Yes, Tris?" He smiles at me and I try to smile back.

"It's, Beatrice. And I need you to do me a favor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So don't kill me too badly. And breathe.
> 
> The Polish was: My beautiful love
> 
> I love you
> 
> and I'm sorry. I'm sure you can place in where there were.


	19. Chapter 18: 1969, 1971, 1972

"I can't take this anymore!" Christina picks up a baby only five months old, she bounces the little girl up and down. Her eyes like mine are trained on her and Will's TV. I can hear Will pacing behind me. On this day we're all worried.

Worried for our loved ones and for others loved ones.

It's here the day of the draft.

"Here, let me take Diane." I take the baby from Christina's arms.

Numbers are called, birthdays. I here February and freeze, I shouldn't be worried. It's been over a year, but I am worried and I listen. A sigh leaves my lips when the fourteenth is called. His birthday is the next day, so close.

It's a horrible thought, but I could have lost him even more than I already have. The numbers stop and there's crying. I turn and Christina is hugging her shoulders. Will is standing still staring at the TV and my mouth opens.

"Oh, Will." Diane starts crying and I pat her back. "Shh, shh. Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better." I walk back to the nursery singing. It looks like no one gets their happy ending after all. Though I'm sure I could have kept mine.

"I can take her." Christina stands in the doorway and I jump. "You looked lost in thought."

She takes her daughter from me and I nod a little. "I was just thinking.."

"About Tobias?" I flinch and I see a tear roll down Christina's cheek. "Don't worry, Beatrice. We'll take care of each other. Now get on home."

I nod and head out to my car, I see Will sitting on the porch steps and I stop. I hug him and a sob leaves his throat.

"God really hates me. Christina told me she was pregnant again today. We're having another baby and now this! She's going to need you so much, Beatrice. Please stay with her?" He turns and looks at me, eyes red.

I hug him again. "Yes, Will."

I head home to my apartment on the north side of town. I pass my too friendly neighbors who don't smile at me today. They look like everyone on the street, those who know someone leaving for war and then there are the neighbors next door that must not be going to war if the rhythmic thumping keeps up.

I don't know how long I sit with my back to the front door. My telephone rings. I make no move towards it. It rings again as I'm lying on the couch, cup of tea sitting on the coffee table. I move to get it.

"Beatrice Prior speaking." I whisper.

There's breathing, a sigh.

"Hello?" I raise an eyebrow.

A sob. "Jason's volunteering!"

"Susan?" I sit up.

"He's leaving me, Tris!" I wince, I remembered she doesn't know. "Is Tobias going?"

"I don't know." I pull my knees up to my chest.

"How can you not know?"

"We..." I close my eyes. "We broke up two days after Christina's wedding. Will is going though. His birthday was called."

Susan cries to me on the line some more before hanging up, I hate today. I hate this world. I grab my over coat and shrug it on over my clothes before grabbing my car keys.

I groan, mouth tasting like cotton. The mouth at my neck places kisses against the skin and I groan even more. My head hurts.

"Come on." A gruff voice whispers into my ear and I open an eye, brown eyes smiling at me. Not the dark blue ones I had been dreaming about.

"Ray?" I sit up when he rolls off me. "What?"

"Wild twenty-first there, baby." He kisses me. "Got to go, have work in five. Lock the door when you leave." He gets dressed, gives me a look, and runs out the door.

I take that as my cue to get dressed and leave. I drive my car to Christina's.

"Aunt Bea!" Diane waves from the window.

"Hi, sweetie!" I wave back, her brown hair is pulled up in pigtails and I pull one lightly when I get in the door. Her arms wrap around my left leg.

"Mama is changing Tony's diaper!" She smiles wider. "Mama said that your birthday was yesterday! So I made this for you!" She pulls papers off the kitchen table and hands it to me. "See there's you and Mama, and look I made this for Papa! That's Papa coming home and he is surprising Mama!"

I here a whine and Christina is bouncing her son. "Hi, Beatrice. Happy Birthday! What did you do?"

"Ray took me out." I shrug. "It was nice."

"It was nice but not," she looks over at Diane then at me, leaning forward so her face is close to mine. "Tobias."

I nod. "I love Ray, but I'm not in love with him." I take Anthony from her arms. "I mean it's gotten awkward since you know a few months ago."

Christina nods. "I wrote to Will today. I told him I loved him, that the kids loved him. It's been two years, Beatrice. I don't want to continue waiting for him to come home."

One night a few weeks later I get a call from Susan, her sobs made my heart ache.

"I got a letter, Jason..." She wails. "Jason's gone!"

I stand in my living room, staring at the carpet. "Susan."

"I'm coming home, I can't stay here without him! Oh my god. Tris! He's dead. He is dead, I never got to have kids with him, or marry him. He asked me a few months before he left. I told him we had all the time in the world, Tris! All the time in the world."

Susan's words stay with me, even as I hold Christina's hand as she stares at the letter in her hand. The kids are in bed. She shakes her head and hands me the letter.

"I can't. I can't read it if he's gone too, Beatrice. Please."

I open the letter and read it, reread it again, and again. I look at her. "He's been "lightly wounded" and if I'm reading this correctly, he's been discharged."

A choked noise comes from her throat before Christina buries her face in my chest. Her shoulders shake, and I rub her back.

I sit and watch Ray pace back and forth, his hand tugging at his light brown hair. "So either you are or you're not." He glares at me.

"I am." I stand in his living room.

"No, you're not." His hands curl into fists. I shake my head and start towards the door my head snaps back when my hair is pulled. I curse my ponytail, my hands flail and I grab the kitchen shears off his counter. I'm pulled to the ground by my hair, and he presses a knee into my stomach. "You're not leaving me." I reach up, elbow him in the stomach he rolls off me, dragging my head down with him. I use the shears the best I can to cut at my hair to free my hand. When my head is free I'm able to stand I toss the shears across the room.

I hear him shuffle to his feet and his hands grab me, I kick my feet out trying to hit him. I feel something hit the side of my face, a few seconds later I realised he hit me. I bite down on his hand when he brings it up to cover my mouth.

There's pounding on the door before it's kicked in by one of his neighbors. I feel myself being pulled away from Ray and pushed out into someone's arms. I'm taken to the hospital.

"I guess I need stitches." I stare at my nurse. Evelyn Johnson. "How is it that the whole time that your son was here not once did he see you?"

"He gave up looking for me when he met you." She stares at me from across the hallway. "Your hair I should cut it the rest of the way. What did you do?"

"Cut it." I follow her into a room so she can stitch me up. "Got into a fight with my ex. He didn't want me to leave him." I whisper when she finishes.

"Marcus' problem wasn't me leaving ever. It was me needing him. He wanted to make sure that my son and I would always need him. Tobias is obsessive when it comes to being wanted and needed. With you, you needed him and he needed you. You both wanted each other." She laughs. "So I know that Tobias didn't do this, what ex are you talking about?"

"I couldn't marry your son, or let him stand by and be unhappy. I wouldn't let him follow me on some whim that he needed to because we were together-"

"Sweetheart, he would sit by and smile because he loved you. He would follow you because he loved you. My son would understand that you didn't want to marry him." I feel her fingers run over my head. "Tobias, he," she sighs. "He was never interested in marriage because of what Marcus had done to us. I wrote him a letter telling him that I was sorry, sorry for what I did and that it was wrong of me to leave him like I did. He's very understandable, and I know that you were scared. And you didn't want to break his heart by him waiting. But he doesn't do that, he doesn't wait to see if you'll come to him. He chases. Chases then when he's sure that he has you he'll walk beside you. He would have let you make all the choices in the relationship." She walks around to smile at me. "Tobias will only ask if it's there and he doesn't know how to proceed, him asking you to marry him is his way of asking if you planned on marrying him at all. Now or in twenty years."

"Asking me to move in?" I stare her down.

"If you'd ever live with him. He wasn't just asking for then but for when." She smiles. "Tris, you're a beautiful girl. Beautiful, smart, and the times I did see him on the street he was happy. Happier than any of the times I had seen him. You made him forget to look for me. You made him forget to try and fix his broken family and start trying to build a new one. Tobias doesn't love easily." I watch her slip out the door.

My mother hugs me to her chest. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I love you." I kiss her cheek, then hug my father before saying goodbye to the boys.

I drive to Christina and Will's, I stand on the porch knocking and Will answers, dark rings around his eyes. I hug him.

"Take care of her." I kiss his cheek.

"Where are you going, Beatrice?" Christina sticks her head out and I smile.

"There's something I need to fix, something I was scared to do." I wave to the kids. "I'll call you when I get into Chicago.

Christina hugs me. "If you need anything you call! I don't care just call me."

This was a really bad idea I tap my thumbs against my steering wheel. I can't just pop by Max's they all probably hate me, I don't know where Tobias' is staying. I can't go by the Pedrad's, I can't ask where Zeke is, or anything. I park in front of the tattoo parlor. I open the door, I left my jacket in my car.

"Hello, what can I do for you today?" The man behind the counter turns around and I smile.

"Hello, Jay."

His head snaps up, confusion crosses his face then he looks at my shoulder, my tattoo before smiling. "Well hello lovely lady! Mitch is upstairs. It's been awhile, come by for a tattoo?"

"No." I tell him most of why I'm there.

"So you're here to get this young man back and you have no where to go?" Mitch comes through the opening that probably leads to her apartment, her hair touches her shoulders. "You can bunk with me. We'll make that fucker jealous."

"Oh I was the one who fucked up. Not him." I clasp my hands together.

"Hey! I have a friend who could probably help. Let's go." She grabs my hand. "Man the shop Jay, and if Arthur comes in have him cover for me."

We walk in silence and I smile. "Your hair is longer." She pushes it behind her ears.

"Yours is shorter," her brown eyes look me up and down. "You're something girl I will tell you that. Why didn't he fight for you?"

"I told him not to." I scratch my nose.

We enter a diner and Mitch leans against the counter. "Hey, Bonnie. Clark in?"

"No he's not dear." A woman behind the counter nods at us.

"Well shit. Can you tell him to call me. We're trying to find this lovely lady's soul mate. What's his name?"

"He goes by Four-"

"Hana Pedrad's boy? I know him." A girl passing us says. "Yeah, I baby sit Zeke's little boy and he's over there a lot. I can give you Zeke's address. Oh wait! Hey Uriah!" I hear the door open.

I look over my shoulder and Uriah is walking in with Marlene, Zeke has a little boy in one arm and his other is around Shauna's waist. Lynn is tagging back talking to Eric and Tobias. I freeze and turn to look at Mitch.

"I can't do this. Get me out of here." I hear my voice crack and Mitch nods before grabbing my wrist.

"Never mind, Tracy. Bonnie I'll be back by for some food." She pulls me towards the door and Uriah stops.

"Tris?"

Zeke's smile is gone and he looks at me. I let my eyes fall, I stare at the back of Mitch's legs.

"Excuse me, pretty lady." She sing songs and I'm pulled in between Lynn and Eric. In front of Tobias. I keep my head down. Breathe in and out. In through my nose out my mouth.

"What's wrong Uriah?" I hear Lynn call and a hand grabs my other arm. Uriah ducks down and look at at me.

He frowns. "Are you going to say hi?"

"Hi." I whisper.

"Not to me, to him." Uriah tilts his head.

"I can't, Uriah." I look up at Mitch. She takes a deep breath.

"Look at her man. She looks like she's fixing to cry. Can I at least get her back to her car?"

Uriah squints at Mitch then at me. He looks hurts and steps away. We start to move and something slides down my neck I scratch my skin. Mitch blocks me from view and she walks me back to the shop.

"Never mind, that was stressful. Girl, if you're gonna get this boy back you can't chicken out when you see him!" She puts her hands on her hips and I nod. I reach up to fiddle with my locket, the one I kept and put back on when I realised I was still in love with Tobias. My fingers touch skin. I jerk my hand away.

"My locket is gone!"

"Fuck!" Mitch looks out the door. "It's probably good as gone."

I sink to my knees and cover my face in my hands. This must be my sign to give up, I fucked up. Fucked up so bad and I shouldn't try to fix it.


	20. Chapter 19: 1972

"What did you do back in your home town?" Jay tilts his head as I lean against the counter. "Like I mean as a job."

"I worked at my friend's mother's flower shop, I took classes out at the college there. I also helped out at the boutique. I ran ladies their dresses and hats." I smile.

Jay nods his head then looks that the wall of pictures. "Wanna learn how to tattoo?"

I bite my lip and walk around the corner, "how about if I do stay here permanently I will take you up on that offer?"

"Okay girl." Jay hugs me. "And don't worry, things will work out."

Mitch comes out from the back she smiles at me, lip piercing glinting in the florescent light. "So the guest bed is all made up you can crash there for how ever long, just I hope you won't be grossed out if I bring back a lady friend and," she waggles her eyebrows at me.

I shrug, "I'll find somewhere else to be I guess." I run a hand through my hair tugging at one of the ends that stops above my ear. I stare down at my sneakers, I need to do something. "I'll see you later?"

"Be back by six, I want to take you back to that diner for dinner!" Mitch points at her eyes then at me, "don't get in trouble, I'll know if you do."

I smile and exit the shop. What to do exactly?

I walk down the street, I don't know how long or where I'm going. I can only remember so much from when I was here years ago with Tobias. I stop when I realise that I'm standing on Max's street, standing in front of Max's bakery. I duck my head to walk by, no one seems to be home.

"Well I'll be damned. Look who decided to grace my shop." Max smiles at me. "How are you, Tris?"

"Fine, I'm fine." I keep my head down. Everything is going to bring me back to him isn't it?

"What are you doing here? Get that job for that journalist?" He crosses his arms.

"No, and you can laugh I don't care. Just let me hear it I know one of you wants to say something to me about this whole thing between me and him." I cross my arms too, I can't take the niceness if it's going to end up in an argument.

"Hey," he unfolds his arms. "I'm not in this, I'm neutral ground. Gabe went to the war, we hope he comes back to us."

I nod. "Jason, Susan's boyfriend died. And Will." I take a breath, "Will lost his right arm, it just ends mid-bicep."

"My condolences for Will." I hear behind me and I turn, Tobias is standing rigid. Zeke has a hand on his shoulder. "What are you doing here?" Zeke speaks again. Shauna heads inside the bakery with the little boy.

I shut my eyes and turn back towards Max. He looks at me then up. "I am not in this, do not bring this into my bakery. All of you want to fight go somewhere else." He rubs my shoulder, "Tori is inside I'm sure she'd love to see you." He walks me inside and Tori stares at me from the kitchen.

"Why is she here?"

"Neutral, Tori. Or you can leave." He stares her down and I pull away.

"You don't have to fight with your friends I can leave. Not talk to you again." I hold my hands up.

"Yeah you're good at that aren't you?" Eric sits on the couch, Lynn frowns at him. "What I'm saying what everyone wanted to say." He hisses.

I walk out the back door since they're all gathered in the front. I pass two little girls' and Bud he nods at me. "Hello, Tris."

I give a wave. "Tris, wait up!" Uriah calls after me.

"Tris!" Marlene yells and so does Lynn.

I unlatch the gate, fingers shaking. I'm crying, when did I start crying? A hand clamps down on mine and opens the gate, Lauren touches my cheek.

"Neutral. So what have you been up to, Tris?"

I swallow then look at the house, everyone is standing around looking at me and I shake my head. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Tris didn't exist, she doesn't exist anymore."

Lauren rolls her eyes and grabs my wrist. "Nope, you're coming with me."

She leads me into the bakery. Zeke and Tobias are in the corner and Lauren throws them a glare. Shauna wrinkles her nose at me. Zeke barely glances at me and Tobias doesn't even bother. She leads me to an office and sets my in a chair.

"Okay truly, how have you been?"

"Okay, I guess." I cover my face.

"What happened to your hair?" She runs a hand through my hair.

"I got in a fight with an ex, a nasty fight." I close my eyes. "And it needed to be cut."

"Okay, I bet that is all I'm going to get. So anyone special in your life?"

"I had one guy, he wasn't so," I throw my hands up giving her a look. I hope she understands that I'm trying to say he wasn't so great.

"Horrible sex?"

"Well, I guess so. Horrible everything." I run my fingers over the scar Ray gave me. Lauren frowns.

"So you have had dated other guys?" She tilts her head.

"Just two others. Why?" I fiddle with my thumbs.

"So you've had sex with Tobias and these others?" Lauren leans close, one eye brow raised.

"Well Tobias is the only one that I slept with while in the relationship first. Uhm, my second "boyfriend" I never even let him see any part of me undressed and then there was Ray and he and I were intimate. Before we got together." I thumb my lip.

"So you've been with other guys outside of a relationship?" Lauren stands up a little.

"Yes, a few one night stands. Okay. The first was after Will got drafted-"

"Well you waited a year, I guess that was plenty of time to get over me like I never existed." Tobias hisses from the doorway and my head snaps over to him. He has papers in his hand. "Max said while you're in here, Lauren, to catalog some entries for him. Team fucking neutral. Piss poor excuse for friendship." He tosses the papers towards her and they flutter around. His eyes meet mine and I feel myself freeze from the inside out. He turns without a word and stomps out. Lauren picks up the papers and huffs.

"Don't worry about him," she smiles at me. "Max and I believed you'd come back for him. So did Lynn and Marlene, Uriah too but Shauna thinks you should stay away and Zeke would go with what ever she says. So Uriah would follow Zeke too." Lauren whispers. "No go, I have paperwork."

I stand up and walk out. I get another nasty look from Shauna that I ignore as I walk out the front door. I'm going to have to start over I realise, start back from when he was the boy with the stick out ears and the sun glasses walking beside me with his motorcycle.

I head back to the tattoo shop and Mitch is leaning against the counter. "Hey, it's not quite six yet, but we're dead right now. Wanna go?" She grabs her jacket. She looks at my car then her bike.

"It's been a while since I rode on one." I look at the sky. "I'd much like to keep it that way, too. If Tobias and I get back together I want his motorcycle to be the first one that I ride."

She nods and climbs into the passenger seat. "Being hopelessly in love sounds dreadful."

"It is." I start my car.

"...well why should how many people you slept with after him make him so angry? Did he not sleep with other girls after you?" Mitch bites into a burger and gives me a look.

"I don't know, he was my first and I was his." I eat a fry.

"Ah, he's probably jealous because someone else could bring you pleasure." She laughs and I giggle with her.

"No, he was the only one that left me satisfied at the end."

"Mmm," she groans. "Babe, when you do that thing with your lips I don't know how he could stay so mad at you. Oh! Hey, Clark!" She waves and a tall man walks over.

"Hey, Mitch. Whoa, who's your friend here?" He smiles at me.

"This is Tris, Tris this is Clark." She rolls her eyes.

"Tale bellezza." He leans against my booth seat. "Ti dispiace se la prendo in prestito?"

Mitch glares. "She's not like that."

"What can't a beautiful woman be wooed by another language, Michelle?" He never looks away from me. "Would you like to come to a party tonight with me?"

"Excuse me? I don't know you." I look at Mitch.

"We'll go but she's not going to be doing any of that. And I won't either." Mitch taps my arm. "Let's go."

"Addio mia bella Giulietta. E anche voi mezzosangue!" He calls after us and I look at Mitch.

"So he's Italian?"

"Half." She crosses her arms in the car. "We'll walk from the shop and you will not leave my side okay?"

"Okay."

There's music playing when we enter a house, people are everywhere. Girls with long hair, some are not wearing shirts. I look at Mitch.

"I hope they don't expect me to do that."

"No, you stay with me." She grips my arm.

"La mia dea!" I hear a cry and Clark appears out of no where. "Would you like a drink?" He has a cup in his hand.

"No thank you." I say after Mitch shakes her head.

"Don't make this girl a boring wet towel like you! She has spirit!" He pokes Mitch. "You should go find yourself a nice girl. There are plenty here." He points at a group of girls all making out on the couch before taking my hand.

My arm is pulled back and Mitch glares. "She stays with me."

"Fine come along too. I don't mind flirting with an audience." He leans in close to me. I blush, I know how this routine goes. Mitch's fingers on my wrist is the only thing that lets me know that I'm not lost in this unknown house. That this won't end up in a one night stand.

We press through a crowd and soon the fingers are gone. I turn and groan, how hard is it to find a six foot tall woman in a crowd?

"Bello. Si sta andando ad essere così bisognoso quando ho finito con te." I look at Clark, his eyes are a strange shade of green-brown. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you." He takes a drink from his cup and leads me down a hallway to a room. "Besides you can't party with Mitch hanging over you."

He opens the door and there are people there sitting on the floor and a couple making out on the bed, one of the bodies on the floor hands Clark something.

He smiles, "you wanna have fun?"

I bite my lips.

"Come on, Tris! It's fine!" I hear from behind me and I glance over my shoulder, Ryan and Lauren are there on the ground. Lauren speaks again. "It doesn't hurt."

I look back to Clark where he's busy shooting whatever is in the syringe into his arm. "No thank you."

I back out of the room, I shut the door and make my way down the hall, a couple hits the wall in front of me, blocking my way. I stare at the man's shoulders, I know those shoulders. I know the back of that neck. Tobias lifts his head as the girl kisses down his neck.

"Mio fratello non importa se abbiamo un certo divertimento della nostra." The girl giggles. "Andiamo Four!"

He makes a noise and then his eyes open. I know he sees where I am against the wall, I duck my head down.

"Scendere, Isabelle." I hear him say. "What are you doing here?"

I keep my eyes on the floor, is he here like Lauren is? I feel fingers under my chin and my face is pulled up, for a second I think I see worry in his eyes before they become aloof.

"Why are you here?"

"What does," I look at the closed door then back at Tobias. " La mia dea mean?"

Tobias stiffens.

"I can't remember what all Clark said, but he is a friend of Mitch's I think and he wanted to show me something and-"

I hear a huff. "And you went." Tobias leans closer. "You look fine."

"Why are you here?" I cross my arms.

"I was trying to get laid." He looks back down the hallway where that girl is glancing at me. "But that was ruined."

"I'm sorry," I look back down.

"I'm surprised that you said no, I thought the new Beatrice was a party girl, likes one night stands." He looks me up and down.

I pull away and head to the living room, fuck him. I grab a cup and walk around looking for Mitch. I find her lip locked with a redhead. I'm on my second cup when I set it down to look for the bathroom, I open a door off to the side and sigh in relief when it is the bathroom. I shut the door behind me. I'm washing my hands when the door opens and I look up Tobias is half in half out the door. He shakes his head and shuts the door walking towards the toilet.

"Do you piss with any of the girls in here?" I look for a towel.

"I think they're in the second drawer to the right in that cabinet." He nods his head to the side. "No, it's not like you haven't already seen my dick. I mean you've even had it in your mouth a few times." He finishes up. "Do you let any guy just piss with you in the bathroom or just the ones you've fucked?"

I stare at him in shock. "You don't get to be mad at me for moving on."

"Moving on okay." He presses his tongue between his lips before pulling it and his bottom lip in his mouth. "Then why are you here?"

"I told you."

"No, I mean in Chicago. You're not going to the college. It's to early for your birthday." He looks at me and I can't look at him. "Oh. Oh!" He grabs my shoulders and presses me against the door. "Oh." He noses at my jaw my throat. His hands slide under my tank top before he drags his nails down my back.

His fingers hook into my pants, they slide around and unpop my button. He pulls my pants and panties down.

I lick my lips, I reach down to get his pants undone and he bats my hand away. He reaches down and his fingers press against my clit, his breathing is steady in my ear. His fingers press against me harder before moving down to press inside me. I moan. I hear a laugh then Tobias removes his hand when there's knocking.

"You're blocking the door." He whispers in my ear.

I stare at Max's office wall. Max is talking to me. But all I can think of is the bathroom incident that happened a week ago.

"Tris you okay?" Max puts a hand under his chin.

I nod. "I'm fine, just I don't know if I do want to help here. I can't be around them, Max." I bite down on my thumb nail.

"Well you can stay back here and uncatalogued everything for me and be away from them."

And I am away from them, I stay in Max's office during work hours. Lauren brings me the papers and everything is fine. It's late and I'm organizing the files for orders and dates. I never knew that Max's bakery was so popular until I was present for working hours.

I hear the door open. "Max I'm sorry, just thought you'd appreciate if everything was in order."

"I'm sure he would." Tobias leans against the desk.

My hands start sweating. I look at him and he looks away. "Can I help you?"

I watch him shrug and then look at me. "So am I correct when I say you came back for me?"

I stand up and come around to the other side of the desk. "Look, Tobias." His eyes narrow and my eyebrows push together.

"Well," he starts unbuttoning my shirt, then my pants.

"Well?" I whisper as he turns me over.

"This okay?" I nod. It's fine if he still wants me.

"Fuck." He hisses once he's inside me. He moves against me and one of his hands pulls at my hair before pushing my face against the desk.

His hips move faster and I reach up to smack at his hand. His other hand lets go of my hip and pushes my hands off him. One hand presses down on my back, he leans down. I can fell his breath on my neck.

"Kiss me?" I ask and there's a chuckle.

"I don't think I want to." I push myself up and lean forward to kiss him then, he turns his face so my lips press open mouthed to his cheek. "I don't want you kissing me." He says finally lifting himself back up to continue thrusting in and out of me. I let him push my head back down, I let him finish. I bite my lip when his fingers grip me too hard.

I stay still when he pulls out, I don't watch him leave. My legs shake as I pull my underwear back into place. It takes me a few minutes to get the button back in the hole. I pull my jacket over my shirt.

"Hey, girl." Mitch smiles at me, "what's wrong?" She moves away from the stove and I collapse on the couch.

He wasn't Tobias anymore, he was Four. He'd always be Four. Mitch pulls me to her and I start crying. My hands won't stop shaking. I know I'm wailing, I can't breathe through my nose. I reach a shaking hand up trying to cover my mouth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tale bellezza- Such beauty
> 
> Ti dispiace se la prendo in prestito- do you mind if I borrow you?
> 
> Addio mia bella Giulietta. E anche voi mezzosangue- Farewell my lovely Juliet. And you half-breed
> 
> La mia dea- my goddess
> 
> Bello. Si sta andando ad essere così bisognoso quando ho finito con te- Bello. You're going to be so needy when I'm done with you
> 
> Mio fratello non importa se abbiamo un certo divertimento della nostra.- My brother does not care if we have some fun of our own.
> 
> Andiamo Four- come on Four
> 
> Scendere, Isabelle- stop Isabelle.


	21. Chapter 20: 1972

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well then let us begin:
> 
> il mio nuovo giocattolo- My new toy
> 
> Vieni a letto, bello- come to bed beautiful
> 
> cara. Ti fanno sentire meglio- dear. Make you feel better.
> 
> Non piangere cara, acqua appena versato- Do not cry dear, it's just split water
> 
> tesoro- treasure (sweetheart)
> 
> So what Clark gave Tris was Ketamine it is used recreationally and as a date rape drug. It causes hallucinations and can make you feel euphoria sometimes. If you do not drink enough water your body get dehydrated and the hallucinations are worse (Tris was dehydrated) And it can cause you to be sick.
> 
> Drugs are bad you take them then some shit always goes down and someone ends up hurt, don't do it.
> 
> So Clark's a sausage.
> 
> If you can not guess Tobias' paying profession then I don't know how much more I can hint at it without actually saying it.
> 
> So Evelyn, talk. Good times ahead if you're still here. Trust me. Good times.

I pull my face away from Mitch's shoulder. She smiles at me, I tear my eyes away from her. "I'm sorry." I whisper, my throat sore from crying.

"Stay." She gets up and I watch her walk to the bathroom to grab a rag. "Your face is a mess. What happened?"

"Four, he- he." A sob escapes my mouth and my mind flashes back at how he pushed my face against Max's desk. I grab the rag and wipe at my face, I deserved that. I broke his heart. "Nothing." I say after a while and I swear Mitch's face darkens.

I lie back on the couch that serves as the guest bed. I hear her sigh then the couch springs groan as she stands up. I keep my eyes closed until her door shuts. Tears burn hot against my cheeks.

"Do you want me or Jay to walk you to the bakery?" Mitch asks over a pan of scrambled eggs. I shake my head.

I walk down the sidewalk, maybe Max would let me call Christina or my mother on his phone. I walk into Max's office and he looks at me over a file.

"Good morning!" He smiles and Marlene turns from the chair in front of the desk.

"Oh I can come back." I walk away from the door and lean against the wall. The shop opens in fifteen minutes so everyone is scurrying around to set things up. I know that Max has Tori, Lauren, Marlene, and Myra working here. Sometimes Bud or Harrison help. Myra walks over to me.

"Hi, Beatrice. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I shiver.

"I may not seem like it but I'm really smart, and I can tell that you're not fine." She leans down, "I'm here and so is Eddie if you ever need us." She flits off towards the counter.

Tori passes by, not giving me a glance, she walks through Max's door. The bell on the door rings and Four and Eric walk in laughing. I press myself against the wall, I stare away from the door. I see Tori come out of the room with Marlene.

My eyes flick towards the doors and Four is staring at me, he smirks before looking at Eric. He whispers something pointing in my direction. Four passes by me before stopping and looking at me. His lips brush my ear.

"You know you left something on that desk last night other than all the files."

"What." I can't whisper.

"Not only claw marks but your dignity. You can stop the kicked puppy act." He walks away and I hug myself. I push past Marlene and Tori, Max is walking out and I walk past him to the room across from his office. I shut and lock the door behind me.

I grab the phone off the table and sit in the corner. I dial a familiar number.

"Hello?"

I sob. "'Stina!"

"Tris? Tris are you okay?" She sounds worried. Why is she worried I'm the horrible person.

"I'm such an awful person." I sob again.

"How- not now mommy is talking to Aunt Bea." I wipe at my eyes. "Tris! What is going on."

"Every hates me and they should, I'm an awful person! Why do you even like me? I hurt people. I killed Al! I hurt Four!" I can't stop the tears. "I'm an awful person, I'm the reason your mother's flower shop got burned down, and your dog killed! I'm the reason why Abilene died, and why Daniel was put in the hospital that month in nineteen-seventy!

"Don't tell me I'm not because I am! I'm the reason Will lost his job! And the reason you have to work two jobs and couldn't continue with college!" I lie on my side, tears blurring my vision. "It's my fault. All my fault."

"Beatrice!" I hear Christina yell and I cover my face.

"I can't do this here at all. Part of me thinks hoping on a bus and going back home would be better. But I'd still be the awful person that I am, like a curse. Sometimes I feel like getting up in the middle of the night and walking anywhere. Not caring what happens to me.

"Beatrice!" Christina yells again.

"It's my fault Ray did what he did. He was right, I was his. I shouldn't have wanted something back that I fucked up. I shouldn't have called off our engagement." I think I see a shadow pass under the door. "I deserved Ray hitting me, the first time. All the times after. We would have been happy if I was just pregnant and we got married like we planned to so the baby wasn't a bastard. He would have stayed nice to me. You probably think I'm a freak.

"I was at this party the other night," I laugh. "Four hates me, I could tell at the party but I didn't stop, I still hoped and I shouldn't have. I should have known how bad of a person I am. He couldn't even kiss me or look at me when we had sex last night. I'm such a fuck up. But I was at this party and this man there. Clark, he's half Italian and even though I like Polak mutts more than anything." I start laughing harder. "He was going to give me this thing and it was suppose to make me happy. It was in a syringe. And I want it so much right now. I want to be happy and forget how horrible I am. I think I'm going to go get it. Bye Christina." I hang the phone up and wipe at my face.

I open the door and Tori is standing on the other side, eyes wide. I lick my lips and slip past her. I pull Max's sleeve.

"I'm not feeling so well to work today." I walk out the front door and take off running not caring what they say. I need to find Clark and be happy. I follow the route that I remember Mitch and I took to his house. I knock on the front door and sleepy brown-green eyes look at me before Clark's face bursts into a smile. "Are you busy?"

"No why?" He lets me in and I smile.

"I want to be happy, and fun!" I run my hands through my hair. "I'll give anything to be happy."

He smiles and pulls me close. "Right this way, il mio nuovo giocattolo." I follow him down the hall to his room, he pats the bed and I sit down. "You want to be happy? Such a beautiful girl like you. Why are you down?"

"I'm an awful person, and I want to forget that for a while." I wonder if he can tell how horrible of a person I am. If he knows that I ruined the lives of all my friends.

Clark tilts my head up, "I won't ask for much." I nod and he leans close and smells my neck. "Now stay here while I go get you something."

I take my sandals and jacket off, I look around the room, it looks so much smaller now that there isn't a horde of people. I get up and walk into the living room. A hand touches the small of my back and I turn slightly.

"I told you to stay." Clark leans in close. He has a glass of water in one hand, "say 'ahh!', bello." I open my mouth and he places something on my tongue before handing me the glass. "This is something that will be present for the next party, you get to be the first tester."

"Will it make me happy?" I ask after I swallow.

"Happier than you've ever felt." He takes my hand and leads me to his bed room, my head spins and I stumble after him. "Vieni a letto, bello."

"What?" I tilt my head.

He turns to smile at me. "Come to bed, my love."

I trip through his doorway, Tobias' hand comes up to catch me. "Easy there."

"Sorry," I sit on the bed smiling, Tobias reaches behind him and pulls his shirt over his head. He tosses it in the corner before joining me on the bed. I grab for him, I cup his face.

"Will you let me kiss you this time?"

"I'd let you kiss me anytime." Lips press against mine. Behind my closed eyelids I can see his blue eyes. I know he's not there but when I open my eyes. Tobias smiles at me like he use to, his hands make quick work of removing my top and my jeans. I reach my hands out to touch him and he grabs my wrists.

"No you keep them down." I frown, Tobias always lets me touch him. Always.

"Why? Why can't I touch you?" Tobias pushes me back against the bed, my bra and underwear are gone and I lean up to kiss his lips. My breathing becomes erratic. I close my eyes, my heart is pounding. My legs are spread and he slides home. His hands are everywhere, grabbing me.

I moan, Tobais' hands come back up to hold mine. His hips rock against mine. "Tobias." I moan out and I hear him chuckle, that noise is wrong. It's not something Tobias would make. I open my eyes and Tobias is hovering above me.

He grabs both of my hands in one of his before bringing his other hand down around my throat. He cuts off the air to my lungs and I want to scream but can't. Why is he doing this to me? I thought we were getting better since he let me kiss him. Spots appear before my vision and I kick a leg out. Can't Tobias see that I can't breathe?

My vision gets blurry around the edges and the face I see isn't Tobias' it's not it's warped and twisted. The hand leaves my throat and I gasp for breath. I start screaming, and hitting the body above mine. The body moves and I'm still screaming. I roll off the bed and onto the ground something crashes and I scramble to my hands and knees. My hands sting.

I grab my panties and put them on I grab my jacket and clutch it to my chest. I run down the hall and trip over my own feet. I hit the floor and I taste salt and copper.

"What are you doing?" The person behind me is shouting at me. I kick a foot out and it connects with something. I clamber to my feet and run out the door, I put my arms through my jacket and keep it closed tight.

It's bright out and more people are looking at me, some are disfigured. Probably from the war like Will. Some are looking at me like I'm the dirt beneath their shoes, they know that I'm horrible. They know what I did to Tobias, what I did to Ray. I run down an alleyway and fall again, my legs seemed to stop working. I make it to my hands and knees and throw up on the pavement. My hands are bleeding and I look at them, how did I cut them? I just wanted to be happy, I start crying.

"Ma'am. Are you okay?" I look up and a man is standing there, staring at me.

I stare back at my hands then hold them up. "I want to go home, but I can't. I wanted to be happy but I can't. I'm lost do you know where Dauntless Goods is? I know the owner, Max," I hiccup.

"Sir!" I hear the man shout and I'm lifted up. Everything is so bright then it goes dark and I realise I'm in the back of a car. A man, probably about mid-forties looks at me. I stare back then I sob.

"I'm sorry! I'm getting blood and puke all over your car!" A hand rubs my back.

"It's alright. So you know Max?" The man's voice is gruff.

"I know all of them. I don't want anyone but Max to see me. Because anyone else would tell Four and Four already hates me. He already thinks I'm weak. I just wanted him to love me again. And he wouldn't." I cover my face and my hands sting.

"Sir?"

"Let's just go back, she needs cleaned up and I need to make some calls. What is your name?"

"Beatrice," I say after a while, the hand on my back is still moving in circles.

The man beside me puts a hand on my forehead. "Do you remember what you took?"

I sake my head. "He gave it to me, said something about a party and there was Italian. And he told me it would make me happy, I don't feel happy. I'll never be happy. I don't understand I was with Four and he was there but he was so mean. You can't tell him okay? I love him too much to hurt him again."

"Okay, you're going to be fine."

I want to close my eyes but I can't because behind them I see the warped faces, the car lurches and I lean my head over the seat and throw up again. I start crying out 'I'm sorry' on repeat.

I groan, my body aches. I'm sitting in a chair on the opposite side of a desk. A woman had cleaned me and dressed me in a dress that was too big. It hung off my shoulders. The man was named Emilio and the woman, his wife, Liana. He was kneeling beside me bandaging my hands. I had managed to cut them pretty badly.

Liana comes in carrying a tray, her dark hair is pulled into a knot. "Here you go, cara. Ti fanno sentire meglio."

"Thank you." She grabs the glass and lifts it to my mouth, I take a drink. On the tray are some fruits.

"Have to keep you fed and healthy!" The doorbell rings and she smiles. "I shall go get that."

Emilio stands up, patting my hair. His kind look is replaced with a stern glare as foot steps fall on the stairs.

"Sir, you called us." I can't see around Emilio's back as he blocks my view but I know that voice it's Eric.

"Eric," the man nods. "Where is, ah Four!"

"Sir." My insides shift and I feel sick. I reach for my glass of water, throat dry and my hand shakes, my fingers spasm and water spills down my front and the glass crashes to the floor, shattering. The man in front of me turns, and tears poor down my cheeks. I just wanted to be happy.

"Non piangere cara, acqua appena versato." Emilio kneels down beside me and takes one of my hands between his. "Come now, Liana will get you a new dress."

I start to stand up and Emilio shakes his head. "Nico!" The man who found me pulls himself from the window. He lifts me easily into his arms. "Take her to Liana, I'm worried about her going down the stairs on her own."

"Sir." I keep my eyes trained on the floor, I will not look at Tobias. Stop that he is Four.

"Oh tesoro!" Liana sighs as I'm sat on the bed. "I think she shouldn't go home like this. I will talk to Emilio. You should stay here until you are all better. There's garden and books! Oh books!" I stare at my reflection for the first time in the mirror. I have circles under my eyes that are blood shot, there are finger shaped bruises on my throat. They're there on my wrists too.

"Well this should fit. Maybe may be too big here." She pinches the bosom area. "I could fix these dresses for you, Emilio could buy you your own! Oh you'll be even prettier. And if you stayed here I'd have someone to talk to." The dress she puts on me is white. The sleeves are too long and hang off my wrists the shoulders are too wide and slide down my arms. She ties the strings in the back together so it doesn't fall down. It reaches my knees.

"This was my honeymoon dress. Doesn't fit me anymore, but look at you!" She claps once.

Liana walks with me up the stairs, I trip and fall once, banging my shin on one of the steps. We make it to the door and there's yelling.

"...have I taught you nothing?"

"Must you be so loud?" Liana walks me through the door, "doesn't she look beautiful? I was thinking that she could stay here with me. Keep me company while you have your thing."

"Absolutely not." Four looks at me. "She is getting on a bus and going back to Rockford."

"I want to stay here." I whisper.

"Why?" Four hisses.

"There's nothing for me at Rockford." I stand my ground, he may hate me but he can't hate me as much as I hate myself. How I ruined everyone's lives there.

"Your friends and family live there." Eric's eyes move from Four to me and back to him. At the same time Four grits his teeth and hisses. "There's nothing for you here, nobody wants you here." My mouth drops and I reach up. I don't know what's hurting most right now. Four' cheek or my hand.

"A friend who lost his job because of me, his wife had to take two jobs and quit school. A wife with two kids and he just came back from the war missing an arm. A friend who killed himself because I did not return his feelings. A friend who moved away with her boyfriend, who died in the same war. A brother who moved away to be with his now wife and their daughter. A mother and a father who took on two little kids and an old lady instead of enjoying their peace I kept bringing home trouble."

I sob, my hands are clenched so tight that the cuts on my palms and fingers burn. "Because for a good year instead of focusing on my studies, I lost my scholarship to Chicago because-," I press a hand against my mouth and shake my head. "I want to go back to Mitch's."

Emilio nods, "I see putting you two in a car by yourself is dangerous. Nico, will you drive, Bice home please." He walks over and cups my face. "You can come back here anytime, spend time with Liana. Just call." He kisses my forehead and I let Nico pull me out of the room.

"Beatrice!" Mitch opens the door looking at me. She looks warily at Nico over my shoulder. "What's going on?"

"I'm tired and I'd like to go to bed." I lie on the couch and Mitch sits on the floor next to me, she runs her hand through my hair. I close my eyes and try not to think. "Do you think I'm a horrible person?"

"No."

"Even if I told you I killed an old woman and put her grandson in the hospital?" I roll over to face her.

"Accidents happen."

"It was February fifteenth nineteen-seventy. I was asleep, she, the old woman, had another stroke. Her eldest grandson was only thirteen at the time. He was driving her to the hospital and lost control of the car. He was in the hospital for a month she died instantly." I close my eyes. "I was so worried because the draft and Will had just gone and I wondered if Four had volunteered like my friend Jason. So I called around and someone found his number for me. I called it and a woman answered, I asked if Four was around and she said he's sleeping."

"Hang up and call back?"

"No, I asked her who she was. Not in a jealous way. Just I was curious. I said I was a friend and I hadn't seen him in a while that I worried about him. She told me she was taking good care of him and said. 'Aren't I baby? Someone's on the phone for you.' There was kissing and I had no right to be jealous I let him go. He talked to me without knowing it. He said 'Hello' and I hung up. Because it was him. I was going to beg him to forgive me."

"What did you do?" I open my eyes and look at Mitch.

"I took the sleeping medicine given to me by the doctor, I hadn't been sleeping well since the war and it made me think of Albert, plus guilt for what I did with Tobias. I also was doing so bad with my classes because of lack of sleep." My lower lip wobbles. "I think that's why Four hates me, he can tell I've done bad things. That's why he wouldn't kiss me last night. I thought maybe today we'd talk when I went into that bakery. But he told me I lost my dignity." My fingers brush the bruises on my neck.

"Do you need me to get you anything?" Mitch stands up and I shake my head.

"I've had a long day, I'm sure I could sleep on my own." I pull the blanket up and shut my eyes.

"Beatrice, you're a good person don't let anyone tell you you're not. Everyone makes mistakes, it's a part of life. Trust me I've hurt people too. I'm sure Tobias has done the same. You're human and it happens." Mitch whispers.

I startle awake when there's a crash in the kitchen. Mitch frowns.

"Well shit, that's broke."

"What is?" I rub sleep from my eyes.

"This pan, the handle said fuck you and detached itself from the skillet." She rolls her eye. Breakfast will be done shortly.

I use the bathroom. I look at my puffy face in the mirror, my matted hair. I see Mitch's clippers sitting on the sink and I grab them.

"So I decided to make omlettes. That skillet really pissed me off." She looks at me. "What did you do?"

"Does it look bad?" I run a hand over my buzzed head.

"No it just looks different. On you. It... you look different." Mitch furrows her brow. "Why the hair cut?"

"I don't know," I grab my plate. "I want to start over, yesterday really just kicked me in the face. I know I can't forget my past and neither can others but I want to start over. I want to start a new life here in Chicago."

I wave at Jay and Mitch when I leave. Arthur holds the door open and gives me a pat on the back. I look at my car and smile. I'm going to walk. I enter the bakery five minutes to opening and head straight to Max's office.

"You need to fire her and make her go back home." I hear Four before I see him talking to Max.

"Four," Max starts to shake his head.

"You don't know what she did yesterday. She embarrassed Emilio and Liana!" Everyone is there in Max's office.

"Well if I understand correctly, Max, Four." I step into the office and everyone looks at me. "Emilio and Liana abso-fucking-lutely adore me. Max I'm going to go set up the sign since everyone is in here gossiping about me, like I'm not a person." I walk back out front, I don't know how I look, I borrowed a set of Mitch's hoop earrings that she said she didn't need. A shirt she had for a few years that would fit me okay, and a mini skirt that I brought.

The bell on the door chimes and I hold up a hand. "Be right with you."

"Tris!" I hear someone hiss behind me and I turn to face the group. They're all staring at me except Four he's looking at the door, a look of disbelief on hos face. Eric looks towards the door and his eyebrows shoot up.

"Well look at you, Beatrice." I know that voice. I turn and Evelyn Johnson is standing there. "You look different than when I last saw you."

"Last saw you?" Four repeats.

She looks at him and smiles. "Well I am a nurse at the Rockford hospital. By the way Beatrice. Your mother got worried when she had received a call yesterday from Christina, and she had an accident. She tripped and broke her wrist and we started talking and I said I knew Chicago enough that I could find you." She walks towards me. "Hmm, I thought I did an okay job cutting your hair. Did you not like it?"

"No it was fine, just I wanted to start over grow my hair out new." The door jingles again and Myra goes to help.

"So how are you really, Beatrice. And don't tell me you're fine." She raises an eyebrow. "I know you well enough to know you're not fine."

"Excuse me?" Four pushes past Eric and Max. "You're my mother. You've never even bothered returning my phone calls or anything! But you'll come out of hiding for her? What makes her more special then me?" His voice cracks and my heart squeezes in my chest.

I ruined his relationship with his mother even more than necessary.

"Oh, Tobias." She cups his cheek. "I knew you were in good hands with her. You didn't need me. Beatrice here just happens to have me as a nurse for more than normal. Since that night Jack Kang hurt you. Very weird how he died in an accident so soon." She looks away from Four. "Are you free?"

I look at Max who nods.

"I guess."

"Good, I'm sure there is somewhere we can talk. I need to tell you my story." Evelyn takes my hand. "I think it's about time that we both have that talk, coming Tobias? Some of this may interest you too."


	22. Chapter 21: 1972

"No. I don't want anything to do with either of you." Tobias glares from his mother to me. "Un-fucking-believable!" He shakes his head, runs a hand down his mouth and chin. He then turns and walks out the front door. I watch him through the glass of the front window.

Evelyn pulls out a small stack of envelopes and hands it to Eric.

"Make sure he gets this, and reads them."

Eric takes it and frowns. "I don't see why I owe you any favours." He looks at me. "But I'll do it for her."

I grab Evelyn's arm and tug her behind me. I lead her to a corner table and we sit there. "Is this going to work without your son here?"

She smiles at me. "Everything I have to say, I put in those letters. I was seventeen when I got pregnant by Marcus. We weren't dating. My parents never would have approved. It wasn't until we were living together and married that he changed. The first time he hit me I was eight months pregnant. After Tobias was born he was careful. He didn't hit me in front of him and I don't know why I stayed.

"Probably because I was scared. Scared of being a single mother with no job. I couldn't support him. Tobias was five and we didn't hear him come inside, Marcus threw me into the wall. Tobias yelled for me and Marcus drug him upstairs and locked him in the closet." She taps her fingers against the table. "I didn't know he'd start hitting him when I left. I just left and I regretted it everyday."

I place a hand over hers. "You've told me all this."

"It's not your fault. That's what I wish someone was there to tell me. It's not your fault, Tris. Men do that, find women and make sure they can't leave. And people like you and me. When we've had enough. We. Have. Had. Enough." She kisses the back of my hand. "That's for taking care of my son and giving him a family."

I nod. I open my mouth to talk.

"It's not your fault. You took medicine like you were advised to. It's not your fault that Daniel lost control of the car, nor was it your fault that he got out and a car came around the corner and hit him. It's not your fault that Will got drafted. It's not your fault that Christina and Will had children. None of this is your fault. The only thing that is your fault is how you broke up with my son. But that's your problem to talk to him about it. You're not a horrible person. Now to get on this you and one night stands rumor I've been hearing. Why would you say that?"

I bite my lip. "So news would get back that I was moving on. In case that one of them came in through town. In hopes if he heard it he would move on faster than normal."

She tsks and shakes her head.

"So you came here just to tell me it's not my fault?" I reach up to run a hand through my hair and pause, remembering what I did to it.

"And also, since your mother is so far away, to give you a close motherly hand. I know I'm not the best option but," she takes a breath and puts her head in her hands. "I'm trying. I can't forget my past, Beatrice, but I can move on and use it to learn. I want to have my son back but that is if he wants me back."

I nod solemnly and stand up.

I realise that Mrs. Johnson and I are alike, both trying to move on from our mistakes, our past. We are also both trying to make right with Tobias. I turn and look at the woman.

"Do you know why I broke up with your son?"

She smiles. "Commitment."

I laugh. "Yeah I think that is the way to put it. But it wasn't just the marriage that worried me. Your son thinks- thought -I was perfect for him. But we are from two different worlds. I was boring plan Jane and he was like James Dean. And then now I'm realising that parts of me he brought out for the better."

"And you brought out parts of him for the better." She smiled. "You'd be my choice for daughter in law."

Evelyn stays around for a few more minutes before leaving. I don't see Four for the rest of the day, my time in the back passes without incident. I twiddle my thumbs before searching for Max.

"Max," I tug at his shirt. "Max I need to talk to you. I think I'm quitting. No I know I'm quitting, I'm going to go back to school."

Max frowns. "You can still work here and go to school."

"I want to focus on one thing right now Max and being stressed won't help." I flex my fingers.

"You mean being around Four won't help?"

I shake my head. "No being around Four is what makes me stressed."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Mitch smiles at me from where she sits, needle in her hand. "You want it here?"

"Yeah." I close my eyes and listen to the buzz. I don't wince at the sting of the needle on my wrist.

"So what does that say?" Jay says from above me.

"Moja Miłość. My Love." The buzz stops. "Tobias use to call me that."

"And on the other wrist?"

"Kocham cię." I bite my lip to keep it from wobbling. "I love you."

Mitch kisses my forehead, "oh sweetheart."

Jay pats my shoulder. "It's in his hand writing isn't it?"

"Yeah."

I watch Mitch put a gel over my wrists before bandaging them. Which I probably should've asked her not to since I get weird looks from people passing by. Mitch and I are eating at the diner when the bell dings over the door.

"What did you do?"

I jump and the water sloshes over the edge of my glass and onto my hand. Lauren is leaning against the table, Four and Uriah are glancing from my face down to my hands then over at Mitch. I take a bite of my burger.

"Mitch, this is Lauren. And Uriah and Four." I wave a hand around the group.

"Nice to make your acquaintance." Mitch eats a few fries.

"What happened to your wrists?" Lauren goes to grab my hand. "You didn't did you?"

"Why don't you leave the girl alone?" Mitch shakes her head.

"Who are you?" Lauren looks Mitch up and down before turning to me. "Tris, this is all new. The hair, your wrists, what is going on?"

I tilt my head, "nothing."

"Nothing?" Lauren frowns. "You hurt yourself didn't you?"

"Seriously, leave her alone! You all are on her ass, Tris is a grown woman." Mitch huffs before standing up. She throws money on the table, "Tris?"

"I'm coming," I push past Lauren.

"Tris!"

I walk out the door, ignoring Lauren. Ignoring them all.

I need to get better first, then figure this thing out with Four.

There's a crack like gun fire and I hear glass breaking behind me. I'm forced to the ground under someone's weight. I hear breathing in my ear and more glass breaking, shouting, tires squealing. It takes a while for me to realise that someone is talking to me.

"Are you hurt? Tris speak to me, please!" Tobias is running a hand down my arm. "Please, baby. Please. Are you hurt?"

I stare at nothing.

"Oh, Tris! Come on, please my love."

"Four?" A worried voice.

"I think she's out cold." He sounds worried.

I hear a groan and I realise it's me, Tobias leans back when I shift and the warmth in his eyes is suffocating to me. I sit up slowly and Tobias puts a hand against my back. I look up and see that the front glass window is shot out, and my car window.

"What the fuck was that, Four?" Uriah kneels next to me, I blink.

"I don't know but Emilio won't like it." Tobias touches my cheek, my hair. Did I get shot at? My hands are shaking and Tobias wraps them in his. "Are you okay?"

I nod, my lower lip wobbles. That's when I see a small nick on his jaw. I pull a hand away and finger the cut before wrapping both arms around his neck. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He grabs my shoulders, "really, are you okay?"

"Just a bit shaken up." I'm barely aware of Uriah staring at us, or Lauren hovering over us. Tobias' hands slide down my arms and stop above my elbows.

He nods and pulls me close. My head turns and my lips press against his. He takes my upper lip between his, a moan in his throat.

It feels so good to be kissing him like this again. The way his mouth moves against mine, his thumbs rub circles into my skin.

I hear a grunt and turn my head, Tobias' mouth presses kisses on my cheek, my jaw, my neck. I see Mitch slumped against the wall, the leg of her jeans is soaked with blood. Tobias turns my face to him to kiss me again and I pull away. Standing on shaky legs I make my way over to her.

"Mitch? Oh my god!" I press my hands against the hole on her thigh.

"Just a flesh wound babe." She taps my cheek. "Get back home, Jay and Arthur will fix this up." She laughs.

Tears sting my eyes and I look back at Tobias. He won't look at me, his eyes will look anywhere but at mine. "Help me?"

He nods and wraps and arm around Mitch's waist. "Uriah you and Lauren go get Eric, I'll be back at Max's soon."

Together we get Mitch back to the tattoo parlor, Jay looks up from the counter and his mouth pulls down. We get up to the apartment and set her on the couch. Jay gives Tobias a look.

"Tris why don't you head to the bedroom and get Mitch some clothes."

Tobias turns to look at me, his nose flairs.

I walk to Mitch's bedroom and I hear Tobias follow me.

"One room. One bed?"

"Yeah. Tobias-"

"I have to go." He shakes his head with a scoff.

"Tobias!" I reach out to him and he pulls away before leaving the flat.

"Charmer you have there, Ms. Prior." Jay rolls his eyes.

"Shut up, Jay. You didn't see it but when the diner was getting shot at he threw himself on top of her. Not in a 'get out of the way' manner but a 'the person I love is in danger' way. And the way he kept talking to her like any man does when they've almost lost their lover. The way he kept touching her, and then when he kissed her, Jay, it was like watching one of those romance flicks your wife likes to make you watch with her." Mitch frowns. "Sorry to make you stop."

"It's fine." I help Jay get her pants down and then I frown at her torn flesh.

"Only a flesh wound," Jay gets to work and I stand by and watch.

"How is your friend's leg?" Lynn sits next to me on Max's swing set.

"Good, healing nicely." I kick my legs. It's been a few weeks since the diner incident, and since Tobias has kissed me.

"So Uriah said that you and Four had a bit of tonsil hockey." Lynn snickers. "But that your injured friend had to make you call quits. Ever since then Four has been Mr. Cranky Pants."

I roll my eyes.

"And quote from Uriah that he heard from Zeke, 'She's kissing him and wanting him back but Four says that she's sharing a bed with another man. Doesn't sound like she's so commited to getting our Four back at all.' though if you're sharing a bed with Mitch then I don't think they should worry about you finding another dick pleasurable."

I raise an eyebrow.

"She's pretty, Tris. Think you could get her to give me a tattoo?" Lynn smiles.

"Just a tattoo." I smile, my assumptions about Lynn proving correct.

"I can ask her out on a date myself." Lynn winks at me, "So what are you going to do about Four?"

I shrug, "I'm going to worry about school right now, Lynn. Maybe it's for the best if I don't worry about getting Tobias back right now."

I stand up and stretch. I walk into Max's house, nodding a hello to Harrison. "Going home, Tris?"

"Yes." I wave and head out the front door. Tobias is leaning against the fence post, cigarette between his lips. "Goodnight, Four."

"So that is what you're calling me again." He pulls the cigarette from his mouth and blows out.

"You once told me only close friends and lovers call you by your name, I am neither to you." I smile.

"Your hair is starting to grow." He smiles. "I like your hair long."

"Hmm." I smile back. I close the gate behind me, a tear trails down my cheek. He didn't correct me when I said I was neither.

"Hey, Tris. At least let my drive you home." Tobias jumps over the fence, small smile on his face. "Please."

I wipe at my face, "okay."

He swings his leg over his bike and looks at me, I rest a hand on his shoulder and swing my leg over. Once I'm settled I wrap my arms around his waist. I lean my cheek against his shoulder and I think I hear him moan out, "this feels just about right."

I missed this.

The engine starts up and my fingers tighten.

"Want me to walk you upstairs?" His expression shoes that that is the last thing he wants to do. To go in a place where he thinks I'm sleeping with someone else.

"No, you don't have to." I step off the bike and straighten up.

"Beatrice!" He turns to me. "I'm going to have lunch with my mother tomorrow."

"Good luck." I pat his shoulder.

He leans forward and kisses my forehead. "Sleep well."

I watch him drive off before heading up the side stairs to the door. Mitch is sitting on the couch, like she's waiting up for me.


	23. Chapter 22: 1972

_His fingers trail down my spine, his lips attach themselves to my neck. My nails dig into the skin on his shoulders. I tilt my head down and he looks up._

" _Tris."_

_I kiss him with every thing in me._

_My toes curl and his hands cup my backside. He lifts me up and I smile at him, he smiles back. His hips thrust into mine, my hands loosen. One tugs at his hair and the other rests over his heart._

" _I love you." I press my forehead to his. My shoulders rest against the wall behind me._

" _Tris."_

" _I love you so much."_

"TRIS!"

I jerk up and blink, I hear a chuckle. "You were drooling on me, babe." Mitch winks, "having a good dream, was it about-"

"Shut up." I wipe my face and sit up straight.

The bus we are on rattles, I blink and notice Four's hand is gripping the pole, his knuckles white. His jaw is clenched. Shauna is sitting on the other side of him, glaring at me. It's times like that I wish he could read minds, know that I still dream about him. Only him.

I clasp my hands together and bounce my knee. "How long was I asleep?"

"Few minutes." Mitch pats my arm. "You sure your friends are okay with me tagging along?"

I nod, knowing that she knows that I know they aren't.

We get off on our stop and Mitch shifts on her feet. I swing my arms back and forth. Lynn looks from her sister to me.

"So are we gonna meet up for lunch later?" I hear Zeke ask.

Shauna rolls her eyes. "No, come on Lynn."

"I'm going to go with them." Lynn walks backwards her eyes on us. "You coming?"

I shrug and start off after her and Mitch.

"So when do you think he's going to snap?" Lynn smiles at me. "Four?"

"What do you mean?" I pull a dress off the rack and frown.

"Well I mean you brought Mitch here, and this was suppose to be like a group thing yet you insisted on heading off with Mitch. And when Tobias offered to come you told him no." Lynn tugs at the sleeve of a jacket. "And then you took a little nap on Mitch's shoulder and not even two minutes in started making a few noises. So what was it this time?"

"What?" I feel my face heat up.

"Your dream."

"Oh," I put the dress back and look at another. "The usual."

"Oh I know that. I meant were you riding him? Or was he giving it from beh-"

A throat is cleared behind us and an elderly woman is standing there, scowl on her face. Lynn starts laughing and Mitch comes over. The woman looks at her up and down and then makes a noise of disgust before walking off. Mitch snickers.

Lynn pats my shoulder and I groan. We walk from store to store and meet back up with the other three for lunch. I stop and Mitch stops with me.

"Would you ask her out already, these group dates are making everyone hate me more." I cross my arms and hurry up to rejoin the group.

We are all sitting and eating lunch when Zeke starts laughing. "...Shauna no man does that."

I look up. "Yes I'm sure some of them do. The ones that care about their wives." She frowns.

Lynn raises an eyebrow.

Zeke looks at Mitch, "You wouldn't would you?"

Mitch looks at him. "What?"

"Buying those 'things' would make you get weird looks if you weren't a woman." Shauna glares at him as we pay and leave. We are making our way back from the train station downtown when Mitch answers.

"One time we were in the middle of here so I made Tris stay in the restroom as I ran to get 'things' and such." Mitch shrugs. "I mean probably got a few strange looks but no big deal I mean when you're like this." She tugs at her shirt probably thinking of the binding she has on.

"Well aren't you just superman." Four shakes his head and marches off.

He doesn't get far before Mitch yells, "what is your problem?"

He stops and looks at her before turning around to get in her face. "You. You are my problem."

"I don't know why." Mitch shakes her head her head turns towards me.

"You don't know why? Now you're fucking with me." Four follows her gaze then takes a step back.

Before I can say anything his fist collides with Mitch's face, her head snaps to the side.

"Oh fuck!" Zeke pulls Shauna behind him before starting towards his friend. Mitch stands up straight, blood trailing from her nose. She puts her hands up.

"Now I'm ready." She curls them into fists and swings, one hits him in the jaw the other she throws towards him right after and gets him in the chest. It's all punches, grabbing and kneeing, and kicks. Four tackles her and straddles her chest throwing a punch at her face again. They are like that for a few minutes trying to get the best of each other with more hits.

A shop owner runs from around back with a garden hose and sprays them both. "Go, get out of here. Won't have a bunch of mutts fighting in front of my shop." He yells at us.

"Okay, Four." Zeke places a hand on his chest as we are walking away.

"WHAT IS WITH YOU!" I scream at him. I look at Mitch. "YOU'RE NOT HELPING EITHER!"

Mitch smiles, blood coating her teeth making them a pinkish red. "What's wrong babe?" She winces and puts a hand against her side, the water from the hose made her white shirt see through.

"Are you okay?" Shauna looks at her.

"Man, Four. Dude's got busted ribs." Zeke glares at him.

"Probably pissed off someone else's boyfriend, too." Four pulls away and I freeze for a second.

"My mama and papa live around here, she'll fix this." The skin under Mitch's eye is turning a dark red colour.

"You'll have a black eye." I frown. "What were you doing!" I hiss at her.

"Like I said I'm tired of you two pussy-footing around each other." She spits out blood and marches past Four and Zeke.

We follow her to a green house where she knocks on the door, it opens and a man a few inches taller than Mitch answers. He opens the screen door and then closes his eyes.

"What did you do?"

"Hello papa. Uhm, can you help a friend and I get cleaned up?"

"Before your mother sees you, she'll have a cow. Michelle you should know better." He lets her in and I hear a strangled noise.

"Did he just call him Michelle?" Zeke asks me and I raise and eyebrow and shake my head. Really? I head inside.

"Good to see you again, Beatrice." Her father smiles at me. "Who are your friends?"

"This is Zeke, Four, Zeke's wife Shauna, and Shauna's sister Lynn." I follow Mitch inside to the kitchen. Her father goes into the pantry and comes back with a first aid kit.

"You may have to change your clothes." He taps a finger against the box and I snicker.

"Hush, Prior!" Mitch frowns. "Fine."

"Elliot!" A woman's voice calls out. "Elliot who was at the-" Mitch's mother stops in the arch of the kitchen doorway. "Michelle, what did I tell you about fighting! Was it that Clark boy? He is bad news! Oh hello, Beatrice. It is good to see you again dear, oh who are your friends?" She smiles at everyone then looks back at her daughter. "Really, Michelle! I don't know what I expected when I had a daughter, but definitely not you getting into street brawls constantly. I thought you grew past- what happened to this poor boy?"

"He's fine mama." Mitch lets her dad clean her face.

"I'm alright ma'am." Four looks at Mitch, and he pales.

"We were out and a couple of guys down town started messing with us and Four here jumped in to help me fend them off." She smiles, "thank you again, Four."

"I have to go." Four looks down and leaves the room, I hear the door shut and I say goodbye to Mitch and start after him. I make it down the porch steps when I spot him a few feet ahead.

"Four!" I yell and run after him he doesn't look back. "Four!"

"Four!" Zeke and Shauna run past me to catch up to him and I stop when he waits for them. The three of them walk off and I wrap my arms around myself. I take it that Lynn stayed with Mitch and I think giving them some time together would be good, but what do I do? I duck into a restaurant and hear a squeal. An older woman hugs me, her hair graying at her temples.

Cecylia Paszek.

"How are you, dear?"

I shake my head. "Not good, I'm getting better." I tell her about Tobias and I breaking up. Scratch that I tell her everything. "...and he just left me here. He stopped for them but not me."

"Poor boy. Always did let his father rule him." She rubs my arm. "Can I get you a warm cup of tea?"

"Please."

"Bartek!" She yells walking to the kitchen.

I stay with them for a while before leaving. I ball my hands into fists and stuff them into my armpits for warmth. For a late June evening it's actually chilly. I pass from downtown to Max's house fairly easily.

"Hey, Tris." Harrison smiles at me.

"Is Four here?" My teeth chatter.

"No, what are you doing? Where is your coat?" He pulls me inside.

"Who is it Harry?" Max comes around the corner.

"I'm sorry for bothering you so late, Max. I'm looking for Four." I pop my knuckles. "Lynn is with Mitch right now."

"Shauna and Zeke passed by here an hour ago said Four was heading home. He's probably there. If you want you can stay here for the night." Max's eyebrows pull together.

I shake my head. "I need to see Four."

"Okay." Max gives me his address and I'm down the steps in seconds. His apartment is only a few blocks away. Third floor, first door. I knock on the door and there's no answer. I knock again and then the door is flung open. The girl from the party from long ago is standing there in her underwear.

"Can I help you?"

I look her up and down then push past her. "Four!"

"Excuse me!" She yells and I pass through the living room.

"Four!" I yell and I find him standing in the doorway of a bedroom, his bedroom. He's shirtless, jaw bruised. Pants undone.

"What are you doing here?"

"You asshole!" I scream at him. "You're a fucking dick! You left me! You left me in the middle of downtown alone!"

He stands there and stares at me.

"You left me alone," I start crying. "YOU ALWAYS LEAVE ME ALONE!" I smack his chest. "From the night at the theater, you weren't there when Al died. When I needed you! You left me right after my birthday. Left me to go back home to Rockford alone!"

"Tris."

I shake my head. Isabelle stands next to me yelling. "Will you get out! This isn't your apartment."

"YOU LEFT ME ALONE THAT NIGHT ON MAX'S DESK! AND JUST NOW YOU LEFT ME ALONE TO WALK BACK!" I shake my head. "What happened to the Tobias that worried about me being kidnapped? What happened to the Tobias that cared! I know I hurt you! I'm sorry that I did but did I hurt you so badly that you turned into a giant dick because of it?"

"Tris."

I ignore him and Isabelle.

"Even the you I first met didn't dislike me this much!" I shake my head. "And you may not believe me but I love you so much." By now there are tears in my eyes. "I fucking love you!"

"Beatrice!" He yells at me, his hands grab my shoulders and he pushes me against the wall behind me.

"Four, do you want me to call the cops?"

I stare at him and close my eyes. "Kocham cię."

"Ja też cię kocham." He kisses my nose and my eyes open. "Moja miłość." A cry leaves my throat as I cup his face, my thumbs brush his bottom lip. "I've never stopped loving you either. I'm so sorry." Tears leave his eyes and I pull his face to mine.

My fingers drag down his face, his neck, over his collar bones. I feel the thump of his heart under my palms. My hands continue down to the open front of his jeans. One of his hands pulls at my short hair, I tilt my head back and his lips suck marks into the flesh. One hand flattens itself against his boxers, I let the other shift around to his back.

His other hand pulls at my shirt. The buttons coming undone, I let the shirt drop to my elbows. My hand rubs him through his pants. I squeeze him and kiss his neck. I hear a rip and my bra sags. I pull my hands away and remove the shirt and my ruined bra.

"So impatient."

"Always for you." He sighs, I wrap my arms around his shoulders and jump. His hips pin me to the wall, they buck into mine and I gasp. One hand tangles into his hair the other slides down to grab his bicep.

I press my cheek against his, he pants into my ear. "Tris. Tris, my love. Oh, Tris. I'm so sorry."

Fuck. "Will you let me kiss you this time?"

"Oh, baby!" He nods, "I was so stupid!"

"Yes you were. But I was stupid too." I kiss him.

A hand works it's way between us and pushes, Four pulls away and Isabelle glares at him. "Excuse me what are you doing? You brought me here remember? To do this."

"Do you need an invitation to leave?" Tobias' lets me go, his hands make quick work of my jeans. Pulling them down and my panties. "Feel free to leave or stay. I don't care." He pushes down his jeans and underwear, he leans his face close to mine. "Can I without the glove?"

I nod and he slides into me, I groan and kick the leg my pants and underwear are still on until they fly off. I hear an 'oof' and see that they landed on Isabelle's head. I giggle and Tobias smirks, "I must be slacking if your attention is elsewhere."

He grabs my thighs and his thrusts pick up speed. "Oh my god. Oh my god, oh god! Oh fucking shit!"

"Such language Ms. Prior."

"Shut up." I bite at his bottom lip. "More."

"More?" He lets go of one thigh to turn my face up to his.

"Mmhm." I close my eyes and he kisses me.

My nails dig into his skin as I feel myself tighten around him not long after his hands shake and his thrusts stop. He pants against my neck, placing a few open mouthed kisses against it. He sets me down and my legs shake a little.

He walks me to his bed, "here. Lay down."

I sit on the edge and he walks out returning with a rag. He cleans me then himself before tossing it into a pile in the corner. He hands me a shirt and pulls on a pair of sweats.

"Still don't do laundry on time I see."

"No," he smiles. "I'm sorry for everything. Everything I've done." He kneels next to me and I open my arms. He rests his head on my shoulder. "I guess I will end up just like my father won't I?"


	24. Chapter 23: 1973

The wind stirs up a few leaves on the ground, I wrapped the coat I was wearing tighter around me. It was a nice dark purple velvet. Emilio had given it to me for my twenty-third birthday last month. I didn't want it at first, shocked that he had given me something so expensive. Liana has gotten me a nice hat, once again something that I tried to deny at first.

I seem to be the only person in the park this early September morning.

"Damn, you want to trade coats?" Mitch walks up to me and I smile. Her hair was once again cut shot, just curling over the tops of her ears. Her coat was open as she searched through her pockets.

"that coat seems to be doing just fine." I say before I swallow spit down the wrong tube in my haste to ask her what the hell she had on. After a few minutes of coughing and Mitch slapping my back she lights the cigarette in her mouth.

"My binding ripped. So I thought I'd give dressing like a girl a shot."

"And?" I tug my hat off my head.

"I don't like it. Too tall for it. Miss my clothes." She shrugs and then sits down on the bench.

"So are you and Lynn still not talking?" I scratch my head then place my hat back on.

"Are you and Tobias still trying some attempt at being just friends?" She raises an eyebrow at me and I cross my arms.

"It's not the same!"

"Of course it's not!" She glares at me and I shake my head before she stands up and stomps out her cigarette. "I found her making out with some girl, you know that hurts. It hurts because I thought she was into me. Do you know what she told me? That I took too long and she lost interest! So no we are still not talking! Does that answer your fucking question?"

I get up and hug her. "I know I'm sorry. I was just asking."

"And so was I. Are you two still being friends awkwardly?"

"Yep!" I fasten the belt on my coat, closing it over my jumpsuit. "Well I mean we haven't fucked up and kissed or anything like that night."

"Oh the night of your birthday when he gave you the locket back?" Mitch is next to me and we're walking. I don't know where to.

That night is burned into my mind. Tobias setting me on the bathroom counter in Max's bathroom. Us almost undressed. To keep anything like that from happening again we don't even stand in the same room together if we're alone. If I'm in the kitchen he'll wait until I leave to get a drink.

"So like I'm still confused about that. I thought you two admitted you loved each other?" We stop and wait for a car to go in front of us so we can continue walking.

"I can love him without being together with him. I still have to decide if I want to be with him again. I mean is it worth it if something like this were to happen again or should I try to find someone else? So starting over and seeing what happens may be better." I glance at her out of the corner of my eye. "Now this job? You know the manager personally?"

"Yep. Though," she looks at me. "This job is something I probably wouldn't want to tell to many about okay? I do it part time, it's just being a hostess. Kind of like an escort minus the sex. Couples come in for shows and drinks, lonely men and women to drink with company or to dance." She points down an alley way and then takes my arm and drags me towards a door. She knocks on it before a well dressed man opens it.

"Here to see the boss." Mitch pulls me behind her, down a hallway. I see an open door and glance in women are getting dressed in jumpsuits, cat suits, and dresses. A few are even getting dressed in suits.

"Mitch?"

We pass another open door and there are men doing the same, some donning wigs and dresses and others in suits.

"Michelle!"

"Hmm?" She twists a handle on a third door.

"Where are we?" The door opens and she pulls me in.

"A club of sorts." The woman behind the desk looks at us. "Ah Mitchie! Brought a friend?"

* * *

"Oh come on are you still mad at me?" Mitch shoves a couple of fries in her mouth.

"Mitch you didn't tell me what kind of job you were applying me for!" I lower my voice. "An underground club? What do you do there?"

"I dress in a tux and please the ladies. The ones who like other ladies, sometimes ones who don't. I just drink with them give them company. You would do the same for men or women or both. You'd look so pretty too."

"Mitch!"

"What you would, but anyways I can't work like this. With no binding." She eats more fries. "What? College isn't working out for you and you can't find a job and keep it. And I can't pay for the new apartment on my own ya'know?"

"I know. I'm sorry about that." I twist my hair around my finger. "I'll think about it." My heart drops when she pays for the meal.

* * *

"What do you think I should do?" I sit on my bedroom floor, the phone pressed to my ear.

"Well it's money." I hear Will yell over Christina, "Don't tell her that, Chris!"

"It is money but it's also a night club," I lie down on my side and Christina huffs.

"You're friends with a black gay man, a japanese-american lesbian, have tattoos, use to have your girlies jeweled," I hear choking. "You starting having sex at sixteen, snuck out, missed school, did drugs at one point."

"Christina!" Will and I yell at the same time.

"What?" I can just see her eyes rolling with the tone her voice is giving away. "I'm saying that you did all this stupid, and dangerous, stuff but draw the line at hostessing in an underground club because why?"

I come up short. The way she put it really did hit me. I can't say morals because I have none. And It's not the people in the club. "I guess I'll give it a shot."

"Who knows you may meet a nice guy or anger..." She gets quiet then, "a nice woman."

"CHRISTINA!"

"You thought I was going to say or anger Tobias didn't you? Admit it you still love him!"

"I do. I won't deny that but how many times do I have to say it," I close my eyes. "I'm not in love with him," we both say at the same time.

"Yeah, yeah. How long are you going to keep fooling yourself with that one, Prior? I have to go. I love you." She hangs up then and I keep my eyes closed. I'm not fooling myself. But I won't do that to my heart again.


	25. Chapter 24: 1973-1974

"So you've only just moved here?" One of my coworkers says to a man that she is wrapped around. I sit across from them between another coworker and a man.

The man that she is wrapped around takes a drink from his glass and then nods.

"Would you like to dance?" The man I'm next to asks me and I nod. I have to nod. Nod, smile, be polite. Flirt. He takes my hand and pulls me off to the dance floor where couples are swaying. Girls in colorful dresses are swaying and well dressed men guide them.

Though I know better there are some men dancing with men dressed as women. Some women dressed as men. Here underground no one cares.

Because to admit what they do here would mean you'd have to tell your own secrets.

* * *

"Merry Christmas!" Christina hugs me, "so from the look of a new car and good presents. You took the job?"

"Shh, yes!" I pop my neck then walk past her where Will is sitting on their porch with Diane in a coat and Tony sitting between his legs.

"Auntie Bea!" Diane ran towards me and I scooped her up in my arms.

"Hi, Sugar!" We walk inside.

"So, how is Tobias?" Christina smiles at me.

"Like he was last time we talked." I sit Diane down.

"So no dates between you two?" She frowns.

"Chris!"

"What how is he suppose to get you back if you won't let him show you that he's serious." She sounds just like him. He always says, 'how am I suppose to make you see that I love you?' and it makes it that much harder.

"I just came here to spend part of Christmas with you please no talk of him."

"Okay." She gives me a sad look before we sit at the Table, Will sitting Tony in his seat.

* * *

The people in the club chant and cheer. The white go-go boots I'm wearing are hurting my feet from being worn for so long. I excuse myself from my current company to use the restroom. When I'm done and I wash up a few of my coworkers are peeking out of the curtain.

"What is he doing here?" Bonnie turns to Mitch.

"Who?" She looks out the curtain. "Mitch?"

"Tris, Clark is here." Mitch points and I see him. Clark is sitting with my company and my heart skips a beat. "Act normal okay?"

I nod before heading back to my table. I smooth down the blue dress I'm wearing. "Ah there you are. For a moment I thought you left me, Beautiful." I sit next to the older man, right between him and Clark.

"Well hello, bello." He whispers to me.

"Hello." Be polite. My job depends on it.

"Does your boyfriend know where you spend your free time?" He smirks and I smile.

"He does." I turn my attention back to my guest. I can feel his eyes on my back.

* * *

"I'm going to get something to eat." I tell Mitch as we are leaving, thankful that our boss let us go home early to spend New Years Eve with our "families". I'm going to walk to the diner, thought I shouldn't my feet are screaming at me. But it would be rude to make Mitch walk home and a waste of gas to drop her off then drive back across town.

"Okay. I'm gonna probably be home late. Jay is doing this whole party. Still sure you don't want to go?" she shrugs on her coat.

"I'm sure. I don't party." No any more. I'm a few blocks away when I groan. I forgot I'd have to pass by Zeke and Shauna's place. The boots I'm wearing don't seem too party type but the catsuit probably will be. Including the makeup. My whole work assemble would cause the red flags to fly. I see the house, lights all on.

I hear laughter and I wonder for a second if Uriah is there with Marlene and Lynn with whatever girl she has. I wonder if Tobias is there.

"Tris? Tris!" Marlene waves at me from the porch. Zeke is leaning against the railing with Uriah.

"Hey, Tris!" Uriah smiles. "Are you heading to a party?"

While Zeke yells. "Why are you walking?"

"No, Uriah. Mitch borrowed my car. Bye guys!" I walk a little faster. I don't want to be there when Tobias comes out. No one needs us being awkward around each other. At least they didn't ask me why I was this far into town.

I feel eyes on me and I look to my right and jump, Tobias is leaning against a building. "You cared me!" I try not to scream at him and I swear he smirks at me. "Didn't you quit smoking?"

He pulls the cigarette out and blows. "I did, and I started up again. Why are you here?"

"I could ask you the same!" I say before mentally smacking myself, we are two blocks from Zeke's obviously he's going there.

He shrugs off the wall. "You look nice."

"Thank you. I'm going to get something to eat." I realise that my coat has slid down and I shiver.

"I would have thought you were going to a party. You look too nice for simply dinner." He steps towards me, the cigarette glowing orange. "It is New Years Eve. So what's his name?"

"Excuse me?" I laugh.

"You seem to have a hot date." I feel my face flush at the look he gives me, I know him so well. The look in his eyes was jealousy.

"No date. Just food." I shrug and smile.

"Mind if I join you?" He stomps out his cigarette.

"T-Fou-Tob-" I sigh. I know what he is fixing to say.

"Okay." He smiles. "Have a good evening."

My mouth opens and closes. "Giving up so easily?"

He smiles wider. "You seem to hate what I normally say so I won't say it. Unless you don't hate it and you're just teasing me."

"Fine, let's go eat." I start walking.

"So if you're not going to a party, and there's no hot date. Why are you dressed so nice?" Tobias falls into step beside me.

"Maybe I felt like looking nice?" A few guys we pass whistle at me and Tobias' arm wraps around my waist. "Tobias? You arm?"

"Huh?" He looks at me then removes his arm. "Sorry."

"So where would you like to eat?" It's close to eleven, some places may be closed.

"There's this small place we could grab something and maybe sit in the park?" It sounds nice, so we do. The park is quiet and lit with a few street lamps.

"So you found a job?" Tobias takes a bite of his burger and pull the plastic spoon out of my mouth.

"Why do you say it like that?"

"Well you're making a lot of money and fast. It's not something..." He squints his eye. "What did you say to me? Illegal?"

I groan and shake my head. "Mitch works there and talked to her boss for me."

He nods. "How is Mitch? Still upset with Lynn?"

I nod and get up to throw our trash in a bin. Tobias comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me. "I know how she feels. It sucks being so in love with someone and them not bothering to give you a chance to prove it."

"Tobias!" I push him away. "Will you stop that?"

"No!" He pulls me close and kisses me. His teeth pull at my bottom lip, I push at his chest and he pulls his mouth from mine. "Why won't you talk to me?"

"We're not having this conversation!"

"Then when?" He yells at me. "You never want to talk! We haven't had a simple conversation since that night in my apartment or the day after when you told me that we still couldn't be together! Or any of the times after that when you'd come to me. When you'd come to spend the night in my bed! Just end it so I can start moving on!"

"I can't!"

"Then let me try!"

"No! I won't be hurt like that again!" We're yelling and I'm thankful that we are alone in the park.

"Do you still believe that you were the only one hurt, Beatrice?" Tobias sounds hurt and I wrap my arms around myself.

"You be careful going home okay? Call me in the morning I guess. That is if you want." He turns and I watch him walk away. "Happy New Year!" He calls over his shoulder.

I make it home just past two, Mitch isn't home. I sit on the couch not bothering to turn on any lights. I know I'm not the only one hurt. I feel bad I should have known how hard this was on him. I remember how he said the words moving on like they were a curse word. Something filthy. I don't know how long I'm on the couch when there's knocking on the door.

"Mitch you know better than to drive home drunk. So if you walked you better not have left my car-" I stop and stare out the doorway. "Hello."

"Hello." Tobias has an unlit cigarette behind his ear, his hair is disheveled. "I had to make sure you made it home. I mean I felt bad making you walk across town by yourself."

"I took the train." I dig my toes into the carpet.

"Oh. Okay. Well I will see you later." He nods and starts to turn away.

"I know that I hurt you too!" I grab at his shirt. "I'm sorry. This has been all about me and I never stopped to think about how this was affecting you."

"Beatrice."

"I'm sorry. I love you. And I will always love you. And," I feel my eyes well up, Tobias' face going blurry. "And I'm sorry. Please if you want to try I'll let you try."

"Oh, Beatrice."

"Please, I won't leave you again. So please don't leave me-"

He pulls my face towards his. Our mouths meet and I realize his face is just as wet as mine.

"I love you, Tris."

"Ja też cię kocham." I kiss his chin as he lifts me up, shutting the door behind us.


	26. Chapter 25: 1974

"Ouch!" Tobias hits his back against a wall. "Why is it so dark?"

"I didn't turn on any lights." I slide down to my feet and take his hand. "This way."

"Yes ma'am." He follows me down the hall to my room, and pulls me up to him so he can kiss my neck. My hand feels for the door knob turning it and pushing the door open. Tobias pushes us through before kicking it shut with his foot.

My hands grab the hem of his shirt and start to pull it off. "Hold on." He pulls away and slides off his coat before grabbing the neckline of his shirt and pulling it over his head. I grab his under shirt and his mouth pecks at mine, his hands slide down, opening the buttons of my coat. I drop my arms so he can slide it off.

I pull his sleeveless shirt out of his pants and his hands grab the neck line before ripping it. "What is with you and ripping clothes?"

"It's faster. You shouldn't complain." He throws the tattered shirt and works the top of my cat suit down my torso. His hands cup my breasts. "Let me take you to bed." I pull him after me to my bed, fingers fumble with belts and I hear Tobias huff. "Is this how you felt trying to get my belt off?"

"Sometimes." I slide his belt through the loops on his jeans before unbuttoning them. "Not really going with the fashion these days?"

"Looks stupid if you ask me." He gets the belt off and slides the rest of my outfit down my legs, "You seem to be wearing it nicely though."

"Mmm." I lie back on the bed and lift my hips so he can remove my underwear. I pull myself to the middle of the bed and, after a few, he follows, condom wrapper between his teeth.

"What? It is the sexual revolution after all." He takes care of that and I giggle. "What?"

"Remember when we first started doing this?" I smile at him.

"When I hurt you?"

"No after like in your apartment in Rockford or during our trip here. Remember the places, your truck by the lake. That time you came and got me from school. The time in Max's bathroom after I got my first tattoo. Just do it." He pushes in me and I take one of his hands in mine.

"Am I not allowed to touch you to get you ready?" He kisses my neck.

"There was no point I want you and I needed you soon." I rest my free hand on his back.

"And to answer your question, yes, I remember. And I couldn't get enough. I loved you so much and it felt like the only way I could show it in all it's intensity." He kisses me and his hips don't stop.

* * *

"Hey! Tris!" There's a pounding at my bedroom door. "Wake up! It's nearly noon!"

"Make it stop." Tobias groans into my shoulder and pulls me closer.

"Tris! Do you want breakfast?" Mitch starts pounding again. "Tris? Don't act like you're not here! I saw your shoes in the living room! Which we are gonna have a talk about that."

"Babe!" Tobias rolls over and throws his arm over his eyes. "Make her go away!"

I giggle.

"Don't laugh at me." Tobias hisses as Mitch yells. "Are you laughing at me?"

I get up and grab a shirt and underwear to put on before opening my door enough to slide out and shut it before Mitch can see in.

"Ah is there a young man in there?" Mitch goes to open the door and I smack her hand.

"I don't do that to you."

"You should. Make me behave." She heads to the kitchen and I follow. "So he is still here so it's not a walk of shame is it?"

"No." I grab the coffee pot and Mitch stares at me.

"Will he be eating with us?"

"Probably." I fix my coffee and Mitch nods.

"Should you ask him how he likes his eggs and coffee?"

"He likes his eggs over easy if there's toast or a biscuit with it if not then he likes his yolks almost done and he takes his coffee black with two spoons of sugar." I blow at my cup and Mitch takes it from me and bends down to my height.

"Is it who I think it is in there?" She sets my cup down. "Is this one of those times that I need to give you a talk or is it?"

"We are working on our relationship. We're gonna try." I reach for my coffee and she nods before turning to the stove.

"Tris?" Tobias calls and I set down my cup and head to my room, Tobias has the door open a crack.

"Mitch is cooking 'breakfast' for us." I say to him and he nods and opens the door. "First, you have to put on clothes."

"I love you okay?" Tobias kisses me once more from outside the apartment door after breakfast. "I love you so much."

"I love you." I kiss him and he heads down the steps.

"So I owe Jay twenty bucks. He bet that by the new year you'd get back together and I said that if it wasn't going anywhere by summer that he owed me twenty." Mitch sighs. "So now you two are together are you going to tell him about your job?"

"Nah. I'll tell him when we are back together for longer than a few hours.

* * *

"Hey Tris." Zeke smiles as I walk into Max's house.

"Yo!" Eric gives a wave. "Four's out with Max right now. Liana wants to know why you haven't been to see her."

"Busy. I'll visit sometime I promise. I'll be working for the rest of the week so Tobias probably won't see me. Care to let him know happy birthday for me?" I leave so I can go to work.

The bar is empty, tonight doesn't seem to be a good night for me. I've only had two people ask for me to sit with them. Not many want to be out on Valentines I don't blame them. I duck my head into the boss' office.

"I'm gonna head home."

"See you soon, Tris." Big Red calls after me.

'Does anyone even know her name?' I remember asking Mitch and Tina one night when I first started. 'No, most just call her Big Red.' Tina had shrugged. 'Well I'm off!'

"Good night ladies and gentlemen!" I call down the hall being met with cheers and whoops and 'goodnight Tris'. I walk the block to the lot where my car is parked and stop short the black hair that's cropped short, the mud caked boots, and the piercings gleaming in the sun. Eric.

Eric is walking around my car.

He stops when he gets to the front, thumb pressed to his lips. "This is a pretty nice car." He looks at me. "Datsun 240Z pretty expensive."

"So?" I fold my arms and we stare at each other for awhile.

"I thought something was wrong." He looks back at the car. "Will you tell Tobias that I'm gonna be gone for a few weeks?"

"Where are you going?" I open the driver's door and Eric shrugs. "Why do I have to tell Tobias?"

He looks at me eyebrow raised. "I think we both know why. I'm not stupid Tris."

"Can I drive you somewhere?"

"To Aurora would be nice. But it's a ways-"

"I don't mind get in." I start the car and watch as Eric gets in.

We are ten minutes into our drive when he shakes his head. "What are you doing, Tris?"

"Well, Eric, it's called driving. Tobias does it I'm sure you do it too."

"No I mean. How did you get this car? Not only this car but a few months ago you were driving a completely different car-"

"Mitch needed a car so I let her have that one. Plus it was too big." I shrug.

"Tris, this car is twice what a normal job could get you. One I know you don't have the qualifications for that. And your clothes recently have been nicer than what you normally wear. Now the others believe that you gave up on Tobias and have a sugar daddy. I know that's not true unless you're cheating on him, like Tobias thinks."

Like Tobias thinks?

Tobias thinks I'm cheating on him?

"But I know that's not true." It's quiet and I should turn on the radio, but I don't in case Eric starts talking again.

"You can let me out here." He finally says when we get to the edge of Aurora.

"Okay." I pull over and Eric turns to me.

"Thanks"

"I work at the nightclub as an escort, the one three blocks from the park. I'm not cheating." I keep my eyes straight ahead.

"I know you're not cheating. Does Tobias know?"

"Is Tobias not lying to me about his own job?" I tighten my grip on the steering wheel.

Eric purses his lips before nodding. "Touché."

"Why do you care so much?" I finally look at him. His dark blue eyes pass from the windshield to me.

"Goodbye, Tris." He says and right before he leaves his mouth moves. I hear the words and they seem to hit me in the chest. What ever I could say is stuck in my throat. I turn and grab his wrist pulling him back.

"Excuse me?"

* * *

I'm twenty minutes from Chicago when I can't drive anymore, my knuckles are white and my fingers ache. I watch the sun go down and I'm aware of the cold. I wipe my face and start the car, I hear the back tires spin with a whine and the car fishtails. I try again with no improvements.

"Goddammit!" I rest my head against the steering wheel. I'm stuck. Stuck and in no attire to really be out and walking.

I grab my coat and step out, almost sliding on ice. I get as close as I can to the shoulder of the road and walk to the nearest town. I hear a horn honk and a car slows.

"Hey, darlin' do you need a ride?"

I don't bother to look at the man. I need to find a phone.

"Sweet cheeks!"

I tuck my hands under my armpits. The wind blows against my knees. Go-go boots and a mini dress were not a good idea, though I didn't expect to not go straight home then out with Tobias.

"Sugar tits!"

"No thank you." I finally say. I can't be that far from a town.

The engine next to me stops and I hear the door open. The hair on the back of my neck rises and I turn to run into the snow on the side of the road. A safer bet than slipping on the ice and breaking something.

I don't know how long I'm running but I do trip and fall half on the road, skinning my knee and palm. I see a gas station. There has to be a phone there.

I find it and there's a woman on it. I lean against the wall and she looks at me, eyebrow raised. I know what she's thinking of me the same thing that the man in that car thought. The way I'm dressed. The woman gets off the phone and I grab it, the receiver still warm.

I dig through my pockets for change and dial Tobias' number.

"Hello?"

"Tobias?"

"Tris? Where are you I thought we had dinner plans tonight?"

I sniff and wipe at my nose.

"What's wrong?" He sounds worried and I can't stop the tears.

"I've had a long day. Can you come get me?"

"Where are you? Is something wrong?"

I take a deep breath and let it out. "I just made it into Cicero. My car is stuck along the road and I'm cold. I just want to go home, Tobias. Please."

"Okay. Okay, stay there I'll be there shortly." He hangs up and I put the phone back before heading into the gas station where it's warm. After almost a hour the door of the gas station chimes and then I feel arms wrap around me.

"No wonder you're cold. What are you wearing, Tris?" Tobias squeezes me.

"Can we please talk about this later? I just want to go home."

"It's pretty late you know. May have to get a hotel room." He takes my hand and pulls me out to his truck. "Wait in here." He kisses my head before turning to head back in.

Once in I see a blanket in the floor and cover myself with it before resting my head against the window, closing my eyes.

"Babe?"

"Mmm?" There are fingers in my hair, my face is against something warm.

"Are you hungry?"

I nod and sit up, blinking my eyes open. Tobias is sitting on the edge of a bed, his brow knitted in the middle. He hands me a sandwich on a napkin before getting up.

"I brought you clothes. Mitch nearly had a heart attack, yelling at me for wasting time to come get you. Anyways the shower is open, water will warm you up."

"Okay." I stretch and lean down to unzip my boots when I realize they're already off. I slide my dress over my head and when it's off I throw it in Tobias' direction. Once I get the shower I sit on the floor, my knees bent. I cup some water and rub at my knee to get the blood off. Once I'm done and the water no longer feels warm to me I turn it off and open the shower curtain. Tobias is standing in the middle of the bathroom.

"Don't," he speaks when I close the curtain so only my head is sticking out. He holds open his arms and I step out to let him scoop me up over his shoulder. He sets me down on the edge of the bed, a towel in hand. He rubs it along my feet and up my legs.

"Is there a point? Just come here." I run a hand through his hair, tugging at the curls over his ears.

* * *

There's nothing that I could love more than his face buried between my legs. With one hand tangled in his hair, pushing his face towards me. His finger nails are probably leaving dents in my skin, little crescents. My wet hair sticking to my face.

My body spasms and I hear him give a laugh.

"What?"

He pulls away, eyes looking up at me. "Nothing." He whispers before ducking back down. My body gives another jolt when he slides two fingers into me. His other hand flattens itself against my stomach to hold me down, my thighs squeeze around Tobias' head.

I know I'm close.

I know that he knows that I'm close.

I know he knows when his fingers quicken their pace. When the hand on my stomach finds it's way to hold mine. My back hits the bed and my legs go slack.

He slides up my body, his eyes hold mine. And for now I forget everything. Eric, my car, my job. Everything.

When he slides home my hands dig into his shoulders, rake down his back. I mash my lips to his as he holds my legs right behind the knees. His hips rocking against mine.

"Are you going to tell me why you were out here?" Tobias asks me, my head resting on his chest. I listen to his breathing. To his heart.

"For work." I lie.

"Work." He repeats and I nod.

It's later when he's asleep that I can't keep what Eric said out of my head. The whole conversation really.

_'I'd do anything for my little brother's girl even if it meant helping him kill a few people.'_

_'Excuse me?'_

_'Evelyn is right you know.'_

_'What?'_

_'Jack Kang's death wasn't an accident. Though that was more me.'_

_'More you?'_

_'You remind him of Zoe.'_

_'What do you mean little brother, Eric? Who's Zoe?'_

_'Oh, don't tell Tobias this. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Marcus isn't his dad. And my dad may be his. You can't tell him that I told you about Jack Kang. You should have seen the look in his eyes when Kang died. Worthy of a mafia leader's son. And Zoe? She means the world to little brother.'_

_'What?'_

_'Goodbye, other little sister.'_

_'Eric!'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a Datsun 240z was a pretty expensive car like $4,600 dollars for the new model a single woman's annual income was half that in the 70s. But Tris was able to get it in a short amount of time.
> 
> So Marcus isn't Tobias' dad. There's been confirmation that they were the ones who killed Kang (which is very important because Tris does some researching later)
> 
> So we're at this part where this year may be skipped around quite a lot. If you get confused about anything ask because I can tell you if it's something you're suppose to be confused about because Tris doesn't know, something that you are suppose to know because it could be in an earlier chapter.


End file.
